joseb Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 So a couple of weeks ago I decided to resurrect my barely ever used OKC profile. I've been a bit un-enthusastic about the whole thing to be honest. The last few days I've made more of an effort to 'like' people and send a few messages. I know everyone is different, and there are no hard and fast rules, but my question is: typically, how many messages would you send back and forth before you suggest meeting up? Also, how much information exchange do people expect before they are comfortable meeting up? I'd rather not learn someones life story but I guess some sense of who they are (and who you are for them) is needed. I know a lot of people suggest swapping phone numbers first, but if there is anything I hate more than OLD messaging/texting is phone calls! I much much prefer to meet people in person. Thanks.
smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 So a couple of weeks ago I decided to resurrect my barely ever used OKC profile. I've been a bit un-enthusastic about the whole thing to be honest. The last few days I've made more of an effort to 'like' people and send a few messages. I know everyone is different, and there are no hard and fast rules, but my question is: typically, how many messages would you send back and forth before you suggest meeting up? Also, how much information exchange do people expect before they are comfortable meeting up? I'd rather not learn someones life story but I guess some sense of who they are (and who you are for them) is needed. I know a lot of people suggest swapping phone numbers first, but if there is anything I hate more than OLD messaging/texting is phone calls! I much much prefer to meet people in person. Thanks. 1. 8 to 10 messages online 2. exchange phone numbers 3. Talk on the phone twice 4. Meet face to face I need to confirm I am talking to the person in the profile and not a man.
smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 So a couple of weeks ago I decided to resurrect my barely ever used OKC profile. I've been a bit un-enthusastic about the whole thing to be honest. The last few days I've made more of an effort to 'like' people and send a few messages. I know everyone is different, and there are no hard and fast rules, but my question is: typically, how many messages would you send back and forth before you suggest meeting up? Also, how much information exchange do people expect before they are comfortable meeting up? I'd rather not learn someones life story but I guess some sense of who they are (and who you are for them) is needed. I know a lot of people suggest swapping phone numbers first, but if there is anything I hate more than OLD messaging/texting is phone calls! I much much prefer to meet people in person. Thanks. So you don't want to break the ice for 5 to 10 minutes on the phone? Why is that so hard?
Author joseb Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 So you don't want to break the ice for 5 to 10 minutes on the phone? Why is that so hard? Honestly, I have no idea. I have had an aversion to telephone conversations for as long as I can remember! It's probably something from my childhood. But to this day I avoid phone calls as much as possible. I tried to overcome it once by taking a short term job where I had to make phone calls (telemarketing type of thing), but it didn't help at all. Usually when I talk with people on the phone before we we meet up they are like "oh I though something was up, you sounded down on the phone"!
smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Honestly, I have no idea. I have had an aversion to telephone conversations for as long as I can remember! It's probably something from my childhood. But to this day I avoid phone calls as much as possible. I tried to overcome it once by taking a short term job where I had to make phone calls (telemarketing type of thing), but it didn't help at all. Usually when I talk with people on the phone before we we meet up they are like "oh I though something was up, you sounded down on the phone"! Well I am from the telephone dating generation so I am used to talking on the phone
fitnessfan365 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 The longer I've done OLD, the less patience I have. I used to exchange five a piece, then three, etc.. However, now most of the time I will ask for the number in the first email I send. The ironic thing is that I've actually gotten more numbers/dates since I started doing this. When she replies with the number, I get her on the phone that same day. If I like the call, I make plans to meet.
smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 The longer I've done OLD, the less patience I have. I used to exchange five a piece, then three, etc.. However, now most of the time I will ask for the number in the first email I send. The ironic thing is that I've actually gotten more numbers/dates since I started doing this. When she replies with the number, I get her on the phone that same day. If I like the call, I make plans to meet. Well those girls sound "thirsty" to be giving out their number after a guy askes for it in the first email
Author joseb Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Well I am from the telephone dating generation so I am used to talking on the phone I'm 44 so it's not that I'm some gen y texter. I just prefer talking to people in person. I just don't enjoy speaking on the phone. You lose so much non verbal communication. Especially if you have never met the person.
