Jump to content

Is the reason guys don't want to date me because I don't know how to drive a car?

GH101

By GH101
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

GH101 Established Member

GH101

Posted
Posted

I'm too scared to drive, but I manage to get around by taking public transportation or getting rides. I don't live in a big city like NYC though. Is this something that makes guys not want to date me? Because I meet guys from dating sites, then can't get a second date, could this be the reason?

Diezel Established Member

Diezel

Posted
Posted

It wouldn't be a deterrent for me unless a woman expected me to take her everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I mean: To work, grocery shopping, to get her mani and pedi.

 

But you seem to be able to move around on your own.

 

I don't see the big deal.

  • Like 1
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted

I dated two guys who didn't drive. I didn't mind much but sometimes, it just gets annoying to be the only one who drives. Public transportation in my hometown sucks except in rush hours.

 

Once we went to a party and I ended up driving his roomate to and from a different party. If we wanted to hang out at my place, I had to go pick him up.

I got to the end of the line. Though at my age, it is rare to meet men who don't drive...

umirano Established Member

umirano

Posted
Posted

I don't see how not driving can be a first date turn off. Ofc it'll come up at some point, but who stops dating an attractive girl over whether or not she drives? I'm pretty sure it's something else.

  • Like 1
madjac74 Established Member

madjac74

Posted
Posted
I'm too scared to drive, but I manage to get around by taking public transportation or getting rides. I don't live in a big city like NYC though. Is this something that makes guys not want to date me? Because I meet guys from dating sites, then can't get a second date, could this be the reason?

 

The fact that you are too scared to drive would be a huge turn off. It's ok if you get rides because you don't have a car but the fact that you are simply scared to drive would simply annoy me

  • Like 1
madjac74 Established Member

madjac74

Posted
Posted
Ofc it'll come up at some point, but who stops dating an attractive girl over whether or not she drives?

 

I think you just figured it out

Penguin_hugs Established Member

Penguin_hugs

Posted
Posted

I wouldn't have thought so- it's a terrible excuse if it is!

 

I have a license (passed 4 years ago), but not a car as I can't afford one while being a student. That's much the same for most people my age! The only students I know with cars are the ones whose parents are paying.

 

My BF is 27 and doesn't have a license and doesn't really want to drive. When I first met him, he was having lessons, but he had a bad experience where he nearly crashed and then his money ran out (phd funding). He's working again now- but where he lives is a bit of a nightmare for learning to drive. And he's really anti driving at the moment and can survive without a car.

 

Driving is not the only method of transport! You seem to get around fine so I don't see that there is a problem. I take buses and trains or walk a lot! With groceries you can get home delivery. It's not the end of the world.

clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted

I would think a guy who is looking for a long term relationship or marriage would be concerned about dating a woman who is afraid to drive a car. (If you lived in a city like NYC or Chicago where a car is not needed, that's another story, but you say you don't.) If he stays with you, it means you will be dependent on him or others forever to get around. What happens when you have kids? It's one thing to bum a ride off people when it's just you, but when you are carting around kids? And if you are too afraid to drive a car, what else in life will you be afraid to do? That's a lot for a guy to take on. I would think a guy who is just after something casual probably wouldn't care as much, though, as long as you don't become too dependent on him to cart you around.

  • Like 2
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
I'm too scared to drive, but I manage to get around by taking public transportation or getting rides. I don't live in a big city like NYC though. Is this something that makes guys not want to date me? Because I meet guys from dating sites, then can't get a second date, could this be the reason?

 

In the very beginning it is none of their business how you get around or why you don't drive. If/when you get to a second date and it appears that this may be a problem, you have a conversation about it.

 

They might get concerned that they would end up being your chauffeuer all the time, so if you explain that you do get around just fine, they should understand.

 

I'm too scared to drive -- I doubt that it's about not driving, it's likely more about the fear of driving. Why are you afraid to drive? Having this kind of fear may come across in other ways in your personality.

 

I think it's ok to say you don't drive, but I wouldn't tell them you are afraid to drive on the first date at least.

Gary S Established Member

Gary S

Posted
Posted

A lot of guys would like the fact that you don't drive - they would feel needed.

madjac74 Established Member

madjac74

Posted
Posted
A lot of guys would like the fact that you don't drive - they would feel needed.

 

Probably true and also very sad

joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted

I'm far more excited by girls that know how to ride a bike in the city than drive, but I live in Melbourne where cycling is faster than driving most of the time.

If I lived somewhere with poor public transport and was spread out, it might be an issue if she was afraid to drive.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

Why do you tell them that you can't drive on the first date?

Revolver Established Member

Revolver

Posted
Posted

Lol of all the things that could be wrong with a women, most guys would be ecstatic if her biggest problem was that she couldn't drive

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

it's not the fact you don't drive.....a lot of people who live in a big city or can't afford to, don't drive, it's the fact you have anxiety over driving and possibly over other things in life. This would be a red flag for some.

Xelha Member

Xelha

Posted
Posted

OP, I have the exact same issue. I think the main reason my ex broke up with me was because I made it known to him that I had an anxiety associated with driving and that I had no plans to learn how(to be fair, I had changed many other things about myself already, so I felt like I had reached my limit).

 

I told my current bf about my driving anxiety early on in our relationship, and it didn't seem to be an issue at first, but as things became more serious between us, that changed. At this point he has pretty much given me an ultimatum to learn how to drive within the next 2 years. If we have a future together, driving would likely become more necessary, since we would be forced to move away from the city where it would be much more difficult for me to be independent without being able to drive. As anxious as it makes me, this time I am much more willing to try to overcome my fear.

