neowulf Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Lots of good advice here. 1. Don't be a text/email buddy. 2. Talk on the phone before you meet. 3. Don't wait more than 2-3 exchanged emails before you meet. ^This... so much this. We should create a "Tips for online dating" sticky and put this at the top of it.
Antares Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 That's the thing thing though. It isn't the girl that's interesting. It's her texting style. Anyone can type words on a screen in a fun playful confident manner. But not everyone can act the same way in person. Some women have gotten so used to texting, that they forget how to have an actual face to face conversation. I've found that by avoiding texting as much as possible, you get to know the person for who they are on the date. That is where the start of a connection and chemistry develops. Getting excited about text and then it falling flat in person is like the equivalent of a gift having flashy wrapping paper and opening it up to find a pair of used socks. But seriously though, I'm sure people here have made the mistake of doing too much texting, and the person winds up being vastly different in person right? I actually agree with everything you say. The texting is just a screening process... there are a lot of people out there that might be shady. If they can at least hold a text convo, seem a bit interesting, then it makes meeting them more interesting. I normally go for very light, minimal texting just to make sure they are indeed a human girl that I want to meet. And oddly enough, I just experienced the effect of too much texting. The girl was really chatty, way funny, smart and the conversation just flowed. We were flirting and bust each other during our work day, in anticipation of our Friday night date. Friday night comes around, the date seems great. Same teasing, laughing, conversation. She was saying how cute I was, etc. Got into her dreams and work, family, etc. Walked her to her car, we kissed some...and that was it. She texted me the next day saying she didn't feel anything. Which was a bummer.
guest569 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I'm sure people here have made the mistake of doing too much texting, and the person winds up being vastly different in person right? I haven't made this mistake but I can say that my expectations have made me disappointed at times because they were different to what I expected. This has only happened a few times, most of the time they are exactly what I expected. It just makes me put more emphasis on the first date rather than pre-date evaluations.
neowulf Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I haven't made this mistake but I can say that my expectations have made me disappointed at times because they were different to what I expected. This has only happened a few times, most of the time they are exactly what I expected. It just makes me put more emphasis on the first date rather than pre-date evaluations. That's something I stress to people up front. Everything before the first meeting means squat. Great emails? Funny phone conversation? Nope, just more screening techniques. The only thing that matters is how the face to face meeting goes, along with the physical chemistry it may trigger. The sooner you get into proximity, the faster you can both figure out if there's anything there worth pursuing. 3
smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 See, sorry. I can't wrap my head around this. It's a phone call. How is it any different to wondering up to a girl and striking up a conversation in person? I always call a girl first, simply because I want to know she can string a sentence together. The style of communication can tell you a lot about a woman. A had one woman call me when she'd clearly been drinking, told me to "chill the ****k* out" because I was speaking a little quickly and drop a couple of C bombs during the conversation. That was all I needed to decide I didn't want to go on a date with her. Needless to say, I doubt I would have picked any of that up through email of texting. Phonecalls force people to think on their feet. They're more likely to slip and let you see how they really are, behind what they're trying to be. Well if I found how someone really is over the phone then I don't meet them. lol Isn't that the purpose of the phone conversation?
neowulf Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Well if I found how someone really is over the phone then I don't meet them. lol Isn't that the purpose of the phone conversation? You kind of suggested that there might be something wrong with these woman for being willing to give out their numbers / have a phone conversation early on. I wanted to argue that skipping quickly from email to phone to dating is the best bet. When a woman offers quickly, I know she's not interested in wasting time either. Best we just get to the meeting quickly so we can make up our minds.
smg15 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 You kind of suggested that there might be something wrong with these woman for being willing to give out their numbers / have a phone conversation early on. I wanted to argue that skipping quickly from email to phone to dating is the best bet. When a woman offers quickly, I know she's not interested in wasting time either. Best we just get to the meeting quickly so we can make up our minds. All depends on the schedule, a person may not be free to meet this week. If I start talking to someone for the first time tonight, due to their job and schedule they may not be able to meet until friday So just because you are ready doesn't mean the other person is able
neowulf Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 All depends on the schedule, a person may not be free to meet this week. If I start talking to someone for the first time tonight, due to their job and schedule they may not be able to meet until friday So just because you are ready doesn't mean the other person is able True, but if they're too busy to have a 15-20 minute phone conversation with me so we can tee up plans... well, I can't say they're overly committed to the dating process. The expression "Making room" in your life for dating applies here. Everyone's busy. Everyone's got stuff they need to get done. In any case, I guess everyone has different approaches and styles. I've never had a problem organising a time for a chat on the phone.
smg15 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 True, but if they're too busy to have a 15-20 minute phone conversation with me so we can tee up plans... well, I can't say they're overly committed to the dating process. The expression "Making room" in your life for dating applies here. Everyone's busy. Everyone's got stuff they need to get done. In any case, I guess everyone has different approaches and styles. I've never had a problem organising a time for a chat on the phone. A chat on the phone yes, I thought you mean you wanted the girl to fit you into her schedule and you just started talking
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