Author joseb Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 I need to confirm I am talking to the person in the profile and not a man. Have you every had this happen? I guess an online profile could be anyone, but I would imagine this is rare.
smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Have you every had this happen? I guess an online profile could be anyone, but I would imagine this is rare. No and I want to prevent it from happening. lol Plus it's been times when I called someone and I didn't like the sound of their so I ended the call
Author joseb Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Curious to hear from some of the females out there. How long after messaging someone on OLD would you be happy exchanging details to meet up/call. Would you be uncomfortable meeting someone without having a phone convo first?
guest569 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I've never had a phone conversation before meeting someone. I've met probably about 15 men. Just a few decent messages maybe 5-10 messages and really get a feel for who they are and whether I want to date them. I think a week or two is good. Sooner than that is a bit pushy and keen in my view. I prefer to date on weekends. But after 2 weeks if we haven't met i would probably lose interest.
FortunateSon Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I try to meet them as possible, I usually ask them to meet after 2-3 messages, exchange phone numbers, then text 2-3 times to set up a date, etc. I've found too much communication before meeting can build them up to be someone they are not, so I try to keep pre-first date communication to a minimum.
Gary S Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Two days of messages. Most today want to talk on the phone first. One call, and if it goes well, ask for the date at the end of the call.
normal person Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I think it'll vary greatly depending on your age and location. My eyes bulged when I read that the above poster did 8-10 messages plus 2 phone conversations. I wouldn't have the patience for this. You don't really know if you're going to like someone unless you meet them in person (or at least Skype or something where you can actually see them). I do 2-3 messages online and 1-2 texts, it's never been a problem. When I was still learning the basics I found a lot of times girls would just volunteer their number if you took too long to ask them for it. 1
katiegrl Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 (edited) When I did OLD, I never met a man without talking on phone first. One reason was I needed to hear his voice; for ME, I can sense a lot about a person (a man) by how he speaks. The sound of his voice is important to me. How he articulates himself, how he interacts with me beyond texting and emailing. Second reason was, I have discovered that *some* men (people), can have two very distinct personalities -- their "e-mail/texting" personality ... and their "real life" personality. I recall one man whom I initially thought (via e-mailing with him) was one of the most engaging, gregarious, outgoing, self-confident men I had ever chatted with. Again, it was all via email but he really drew me in. We finally met (no phone call first) and BOY was I ever wrong about him! In person, in real life, he was a completely different person with an entirerly DIFFERENT personality! Lol, I recall thinking while out with him, "can we just go back to emailing please? You were so much more engaging, personable and fun via email"! Hard to believe the same person could be so different but I guess some people who have a gift for writing/texting/emailing can really fool you... If I ever do OLD again, I would want to exchange a couple of texts, one phone call, and if we clicked, meet.. OR another alternative for me would be, after one introductory text, just meeting for a quick 10 minute coffee or something...obviously in a public place. With NO texting or phone call beforehand. Just throwing caution to the wind and meeting cold.....to gauge chemistry and personality IN PERSON. It's more REAL, not to mention saves time and energy texting/talking to someone only to find when you meet in person, there is no chemistry anyway. Edited May 10, 2015 by katiegrl 2
fitnessfan365 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 (edited) The best advice I can give is don't be a texting buddy. Got a number today. I said I'd call, she says she prefers text. Normally, this would automatically disqualify her. But she is a nurse and they have busy schedules. So I left it slide. Shot her a text and she responded. Then my next response was "When are you free this next week?" She responds with a laundry list of stuff she's doing this week to get ready for her vacation next weekend. So this week is out. Also, people usually take at least a week for vacation, so I am assuming it would be at least two weeks until we'd meet. Now some guys would probably start texting with her off and on to "get to know her" in the mean time. But all this does is make a woman's attraction level go down. Plus, texting a stranger you haven't met yet is a waste of time. My response - "No worries busy girl. ;-) Drop me a line when your schedule is more definite and we'll plan something then." She enthusiastically said she would. I give it a 10-20% chance of hearing back. But that's better than investing two weeks in a stranger who probably won't want to meet anyways. That's why you have to walk away from women that can potentially waste your time. Edited May 10, 2015 by fitnessfan365 2
lemoncello Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Lots of good advice here. 1. Don't be a text/email buddy. 2. Talk on the phone before you meet. 3. Don't wait more than 2-3 exchanged emails before you meet. 1
lovexocoach Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Depends on what makes you feel comfortable. Everyone has their own preference for how many emails, etc. Sequence is usually email, phone, meet. Just don't let it drag out or you'll have a chat buddy and/or be afraid to meet - especially if you've ventured into "sexual" things. Meeting is the ultimate test to see if there's any connection and chemistry so the sooner you meet the less time you waste.
