Sunyata Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 She works Monday thru Friday and just pulled a night shift at a restaurant. She probably needs a Sunday to herself. I didn't realize the timeline here. Imo, you are over contacting her if you try to start a conversation today. Just say, "ok, cool. Talk to you later. " and get back to her on Monday if trying to see her Tues. And don't be discouraged if she doesn't have much free time, she is pretty busy work wise and still needs to grocery shop, do laundry, look pretty for dates. She may not be available Tuesday, but don't take it to heart. Go at her pace. The timeline is this. I don't know if it's over-contacting but I wondered if I did. Tuesday we went on the 2nd date. She asked me to text her a joke since I couldn't think of one on the spot. Wednesday I told her I'd send her the joke later and hoped she was having a good night. Thursday I texted her the joke. She texted me back another joke. I texted saying I wish I had another. Friday I did not make contact. Saturday I texted her asking if I could call. She texted me back saying she was working. This afternoon I tried calling. No response, texted her saying how her weekend has been. She responded saying she was relaxing all day (makes sense). I'll probably propose doing something Thursday instead, given how much I've contacted her.
loveweary11 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Oh I agree....what I meant by structure was some punctuation.....although I'm not the greatest at that myself ... .I use mostly ellipses (......) to separate my thoughts and people seem to get what I'm saying ...at least I hope so!!!! Oh right... gotcha. Not sure how to talk about the on/off yoga instructor... don't want to start a thread on it...
Jessie1231 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 The timeline is this. I don't know if it's over-contacting but I wondered if I did. Tuesday we went on the 2nd date. She asked me to text her a joke since I couldn't think of one on the spot. Wednesday I told her I'd send her the joke later and hoped she was having a good night. Thursday I texted her the joke. She texted me back another joke. I texted saying I wish I had another. Friday I did not make contact. Saturday I texted her asking if I could call. She texted me back saying she was working. This afternoon I tried calling. No response, texted her saying how her weekend has been. She responded saying she was relaxing all day (makes sense). I'll probably propose doing something Thursday instead, given how much I've contacted her. Since she responded just go ahead and ask if she wants to do xxx on xxx night. It's good she responded. Don't think too much about her not answering the phone. When I'm getting to know someone and my phone rings and I see it's them, I honest to god curse. I hate talking on the phone that much. I mean sometimes I'll answer, but I hate it. The thing is that in person and through text, you can have comfortable silences. It's not a big deal if you don't have something to say every second. But during a phone call, I feel like every second must be filled with conversation and that can make the whole ordeal feel forced. 2
katiegrl Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I just learned something about myself today. If a man were able to fully engage me via text ... and get me to "feel" something via text ....the way loveweary just described ...I would NOT need that phone call! And I agree with the poster who said DON'T call me while I am working, even if we are texting! I can text and write a brief simultaneously..... but I cannot write a brief and talk on phone at the same time! I also think if a guy calls me **immediately** after getting my number ...I would deem him anxious and pushy. I am glad it works out for fitnessfan ....but personally for ME, it would turn me off. 1
Sunyata Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Since she responded just go ahead and ask if she wants to do xxx on xxx night. It's good she responded. Don't think too much about her not answering the phone. When I'm getting to know someone and my phone rings and I see it's them, I honest to god curse. I hate talking on the phone that much. I mean sometimes I'll answer, but I hate it. The thing is that in person and through text, you can have comfortable silences. It's not a big deal if you don't have something to say every second. But during a phone call, I feel like every second must be filled with conversation and that can make the whole ordeal feel forced. Totally, totally agree about the disadvantages of phone calls over texting/meeting in person. I guess I'll text her back. I'm proabbly so awkward since I text her, she texts me back, then I take forever.
katiegrl Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Oh right... gotcha. Not sure how to talk about the on/off yoga instructor... don't want to start a thread on it... No worries....I was just teasing you anyway ...although personally speaking I *am* curious...
