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My girlfriend and I are on different wavelengths concerning physical intimacy

jward15

By jward15
in General Relationship Discussion

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jward15 New Member

jward15

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Okay here goes. So I'm a 22 year old college student and my girlfriend is a 20 year old college student. We've been dating for 14 months and our relationship has been pretty solid aside from one thing, I don't feel like we've ever really been on the same wavelength sexually. Neither of us have ever had sex and I'm in no hurry to have sex. Going into this relationship I wanted to be more patient and to get to a point with her where we could communicate comfortably about anything. I can happily say that we're at that point and I feel like I've been patient. I can talk to her about anything related to sex and not feel awkward and vice versa. We're also perfectly comfortable seeing each other naked. I want to be intimate more often than she does. In fact I don't think she's ever initiated anything aside from a simple kiss. I realize that in order for this to work we have to meet halfway. I think for me it's more about how often we do something and not really what we're doing. I don't feel like we put enough time aside for physical intimacy. She says that whenever we are intimate she might physically be there but she never is emotionally. Not because she's uncomfortable doing the things we've done but because she isn't feeling it emotionally. We've talked about it a lot and agreed that we should go see a counselor about it. Problem is we're currently long distance because she has been studying abroad this semester and doesn't come back until July. So I think the fact that this isn't a problem that can be dealt with now has made me kind of anxious and a little impatient. I've been optimistic that we'll be able to deal with this but she puts all the blame on herself. I assure her that's it not her fault. I don't want to feel like there's this wall that neither of us can figure out how to break. We love each other and want to put this behind us. I guess my main question is there anything that we could do to meet in the middle when it comes to physical intimacy.

central Established Member

central

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Basically, you are sexually and romantically mismatched, and it's clear to her - if not you - that this is how it is. I think that continuing this relationship would be a mistake. She may love you, but has no passion for you. There is nothing on which to build a strong bond romantically.

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Basically, you are sexually and romantically mismatched, and it's clear to her - if not you - that this is how it is. I think that continuing this relationship would be a mistake. She may love you, but has no passion for you. There is nothing on which to build a strong bond romantically.

 

Agreed...

 

I mean, you're like her "male" friend...

 

Also, in order for women to be willing to open up those legs, there's gotta be a point in the RL. You two are going to school, are long distance, and probably upon graduation have to move on to different paths in order to find yourselves, begin your careers, etc. And gosh, you two are barely 20. Why should she allow you to have her body when this "RL" probably won't go anywhere?

 

I mean, women "do" enjoy sex...but, I believe women's ability to enjoy sex is like a "means to an end". In other words, if she loves and/or likes you, you get sex...She's not like a guy where she can have sex just for sex' sake.

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jward15 New Member

jward15

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Yeah I agree that we are mismatched but I think the problem runs deeper on her end than just her physical attraction towards me. She's told me that she's never really been able to think of guys in general as "sexy" or "hot" but which confuses. Not to say she doesn't have sexual thoughts because she has told me she does masturbate on occasion but it hasn't been anything spectacular for her. At the very least I would like to see a professional when she gets back and see if we can sort this out. I'm not pressuring her into sex or at least I'm not aware if I am. I'm trying to be realistic and I recognize that if we do get professional help and nothing changes than I don't know if I could deal with it anymore. Regardless I wouldn't break up with her unless it was face to face. Also want do you mean by RL? lol

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Yeah I agree that we are mismatched but I think the problem runs deeper on her end than just her physical attraction towards me. She's told me that she's never really been able to think of guys in general as "sexy" or "hot" but which confuses. Not to say she doesn't have sexual thoughts because she has told me she does masturbate on occasion but it hasn't been anything spectacular for her. At the very least I would like to see a professional when she gets back and see if we can sort this out. I'm not pressuring her into sex or at least I'm not aware if I am. I'm trying to be realistic and I recognize that if we do get professional help and nothing changes than I don't know if I could deal with it anymore. Regardless I wouldn't break up with her unless it was face to face. Also want do you mean by RL? lol

 

Well, then I guess she could see a doctor and rule out the physical...if she still isn't that into sex then she can also see doctors to rule out possible psychological issues.

 

Oh, and "RL" is abbreviation for "relationship"

Got it Established Member

Got it

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Yeah I agree that we are mismatched but I think the problem runs deeper on her end than just her physical attraction towards me. She's told me that she's never really been able to think of guys in general as "sexy" or "hot" but which confuses. Not to say she doesn't have sexual thoughts because she has told me she does masturbate on occasion but it hasn't been anything spectacular for her. At the very least I would like to see a professional when she gets back and see if we can sort this out. I'm not pressuring her into sex or at least I'm not aware if I am. I'm trying to be realistic and I recognize that if we do get professional help and nothing changes than I don't know if I could deal with it anymore. Regardless I wouldn't break up with her unless it was face to face. Also want do you mean by RL? lol

 

Well she could be gay or asexual. But does it really matter? This is the point of dating, meeting people, getting to know them, and see how well you fit.

 

Why try and fit a square peg in a round hole when it isn't necessary? I feel like you want to see a counselor to try and "fix" her when there isn't anything necessarily wrong. You guys just don't fit together. That is okay.

Diezel Established Member

Diezel

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Early 20's. Check.

Sexually mismatched. Check.

LDR. Check.

 

Break up. Work in progress.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Early 20's. Check.

Sexually mismatched. Check.

LDR. Check.

 

Break up. Work in progress.

 

Exactly, forget counsellors.

Early 20s and in a LDR you should be tearing the clothes off each other, when you meet.

 

"she isn't feeling it emotionally."

- women are often all about emotion, so the fact she isn't emotionally involved with you when you are physical, means this relationship is doomed, sorry!

I guess in July, if you last that long, you will get the "I love you but I am not in love with you" message or the "I am confused, I need space, we can still be friends" message.

Be prepared.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted
Yeah I agree that we are mismatched but I think the problem runs deeper on her end than just her physical attraction towards me. She's told me that she's never really been able to think of guys in general as "sexy" or "hot" but which confuses. Not to say she doesn't have sexual thoughts because she has told me she does masturbate on occasion but it hasn't been anything spectacular for her. At the very least I would like to see a professional when she gets back and see if we can sort this out. I'm not pressuring her into sex or at least I'm not aware if I am. I'm trying to be realistic and I recognize that if we do get professional help and nothing changes than I don't know if I could deal with it anymore. Regardless I wouldn't break up with her unless it was face to face. Also want do you mean by RL? lol

 

She very well be a lesbian who is still trying to figure it all out. Either way, the bottom line is she is not feeling it with you. So she may give in and do it, but it's probably never going to last.

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