trogstar Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Not sure if this is the right location for this, so apologise if it is not. During our 28 years of marriage (total 30 years living together) my wife has done many things that would be grounds for divorce. I have either helped her (after the event) through it while telling her to seek help, found out about it or knew about it as it was happening and I have said OK we can put this behind us and move on. But once the incident was over (so to speak) it was quickly followed by another incident, yes I am being vague about these "incidents" but trust me anyone of these incident on there own would be grounds for divorce. My question is how do you cope with the knowledge of what has happened in the past to allow you to live a normal loving relationship? My problem is at the moment my view of thing is being twisted by past history, arguments can quickly go down hill to the point I am ready to walk out. I know the details to everything that has happened in the past and sometimes I can't get past those points, the wife says it is in the past I have apologised for it let forget about it but.............I am not wanting to rub her face in it but I just don't seem to be able to reach a point where I feel I can say I am over it......does that make sense. I love her dearly but I am beginning to wonder if there is a point when I am just going to turn round and say that it I have had enough.
Itspointless Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Not sure if this is the right location for this, so apologise if it is not. During our 28 years of marriage (total 30 years living together) my wife has done many things that would be grounds for divorce. I have either helped her (after the event) through it while telling her to seek help, found out about it or knew about it as it was happening and I have said OK we can put this behind us and move on. But once the incident was over (so to speak) it was quickly followed by another incident, yes I am being vague about these "incidents" but trust me anyone of these incident on there own would be grounds for divorce. My question is how do you cope with the knowledge of what has happened in the past to allow you to live a normal loving relationship? My problem is at the moment my view of thing is being twisted by past history, arguments can quickly go down hill to the point I am ready to walk out. I know the details to everything that has happened in the past and sometimes I can't get past those points, the wife says it is in the past I have apologised for it let forget about it but.............I am not wanting to rub her face in it but I just don't seem to be able to reach a point where I feel I can say I am over it......does that make sense. I love her dearly but I am beginning to wonder if there is a point when I am just going to turn round and say that it I have had enough. It sounds like you have been afraid of her loosing her al the time. Unfortunately excuses cannot repair repeated breaches of trust that easily. I have a question, do you think she respects you as a person? And do you think she sees it as an actual option that she can loose you?
Author trogstar Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 I think she has realised that maybe in the past that there was a lack of respect but in part that was brought on by the deteriorating relationship between us (she became stubborn & argumentative, I became stubborn & argumentative, she became more stubborn & argumentative, I be came more stubborn & argumentative etc. etc.). Recently we had a big row and I told her that was it I was leaving and wanted a divorce and she broke down in tears and begged me not to leave. so she does fear the possibility of losing me.
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 One maybe two incidents in your marriage that were grounds for divorce are too many. By the time the 3rd happened I would be in a lawyers' office. What do you want to happen here? She's not going to change her ways.
Itspointless Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I think she has realised that maybe in the past that there was a lack of respect but in part that was brought on by the deteriorating relationship between us (she became stubborn & argumentative, I became stubborn & argumentative, she became more stubborn & argumentative, I be came more stubborn & argumentative etc. etc.). Recently we had a big row and I told her that was it I was leaving and wanted a divorce and she broke down in tears and begged me not to leave. so she does fear the possibility of losing me. Well I have to admit that I cannot speak from experience with your case. The way you describe the bond it seems that your attachment to each-other is intact; you two are accustomed to each-other (that also is a neurological/chemical thing). I think the best thing you both can do is marriage-counselling, you both seem to have problems communicating with each-other at this point. See it as a way to discover if you can and want to save your marriage. I think you can best propose this option to her. I think the divorce section also might give you good advice on your situation.
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