MLP11 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I am thoroughly confused. I had just gotten back from a vacation with her and we had what I thought was a great time. She calls me the next day and begins a normal convo. Eventually she tells me that she doesn't feel that click and we shouldn't talk anymore and just be friends. She really wanted it to work but just couldn't. I was awe struck. She exhibited no signs of pulling away or being distant and when I saw her and her friends out I asked what had happened and no one was sure of the reasoning behind it. I literally have no idea / closure of what happened. I know I will probably never get it but how should I proceed from here
jen1447 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Well she did have the decency to talk and give you an explanation, which is more than a lot of ppl get. So you're actually a bit ahead of the game as far as closure goes. If I were you, I'd take her at her word as far as being friends goes and call her for a friend chat once in a while. (Not a rekindle the romance chat.) If she doesn't answer a few times, you can take that for the lie it is and assume the friend offer was phony. If you don't want her offer of friendship tho and/or you think it'd be too much of a strain on you, I'd call her and tell her that too - you appreciate her offer but you don't feel it'd be the best thing, all things considered. Then let her go. Sorry it didn't work but it happens to everyone sooner or later.
Author MLP11 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Hello Jen, Thanks for your reply! I don't think at this time I could really be friends with her as it's way too big of an emotional strain on me. I just don't understand if she had these feelings she would have me take vacations with her. I completely get not being compatible with people but it really sucks spending all this money for no reason if she was really having her doubts. It just seems completely counter-intuitive for how she was acting as I wasn't the one making all the plans / trying to see her all the time. Oh well, just a really ****ty feeling
towch Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 haha, same thing, SAME THING happened to me last night. She was the one being forward calling me honey, babe. Telling me that i made her really happen and all that good stuff. Come yesterday, she came over and was suppose to sleepover. But she spent the entire time sitting in one spot and watching TV and texting. I tried being interactive but to no avail. She got a phone call and said she had to leave lol, i had this gut feeling that that call was staged and i was right. So she leaves and sends me a text telling me that she wasn't feeling it with me. That i am a nice person and talking to me is sweet but face to face she doesn't feel attached. I am glad she told me even though i was a little annoyed because i cancelled my soccer game just to spend time with her. But i appreciated the honesty. I only knew her for about 2 weeks and had seen her 4 times so there wasn't really any blow. I could actually thank her for helping me get over my Ex. She told you how she felt, beats her staying and messing with other guys any day.
Author MLP11 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 I am sorry to hear that man! 2 weeks isn't too bad at all luckily! I was with her for 3-4 months and she just now told me how she felt which was very...weird. I completely agree I would rather find out now. