I am amazed so many people in 2015 prefer not to talk atleast ONCE on the phone

May 10, 2015

before setting up a face to face meet. What is so hard about quickly breaking the ice for 5 to 10 minutes to confirm you are meeting a member of the opposite sex? Now if you meet in person then I can maybe see texting a little more but even then I would expect to have some phone conversation.

All this texting and texting which keeps people at a distance.

May 10, 2015

I know. It gets on my nerves. I don't understand why people have phone phobia these days. Some people have no problem having an entire conversation that involves 30 texts sent. I remember when talking on the phone was a must back in the 90's-when it came to dating.

May 10, 2015

Now I'll usually ask for a number in the first email I send, and then when she gives it to me, I'll shoot one text so she has my number. When she responds, I hit the call button since she has her phone in her hand. Now some guys may say this will make me look needy,over eager,etc..But since I started doing this, it's worked surprisingly well on all fronts - more numbers, more phone calls, and plans that stick.

May 10, 2015

Completely agree with you.

I just ask for the number and call.

We're going to have to make conversation face to face eventually.

Why not see how a person carries a conversation.

Not to mention all this texting robs us of yet *another* layer of non-verbal queues.

At least over the phone you can read tone of voice, or get an idea how a person puts together their thoughts.

Texting is absolutely bare bones. It's a horrible way to attempt to "get to know" someone.

May 10, 2015

I know. It gets on my nerves. I don't understand why people have phone phobia these days. Some people have no problem having an entire conversation that involves 30 texts sent. I remember when talking on the phone was a must back in the 90's-when it came to dating.

And it's no way I am texting at home because text messaging cannot compete with the

Laptop

Television

May 10, 2015

Now I'll usually ask for a number in the first email I send, and then when she gives it to me, I'll shoot one text so she has my number. When she responds, I hit the call button since she has her phone in her hand. Now some guys may say this will make me look needy,over eager,etc..But since I started doing this, it's worked surprisingly well on all fronts - more numbers, more phone calls, and plans that stick.

Those girls sound desperate

May 10, 2015

It's not just in our heads either; Here, have some science

Sherry Turkle: Connected, but alone? | Talk Video | TED.com

That talk gave me some serious concerns about the way people relate to one another.

Communication is practice, just like any skill. If people continue to add more and more layers around communication, it gets harder to connect.

May 10, 2015

Those girls sound desperate

Furthest thing from it. They just realize that chemistry happens in person and don't want to waste their time emailing endlessly. Believe it or not, women that are serious about meeting in person, don't want to do 8-10 emails a piece, text marathons, and multiple phone calls. They just want to cut to the chase, and respect guys that do.

May 10, 2015

It's not just in our heads either; Here, have some science

Sherry Turkle: Connected, but alone? | Talk Video | TED.com

That talk gave me some serious concerns about the way people relate to one another.

Communication is practice, just like any skill. If people continue to add more and more layers around communication, it gets harder to connect.

Very interesting talk, I really liked:

"if we are not able to be alone, we are always going to be lonely"

May 10, 2015

before setting up a face to face meet. What is so hard about quickly breaking the ice for 5 to 10 minutes to confirm you are meeting a member of the opposite sex? Now if you meet in person then I can maybe see texting a little more but even then I would expect to have some phone conversation.

All this texting and texting which keeps people at a distance.

I never call people for dating or even friends.

I can answer the "why."

There are a couple reasons I only text:

1) Phone calls are too impersonal. I know, not intuitive. Stay with me here. Texts are, by definition, impersonal, but can be cute and filled with emotion. Phone calls have an emotional expectation, but are extremely impersonal and all about blabbering on without seeing the other person's reactions and holding a real conversation. They are slightly better when you already know someone, but with a stranger, it's impossible.

2) Texts are an asynchronous form of communication. Much better than dropping work you are doing or burning food because you took a phone call. Just get back to them as a free moment pops up.

