LookAtThisPOst Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I had to laugh at a woman who I had met at a church singles ministry years ago. We had dinner together, dutch treat as she had already friend zoned me, but that's another story...we got to talking about "being married by a certain age." I think at the time I was in my early 30's and she was in her mid-20's at that time. I mentioned that there are some people, believe it or not, that ARE some people who are in their 30s, that had never been married. She almost looked at me in disbelief and said, "Well, I hope to be married by 30!" As if it would she was so sure this would actually happen. I was rather baffled by her state of mind of reaching a goal that requires MUTUAL participation as opposed to obtaining a degree or some activity related goal. You cannot say, "I plan on being married by the age of 25 and 2 children by 30." and actually be SURE of it, but some people are cocky enough to think this will happen.
No Limit Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 This kind of thinking is spread far and wide actually. While the guys I know are at best hesitant about that subject, the girls I know practically say that marriage is a must in their lives. Kids, big house with white picket fence, everything and more when they're 30 please. Pretty Christian area where I live as well...
endlessabyss Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 lol @ her. I red pilled, so I'm already at peace with the idea of being single forever.
Cupid's Puppet Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Very common. And women definitely plan when they'll have their children. There is no shame to their game. They say yes I plan to have two by 30. They're not only confident they'd be married, but they are also confident they'd be fertile.
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Very common. And women definitely plan when they'll have their children. There is no shame to their game. They say yes I plan to have two by 30. They're not only confident they'd be married' date=' but they are also confident they'd be fertile.[/quote'] Though, it could be very possible they'd wind up a crazy cat lady, too. 1
xxoo Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 There is nothing wrong with having a dream. Dreams of this nature commonly come true! 5
todreaminblue Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 (edited) when people say i plan to be married it is a hopeful goal......a future they envision...it may or it may not come true..in this lifetime anyway...doesnt change the goal...what starts to happen though, if the goal is not achieved by a due date is disillusionment....and the hope wanes a little.....thats what having a plan of this nature is all about is hope......the world needs more hope to be hope full...and certainly not for people to hope...less..... since i was a young girl i had a dream of meeting a guy to walk beside me through everything and for always......but one part of me knew with what i had already gone through......i was damaged goods.....i would read love stories and listen to love songs and dream.......then another part of me thought nah ill go feed the kids in africa become a female monk in tibet and raise happy llamas......didnt think i would ever be able to have children certainly wouldnt not out of marriage....... i have five children no happy llamas yet and dont have my certified tibetan female monk status...and i am 45 and never married...... doesnt mean any one of my dreams or goals i had wont come true...i just adapt them .......as most christian women know......its gods will not my own that will decide how my life pans out.....but i have an integral part in it......i have to live it and trust in him...and the trials provide me opportunity to trust in him.......and i do even when i am scared i wont make it..... ...time and again he comforts me when i learn new lessons and congratulates me on my successes....god is always in every ones corner......but his will is absolute...cant be changed......cant be altered...and is always for the best.....i believe in pre-destined........ my point of my ramble is......god wants us to have dreams, hopes, goals and righteous desire....to be passionate about what is right and true...marriage and an eternal partner is a beautiful graceful right and true dream or hope or goal to have...the timing on your friend may be out...or may be god has used an inner still voice to tell her it will happen....but it isnt up to her at what age to have a fulfilling marriage if she goes by her wishes....she may find even more disappointment....... but always let her dream......who would want her really not to have hope and be hope less...instead of hope full....i hope for her, her dreams come true..and have to say.......only god knows...cheers to ya...deb Edited May 10, 2015 by todreaminblue 1
MissBee Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 (edited) I had to laugh at a woman who I had met at a church singles ministry years ago. We had dinner together, dutch treat as she had already friend zoned me, but that's another story...we got to talking about "being married by a certain age." I think at the time I was in my early 30's and she was in her mid-20's at that time. I mentioned that there are some people, believe it or not, that ARE some people who are in their 30s, that had never been married. She almost looked at me in disbelief and said, "Well, I hope to be married by 30!" As if it would she was so sure this would actually happen. I was rather baffled by her state of mind of reaching a goal that requires MUTUAL participation as opposed to obtaining a degree or some activity related goal. You cannot say, "I plan on being married by the age of 25 and 2 children by 30." and actually be SURE of it, but some people are cocky enough to think this will happen. "Well I hope to be married by 30!" How is that statement proclaiming surety? It says what she HOPES for, not that she knows for a fact this will occur. I also hope to be married by 30, hope to have my first kid by 32 the latest, hope for a lot of things, none of it is certain but it's a desire and something I want as it makes sense with my current life's plan. I'm confused at how such a clear statement where she said she hopes got misconstrued as her being sure or saying "I will definitely be married by 30 as the clock strikes", if she said the latter, fine, but she said hope...a hope is something you desire and wish to be the case it doesn't mean you are certain. This isn't any different from any other goal in life you hope for or have some age in mind about like when you'll be set in your career, when you'll purchase your first home or other life goals. Most people with a plan end up achieving the goal, doesn't mean life doesn't happen or it happens exactly as they wished or that they are inflexible, but having some target in mind is usually wise. Edited May 10, 2015 by MissBee 5
