I am amazed so many people in 2015 prefer not to talk atleast ONCE on the phone

[katiegrl]

 

**Absolutely phone....his tone and cadence, sarcasm and banter. It is important to me to get a "vibe" of him, his demeanor and our conversational chemistry. **

 

 

I was a grown up before texting came around so I'm not sure how you kids do it. I think it's really each to their own but both people would have to be comfortable with the method or it could cause some glitches.

 

Quote in asterik above -- Same for me, but I think what I am getting here is that some people (like loveweary) can feel that same vibe and *chemistry* via text messaging ...and in person.

 

Verbal chat (phone) leaves them feeling flat ....they are unable to respond the same way as they would via the written word .. or in person.

 

It is fascinating really ....how different we all are!

 

Embrace the differences and learn from each other..it's all good.:bunny:

Edited May 10, 2015 by katiegrl

[Popsicle]

I like a text/email first and then a phone call. What I don't like is men (or women, I know a few like this) who are opposed to one or the other. I see it as fear and avoidance no matter what they call it, and I just don't like it. After we have done text, phone call and meet face to face, after that point, I really don't care how we communicate, as long as I feel certain that they aren't afraid to do that by hearing me or seeing me when it's absolutely necessary.

[loveweary11]

^^Wow that was quite a post LW ....I am sufficiently impressed!

 

I think the way you are is true for most science nerds (and I mean nerd in the kindest sense ) you are more a visual person (as opposed to audio) ...operating from your left brain (logical, detail oriented, interprets and responds to words and language, mathematical and scientific, strategic, practical).

 

I am more audio oriented myself..total right brained, although I do have a degree in nursing, so enjoy science ....nothing close to what you do though...yikes!

 

I am sure you do quite well with the ladies ... no doubt!

 

 

Thank you!

 

That stuff got boring, though. The latest technology is just the same old technology, rebranded or applied differently. Nothing inherently new.

 

So, I left it all to try to understand a far greater challenge.... people.

 

Not kidding. I'm now in hospitality and entertainment businesses.

 

It's one reason I'm sfo addicted to Love Shack. It fascinates me to no end learning here.

[Phoe]

I dislike talking on the phone. I dislike phones, really...

 

If it weren't for the fact that I've been talking to a special someone lately, my phone would be lying forgotten in my purse.

 

Well, truth be told, my phone IS stashed away in my purse, in another room.... I should probably go check it, hehe

 

Ideally, I'd like to not have a phone at all. But I figure it's best to have it in case of an emergency.

[loveweary11]

Quote in asterik above -- Same for me, but I think what I am getting here is that some people (like loveweary) can feel that same vibe and *chemistry* via text messaging ...and in person.

 

Verbal chat (phone) leaves them feeling flat ....they are unable to respond the same way as they would via the written word .. or in person.

 

It is fascinating really ....how different we all are!

 

Embrace the differences and learn from each other..it's all good.:bunny:

 

OMG... thank you for actually understanding.

 

It was my yoga instructor girl I see that highlighted my weakness on the verbal side.

 

She decided to swear off texting and do phone calls. So... all i did was talk to her on the phone for a while. It was HELL.

 

I had no idea what to do/say and I've known her and been seeing her on/off for years.

 

Everything was awkward and forced. I even got in an argument with her, not understanding what she meant once.

 

I stepped back from the argument and thought, "funny, I've never had an argument with her before.." and we have spent many weekends together. I really focused on why... when it dawned on me... I didn't really understand what was going on in the conversation. It was me, not her. I couldn't communicate over the call like we do in person and by text.

 

I told her this and we now text again.

[katiegrl]

Thank you!

 

That stuff got boring, though. The latest technology is just the same old technology, rebranded or applied differently. Nothing inherently new.

 

So, I left it all to try to understand a far greater challenge.... people.

 

Not kidding. I'm now in hospitality and entertainment businesses.

 

**It's one reaspon I'm sfo addicted to Love Shack. It fascinates me to no end learning here**.

 

Totally agree. It's fascinating the stuff I learn here ...about people, about lots of things!

 

Interesting that you switched from science to hospitality/entertainment..

 

I switched too..after obtaining a nursing degree ...didn't care for it ...and now work in legal!!

