Bravee Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Long story short now. I've been with this guy for 2 years. Living together for 1,5yrs. Seen emails from Badoo on his phone before. He said his friends made it for him and asked me to delete it. That is said he was looking for friends. OK. I guess I let that one slide. Didn't want to see it. A year ago I busted him, on our patio, smoking with my friend from abroad. Heard them talking about me before that (I'd gone to bed early) and sneak out. I busted them. Trust took major toll, but whatever. A couple weeks ago I saw he'd asked another girl out to dinner, he had told her he has a girlfriend and that we're both allowed to have friends. This wasn't a problem, except I asked if he's asked anyone out to dinner when I was gone and he said no. A couple weeks ago I found the Badoo site logged on his phone. Showed it to him and wanted to leave and he gave me some crap about it was a babysitter of his client and that she was engaged. Tried to leave but he didn't let me. So we had a pretty big fight Friday evening/night and I basically broke up but hey, I guess not. I created a fake Badoo account yesterday and started chatting to him. Asked why he is on there, joked about finding the love of his life - "yes, it'd be nice to find someone" Complimented on how he must have found someone by now - no, he's single. He "doesn't have anybody". Haha. No, he just has the girlfriend sitting 3ft away chatting to him on this fake account. So my emotions are pretty much out. His ex cheated on him and he's always like worried about guys I meet or whatever, making comments like "I hope he knows you have a boyfriend" etc which in turn has actually made me doubt this over time - why is he saying stuff like that ALL THE TIME? (Guess I have my answer) I was thinking about getting help from this girl he messaged about dinner to catch him red-handed a month or two ago, but this is quite a bit more fun. I'll feel bad about my wonderful in-laws when they find out. My mom is coming to visit from another continent in June so I won't break it off before then just to make things easy. I don't want my mom in the middle of all this. I guess I'm just letting this off my chest. I haven't been wanting to tell any of my girlfriends at all about the truth. I don't lie and say everything is dandy, I just focus on their problems instead. For me, I am very realistic. I've thought over it for a few months (when we were talking house and future kids) and this is obviously not the man I will marry. Well, I guess I can be that revenge-seeking girlfriend. When I keep chatting, when/how should I bust him? Invite him to a date and meet him there? That's be pretty funny. I wonder what he'd say. The thing is he pretty much never leaves at night. He gets home around 7pm because he driver his guys from work home because they don't have cars (this I know, because I know them) so I don't know if he has slept with anyone, but you know. We had a long distance relationship for 6 months. No telling what he did then if I'm finding this now. I did find a Badoo-chat with him giving someone his number but he claimed that was a friend. So shoot girlies (and guys). Like I said, I guess I just wanted to de-compress. Tell me what you think.
SycamoreCircle Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I'm sorry for your dilemma. You seem to have a fair amount of emotional distance on this already. Why play these games? This guy is immature. If you resort to these games, you're matching his immaturity. Dump him coolly. Go NC. Heal. Move on. The best revenge is getting on with your life. Promptly. 1
umirano Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Break up with him immediately. He's playing games and nothing else. You don't have to spare your or his relatives. They don't live your life. It's your time that's being wasted. 4
walkingonair Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Long story short now. I've been with this guy for 2 years. Living together for 1,5yrs. Seen emails from Badoo on his phone before. He said his friends made it for him and asked me to delete it. That is said he was looking for friends. OK. I guess I let that one slide. Didn't want to see it. A year ago I busted him, on our patio, smoking with my friend from abroad. Heard them talking about me before that (I'd gone to bed early) and sneak out. I busted them. Trust took major toll, but whatever. A couple weeks ago I saw he'd asked another girl out to dinner, he had told her he has a girlfriend and that we're both allowed to have friends. This wasn't a problem, except I asked if he's asked anyone out to dinner when I was gone and he said no. A couple weeks ago I found the Badoo site logged on his phone. Showed it to him and wanted to leave and he gave me some crap about it was a babysitter of his client and that she was engaged. Tried to leave but he didn't let me. So we had a pretty big fight Friday evening/night and I basically broke up but hey, I guess not. I created a fake Badoo account yesterday and started chatting to him. Asked why he is on there, joked about finding the love of his life - "yes, it'd be nice to find someone" Complimented on how he must have found someone by now - no, he's single. He "doesn't have anybody". Haha. No, he just has the girlfriend sitting 3ft away chatting to him on this fake account. So my emotions are pretty much out. His ex cheated on him and he's always like worried about guys I meet or whatever, making comments like "I hope he knows you have a boyfriend" etc which in turn has actually made me doubt this over time - why is he saying stuff like that ALL THE TIME? (Guess I have my answer) I was thinking about getting help from this girl he messaged about dinner to catch him red-handed a month or two ago, but this is quite a bit more fun. I'll feel bad about my wonderful in-laws when they find out. My mom is coming to visit from another continent in June so I won't break it off before then just to make things easy. I don't want my mom in the middle of all this. I guess I'm just letting this off my chest. I haven't been wanting to tell any of my girlfriends at all about the truth. I don't lie and say everything is dandy, I just focus on their problems instead. For me, I am very realistic. I've thought over it for a few months (when we were talking house and future kids) and this is obviously not the man I will marry. Well, I guess I can be that revenge-seeking girlfriend. When I keep chatting, when/how should I bust him? Invite him to a date and meet him there? That's be pretty funny. I wonder what he'd say. The thing is he pretty much never leaves at night. He gets home around 7pm because he driver his guys from work home because they don't have cars (this I know, because I know them) so I don't know if he has slept with anyone, but you know. We had a long distance relationship for 6 months. No telling what he did then if I'm finding this now. I did find a Badoo-chat with him giving someone his number but he claimed that was a friend. So shoot girlies (and guys). Like I said, I guess I just wanted to de-compress. Tell me what you think. He's such a jerk.You should set up a date with him on that fake account and surprise him:)
wb1988 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 No, he just has the girlfriend sitting 3ft away chatting to him on this fake account. This made me laugh. I remember not very long ago when I was trying to hit girls up on POF/OKC while my gf was opposite me (making dinner) haha.