3) I'm a visual and written language type person. My comprehension goes way, way down with just an audio stream of anything. When someone explains something complicated to me, i can't grasp it verbally. I need to see it in picture form or to read it. I need to see someone's face when I'm talking to them. Then, whatever I'm hearing them say sinks in and I remember it. I get feelings during a face to face conversation, while a phone call gives me less feelings than a text. To me, phone calls the least personal way to communicate. Now with emojis, Texting is closer to talking in person than ever, as i can "read people" and get feelings through text.

For these reasons, I text and meet up right away.

No phone calls.

Edited May 10, 2015 by loveweary11

May 10, 2015

I never call people for dating or even friends.

I can answer the "why."

There are a couple reasons I only text:

1) Phone calls are too impersonal. I know, not intuitive. Stay with me here. Texts are, by definition, impersonal, but can be cute and filled with emotion. Phone calls have an emotional expectation, but are extremely impersonal and all about blabbering on without seeing the other person's reactions and holding a real conversation. They are slightly better when you already know someone, but with a stranger, it's impossible.

2) Texts are an asynchronous form of communication. Much better than dropping work you are doing or burning food because you took a phone call. Just get back to them as a free moment pops up.

3) I'm a visual and written language type person. My comprehension goes way, way down with just an audio stream of anything. When someone explains something complicated to me, i can't grasp it verbally. I need to see it in picture form or to read it. I need to see someone's face when I'm talking to them. Then, whatever I'm hearing them say sinks in and I remember it. I get feelings during a face to face conversation, while a phone call gives me less feelings than a text. To me, phone calls the least personal way to communicate. Now with emojis, Texting is closer to talking in person than ever, as i can "read people" and get feelings through text.

For these reasons, I text and meet up right away.

No phone calls.

That's fascinating and similtaneously completely backwards and alien to me. Man human beings are diverse! Thanks for sharing :-)

May 10, 2015

I have found this too. The rise of phone IM apps in my view has made phone phobia more common over the past couple of years.

I would say nine times out of ten, despite getting a number from someone, no phone conversation will actually take place before the face to face meeting. Most of the time if I try calling them, the call will go to voicemail and not be returned, leaving any date to be set up via text. At other times they will specifically ask to talk over Whatapps when giving me their number, effectively ruling out any phone conversation.

The thing is, in my experience, the face to face meets usually go a lot better if you have spoken over the phone before.

May 10, 2015

3) I'm a visual and written language type person. My comprehension goes way, way down with just an audio stream of anything. When someone explains something complicated to me, i can't grasp it verbally. I need to see it in picture form or to read it.

Yip - I can relate to this. Perhaps this is why I dislike phone calls so much.

I'm like this in work too - I have to deal with pretty complex issues and I find it 100x easier to see it written down or drawn diagrammatically rather than spoken.

May 10, 2015

The thing is, in my experience, the face to face meets usually go a lot better if you have spoken over the phone before.

I think you can learn a vast amount from hearing someone talk over the phone.

However some are just not that confident over the phone and texting/voicemail/social media etc. gives them a great excuse to duck speaking over the phone altogether.

May 10, 2015

3) I'm a visual and written language type person. My comprehension goes way, way down with just an audio stream of anything. When someone explains something complicated to me, i can't grasp it verbally. I need to see it in picture form or to read it. I need to see someone's face when I'm talking to them. Then, whatever I'm hearing them say sinks in and I remember it. I get feelings during a face to face conversation, while a phone call gives me less feelings than a text. To me, phone calls the least personal way to communicate. Now with emojis, Texting is closer to talking in person than ever, as i can "read people" and get feelings through text.

For these reasons, I text and meet up right away.

No phone calls.

I'm with you on the text/phone thing, especially the bit I quoted above.

I like words. I like word play. I like interacting with people who can be sharp and witty with words. Sadly, this is a pretty small percentage of the population. Most people, in fact, would probably do better to use the phone more and text less.

May 10, 2015

I never call people for dating or even friends.

I can answer the "why."