loveweary11 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Given the actual timeline, I would agree with Jessie. But... ease your way into it. Maybe a little commiserating about her feet probably being tired from running around all night, etc... something. Something that isn't just a fast move. It could be the type of girls I usually go out with (have like 100 guys trying to see them all the time), but a big theory of mine is treat them like cats. Any abrupt, sudden movements and they won't come over. Everything should be smooth and very comfortable for them... if not downright enticing. 2
loveweary11 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I'm proabbly so awkward since I text her, she texts me back, then I take forever. That's called mystery my friend! (unless it's a very interactive conversation)
Sunyata Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Given the actual timeline, I would agree with Jessie. But... ease your way into it. Maybe a little commiserating about her feet probably being tired from running around all night, etc... something. Something that isn't just a fast move. It could be the type of girls I usually go out with (have like 100 guys trying to see them all the time), but a big theory of mine is treat them like cats. Any abrupt, sudden movements and they won't come over. Everything should be smooth and very comfortable for them... if not downright enticing. Do you still think I was smothering her? In any case, the dates have went well and I do believe she has indicated she already considers her online dating stuff sort of ending because of our interactions. Which I think is neat. But despite her understanding my awkwardness, she is not "taking charge" of the situation at all, or being like "lets get together again!" by text. She's making me do the work, which I tell myself is bad, but maybe is to be expected. Thanks so much for helping and sorry to anyone who feels I hijacked this thread
katiegrl Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Given the actual timeline, I would agree with Jessie. But... ease your way into it. Maybe a little commiserating about her feet probably being tired from running around all night, etc... something. Something that isn't just a fast move. It could be the type of girls I usually go out with (have like 100 guys trying to see them all the time), ***but a big theory of mine is treat them like cats. Any abrupt, sudden movements and they won't come over. **** Everything should be smooth and very comfortable for them... if not downright enticing. +1000! :bunny::bunny::bunny: Asterick above --great analogy! Which explains why the immediate call after getting my phone number would turn me off! Brilliant!
Sunyata Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Here is the message I put together, which I think reflects who I am at my current state, after she said "Just relaxing all day." I can understand that. I'm doing the same myself. Was just thinking it would be cool to do something later this week. Maybe enjoy the nice weather and go for a walk around ____. You available Thursday? 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I also think if a guy calls me **immediately** after getting my number ...I would deem him anxious and pushy. I am glad it works out for fitnessfan ....but personally for ME, it would turn me off. I can see that and it definitely won't appeal to every woman. To some it will come off as pushy, anxious, etc.. To others,they see it as me going after what I want. Those are the women I want to date. But I mainly started doing it out of necessity because women are so hard to get on the phone. Even if you arrange a call time via text, you still usually end up leaving a voice mail. Then they text back and you end up planning via text. Now I get phone calls 85% of the time, and no flake outs at all. It's weird because a lot of stuff in dating seems counter-intuitive. 1
katiegrl Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 ***I can see that and it definitely won't appeal to every woman. To some it will come off as pushy, anxious, etc.. To others,they see it as me going after what I want. Those are the women I want to date.*** But I mainly started doing it out of necessity because women are so hard to get on the phone. Even if you arrange a call time via text, you still usually end up leaving a voice mail. Then they text back and you end up planning via text. Now I get phone calls 85% of the time, and no flake outs at all. It's weird because a lot of stuff in dating seems counter-intuitive. No need to get defensive ff ..as I said I am glad it works for you ...it's all good ...:cool: 1
Author smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 The only problem with this is, many times I am working and have time for a quick text but not a phone conversation, even if its brief I have to focus on business. I've had a few times where I texted and the guy immediately called, and then acted like something was "up" with me because I didn't pick up. It wasn't personal - I was working. When I can pick up, I do. But I don't like being pre-judged and expected to pick up calls when its not a good time. Not long ago made plans to meet a guy to share an app and drink right after my work. He shows up 30 minutes early, I hadn't finished. I texted him to please not call, b/c I was still working, that I would meet him at xyz like we planned. He proceeded to call me four times while I was working, trying to close up so I could meet him. It made me not want to even try things with him. I work for a living and I can't risk business from an over-eager guy. Our date lasted about 20 minutes. what about when you are not working?