 

That being said, I can't imagine it would be an issue after the first date, unless the guy was looking to settle down in the near future, or if he's looking really far ahead. In my case it only started posing a problem 6 months to 1 year into my relationships.

  • Author
GH101 Established Member

GH101

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for your responses. I just wish I knew why nobody wanted a second date. I know I'm not gorgeous, but I think I'm kind of cute. And I'm not funny or loud, but I know I don't don't say anything weird. So I just don't know.

Omei Established Member

Omei

Posted
Posted (edited)

OP I dont drive I might never drive its costly and dangerous.

 

I live in a area where everything I could possibly need is across the street there is no need to drive anywhere.

 

Driving is a personal choice not a requirement if you dont feel comfortable with driving or dont like the cost don't drive thats what I do

 

Driving really makes me nervous I see stupid people yearly ive been hit as a pedestrian many times I do not wish to be on the road with them lol but I live in like the worst city of drivers in Canada we have very selfish roads in my city.

 

Dating is hard online dating is even harder imo

Edited by Omei
No Limit Established Member

No Limit

Posted
Posted

I worried about that too for a while. It is very unlikely I'll ever drive, not because I'm afraid of it, but because my incompetent driving teacher and tester managed to "trigger" me - ergo I panic as soon as the mindset "driving test" sets in. But I worry far less since I saved the number of the taxi service in my home area and the taxi service in my college city in my phone. Oddly, the city taxis are far cheaper than the taxis from the countryside... :confused:

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
I'm too scared to drive, but I manage to get around by taking public transportation or getting rides. I don't live in a big city like NYC though. Is this something that makes guys not want to date me? Because I meet guys from dating sites, then can't get a second date, could this be the reason?

 

 

It may depend on how you share with them that you don't drive. If they mistakenly get the impression that you will expect them to cart you around every where I could see where that would be a turn off.

 

Next first date, try agreeing to meet the guy somewhere convenient for you. (Not your house). Don't mention that you are scared to drive. Just go on the date.

 

Are you doing anything to overcome your fear of driving? The freedom i& convenience are certainly worth taking a chance at learning, don't you think?

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
Thanks for your responses. I just wish I knew why nobody wanted a second date. I know I'm not gorgeous, but I think I'm kind of cute. And I'm not funny or loud, but I know I don't don't say anything weird. So I just don't know.

 

It's simple. They just don't feel enough chemistry.

 

Which begs the question. How do YOU feel about them? Do YOU feel chemistry with them?

 

People, especially these days, are seeking an immediate connection. If they don't feel it on first date/meet, it's next.

 

Try not to take it personally! I know it's hard, but perhaps changing your focus might help.

 

Instead of focusing on how they feel about you, and whether they think you're good enough for them..... focus on how YOU feel about them and if they are right for you!

regine_phalange Established Member

regine_phalange

Posted
Posted

I'm scared to drive in a city as well :(, with the place I grew up being the only exception (because I'm really familiar with the roads). In the city I live I have everything in a 2km radius. Hospitals, trains, buses, groceries, shops, cafes, bars. So it hasn't affected my relationships until now, I don't know about the future. But even my worst boyfriend was understanding of my fear and patient when I was driving, believe it or not.

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted

Nah. One of my old friends can't drive at 28, and men seem obsessed with her. They happily drive her anywhere.

sweetjasmine Established Member

sweetjasmine

Posted
Posted
I would think a guy who is looking for a long term relationship or marriage would be concerned about dating a woman who is afraid to drive a car. (If you lived in a city like NYC or Chicago where a car is not needed, that's another story, but you say you don't.)

 

Even if you live in a big city, though, you need to rely on others if you need to go outside the city, whereas someone who does have a license can at the very least rent a car if necessary.

 

If he stays with you, it means you will be dependent on him or others forever to get around. What happens when you have kids? It's one thing to bum a ride off people when it's just you, but when you are carting around kids?

 

My SIL is like this, and she bums rides with her kids. She's never had her license and she's over 30. She relies on her husband to drive her and the kids around everywhere, and when he's not around, she has to rely on her elderly parents. If something happened to either one of them, she'd be stuck. If something happened to her husband while he was at work and if she couldn't get a ride from her dad, she'd have no way of getting to him. And she can't even get a part-time job to help out with expenses because they live out in a semi-rural area where hardly anything is within a walking distance. It's actually a huge problem and a huge inconvenience.

 

My other SIL also doesn't drive. She used to, but she let her license expire. Again, she's always having to call people for rides, and while she can manage her day to day life well enough by walking to nearby grocery stores, she still has to ask others to come get her on a regular basis. It is extremely annoying. I'm not sure how much the guys she dates care (seems that they don't), but it still gets old fast, and she's not the type who ever offers gas money or a cup of coffee or whatever in exchange for the favor.

 

And if you are too afraid to drive a car, what else in life will you be afraid to do? That's a lot for a guy to take on.

 

Yup, agreed. And in this country, being able to drive is a necessity in most places and almost one in others, so it really is a lot for someone to take on.

regine_phalange Established Member

regine_phalange

Posted
Posted
I worried about that too for a while. It is very unlikely I'll ever drive, not because I'm afraid of it, but because my incompetent driving teacher and tester managed to "trigger" me - ergo I panic as soon as the mindset "driving test" sets in. :

 

Oh dear, I have the same "trauma". My instructor was practically screaming at me in two occasions. Okay, I made a couple of mistakes, but wow, I'm learning here! He was also checking out asses the whole time. This wasn't traumatic, just annoying to have a horny old man sitting next to me. I had to hire someone else eventually!

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...