Moley87 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 So after 2 months of being split on the basis the ex is travelling to oz in December me and the ex have final starting talking again. Whilst I am generally one for giving advice not to talk I find myself in this position On speaking she admitted its hard to see being friends when we weren't before but is happy we are chatting. I responded by saying I can't guarantee this friend business will work due to the fact I see more then that but if she doesn't have feelings anymore then I would rather her say so at least we are on open ground. Her reply " its horrible timing " and I hate the fact oz will cause this between us and that I hope we can stay friends as you mean a lot to me" Anyway talking few days on she mentioned she wants to paint the kitchen (house we own togeather) and asked what colours I think would be best ? On giving my advice I offered to help out (as a friend) where she said I might take you up on that offer not to paint but to supervise me paint it lol So the above shows we are being civil but I'm starting to think is it worth my time anymore trying to be civil and keep doors open with her as by next summer is could well be back home mixing it up again with mutual friends and work - she works the floor above me haha Or should I just do what I advice and say time I cut ties and make a fresh start
erklat Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I don't know complete story, buy what you described above is the exact place which we help avoid with our advise. 2
badpenny Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Agreed. You're trying to straddle two canoes in a moving river. I think it best if you paddle your own canoe, and let her drift away.....
Ruby65 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Yeah -- at just two months after a breakup, you're not "friends" with her, you're "in the Friend Zone." Unless you have no interest in reconciling and are really happy to just be platonic buddies forever, you have nothing to gain by continuing contact at this point as it's only going to cause you pain by feeding you cause for false hopes. I'm sure it isn't helping you get over her. 1
Author Moley87 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Yeah -- at just two months after a breakup, you're not "friends" with her, you're "in the Friend Zone." Unless you have no interest in reconciling and are really happy to just be platonic buddies forever, you have nothing to gain by continuing contact at this point as it's only going to cause you pain by feeding you cause for false hopes. I'm sure it isn't helping you get over her. Love your replies ruby haha and honestly I know there is no reconciling for now and potentially ever but this is how my thought process is working atm If I cut ties and then she returns I'm sure she will hate me for not supporting her decision and I can rule out the reconciliation If I do what's amicable and keep contact and she does come back then it stands me in better stance of being back in her life Personally I would want the friendship over the loss but I have always done NC and never wanted an ex as a friend Ruby my head is frazzled lol I need a beer
Jonp219 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Love your replies ruby haha and honestly I know there is no reconciling for now and potentially ever but this is how my thought process is working atm If I cut ties and then she returns I'm sure she will hate me for not supporting her decision and I can rule out the reconciliation If I do what's amicable and keep contact and she does come back then it stands me in better stance of being back in her life Personally I would want the friendship over the loss but I have always done NC and never wanted an ex as a friend Ruby my head is frazzled lol I need a beer Bro, no it doesn't. You think it does but only the opposite happens. Keeping her in your life just shows her that you can't live without her, you've already made yourself too available. You think you've made your chances better, but you're just falling deeper into the friend zone sad to say.
Ruby65 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Dude, based on your actions in regard to your ex, I'd say it's time to put down those beers! Your ex isn't going to hate you if you tell her in a nice way that you need to cut contact now so you can heal and move on. Wish her the best and thank her for understanding.... then you block her everywhere and go about living your life. No reason for any hard feelings after that kind of message. When you say you'd choose friendship over not having her in your life at all, ask yourself this: do you really want to be there to hear about her dating life and finding her future new boyfriend? Because that's what friends do. If you're okay with hearing about other guys, you're ready to be friends for real -- but it doesn't sound like you're anywhere near that point yet. 2
erklat Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Moley87 you are going to end in a world of pain if you continue down that path.
Author Moley87 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Agree I generally wouldn't bother but my gut is saying don't close communication with her I'm thinking I'll have to go into low contact I think for now making more distance each week and won't be initiating contact from here However I know I have only one option to move on .
joseb Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Your ex isn't going to hate you if you tell her in a nice way that you need to cut contact now so you can heal and move on. Wish her the best and thank her for understanding.... then you block her everywhere and go about living your life. No reason for any hard feelings after that kind of message. Just do this. Staying "friends" in constant contact is not something you can or want to try to do.
Ruby65 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I'm thinking I'll have to go into low contact I think for now making more distance each week and won't be initiating contact from here . Worst idea ever.
SciFiWriter Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Agree I generally wouldn't bother but my gut is saying don't close communication with her I'm thinking I'll have to go into low contact I think for now making more distance each week and won't be initiating contact from here However I know I have only one option to move on . Yep - you'll become the best safety net that she can find to help her catch the guy she really really really finds hot and wants to be with. Unless, of course, she can't find anything better and she "settles" for you whilst hunting (and potentially cheating on you) for the next love ofher life!
Ijustdon'tgetit Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I actually started talking to my ex recently because I no longer have any interest in reconciling. Realistically we want different things and at the moment where I am in life leaves me lonely so I started chatting. But now that I have started contact, further means no reconciliation because now I would be considered an "option" for him. No chance in hell. Plus, staying no contact gives them time to miss you so you're ruining all you chances
Jonp219 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I don't understand how anyone can be in contact with an ex. If I was on 'friends' terms with my ex I would slap the **** out of myself. You should never stoop as low as being friends with someone you still love. Like hell, I was a HUGE mess after my break up, even then the thought of being friends with my ex made me throw up a little in my mouth. Only way I will ever talk to her is if I find someone better than her, or if she wants to start something new.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Agree I generally wouldn't bother but my gut is saying don't close communication with her I'm thinking I'll have to go into low contact I think for now making more distance each week and won't be initiating contact from here However I know I have only one option to move on . Your gut has sh*t for brains in this situation. Sorry to be blunt, but this really is a bad strategy.
erklat Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Idea that you have is so tragically bad that I feel anxiety in my chest reading this.
dave_1966 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Moley, grow some b@lls and move on. You're being an absolute doormat! So, you're going to paint the kitchen so some other dude can have candlelit meals in there? Have some self respect and go no contact, the effect of doing this abruptly now will really jolt her too because she has you where she wants you. The effect will be magnified, and really make her think.....do it.
loveiswar101 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Dude, all of the above.... I nearly in a panic agreed to friends with my ex, I love her deeply and had just come back from a amazing holiday with her, where she then said she needs space and can only do friends. I agreed, next day came to my senses. As above I don't want to know, see or hear of her with another fella. Don't do it buddy !
Author Moley87 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 Ok listened to all the comments and have now decided I should listen to my own advice and have cut contact. Appreciate the comments all true and wise
aloneinaz Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 You can be friends with ex's but typically a few years and relationships have to go by as well. I'm personally on friendly terms with most my significant ex's on Facebook from a decade or two ago. It's fun to stay in contact, see how their lives are doing, etc.. In the mean time OP, she didn't want you in her life.. give her what she wishes and disappear and go NC..
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