[fitnessfan365]

So if you don;t like the sound of her voice you still set up that date huh?

 

I said if the call goes well I set up the date. That includes a nice sounding voice, good laugh, personality, etc.. I had a phone call recently where the woman would only switch off between "yep" and dead silence. Terrible phone call. So I said it was nice chatting and that I had to run.

[Sunyata]

Just tried calling a girl on the phone. She was working last night when I texted asking if she had time.

 

I panicked and did not leave a message, so I will send a text now.

 

Quick question - does this sound okay?

 

Hey! Just called to see if you had time together together Tuesday night. I was thinking it would be cool to go for a walk around ****/****.

 

Does that seem perfectly okay? We seemed to make plans to get together after the 2nd date, but I'm worried my awkwardness (which she acknowledged as endearing) is going to eventually make her uncomfortable. I need to be a man this next date.

[loveweary11]

Totally agree. It's fascinating the stuff I learn here ...about people, about lots of things!

 

Interesting that you switched from science to hospitality/entertainment..

 

I switched too..after obtaining a nursing degree ...didn't care for it ...and now work in legal!!

 

Ha ha ha. I wonder how many people use the degrees they earned or even stick in the same field.

[loveweary11]

Just tried calling a girl on the phone. She was working last night when I texted asking if she had time.

 

I panicked and did not leave a message, so I will send a text now.

 

Quick question - does this sound okay?

 

Hey! Just called to see if you had time together together Tuesday night. I was thinking it would be cool to go for a walk around ****/****.

 

Does that seem perfectly okay? We seemed to make plans to get together after the 2nd date, but I'm worried my awkwardness (which she acknowledged as endearing) is going to eventually make her uncomfortable. I need to be a man this next date.

 

Bro, here's my hint to you.

 

Text exactly as you would speak. Make it a written conversation. Don't think about what you are saying, just talk, but type it.

 

Don't acknowledge your call next time.

 

Just say,"Hey, how's the (thing she told you she is doing this week) going?"

 

Chat about that a bit... then... when it lulls... say, "Hey, what are you doing on Tuesday?"

 

She'll respond about if she's free or not.

 

If she is, "Cool. Want to go on a walk around ****/*****?"

 

She answers yes.

 

You say, "awesome, I'll text you to set up a time on Tuesday. Good luck with the (something else or other she talked to you about in person)."

 

 

Then you just set up the mechanics of meeting up on Tuesday and go have in person fun with her.

 

Text what you would say, with an emoji or 2 to show your emotion.

[joseb]

Quote in asterik above -- Same for me, but I think what I am getting here is that some people (like loveweary) can feel that same vibe and *chemistry* via text messaging ...and in person.

 

Verbal chat (phone) leaves them feeling flat ....they are unable to respond the same way as they would via the written word .. or in person.

 

It is fascinating really ....how different we all are!

 

Embrace the differences and learn from each other..it's all good.:bunny:

 

Katie I think you summed it up very well.

I'm also from a tech background. Meeting people face to face for the first time is far less intimidating or awkward for me than phoning someone I have never met. I'm not a big texter can but enjoy a few short witty exchanges, so long as it doesn't drag on too long.

And I'm probably older than everyone else posting so it's not necessarily age related.

 

I'm enjoying this thread. Yes, embrace the difference I say!

[Sunyata]

Bro, here's my hint to you.

 

Text exactly as you would speak. Make it a written conversation. Don't think about what you are saying, just talk, but type it.

 

Don't acknowledge your call next time.

 

Just say,"Hey, how's the (thing she told you she is doing this week) going?"

 

Chat about that a bit... then... when it lulls... say, "Hey, what are you doing on Tuesday?"

 

She'll respond about if she's free or not.

 

If she is, "Cool. Want to go on a walk around ****/*****?"

 

She answers yes.

 

You say, "awesome, I'll text you to set up a time on Tuesday. Good luck with the (something else or other she talked to you about in person)."

 

 

Then you just set up the mechanics of meeting up on Tuesday and go have in person fun with her.

 

Text what you would say, with an emoji or 2 to show your emotion.

