juststan Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 So, I'm a nerdy shy person, and I met this girl in a chat room few months ago. We talked and exchanged Facebooks, but we didn't add each other. Since I wasn't regular on that chat room we kinda grew apart. Few days ago, I was visiting the same chat room and I saw her again, so we started talking. I realized that we're much alike, both nerdy, shy, and we have a lot in common. We talked for 6-7 days, every day almost, until the morning. There was also heavy flirting, and some dirty talk, but she didn't mind that. I asked her if she's comfortable with it, and she said yes, and I asked her to let me know, if I'm being too pushy, I even apologized few times when I thought I went to far with dirty stuff / jokes. But she didn't mind, she seemed to enjoy it. Now, it has been a week, and I haven't seen her. I know she has a graduation going on, so I assume she's busy, but I can't shake the feeling that I did something wrong, perhaps bored her with everyday talks until the morning? Anyhow, I see that she's active on Facebook (nothing excessive), but she's not visiting the chat room where we met. I'm regular there, I'm there every night, but she never comes. My question is, do you think that she's bored of me? She said several times that I'm really sweet, and with this heavy flirting and dirty talk, I don't think I was in the "friendzone". I don't think she's found someone else, she describes herself as a "forever alone" kind of person (same as me). So what do you think, is she busy and can't come to a chat room, or she doesn't want to be bothered by me? Perhaps I did something wrong?
madjac74 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Your insecurities are most likely a turn off. I can't imagine there are a lot of people who find others who constantly apologize for things and ask "Is something wrong?" or "Are we ok?" attractive.
Author juststan Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Could be. Only reason why I asked (few times to be honest) "are you okay with this" is because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable, and after she said "I'm fine about it, don't worry :)". After that "I'm fine, don't worry" I didn't really held back, since she stated several times that she doesn't mind the way I act, in fact she likes it, and I'm afraid that I didn't pushed her too far by not holding back.
madjac74 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 So then maybe she just got busy with life. There have been many online people I have chatted with intimately for a long time and then it just dissipates. Online people are easily disposable
justwhoiam Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 We talked and exchanged Facebooks, but we didn't add each other. With that, I glimpse the need to confine the chat in just one environment: the chat room. The rest is off limits. For whatever reason, which might also include the fact that the exchanged Facebook is someone else's account. There was also heavy flirting, and some dirty talk, but she didn't mind that. I asked her if she's comfortable with it, and she said yes Everything's possible, but what would you expect from a girl who is open online, even sexually, to just anybody talking to her? It'd be even obvious that if that's the way it is, you can't take up all of her time online. Because she has other guys to talk to, and you're just one of them. No more, no less. If she's even a she. do you think that she's bored of me? You're approaching the problem the wrong way. Did you really think there was quality rather than quantity? with this heavy flirting and dirty talk, I don't think I was in the "friendzone". I don't think she's found someone else She's always on facebook, she's at least in one chat room, flirts heavily with you, talks dirty with a complete stranger and you really think you're the only one?? Come on...
Author juststan Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) With that, I glimpse the need to confine the chat in just one environment: the chat room. The rest is off limits. For whatever reason, which might also include the fact that the exchanged Facebook is someone else's account. Everything's possible, but what would you expect from a girl who is open online, even sexually, to just anybody talking to her? It'd be even obvious that if that's the way it is, you can't take up all of her time online. Because she has other guys to talk to, and you're just one of them. No more, no less. If she's even a she. You're approaching the problem the wrong way. Did you really think there was quality rather than quantity? She's always on facebook, she's at least in one chat room, flirts heavily with you, talks dirty with a complete stranger and you really think you're the only one?? Come on... I asked her about the dirty talking thing, and she's not open to it with just anybody, and she doesn't do it regularly with random guys. Maybe I'm seeing this from a wrong perspective. I assumed that she is into me as a person, that we had some connection, since we're much alike with our lifestyles, interests, world views and such. I know, it's a bit irrational, but when you speak with someone on daily basis for 6 or more hours every day, you kinda get the feeling that this person likes talking to you. I just assumed that she enjoys talking with me as much as I enjoy talking with her, that I'm the only one, that we have some connection. Maybe I suffocated her, used all her online time. Edited May 11, 2015 by juststan
madjac74 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I asked her about the dirty talking thing, and she's not open to it with just anybody, and she doesn't do it regularly with random guys. I probably wouldn't tell another girl that I have sex with random girls. Make sense?
madjac74 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I know, it's a bit irrational, but when you speak with someone on daily basis for 6 or more hours every day, you kinda get the feeling that this person likes talking to you. I just assumed that she enjoys talking with me as much as I enjoy talking with her, that I'm the only one, that we have some connection. Maybe I suffocated her, used all her online time. Once again many people have this interaction with many different people...and sometimes simultaneously.
