Author Woggle Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 Thanks for your support everybody. Every other day this doesn't bother me but on mothers day it does hurt a little bit. I don't have the best relationship with my father but I can call him up and get along but for my own sake I can't even speak to my mother because she will never change. 1
UpwardForward Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 You're young, and so your mother must be. Give it some more time. I can tell you from experience, once they have ridiculous/demeaning thoughts/ideas regarding you, it never seems to improve much. But perhaps time will thrash her around a little. And more humbling. 1
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Thanks for your support everybody. Every other day this doesn't bother me but on mothers day it does hurt a little bit. I don't have the best relationship with my father but I can call him up and get along but for my own sake I can't even speak to my mother because she will never change. You are allowed feel that pain, your mom screwed you out of a loving mother/son relationship. It is what it is, she is who she is and as you said, she'll never change. You can't miss what you never had!
Fugu Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 A little late to the thread, but familiar with your story, Woggle. I think you did the right thing. It's natural to feel the guilt that you've described, but I think it stems from an inner desire that we all have, to have the kind of ideal familial bonds that others appear to have. Sometimes, people just don't make that possible. I commend you for coming as far as you have. What you've endured is the kind of stuff that can destroy a person's life, and you've avoided that. Fantastic work! 1
pink_sugar Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 No. All these Hallmark holidays are overrated. If you did have a great relationship with your mom, you would want to show it year round. Since you don't, you don't owe her anything. A lot of cultures will disagree with this, but respect is earned...not just a given because you have a title. My dad is already dropping father's day hints and it's still several weeks away. He always starts in May though. The more he acts entitled, the more I don't want to give him anything.
ackris Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 You said: What kind of man cuts off his mother? Take my advice as older 50ish man my friend. If your mom slept with one of your classmates, or kept you with no food nr clothes, orfailed to protect you from your emotional-physical enemies thru out yourchildhood, I can understand the way of your behavior, otherwise with all duerespect get your bud and run to her worm armful for a silent apology and tellher "I love you mom" plain and simple. The woman is on pain and weall have to remember that we owe our mother EVERYTHING not vice versa. Excuse my poor English (and tough love) LOL
mrslovely Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Feeling guilty, deep down believing you have done something wrong for her won't help you or your mother. You have love inside for her of course which is why you feel hurt. If you had gotten her something it would be worse because you wouldn't have given it from a true loving place. It would have only masked that painful guilt. You don't owe your parent anything. As an adult now it is up to us whether or not we wish to re-connect with an estranged parent. It's always possible to heal and you don't necessarily need to be in contact with the person. Glad your not ignoring the pain or sending pretend mothers day cards, calling often, visiting etc. It will be so great for your romantic relationship too.
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