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Should I break NC if my ex is in an abusive relationship?

crimsontactics

By crimsontactics
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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As above. Please advise.

SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

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No.

 

If there was a good reason for NC, it's still there regardless of what's happening in the ex's life. You shouldn't even be getting updates on him/her, let alone such detailed ones that you feel able to draw a conclusion about whether the r/s is abusive. Improve your NC and you won't have to ask this question again.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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No.

 

It's not your business.

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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No.

 

If there was a good reason for NC, it's still there regardless of what's happening in the ex's life. You shouldn't even be getting updates on him/her, let alone such detailed ones that you feel able to draw a conclusion about whether the r/s is abusive. Improve your NC and you won't have to ask this question again.

 

She is asking for help. But she is afraid of going to a professional organisation.

Jonp219 Established Member

Jonp219

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As above. Please advise.

 

Nope

 

Sit back

 

Mind your business

 

And just laugh

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Latino4Lyfe Established Member

Latino4Lyfe

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I understand how you feel. But take it from someone whose ex's life went bad after the break up as well and I was dumb enough to jump to the rescue....it's not worth it :(. As hard as it may be, let her deal with her issues as at the end of the day, that is what she chose.

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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No.

 

It's not your business.

 

As my ex is quite a lonely person, she don't have much friends in her life and the only person she talks to other than her partner is me. While its draining for me, if i go NC, she will be even.more reluctant to leave him since she is lonely.

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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I understand how you feel. But take it from someone whose ex's life went bad after the break up as well and I was dumb enough to jump to the rescue....it's not worth it :(. As hard as it may be, let her deal with her issues as at the end of the day, that is what she chose.

 

May I know what happened?

Latino4Lyfe Established Member

Latino4Lyfe

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May I know what happened?

 

I have a long story in another thread but I will be happy to summarize it here for you :). I was with my ex for over a year and her negativity and bad past got the best of her and broke it off with me. After 2 months of no contact, she contacts me and friend zones me. During that time, she had lost her job, her car broke down and she was hanging around the wrong type of people and getting awful life advice which made things worse.

 

Once I was told all of this, I felt sorry for her and of course I had jumped in and helped her try and get back on her feet. Now this is where things go bad...as I was helping her get back on her feet with a new job and once again turning things around, she decides to start dating a new guy and leaves me to rot at a restaurant. So basically I did the work and this new guy gets the glory so to say.

 

Their relationship turned sour after 3 months after he started stalking her and her family and just causing a lot of trouble. So of course, who does she turn to? Me. At this time, me and her are not together, she is still trying to get me to come to her aid while she does nothing in return and get into further trouble. I had recently blocked all contact with her as it's just too much.

 

So all in all, as hard as it may look and no matter how much you may still love your ex and want no harm to come to her, in order for you to prevent any further pain and embarrassment, it's best you just leave her be and let her deal with the issues. You will not gain anything from it :(.

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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I have a long story in another thread but I will be happy to summarize it here for you :). I was with my ex for over a year and her negativity and bad past got the best of her and broke it off with me. After 2 months of no contact, she contacts me and friend zones me. During that time, she had lost her job, her car broke down and she was hanging around the wrong type of people and getting awful life advice which made things worse.

 

Once I was told all of this, I felt sorry for her and of course I had jumped in and helped her try and get back on her feet. Now this is where things go bad...as I was helping her get back on her feet with a new job and once again turning things around, she decides to start dating a new guy and leaves me to rot at a restaurant. So basically I did the work and this new guy gets the glory so to say.

 

Their relationship turned sour after 3 months after he started stalking her and her family and just causing a lot of trouble. So of course, who does she turn to? Me. At this time, me and her are not together, she is still trying to get me to come to her aid while she does nothing in return and get into further trouble. I had recently blocked all contact with her as it's just too much.

 

So all in all, as hard as it may look and no matter how much you may still love your ex and want no harm to come to her, in order for you to prevent any further pain and embarrassment, it's best you just leave her be and let her deal with the issues. You will not gain anything from it :(.

 

Thank you for sharing!

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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Lol... I regret breaking NC... This has messed me up bad...

Latino4Lyfe Established Member

Latino4Lyfe

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Lol... I regret breaking NC... This has messed me up bad...

 

What happened when you broke contact with her?

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Twigyy Established Member

Twigyy

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When you break up with someone, they will be strangers, and there will be no reason to contact each other. You will have to understand that she can't keep asking you for help for the next 30 years. It is her problem if something happens. Have some self respect for yourself. Don't be so easily used..

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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What happened when you broke contact with her?

 

My ex called me to go back to her. So we met up. Apparently she is having this big fight with her partner. Then they broke up and I was happy. I just went to comfort her.

 

Then an hour later she went to beg her partner to take her back! In front of me!

Seriously wtf was I doing there?

 

Basically her partner was threatening breakup everyday but she don't want to. Apparently she got some balls last night cause I was around, but she blew it within an hour...

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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When you break up with someone, they will be strangers, and there will be no reason to contact each other. You will have to understand that she can't keep asking you for help for the next 30 years. It is her problem if something happens. Have some self respect for yourself. Don't be so easily used..

 

I understand. Thank you!

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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I'm confused. Is she asking your for help? What do you plan to do to help her? Is this physical or emotional abuse?

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Latino4Lyfe Established Member

Latino4Lyfe

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My ex called me to go back to her. So we met up. Apparently she is having this big fight with her partner. Then they broke up and I was happy. I just went to comfort her.

 

Then an hour later she went to beg her partner to take her back! In front of me!

Seriously wtf was I doing there?