 

That's what I'll do. Text the start of a conversation. I haven't sent the text yet, but I didn't like how sudden it was, and how it did not open us up to ANY back and forth. I'll just send her a text asking how her weekend has been.

 

Thanks for the help

[katiegrl]

Ha ha ha. I wonder how many people use the degrees they earned or even stick in the same field.

 

Haha is right. I think it's fairly common to switch (or want to switch if they can)... even a few times during one's lifetime, but in my case, I got my nursing degree and then decided I did not even want to be a nurse!!! So NEVER even worked as a nurse. Dad wasn't thrilled (since he funded my education) ....but he understood..

 

BUT ..... I did put the degree to good use by getting a paralegal degree (paid for myself) and now work as a legal nurse consultant utilizing both degrees. Been doing this for five years.... seems to suit me..

 

But one never knows ....someday I'd love to write a novel...maybe a legal thriller like John Grisham!!!

[Sunyata]

Ended up just texting her "Hey, how has your weekend been? Just remembered by work you meant (restaurant)"

 

The last part was in response to the fact she texted me last night saying she couldn't talk on the phone because she was working. I thought it was odd since it was 7pm on a Saturday and she has a M-F job, so I said something like "Sorry you had to work on a day off." I forgot she had a second 1-day-a-week job.

 

*locks self in bomb shelter to hide from shame*

[katiegrl]

Bro, here's my hint to you.

 

Text exactly as you would speak. Make it a written conversation. Don't think about what you are saying, just talk, but type it.

 

Don't acknowledge your call next time.

 

Just say,"Hey, how's the (thing she told you she is doing this week) going?"

 

Chat about that a bit... then... when it lulls... say, "Hey, what are you doing on Tuesday?"

 

She'll respond about if she's free or not.

 

If she is, "Cool. Want to go on a walk around ****/*****?"

 

She answers yes.

 

You say, "awesome, I'll text you to set up a time on Tuesday. Good luck with the (something else or other she talked to you about in person)."

 

Then you just set up the mechanics of meeting up on Tuesday and go have in person fun with her.

 

**Text what you would say, with an emoji or 2 to show your emotion.**

 

Ahh sort of like free flow writing .... but with some structure. Let your personality shine through ...via the written word rather than spoken..

 

It's an art really ....But it "can" be perfected with enough practice....and patience!

[loveweary11]

Ended up just texting her "Hey, how has your weekend been? Just remembered by work you meant (restaurant)"

 

The last part was in response to the fact she texted me last night saying she couldn't talk on the phone because she was working. I thought it was odd since it was 7pm on a Saturday and she has a M-F job, so I said something like "Sorry you had to work on a day off." I forgot she had a second 1-day-a-week job.

 

*locks self in bomb shelter to hide from shame*

 

 

Pop that ginkgo biloba!!!

 

You can't forget things she tells you about herself.

 

Focus on her and listen. Absorb everything and don't forget stuff like that.

[katiegrl]

OMG... thank you for actually understanding.

 

It was my yoga instructor girl I see that highlighted my weakness on the verbal side.

 

She decided to swear off texting and do phone calls. So... all i did was talk to her on the phone for a while. It was HELL.

 

**I had no idea what to do/say and I've known her and been seeing her on/off for years. **

 

Everything was awkward and forced. I even got in an argument with her, not understanding what she meant once.

 

I stepped back from the argument and thought, "funny, I've never had an argument with her before.." and we have spent many weekends together. I really focused on why... when it dawned on me... I didn't really understand what was going on in the conversation. It was me, not her. I couldn't communicate over the call like we do in person and by text.

 

I told her this and we now text again.

 

^^Quote in asterisk --- now you know you can't write something like that without some further probing.... Lol...

 

On and off for years? Please do tell!

 

Not in this thread ....but inquiring mind...

[loveweary11]

Ahh sort of like free flow writing .... but with some structure. Let your personality shine through ...via the written word rather than spoken..

 

It's an art really ....But it "can" be perfected with enough practice....and patience!

 

Actually, no structure, no plan. Just a normal conversation in written form.

 

I was just trying to help our friend Sunyata ask her out via text more smoothly. There is literally no structure or plan when I'm texting or speaking with someone.

 

It's 100% free form, free flow.

[Sunyata]

Actually, no structure, no plan. Just a normal conversation in written form.

