lovelies25 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I had a mutual “like” on Okcupid with this guy that looked great (just my type physically, similar backgrounds, a lot of common interests), so instead of waiting around I decided to be proactive and message him. I assumed it was relatively safe, since he had already liked me. He’s been responding to my messages (only about 4 messages on each side so far) but he hasn’t been making much of an effort to keep the conversation flowing – he doesn’t really ask follow up questions or ask about me, and I’ve tried to keep the conversation light/friendly but he responds in kind of a bland way. I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt and meet him in person, because I know “chat” chemistry is very different from in person chemistry, but I don’t want to be the one to ask him out (call me old fashioned, but I’d like to be asked out and not do all of the chasing). But I’m not sure what to make of it so if anyone could weigh in on any of these questions it would be super helpful! 1. If a girl sends the first message, would the guy expect her to also be the one to suggest meeting up? 2. Do guys typically continue to respond to messages if they’re not interested? 3. If a guy (who liked my profile) isn’t really asking any follow up questions or being flirtatious at all, is it likely he’s just not interested? 4. Any tips on what to do now? Stop pursuing the conversation? Tell him I’d be down to get coffee sometime if he wants? Thank you!!
SJC2008 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 There's no "strategic" plan for this. It's OLD, it happens all the time.
Gaeta Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 1. If a girl sends the first message, would the guy expect her to also be the one to suggest meeting up? 2. Do guys typically continue to respond to messages if they’re not interested? 3. If a guy (who liked my profile) isn’t really asking any follow up questions or being flirtatious at all, is it likely he’s just not interested? 4. Any tips on what to do now? Stop pursuing the conversation? Tell him I’d be down to get coffee sometime if he wants? Thank you!! 1: No, has nothing to do with who contacts who first. 36% of successful online relationship were initiated by women so don't hesitate to contact them, if they don't reply no big deal. 2. Often they reply out of boredom or semi-interest just in case it may lead to a hook up. 3. It's in men's nature to chase, even the shy ones are wired that way, if a man is not following up with you he's not interested. 4. Stop writing to him. If he's interested he'll get back to you. If you wish to invite him to meet over a coffee then do so. There is no rule. But if you do invite him don't say 'sometimes'. Make a real invitation. Would you like to meet? if he says yes then set a time and place right away. NO sometimes!
carhill Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Respecting that young men are individuals and were socialized differently than those of my generation, here's my .02.... 1. If a girl sends the first message, would the guy expect her to also be the one to suggest meeting up?No, and I had this happen occasionally when OLD started 20 or so years ago. I always, without fail or exception, asked the ladies to our first real life meeting, regardless of who contacted who online. Men asking women on dates was customary, and still is, in my generation. 2. Do guys typically continue to respond to messages if they’re not interested?IME, I generally loathed electronic communication so definitely stopped pounding the keyboard if not interested in continuing association. If wishing to continue or grow, keyboard stuff was generally brief and focused on more real life interaction. I would say the most keyboard stuff occurred when international dating due to logistics and downtime between in-country visits. 3. If a guy (who liked my profile) isn’t really asking any follow up questions or being flirtatious at all, is it likely he’s just not interested?IME, likely not interested. However, I will admit I was pretty lousy at online flirting so probably did that less than what would be expected so that could've been perceived as low interest. However, being interested was always there. In essence, if I found the woman attractive enough to contact, and continue with after meeting, the interest (questions) would continue as well. 4. Any tips on what to do now? Stop pursuing the conversation? Tell him I’d be down to get coffee sometime if he wants? Thank you!!If asking men to coffee is your dating style, do that. If not, don't. Dating is ostensibly getting to know other humans for the purposes of romantic interaction and sexual reproduction and bonding. IMO, in order to succeed long-term, one must respect their authentic romantic and sexual styles. If this guy isn't fitting properly and in a pleasing way with your style, that's OK. Billions more out there. I can understand, and did experience, quandary with this issue if/when there are a dearth of opportunities available but, still, feel it's healthy to respect one's style and be alone than bend oneself into a pretzel to have a modicum of companionship.
Bobbi7 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Well, if he's not asking you any questions or keeping the conversation flowing, he is probably doing it out of boredom/or just wanting a pen-pal. If he doesn't say anything about meeting up-he is just wasting your time. Sure, he might of liked your profile, but I don't know most likely they just want to play around. I've had plenty of these on okcupid. They exchange like 30 messages without a hint of wanting to talk on the phone or meeting up. And as a woman, I hate doing all the "work." I'm not suppose to take the lead.
smg15 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I had a mutual “like” on Okcupid with this guy that looked great (just my type physically, similar backgrounds, a lot of common interests), so instead of waiting around I decided to be proactive and message him. I assumed it was relatively safe, since he had already liked me. He’s been responding to my messages (only about 4 messages on each side so far) but he hasn’t been making much of an effort to keep the conversation flowing – he doesn’t really ask follow up questions or ask about me, and I’ve tried to keep the conversation light/friendly but he responds in kind of a bland way. I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt and meet him in person, because I know “chat” chemistry is very different from in person chemistry, but I don’t want to be the one to ask him out (call me old fashioned, but I’d like to be asked out and not do all of the chasing). But I’m not sure what to make of it so if anyone could weigh in on any of these questions it would be super helpful! 1. If a girl sends the first message, would the guy expect her to also be the one to suggest meeting up? 2. Do guys typically continue to respond to messages if they’re not interested? 3. If a guy (who liked my profile) isn’t really asking any follow up questions or being flirtatious at all, is it likely he’s just not interested? 4. Any tips on what to do now? Stop pursuing the conversation? Tell him I’d be down to get coffee sometime if he wants? Thank you!! No, if i get a message from someone unattractive I delete the message and move on.
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