Found a letter that I wrote to my girlfriend 2 days before we broke up. Unsure...

[colby5]

So, my mind hasn't been at ease for about a week now. My girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and I broke up about 6 months ago. The majority of our relationship was incredible in so many ways. She truly loved me and I loved her. We were partners in all that we did...accomplished far beyond that which anyone else I know had accomplished so early on. She was a real gift. Things really started to fall apart after several months of extremely turbulent life issues that essentially caused me to have a complete breakdown. It was just far too much for two 21 year olds to handle effectively (I can't even begin to get into the background of what transpired because it would probably take me an hour to explain, but it doesn't involved anything re: drugs or other addictions, abuse, etc). Well, about 2 weeks before she and I ended up breaking up, I realized just how much my I needed to take charge of my life and even it out, because the downward spiral that I was in was destroying me, hurting her, and destroying the beauty that was "us". I began taking steps towards professional help and towards ridding myself of the depression that had overtaken me. Well, we didn't make it. Anyway, I found the letter that I wrote to her right before we broke up....literally two days before we broke up. I'd intended to give it to her on a very special day that I had planned out. In the letter, I wrote her how much I loved her and all of the things I love about her, because I know she felt very much under appreciated and unloved because I simply was in the worst frame of mind imaginable. I expressed how sorry I was for the things that had gone awry, for the feelings she had experienced, and made sure that I recognized the issues that we were facing. The letter highlighted so many of the amazing memories we've experienced together. It outlined a plan for the future, and how we would improve our situation and move forward. I'm generally a very good writer, and this 16 page letter was easily one of my most revered pieces. I thought that we were going to have a new beginning My plan was everything she wanted. The fact that I'd realized that things needed to be turned around ASAP, and that I'd accepted the situation, both made me so incredible proud. I was looking forward to a lifetime worth of happiness with the girl I loved, and the ability to apply all we'd learned as we walked the rocky road together. My words were everything she wanted to hear for months, but they were words and feelings that I simply wasn't able to express. I never got the opportunity to give this letter to her and it's literally been making me sick, because I honestly believe that this could have saved us. We just never got the opportunity to make things right when it was just within reach, and that kills me.

 

So, as I mentioned, we've been broken up for about six months now. Our lives have criss-crossed many times over these months. I've tried many times to revive our relationship, but to no avail. I was a train wreck for 2 months following the break up. I don't even remember them. I completely forgot about this letter, as I'd fallen into an even darker place than that which I'd been in prior to the breakup. Well, I'm very happy to say that over the past four months I've progressed in leaps and bounds. I've improved myself and I can't even believe how this entire ordeal has shaped my life, nor can I believe how much clarity it's brought. Like I said, my ex and I have talked many times, and I've tried to show her that I still love her with all my heart and that I still want to spend the rest of my life with her. Unfortunately, she's told me that she no longer feels the same connection to me. I know she still cares very much about me (she's proven that), but I guess the love that once was is simply no longer there. I might not be able to fully understand that, and it's a difficult pill to swallow, but that's life. I really want her to see this letter though. I don't know if it'll do anything, but I want her to know that I wasn't lying/pleading following our break up. I want her to know that I felt all of those feelings beforehand, and that I was dead set on improving our lives and loving her always. So, should I send the letter or should I toss 12 pages of the most sincere words I've ever written in the trash, and move on past my dream? Honest answers are appreciated of course! Thank you!

[ravfour4]

If your in person attempts didn't do much, I unfortunately don't think a 12 page letter would either. It may make her cry, and reminisce, but her "I don't feel the same way" will prevail.

 

Without knowing the details of your situation, have you explained all the positive changes you made and apologized if you truly believe you're responsible for the end of the relationship due to your mental state? If so, and she still feels the same way, I don't think the letter will do much unfortunately except maybe scare her away a bit. Have either of you found anyone else in the interim? Maybe that's why she's having trouble giving you her feelings?

[Purepony]

your best chance for this to work is to play it cool and hard to get

because if you go back to being in love and sappy she's going to distance herself to avoid hurting you, you need yo see her as a friend and she needs to see you as someone confident who is okay with letting her go without getting all emotional about the past.

 

Don't give her the letter now.

Ask her out as a friend, try something new that you two haven't done to create a bond and a new memory then as things profess then you can show the letter.

Edited May 11, 2015 by Purepony

[dave_1966]

She probably just wants fun, romance, and laughter and not heavy going intense letters that will turn her off you even more. That relationship is dead, and any possible future with her will be like starting completely fresh with the new improved you. Back right off, let her come to you, and keep the letter to remind yourself how you've developed and insure you don't put anyone through your personal hell again because most women will run a mile when they realise they're going to be your psychiatric nurse if they get in a relationship with you. Relationships, especially new ones, are about romance and good times for women and not being dragged in to someone's mental health issues. If you need medication, see your doctor, but women will seriously not dig this.