 

Basically her partner was threatening breakup everyday but she don't want to. Apparently she got some balls last night cause I was around, but she blew it within an hour...

 

Ouch, sorry to hear that man. This is very similar to what I was advising earlier with my situation. You fell for her cry for help, you end up seeing her and making her feel better and then once the deed is done, the other guy swoops in. Hence you do the work, and he gets the glory. Sucks that it happened in front of you though. I know it's hard, but do resist any further contact she may try and have with you. Now since this was similar to me, I'm gonna go ahead and assume the next time she will contact you, it will be because the guy will have done something a lot worse than threat break ups. Do your best not to reply and move forward. She chose this path, now she has to suffer the consequences.

 

Keep going strong man, your not alone.

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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Ouch, sorry to hear that man. This is very similar to what I was advising earlier with my situation. You fell for her cry for help, you end up seeing her and making her feel better and then once the deed is done, the other guy swoops in. Hence you do the work, and he gets the glory. Sucks that it happened in front of you though. I know it's hard, but do resist any further contact she may try and have with you. Now since this was similar to me, I'm gonna go ahead and assume the next time she will contact you, it will be because the guy will have done something a lot worse than threat break ups. Do your best not to reply and move forward. She chose this path, now she has to suffer the consequences.

 

Keep going strong man, your not alone.

 

Thank you brother! Your story really inspired me to move on!

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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I'm confused. Is she asking your for help? What do you plan to do to help her? Is this physical or emotional abuse?

 

She wanted to get back together with me, but went back to her partner after just after an hour!

 

Her partner was emotionally abusing her, threatening her with breakups constantly...

ravfour4 Established Member

ravfour4

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Crimson - I had something somewhat similar happen.

 

3 months post break-up after tons of bread crumbs and lies, I told my ex I still cared about her, she cried and said she cared too and needed to think about things.

 

The next day she said she wanted to give it another shot, but that the guy I knew she was seeing (that she insisted wasn't her boyfriend) had come over the night before and she tried to end it for other reasons (unrelated to me), but it "didn't work" and they ended up kissing (WTF!). She said he was coming over soon "what should I do?!" I told her to be honest with him, say she had feelings for her ex and needed to step away and to not let him come over.

 

All she ended up telling him was "I still have feelings for my ex and need to go on a date with him", he went on a tirade bashing me with all the ammo she had given him, said "I'm still your boyfriend and you're going on a date with your ex", I go "you said you didn't have a boyfriend yesterday..." her: "well, it was never official". Then he sent her flowers, called, showed up at her place and texted her nonstop. Eventually we called off the date and she went right back to him.

 

 

These bitches be trippin'. She's 25 and unstable. He's 33, going through a divorce with 2 kids and was begging for this girl back, crying saying "I know he can give you things I can't" haha damn right I could :) What a chump.

Edited by ravfour4
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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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Crimson - I had something somewhat similar happen.

 

3 months post break-up after tons of bread crumbs and lies, I told my ex I still cared about her, she cried and said she cared too and needed to think about things.

 

The next day she said she wanted to give it another shot, but that the guy I knew she was seeing (that she insisted wasn't her boyfriend) had come over the night before and she tried to end it for other reasons (unrelated to me), but it "didn't work" and they ended up kissing (WTF!). She said he was coming over soon "what should I do?!" I told her to be honest with him, say she had feelings for her ex and needed to step away and to not let him come over.

 

All she ended up telling him was "I still have feelings for my ex and need to go on a date with him", he went on a tirade bashing me with all the ammo she had given him, said "I'm still your boyfriend and you're going on a date with your ex", I go "you said you didn't have a boyfriend yesterday..." her: "well, it was never official". Then he sent her flowers, called, showed up at her place and texted her nonstop. Eventually we called off the date and she went right back to him.

 

 

These bitches be trippin'. She's 25 and unstable. He's 33, going through a divorce with 2 kids and was begging for this girl back, crying saying "I know he can give you things I can't" haha damn right I could :) What a chump.

 

That must be hard on you my friend. Beyond my wildest dream, I never expect my ex to treat me this way. I thought after all that I've done for her, so could at least treat me with some dignity...

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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She wanted to get back together with me, but went back to her partner after just after an hour!

 

Her partner was emotionally abusing her, threatening her with breakups constantly...

 

You need to stay out of all of this. She obviously isn't very stable if she is begging you to get back together, then going back to another man an hour later. It kind of sounds like she she emotionally abusing you. If she wants to stay with a person who is abusing her, I don't see why it's your concern. She can make her own decisions.

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na49 Established Member

na49

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It took her an hour to change her mind from wanting you back, to wanting back the abuser. If you think that she'd be long-term relationship material, then I don't know what to tell you. If she ever really did want you back, she'd probably change her mind again.

 

This just seems like a bad situation all around. Plus, it's none of your business. *sips tea*

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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You need to stay out of all of this. She obviously isn't very stable if she is begging you to get back together, then going back to another man an hour later. It kind of sounds like she she emotionally abusing you. If she wants to stay with a person who is abusing her, I don't see why it's your concern. She can make her own decisions.

 

Haha, that's a new perspective. :laugh:

 

Yeah, took me a nap to realize she is unstable.

 

I can't be unstable just because she is. :D

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crimsontactics Member

crimsontactics

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It took her an hour to change her mind from wanting you back, to wanting back the abuser. If you think that she'd be long-term relationship material, then I don't know what to tell you. If she ever really did want you back, she'd probably change her mind again.

 

This just seems like a bad situation all around. Plus, it's none of your business. *sips tea*

 

I understand. Thank you!

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