madjac74 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 This made me laugh. I remember not very long ago when I was trying to hit girls up on POF/OKC while my gf was opposite me (making dinner) haha. You are such a stud!
Diezel Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I don't see what the problem is. You obviously knew he was like this last year and allowed it to continue. And to use your mom as an excuse to not break up yet? Just stop playing all these games and stop wasting your time and energy on this. Break up with him now. 1
Gaeta Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 You have just enough time to move out and get settled before your mother arrives. This way you will get to spend real quality time with your mother and she will be there to comfort and support you. When she leaves she will know you are in a new place and ok. On the other end if you stay in this relationship with what has happened your mother will feel your frustration and anger (mothers feel these things) your mind will be on your jerk of a boyfriend and the up coming seperation and you won't be able to concentrate on your mother the way she deserves it. She will then go back to her country, you will call her up and say mom I separated? Then she'll worry about you. Make no sense. 2
Art_Critic Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Haha. No, he just has the girlfriend sitting 3ft away chatting to him on this fake account. ... love it... I think you now know what needs to be done, you also need to remember he isn't going to change.. no matter how many times he tells you he will..
Toddbt12y1 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Badoo? Ewwwww I feel your pain. I caught an ex on that crap before; interesting that she also used the excuse of someone else making the account for her. Oh well. You will be fine; can be out and done before your mom gets there. You are very smart. You will find better - can't say much for this idiot.
Redhead14 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Long story short now. I've been with this guy for 2 years. Living together for 1,5yrs. Seen emails from Badoo on his phone before. He said his friends made it for him and asked me to delete it. That is said he was looking for friends. OK. I guess I let that one slide. Didn't want to see it. A year ago I busted him, on our patio, smoking with my friend from abroad. Heard them talking about me before that (I'd gone to bed early) and sneak out. I busted them. Trust took major toll, but whatever. A couple weeks ago I saw he'd asked another girl out to dinner, he had told her he has a girlfriend and that we're both allowed to have friends. This wasn't a problem, except I asked if he's asked anyone out to dinner when I was gone and he said no. A couple weeks ago I found the Badoo site logged on his phone. Showed it to him and wanted to leave and he gave me some crap about it was a babysitter of his client and that she was engaged. Tried to leave but he didn't let me. So we had a pretty big fight Friday evening/night and I basically broke up but hey, I guess not. I created a fake Badoo account yesterday and started chatting to him. Asked why he is on there, joked about finding the love of his life - "yes, it'd be nice to find someone" Complimented on how he must have found someone by now - no, he's single. He "doesn't have anybody". Haha. No, he just has the girlfriend sitting 3ft away chatting to him on this fake account. So my emotions are pretty much out. His ex cheated on him and he's always like worried about guys I meet or whatever, making comments like "I hope he knows you have a boyfriend" etc which in turn has actually made me doubt this over time - why is he saying stuff like that ALL THE TIME? (Guess I have my answer) I was thinking about getting help from this girl he messaged about dinner to catch him red-handed a month or two ago, but this is quite a bit more fun. I'll feel bad about my wonderful in-laws when they find out. My mom is coming to visit from another continent in June so I won't break it off before then just to make things easy. I don't want my mom in the middle of all this. I guess I'm just letting this off my chest. I haven't been wanting to tell any of my girlfriends at all about the truth. I don't lie and say everything is dandy, I just focus on their problems instead. For me, I am very realistic. I've thought over it for a few months (when we were talking house and future kids) and this is obviously not the man I will marry. Well, I guess I can be that revenge-seeking girlfriend. When I keep chatting, when/how should I bust him? Invite him to a date and meet him there? That's be pretty funny. I wonder what he'd say. The thing is he pretty much never leaves at night. He gets home around 7pm because he driver his guys from work home because they don't have cars (this I know, because I know them) so I don't know if he has slept with anyone, but you know. We had a long distance relationship for 6 months. No telling what he did then if I'm finding this now. I did find a Badoo-chat with him giving someone his number but he claimed that was a friend. So shoot girlies (and guys). Like I said, I guess I just wanted to de-compress. Tell me what you think. Don't play anymore games. This is a 2 year relationship. Even though he's not treating it with respect, you need to be the one to handle it maturely. Tell him calmly about your fake Badoo account and what you know. You tell him that the trust bond you had is gone and that you are moving on. Forget about revenge. It will serve no real purpose except to add drama to the situation. The best "revenge" really will be that you will leave the relationship with dignity while he is embarrassing himself.