Bubberfly Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I, in my 20s also hoped to be married by 30. There is a specific reason for this... Western society in particular, if a man can choose between a good-looking woman in her 20s and an equally good-looking woman in her 30s, for the most part, he'll pick the 20-something. A: it looks good on him that he can "pull" a 20-something and B: she has more child-rearing years (if fertility and children are desired). There IS a lot of fear for women not only in their 20s that they'll never find a husband but from women in their 30s who have never married. This is not just a religious thing either. It's a societal-instilled fear. Women ARE taught, once we are 30+ our lives are over, our wombs will shrivel up and we are doomed to wind up living with only cats for company. I don't think we should mock people for having desires. Here I am, 30 and not married still. I STILL hope to get married some day. And yes, I want him to be interested in it too. If I never find me the right man, then oh well. Guess I'll go to my local animal shelter and take home all their cats. 1
todreaminblue Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I, in my 20s also hoped to be married by 30. There is a specific reason for this... Western society in particular, if a man can choose between a good-looking woman in her 20s and an equally good-looking woman in her 30s, for the most part, he'll pick the 20-something. A: it looks good on him that he can "pull" a 20-something and B: she has more child-rearing years (if fertility and children are desired). There IS a lot of fear for women not only in their 20s that they'll never find a husband but from women in their 30s who have never married. This is not just a religious thing either. It's a societal-instilled fear. Women ARE taught, once we are 30+ our lives are over, our wombs will shrivel up and we are doomed to wind up living with only cats for company. I don't think we should mock people for having desires. Here I am, 30 and not married still. I STILL hope to get married some day. And yes, I want him to be interested in it too. If I never find me the right man, then oh well. Guess I'll go to my local animal shelter and take home all their cats. or a llama or three.....deb 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 , "Well, I hope to be married by 30!" As if it would she was so sure this would actually happen. Why do you think it is so laughable that someone would say they hoped for something to happen?? 1
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 I was just paraphrashing, she wasn't "hoping" but "planning". It was in the tone of when she said it. I suppose it's perspective, she's saying this to someone who at one time that wanted to be married in his mid-20's, didn't happen, and when I was early 30s at the time, she kind of said it in a tone that suggested, "Well, though YOU haven't been married by 30, I know I'll be!" She said it in a tone where she was so cock-sure...and I said that "Well, look at me, I'm an example of a goal of being married by a certain age of not being met. You can't really guarantee such a goal." Even in LTJGs's postTop Tier of Men"....he seems so sure this will happen. But like like the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want." lol "Well I hope to be married by 30!" How is that statement proclaiming surety? It says what she HOPES for, not that she knows for a fact this will occur. I also hope to be married by 30, hope to have my first kid by 32 the latest, hope for a lot of things, none of it is certain but it's a desire and something I want as it makes sense with my current life's plan. I'm confused at how such a clear statement where she said she hopes got misconstrued as her being sure or saying "I will definitely be married by 30 as the clock strikes", if she said the latter, fine, but she said hope...a hope is something you desire and wish to be the case it doesn't mean you are certain. This isn't any different from any other goal in life you hope for or have some age in mind about like when you'll be set in your career, when you'll purchase your first home or other life goals. Most people with a plan end up achieving the goal, doesn't mean life doesn't happen or it happens exactly as they wished or that they are inflexible, but having some target in mind is usually wise.
guest569 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 It's a goal, a plan. And who are you to mock that? A lot of people set out to do something and make it happen. It sounds like you are hoping that she will not achieve her goals. Perhaps you need to adopt a more positive attitude and stop being so critical of every single thing everyone you've ever known has ever said. If you want advice, great. If you are just here to criticise, what is the objective? 4
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 It's a goal, a plan. And who are you to mock that? A lot of people set out to do something and make it happen. I'm not mocking. Also, there are some things someone can't simply "make" happen. Getting a college degree, running a marathon and finishing it, finishing up work projects, houeshold project, etc. You can make happen. Marriage requires a willing partner, the other person has to be in agreement to marry you...so it may not always pan out. I'm sure a lot of people on LS has had the goal of being married by a certain age, but whoever they dated either cheated on them, didn't want to commit to a marriage, but of course date/live together indefinately, still wanted to juggle their options etc. There's always issues these days when it comes to dating, the chances of getting married are getting a lot slimmer for people...that's why I tend to wonder what makes them so cock sure about actually walking the aisle to a life long partner in marriage. I mean I DO hope for the best to acheive htis, but like I said, you have to have a willing partner that'll go along with it. I've known some women that would be practically begging their 3 to 5 year boyfriends to marry them, only to have the guy never really wanting marriage.