Author juststan Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Once again many people have this interaction with many different people...and sometimes simultaneously. You might be onto something. It was my mistake to assume that she's only talking to me, the same way I'm only talking to her.
madjac74 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 You might be onto something. It was my mistake to assume that she's only talking to me, the same way I'm only talking to her. Yes so hit up some other chicks in your chat room. Line them up
ExpatInItaly Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 You don't know her, really. It could be anything, and anything she has told you may or may not be true. I would venture that maybe she got a job or a boyfriend or simply got bored of that medium of communication. Also, don't assume she wasn't talking to other guys. You have no way of knowing whether or not that's the truth. I doubt it's you personally, as she doesn't really know you. Having said that, do you work or study? Are you out meeting other people?
Author juststan Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) You don't know her, really. It could be anything, and anything she has told you may or may not be true. I would venture that maybe she got a job or a boyfriend or simply got bored of that medium of communication. Also, don't assume she wasn't talking to other guys. You have no way of knowing whether or not that's the truth. I doubt it's you personally, as she doesn't really know you. Having said that, do you work or study? Are you out meeting other people? Maybe. Finding a job, getting a boyfriend is common in these situations, and that's fine, I'm okay with that. I wasn't in love with the girl, I just started to like her, and I kinda hopped that she felt the same, and that I didn't turn her away, or got too clingy with everyday talks. I'm unemployed and I'm quite an introvert person, so I don't really go out and meet other people. I've been in abusive relationship for 3 years (which destroyed my self confidence), and I've been single for 3 years and counting. To be honest, one of the reasons why I liked this girl is because she's also not a "go out and have some fun" girl, we share similar lifestyle, and where I live those kinds of girls are extremely rare to find. Edited May 11, 2015 by juststan
justwhoiam Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Once again many people have this interaction with many different people...and sometimes simultaneously. That's true. You might be onto something. It was my mistake to assume that she's only talking to me, the same way I'm only talking to her. Well, you fabricated your own fantasy. After months you didn't enter the chatroom she was in, you found her there. After months. It was just obvious, she was in there talking to people. You were not a regular, but she probably was. Yes so hit up some other chicks in your chat room. Line them up If you line up girls online, you get some fun, but it can grow old, and you're still a loner. I guess a man can do better than that. I would venture that maybe she got a job or a boyfriend or simply got bored of that medium of communication. Quite unlikely. The chat marathon happened recently, in the past week. He captured her interest, but she has other people she talks to and she can't just cut everyone else off because of him. He came out of nowhere after months. Then things just got back to sort of normal. I kinda hopped that she felt the same, and that I didn't turn her away, or got too clingy with everyday talks. Did you really think that she could talk to you for 6 hours or more at a time and sustain that long-term? I'm unemployed I just mean well now, you should use your time to find a job and focus on that until you find one. I know it's easy to lose hope and talking to people can distract you and be relaxing. But if your goal is finding a good girlfriend, then you definitely need to find a job first. You need to be able to take care of yourself and possibly be able to take your girl out, do fun things together, etc. I've been in abusive relationship for 3 years (which destroyed my self confidence) How was it abusive? What happened? one of the reasons why I liked this girl is because she's also not a "go out and have some fun" girl I'm not a party girl, but I love a picnic in the Summer, a one-day trip to a new city or town, do fun things together, etc. I also love staying at home. But if you conceive life as just being at home all the time and with just a tv-set and the internet as your entertainement, then you'll be missing out on many wonderful things life has to offer. That wouldn't be healthy not even for the severely disabled. I wonder if your lifestyle is affecting all the aspects of your life and even your chances to find a job.
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