joseb Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 This made me laugh. I remember not very long ago when I was trying to hit girls up on POF/OKC while my gf was opposite me (making dinner) haha. You really think that this is funny? 3
El Pallasso Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 That's a funny story. Especially the party about you sitting three feet away.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Don't sink to his level. There is no point to it because in the end, it changes nothing. 1
beyond Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 You have just enough time to move out and get settled before your mother arrives. This way you will get to spend real quality time with your mother and she will be there to comfort and support you. When she leaves she will know you are in a new place and ok. On the other end if you stay in this relationship with what has happened your mother will feel your frustration and anger (mothers feel these things) your mind will be on your jerk of a boyfriend and the up coming seperation and you won't be able to concentrate on your mother the way she deserves it. She will then go back to her country, you will call her up and say mom I separated? Then she'll worry about you. Make no sense. I agree with this - your mum wouldn't want you staying with this jerk for one more second. 2
katiegrl Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Don't play anymore games. This is a 2 year relationship. Even though he's not treating it with respect, you need to be the one to handle it maturely. Tell him calmly about your fake Badoo account and what you know. You tell him that the trust bond you had is gone and that you are moving on. Forget about revenge. It will serve no real purpose except to add drama to the situation. The best "revenge" really will be that you will leave the relationship with dignity while he is embarrassing himself. If it were me I would not tell him you created the fake account.. Telling him that WILL cause unnessary drama... It's really not necessary anyway as you lost trust WAY before you created the fake account. So just go with that. Calmly explain you don't trust him, haven't trusted him in a long time, and you can't be with a man you don't trust.. the specifics are not necessary, you don't trust him and you're leaving. Period. Tell him it's the best thing for both of you, wish him well and then leave quietly...then go no contact. No drama, no histrionics, you just leave. This will take ALOT of strength on your part but trust me he will be left with his tail between his legs and feeling like a complete and total idiot. As well he should! You on the other hand are leaving with your head held high and with class and dignity... Lesson learned. Wish you the best going forward!!!! 2
wb1988 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 That's a funny story. Especially the party about you sitting three feet away. He thought the joke was on her but really the joke was on him OP just stop seeing the guy. Don't explain anything or tell about the fake account, as another poster said you should just say that you don't trust him anymore and that's it.
katiegrl Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 The best revenge would be to get another boyfriend. Assuming she actually has a genuine interest in new boyfriend ...and is not just using him to seek revenge on the ex. Using people to seek revenge on another, or for any other reason, is NOT cool...
katiegrl Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 The best revenge would be to get another boyfriend. Assuming she actually has a genuine interest in new boyfriend ...and is not just using him to seek revenge on the ex. Using people to seek revenge on another, or for any other reason, is definitely NOT cool...
Redhead14 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 If it were me I would not tell him you created the fake account.. Telling him that WILL cause unnessary drama... It's really not necessary anyway as you lost trust WAY before you created the fake account. So just go with that. Calmly explain you don't trust him, haven't trusted him in a long time, and you can't be with a man you don't trust.. the specifics are not necessary, you don't trust him and you're leaving. Period. Tell him it's the best thing for both of you, wish him well and then leave quietly...then go no contact. No drama, no histrionics, you just leave. This will take ALOT of strength on your part but trust me he will be left with his tail between his legs and feeling like a complete and total idiot. As well he should! You on the other hand are leaving with your head held high and with class and dignity... Lesson learned. Wish you the best going forward!!!! They were both being sneaky. Two wrongs don't make a right. She needs to be honest about what she did so that she does keep the high ground. Admitting makes her a better person. Instead of baiting him, she should have just told him she didn't trust him anymore and gotten out, I agree. But since she didn't, and gained empirical evidence by baiting him, she needs to and should be honest about it. It will highlight to him that what he's been doing is wrong as well.
katiegrl Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 They were both being sneaky. Two wrongs don't make a right. She needs to be honest about what she did so that she does keep the high ground. Admitting makes her a better person. Instead of baiting him, she should have just told him she didn't trust him anymore and gotten out, I agree. But since she didn't, and gained empirical evidence by baiting him, she needs to and should be honest about it. It will highlight to him that what he's been doing is wrong as well. Perhaps. Telling him might also result in him turning the entire thing around on her ...and blaming her for creating the fake profile, instead of accepting his responsibility and role in why she felt the need to create the profile in the first place. In the end he will believe HE is the victim here, she's an untrusting shrew, nothing is highlighted for him and he learns nothing. It's called gaslighting which I know you are familiar with...
Gaeta Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I would not tell him I made an account and that's how I know. I was looking out for myself after loads of red flags were waving at me for a year. I would leave him without a word of explanation and let him simmer in his own ignorance.
Recommended Posts