There are a couple reasons I only text:

1) Phone calls are too impersonal. I know, not intuitive. Stay with me here. Texts are, by definition, impersonal, but can be cute and filled with emotion. Phone calls have an emotional expectation, but are extremely impersonal and all about blabbering on without seeing the other person's reactions and holding a real conversation. They are slightly better when you already know someone, but with a stranger, it's impossible.

2) Texts are an asynchronous form of communication. Much better than dropping work you are doing or burning food because you took a phone call. Just get back to them as a free moment pops up.

3) I'm a visual and written language type person. My comprehension goes way, way down with just an audio stream of anything. When someone explains something complicated to me, i can't grasp it verbally. I need to see it in picture form or to read it. I need to see someone's face when I'm talking to them. Then, whatever I'm hearing them say sinks in and I remember it. I get feelings during a face to face conversation, while a phone call gives me less feelings than a text. To me, phone calls the least personal way to communicate. Now with emojis, Texting is closer to talking in person than ever, as i can "read people" and get feelings through text.

For these reasons, I text and meet up right away.

No phone calls.

Were you born after 1989?

May 10, 2015

I have found this too. The rise of phone IM apps in my view has made phone phobia more common over the past couple of years.

I would say nine times out of ten, despite getting a number from someone, no phone conversation will actually take place before the face to face meeting. Most of the time if I try calling them, the call will go to voicemail and not be returned, leaving any date to be set up via text. At other times they will specifically ask to talk over Whatapps when giving me their number, effectively ruling out any phone conversation.

The thing is, in my experience, the face to face meets usually go a lot better if you have spoken over the phone before.

Here's what I do. I send one text so she has my number. When she responds, I instantly hit the call button since I know she'll have her phone in her hand. Now there are times when a woman is genuinely scared to talk on the phone and she'll let it go to voice mail. But since I started doing this, I've gotten a woman on the phone 85% of the time. Then if the call goes well, and I make plans, they always stick. Women that prefer to text are more prone to flaking in my experience.

May 10, 2015

Here's what I do. I send one text so she has my number. When she responds, I instantly hit the call button since I know she'll have her phone in her hand. Now there are times when a woman is genuinely scared to talk on the phone and she'll let it go to voice mail. But since I started doing this, I've gotten a woman on the phone 85% of the time. Then if the call goes well, and I make plans, they always stick. Women that prefer to text are more prone to flaking in my experience.

So if you don;t like the sound of her voice you still set up that date huh?

May 10, 2015

Were you born after 1989?

I wish!!!

I'm old AF.

But, I did get my first computer at age 8. Still, through the process of getting and advanced degree in physics and minoring in computer science, it's picturing things and reading them, not hearing someone talk about them, that worked.

I'm probably way more tech exposed than most my age, though. Wrote my first computer programs in BASIC when I was 8, deeply into science, had one of the first CD players, first cell phones, made a rudimentary iPod (mp3 player) back in 99 or so, then bought the Creative Labs Jukebox mp3 player, has a Palm PDA in around 2000 that connected to the internet via 1G phone service, which was astonishing at the time... internet in your pocket, played Doom and Carmageddon after work on the LAN with my employees, made a dedicated company wide MP3 server for my business as well., Was excitedly waiting in my lab when the Mosaic browser replaced gopher and other text based internet browsing, birthing the world wide web with pics.

So,.. lots of tech.

I can jump on the phone and do office speak or sales. But personal interactions feel too removed over audio alone. I need to see the other person to know what emotions they are feeling as we speak. Apparently, tone of voice only conveys like 4 emotions to me, not all the millions of little things you need to absorb having a conversation with a chick.

I'll add for you PUA type guys who plan it all out, I've literally never been rejected at the point of taking it text to meetup.

Edited May 10, 2015 by loveweary11

May 10, 2015

I went on 2 dates with a girl and am having a LOT of trouble calling her to set up the next date, rather than just texting. Mostly because of inexperience though.

May 10, 2015

I wish!!!

I'm old AF.

But, I did get my first computer at age 8. Still, through the process of getting and advanced degree in physics and minoring in computer science, it's picturing things and reading them, not hearing someone talk about them, that worked.