 

I was just trying to help our friend Sunyata ask her out via text more smoothly. There is literally no structure or plan when I'm texting or speaking with someone.

 

It's 100% free form, free flow.

 

You're totally right. I think I get it. That is what girls want period. It shows more about who a man really is, since the stuff just flows out of him and bears a mark of authenticity. I think it's better to let the conversation flow like that, then cram it all into one message worrying she won't respond to the first.

 

She already responded. She seems to be a lady of few words through text.

[Auspecial]

Now I'll usually ask for a number in the first email I send, and then when she gives it to me, I'll shoot one text so she has my number. When she responds, I hit the call button since she has her phone in her hand. Now some guys may say this will make me look needy,over eager,etc..But since I started doing this, it's worked surprisingly well on all fronts - more numbers, more phone calls, and plans that stick.

 

The only problem with this is, many times I am working and have time for a quick text but not a phone conversation, even if its brief I have to focus on business. I've had a few times where I texted and the guy immediately called, and then acted like something was "up" with me because I didn't pick up.

 

It wasn't personal - I was working.

 

When I can pick up, I do. But I don't like being pre-judged and expected to pick up calls when its not a good time.

 

Not long ago made plans to meet a guy to share an app and drink right after my work. He shows up 30 minutes early, I hadn't finished. I texted him to please not call, b/c I was still working, that I would meet him at xyz like we planned. He proceeded to call me four times while I was working, trying to close up so I could meet him.

 

It made me not want to even try things with him. I work for a living and I can't risk business from an over-eager guy. Our date lasted about 20 minutes.

[fitnessfan365]

Another example for you.

 

One email a piece today with this gorgeous woman that shares a lot of the same interests as me. Asked for her number and she replied instantly giving it to me. So I called her right there on the spot. She admitted that she's an introvert and a bit shy. But since the call was unplanned, she didn't have time to psych herself out. So the call flowed and she was pleasantly surprised. She also admitted that she's used to tons of texting and emailing before meeting. But she liked my confidence and energy.

 

Have a date with her on Tues night.

[loveweary11]

You're totally right. I think I get it. That is what girls want period. It shows more about who a man really is, since the stuff just flows out of him and bears a mark of authenticity. I think it's better to let the conversation flow like that, then cram it all into one message worrying she won't respond to the first.

 

She already responded. She seems to be a lady of few words through text.

 

Yeah, you may need to adjust to "quiet" people on text. It's like talking to someone who is shy in person. They respond with one word answers and stuff. I get a little turned off by that because it feels like they aren't very fun.

 

But, maybe they hate texting, so I give them the benefit of the doubt.

 

If you can't get a conversation rolling, just go right for the facts of asking her what she's doing on Tuesday.

[Sunyata]

She said "I'm resting all day today"

 

My negative self says this means: DO NOT TRY TO CALL ME.

 

My realistic self said she's just being honest.

 

My only idea to text back is: "Not hanging out with the family for mother's day?"

[loveweary11]

She said "I'm resting all day today"

 

My negative self says this means: DO NOT TRY TO CALL ME.

 

My realistic self said she's just being honest.

 

My only idea to text back is: "Not hanging out with the family for mother's day?"

 

She works Monday thru Friday and just pulled a night shift at a restaurant. She probably needs a Sunday to herself.

 

I didn't realize the timeline here. Imo, you are over contacting her if you try to start a conversation today.

 

Just say, "ok, cool. Talk to you later. " and get back to her on Monday if trying to see her Tues.

 

And don't be discouraged if she doesn't have much free time, she is pretty busy work wise and still needs to grocery shop, do laundry, look pretty for dates. She may not be available Tuesday, but don't take it to heart. Go at her pace.

[katiegrl]

 

***Actually, no structure, no plan. Just a normal conversation in written form. ***

 

I was just trying to help our friend Sunyata ask her out via text more smoothly. There is literally no structure or plan when I'm texting or speaking with someone.

 

It's 100% free form, free flow.

 

Oh I agree....what I meant by structure was some punctuation.....although I'm not the greatest at that myself ... .I use mostly ellipses (......) to separate my thoughts and people seem to get what I'm saying ...at least I hope so!!!!