happyjeans Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 (edited) Hey, thanks for reading! So, I connected with this girl via a dating app. We have a few mutual friends, and I asked her out. She is in NY (where I live) for a few months--at this point, she had 2 months left in NY. She agreed, and we went out--we were there for about 3 hours, and on the whole, it went well. I don't think it was excellent, but it wasn't 100% mediocre either. When we were leaving, she said "let's do this again soon." I texted her the next day, and she mentioned she's going out of town the next day for a week but mentioned she'd be back the following Wednesday. I told her I'd reach out when she's back. While she was gone, she initiated a conversation about something random, and it led to a few texts, but that was it. I texted her when she returned, and she responded with "Tuesday works, what do you want to do?" After that, I know I screwed up. I responded saying we could go on a picnic and then after 8 hours or so when she didn't respond, I texted her again. I know I came across as desperate at that point, and she texted back an excuse for not responding, but didn't confirm anything. After about a week, I texted her saying I'd like to do it again, and this was my last time trying (again, I know I shouldn't have done this and should have just called her). She responded saying she was busy so she didn't respond, but that she'd be free that week. Anyways, we locked down plans, but she canceled last minute, and then that was it. At this point, she only had 2 weeks left in NY--she would be going home permanently after that. I know I came across as desperate. I know she was attracted to me, otherwise, we wouldn't have connected on the app, and she wouldn't have gone out. Do you think it was the combination of being desperate (and thus her thinking I was seeking a long term relationship, which I was) and the fact that she is only in town for 2 more weeks? (Also, I know she plans to relocate to NYC in 1.5 years...). I know I blew it to some extent, but would this have gone differently if she also lived here? And if she is back in 18 months, how should I play it then, so that it doesn't look like I was thinking about her for a year and a half? Hopefully, I'll be over it before then. Edited May 10, 2015 by happyjeans
La.Primavera Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 She gave you the brush off. She may have found you attractive initially but she obviously doesn't feel that way now. Don't contact her again when she is back. I can't believe you are even considering this over a date that by your own account was only average at best. Seriously, in 18 months you won't even remember her. You will find someone else that truly likes you.
Author happyjeans Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 I know I shouldn't think about this too much. It's just that I felt we could have been great together... Do you think it was that I came off as desperate or the whole moving issue? Obviously a relationship wouldn't make sense if she's only here for two weeks...
preraph Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 She probably just has other people to see in these last two weeks that she's known longer. And also, she's moving, so there's really no point. You definitely should not wait for her because her interest is lukewarm at best.
La.Primavera Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 When you really like someone you will make all sorts of allowances, such as dating them even when you know you are leaving soon or if the person comes on too strong. It won't matter so much because you like them and you want to keep seeing them. The fact is she didn't feel that way. You shouldn't feel bad for showing your interest. The offer of a picnic was sweet and romantic. She was just the wrong girl. If she doesn't bother replying the first time you should have left it at that. The right girl will appreciate your interest and will reciprocate.
Author happyjeans Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Thanks, guys. I guess my only question is--if she weren't moving, would we have had a chance? She seemed much more open to a second date (didn't see any negative signals) until I started coming off as desperate... Maybe she knew she was leaving and thought it might be uncomfortable as she might've been open to meeting but didn't want a full out relationship? I also feel like even if she didn't feel about me the way I feel about her (which is definitely the case), couldn't that feeling grow over time? And doesn't it usually? Sorry, I'm not that experienced (clearly)... I always thought people don't really fall for each other on the first date (at least not usually)... Is that the case?
Recommended Posts