contact1 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 OMG... thank you for actually understanding. It was my yoga instructor girl I see that highlighted my weakness on the verbal side. She decided to swear off texting and do phone calls. So... all i did was talk to her on the phone for a while. It was HELL. I had no idea what to do/say and I've known her and been seeing her on/off for years. Everything was awkward and forced. I even got in an argument with her, not understanding what she meant once. I stepped back from the argument and thought, "funny, I've never had an argument with her before.." and we have spent many weekends together. I really focused on why... when it dawned on me... I didn't really understand what was going on in the conversation. It was me, not her. I couldn't communicate over the call like we do in person and by text. I told her this and we now text again. You know, this post actually makes a lot of sense. There is this amazing woman I have been in contact with, and texting and messaging one another is amazing, but she is not much of a fan of the phone. When I would push for it, she would give in from time to time, but the conversations wouldn't flow so easily, or things may not be heard clearly. I think I'm going to stop pushing for actual phone talks from now on, even though hearing her voice is amazing, it might not be the best thing for us and I will have plenty of time hearing her voice in person. I'm sure this will make her happy to hear, going to go tell her now..... or maybe I will just let her find my post here and surprise her that way haha
Author smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Another example for you. One email a piece today with this gorgeous woman that shares a lot of the same interests as me. Asked for her number and she replied instantly giving it to me. So I called her right there on the spot. She admitted that she's an introvert and a bit shy. But since the call was unplanned, she didn't have time to psych herself out. So the call flowed and she was pleasantly surprised. She also admitted that she's used to tons of texting and emailing before meeting. But she liked my confidence and energy. Have a date with her on Tues night. How did her voice sound? And if she is giving out her number that fast you may not have a date big time. lol So you better hope she doesn't forget about you
katiegrl Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Another example for you. One email a piece today with this gorgeous woman that shares a lot of the same interests as me. Asked for her number and she replied instantly giving it to me. So I called her right there on the spot. She admitted that she's an introvert and a bit shy. But since the call was unplanned, she didn't have time to psych herself out. So the call flowed and she was pleasantly surprised. She also admitted that she's used to tons of texting and emailing before meeting. But she liked my confidence and energy. Have a date with her on Tues night. So she told you she didn't have time to "psyche herself out"? She told you she was "pleasantly surprised"? She told you she liked your "confidence and energy"? Or is this just you projecting? If it's the former ...hate to break it to you ...but this girl is definitely NOT shy! Lol
Author smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 She works Monday thru Friday and just pulled a night shift at a restaurant. She probably needs a Sunday to herself. I didn't realize the timeline here. Imo, you are over contacting her if you try to start a conversation today. Just say, "ok, cool. Talk to you later. " and get back to her on Monday if trying to see her Tues. And don't be discouraged if she doesn't have much free time, she is pretty busy work wise and still needs to grocery shop, do laundry, look pretty for dates. She may not be available Tuesday, but don't take it to heart. Go at her pace. If someone doesn't have a lot of free time they shouldn't be dating.
Author smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Since she responded just go ahead and ask if she wants to do xxx on xxx night. It's good she responded. Don't think too much about her not answering the phone. When I'm getting to know someone and my phone rings and I see it's them, I honest to god curse. I hate talking on the phone that much. I mean sometimes I'll answer, but I hate it. The thing is that in person and through text, you can have comfortable silences. It's not a big deal if you don't have something to say every second. But during a phone call, I feel like every second must be filled with conversation and that can make the whole ordeal feel forced. How did you handle talking on the phone before advanced technology?
No Limit Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Personally I hate talking to a phone. But I'm open for calling via Skype; don't know why, maybe because I feel more comfortable with a headset on my head?
Jessie1231 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 How did you handle talking on the phone before advanced technology? I wasn't a fan then either. I'm sure in middle school I probably liked talking on the phone to my girlfriends and boyfriends just like any other teenage kid. Because at that age you're fine with filling time talking about absolutely nothing. What else have you got to do? But I remember during college having to call home and call friends at other colleges because that was how you kept in touch, and I disliked it then. My boyfriend at the time - who eventually became my husband - and I preferred writing letters as neither of us liked talking on the phone. Throughout your threads I have noticed you seek constantly shocked that people have opinions and feelings that don't match yours. But that's just the way it is. Some people feel like talking on the phone is important, but plenty of people don't.
Author smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Personally I hate talking to a phone. But I'm open for calling via Skype; don't know why, maybe because I feel more comfortable with a headset on my head? It's even more weird to constantly see someone's face when talking to them.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 So she told you she didn't have time to "psyche herself out"? She told you she was "pleasantly surprised"? She told you she liked your "confidence and energy"? Or is this just you projecting? If it's the former ...hate to break it to you ...but this girl is definitely NOT shy! Lol On the phone she said she was originally going to type out a long explanation in text about why she's shy upon meeting because she thought that I'd text her. She also doesn't like the phone usually because she's an introvert, etc.. But since I called right away, she didn't have time to over think or feel nervous. After the call, I sent her a quick text saying she had a nice phone voice. She responded by saying she liked my confidence and energy and was pleasantly surprised she enjoyed talking on the phone.
Author smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 On the phone she said she was originally going to type out a long explanation in text about why she's shy upon meeting because she thought that I'd text her. She also doesn't like the phone usually because she's an introvert, etc.. But since I called right away, she didn't have time to over think or feel nervous. After the call, I sent her a quick text saying she had a nice phone voice. She responded by saying she liked my confidence and energy and was pleasantly surprised she enjoyed talking on the phone. well if she is shy over the phone it's likely she will be shy face to face too.
Phoe Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 well if she is shy over the phone it's likely she will be shy face to face too. It's possible but not a guarantee. I personally do much better face to face than on the phone. Even trying to talk to my own dad on the phone is a struggle. A lot of "Huh?" "What?" For me a lot of how I communicate with others and also how I read others, comes from those little nuances like facial expressions. When someone can't see my face and I can't see theirs, I have to rely solely on my ears and its cutting out a massive part of how I communicate. 1
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