Gottabestrong Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 typically, how many messages would you send back and forth before you suggest meeting up? Also, how much information exchange do people expect before they are comfortable meeting up? I'd rather not learn someones life story but I guess some sense of who they are (and who you are for them) is needed. Thanks. About three messages. Not too much information, just some basic things about interests, familial status (single, divorced, children, etc.) but mostly light-hearted banter like I would expect if I met them offline somewhere and had a 30 or 60 minute conversation with them. I definitely would not divulge my lifestory to them at such a time, but would try to find out if we have any connection.
Antares Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 1-2 messages before I ask for a number. I never ask to meet up within the site. I always ask for the number first, and then ask to meet up while texting them. I feel it's more...friendly. And since they've already given me their number, I know their interest is high and the likelihood of them actually showing up is greater. Basically, I send them a message on the site. If they respond, I respond back to them, keep the convo going, and then at the bottom, ask if they want to trade numbers - saying it'll be easier to chat that way. Which I feel is true. You can't have a real conversation in email form. 9/10 times the girls responds with her number. I text her shortly after, have a text conversation, mostly to make sure the person isn't really crazy, is who she advertises and... is really interesting and someone I want to meet. Try to set up a date within a week. Some of the girls, if they're chatty and really interesting, I text a a lot more. Build up a connection, etc.
guest569 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I don't know, some of this just seems over the top. I just go ahead and meet the person in a public place, that tells me all I need. No stuffing around with texts and calls, we've met on the website and organised a time and date. Done.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 1-2 messages before I ask for a number. I never ask to meet up within the site. I always ask for the number first, and then ask to meet up while texting them. I feel it's more...friendly. And since they've already given me their number, I know their interest is high and the likelihood of them actually showing up is greater. Basically, I send them a message on the site. If they respond, I respond back to them, keep the convo going, and then at the bottom, ask if they want to trade numbers - saying it'll be easier to chat that way. Which I feel is true. You can't have a real conversation in email form. 9/10 times the girls responds with her number. I text her shortly after, have a text conversation, mostly to make sure the person isn't really crazy, is who she advertises and... is really interesting and someone I want to meet. Try to set up a date within a week. Some of the girls, if they're chatty and really interesting, I text a a lot more. Build up a connection, etc. That's the thing thing though. It isn't the girl that's interesting. It's her texting style. Anyone can type words on a screen in a fun playful confident manner. But not everyone can act the same way in person. Some women have gotten so used to texting, that they forget how to have an actual face to face conversation. I've found that by avoiding texting as much as possible, you get to know the person for who they are on the date. That is where the start of a connection and chemistry develops. Getting excited about text and then it falling flat in person is like the equivalent of a gift having flashy wrapping paper and opening it up to find a pair of used socks. But seriously though, I'm sure people here have made the mistake of doing too much texting, and the person winds up being vastly different in person right?
neowulf Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Well those girls sound "thirsty" to be giving out their number after a guy askes for it in the first email See, sorry. I can't wrap my head around this. It's a phone call. How is it any different to wondering up to a girl and striking up a conversation in person? I always call a girl first, simply because I want to know she can string a sentence together. The style of communication can tell you a lot about a woman. A had one woman call me when she'd clearly been drinking, told me to "chill the ****k* out" because I was speaking a little quickly and drop a couple of C bombs during the conversation. That was all I needed to decide I didn't want to go on a date with her. Needless to say, I doubt I would have picked any of that up through email of texting. Phonecalls force people to think on their feet. They're more likely to slip and let you see how they really are, behind what they're trying to be. 1
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