Diezel Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 So I have a dream of becoming a CFO... by your logic, I just shouldn't have this dream by a certain age because it requires mutual participation from the CEO and other people higher up in the business hierarchy? That IS what you are saying right... You can dream, as long as your dream only involves you and no one else to actively participate. 4
elaine567 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I'm not mocking. Also, there are some things someone can't simply "make" happen. Getting a college degree, running a marathon and finishing it, finishing up work projects, houeshold project, etc. You can make happen. Marriage requires a willing partner, the other person has to be in agreement to marry you...so it may not always pan out. I'm sure a lot of people on LS has had the goal of being married by a certain age, but whoever they dated either cheated on them, didn't want to commit to a marriage, but of course date/live together indefinately, still wanted to juggle their options etc. There's always issues these days when it comes to dating, the chances of getting married are getting a lot slimmer for people...that's why I tend to wonder what makes them so cock sure about actually walking the aisle to a life long partner in marriage. I mean I DO hope for the best to acheive htis, but like I said, you have to have a willing partner that'll go along with it. I've known some women that would be practically begging their 3 to 5 year boyfriends to marry them, only to have the guy never really wanting marriage. If you set your mind to it, it can happen, but many women sit around waiting for their commitment-probe bf to pop the question and that often means she is set loose in her late twenties/early thirties, hurt, bitter, betrayed and upset when he ultimately rejects her or she decides she cannot wait any longer. Not a good place from which to try and find anyone. The most successful women at this game, I find, decide they want to get married at whatever age they are, look for men who also want to get married, and it all happens pretty quickly.
xxoo Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I was just paraphrashing, she wasn't "hoping" but "planning". It was in the tone of when she said it. I suppose it's perspective, she's saying this to someone who at one time that wanted to be married in his mid-20's, didn't happen, and when I was early 30s at the time, she kind of said it in a tone that suggested, "Well, though YOU haven't been married by 30, I know I'll be!" She said it in a tone where she was so cock-sure...and I said that "Well, look at me, I'm an example of a goal of being married by a certain age of not being met. You can't really guarantee such a goal. I call this peeing in someone's cereal. Here you have a young, optimistic woman talking about her dreams, and you are forcing the point that it doesn't always happen that way. Of course, she knows that. You don't have to crush her dreams at dinner. This is 10 years ago by now, right? I wonder if she's married! 5
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 I'm just saying, basically, you just cannot put a time table on certain things. You may not get married by 30, and wind up married by 40.
Timshel Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 At mid-twenties, there are still so many milestones ahead. She was speaking with a confidence that was appropriate for her age. As we get older and at a point where we begin to 'survey' our lives and accomplishments, then we acknowledge that the journey of life can thwart even the best laid plans. I thought I would be married into my old age. I did not see my husband's brain cancer coming and neither did he. We had lot's of plans. Should we not have dreamed them, made them? Of course, everyone should. If things don't happen the way we anticipate, adjust. 3
DJOkawari Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Looking for your ideal life and trying to actualize it seems pretty normal. The question I have for you is: how would a person consciously achieve something without thinking that they could achieve it? I watched this talk and basically it discusses a "growth mindset" - the idea that something you haven't achieved is just something you haven't achieved "yet" rather than something that you failed at. Maybe you could check it out. Carol Dweck: The power of believing that you can improve | Talk Video | TED.com 1
baco Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 From what you've posted, she hopes to be married at 30, she's not absolutelycertain she will. It's a goal like any other and although it involves someone else, there are some life choices that one can make to aproach that goal. Meeting people with similar life expectations, dedicate more time to a partner, other than work and so on. I know a lot of people, men and women, who chosed to focus on their careers and not being married, others want to travel the world, others focus more on sex and really don't want a long term relantionship. No one knows where the wind takes us, but we can steer a bit in the direction we want.
Rejected Rosebud Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I'm not mocking. You said you had to laugh at her for saying it that IS mocking ... I want to ask you a serious question: Why do you seem to be obsessed with sitting in judgement with every single thing you can find online or irl that any woman says or does? Please answer, I can't figure it out. Honest question. :confused: 3
Rejected Rosebud Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 This is 10 years ago by now, right? I wonder if she's married! Oh I just realized this, OP why are you thinking all the way back 10 years to find something to criticize about a woman are you running out of people currently?? 4
BlueIris Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Yes, someone can decide that. Some people are marriage-minded and some aren’t. The way people feel about marriage is a core value that many people screen for. I did. I eliminated every prospect who was not marriage-minded and dated only people who viewed marriage positively and wanted it for themselves. And I found my BF, or he found me. If you are diligent, discerning and candid about who you are and what you want in your life, you’ll find it.
MissBee Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 So I have a dream of becoming a CFO... by your logic, I just shouldn't have this dream by a certain age because it requires mutual participation from the CEO and other people higher up in the business hierarchy? That IS what you are saying right... You can dream, as long as your dream only involves you and no one else to actively participate. I meant to add as well that lots of goals, marriage, career, others, also involve other people's input and decision making, it doesn't mean that you have to refrain from having any hope or desire since you're not the sole person in charge of how it will pan out. OP, if the woman's tone was such that she made it seem like although it didn't happen for you it will happen for her, while she can't be sure, I would wager that it's less about you and more about her own desire and determination. I mean, some people don't care who they're married to, and if they just want to be married by a certain age they can probably find some willing party.
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