I'm probably way more tech exposed than most my age, though. Wrote my first computer programs in BASIC when I was 8, deeply into science, had one of the first CD players, first cell phones, made a rudimentary iPod (mp3 player) back in 99 or so, then bought the Creative Labs Jukebox mp3 player, has a Palm PDA in around 2000 that connected to the internet via 1G phone service, which was astonishing at the time... internet in your pocket, played Doom and Carmageddon after work on the LAN with my employees, made a dedicated company wide MP3 server for my business as well., Was excitedly waiting in my lab when the Mosaic browser replaced gopher and other text based internet browsing, birthing the world wide web with pics.

So,.. lots of tech.

I can jump on the phone and do office speak or sales. But personal interactions feel too removed over audio alone. I need to see the other person to know what emotions they are feeling as we speak. Apparently, tone of voice only conveys like 4 emotions to me, not all the millions of little things you need to absorb having a conversation with a chick.

I'll add for you PUA type guys who plan it all out, I've literally never been rejected at the point of taking it text to meetup.

^^Wow that was quite a post LW ....I am sufficiently impressed!

I think the way you are is true for most science nerds (and I mean nerd in the kindest sense ) you are more a visual person (as opposed to audio) ...operating from your left brain (logical, detail oriented, interprets and responds to words and language, mathematical and scientific, strategic, practical).

I am more audio oriented myself..total right brained, although I do have a degree in nursing, so enjoy science ....nothing close to what you do though...yikes!

I am sure you do quite well with the ladies ... no doubt!

May 10, 2015

I don't like talking on the phone with strangers. When I used to online date guys often wanted to call me, but I told them honestly that I am not comfortable having a phone conversation with someone I've never met. I usually also don't give someone my number before the first meeting, but prefer to converse via the dating website.

After I've met someone I am happy to talk on the phone, but for some reason it makes me uncomfortable before we met in person. It is like it drives home the 'fakeness' of online dating to me. Like you are trying to pretend to have a connection with someone you've never met. While if it is in written form it does not seem so obvious to me.

Just my 2 cents.

May 10, 2015

Absolutely phone....his tone and cadence, sarcasm and banter. It is important to me to get a "vibe" of him, his demeanor and our conversational chemistry.

I was a grown up before texting came around so I'm not sure how you kids do it. I think it's really each to their own but both people would have to be comfortable with the method or it could cause some glitches.

May 10, 2015

I'm indifferent about calling vs text. Whatever works for me. I guess I slightly like texting more.

May 10, 2015

I wish!!!

I'm old AF.

But, I did get my first computer at age 8. Still, through the process of getting and advanced degree in physics and minoring in computer science, it's picturing things and reading them, not hearing someone talk about them, that worked.

I'm probably way more tech exposed than most my age, though. Wrote my first computer programs in BASIC when I was 8, deeply into science, had one of the first CD players, first cell phones, made a rudimentary iPod (mp3 player) back in 99 or so, then bought the Creative Labs Jukebox mp3 player, has a Palm PDA in around 2000 that connected to the internet via 1G phone service, which was astonishing at the time... internet in your pocket, played Doom and Carmageddon after work on the LAN with my employees, made a dedicated company wide MP3 server for my business as well., Was excitedly waiting in my lab when the Mosaic browser replaced gopher and other text based internet browsing, birthing the world wide web with pics.

So,.. lots of tech.

I can jump on the phone and do office speak or sales. But personal interactions feel too removed over audio alone. I need to see the other person to know what emotions they are feeling as we speak. Apparently, tone of voice only conveys like 4 emotions to me, not all the millions of little things you need to absorb having a conversation with a chick.

I'll add for you PUA type guys who plan it all out, I've literally never been rejected at the point of taking it text to meetup.

This is me to a "T" and I'm old AF too. LOL

I hate talking on the phone. I'm a writer, a self proclaimed geek, sci-fi nerd, info systems major and have NO issue never speaking on the phone before meeting. To this day my BF and I have spoken on the phone about 3-4 times and that makes me happy.

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I am amazed so many people in 2015 prefer not to talk atleast ONCE on the phone

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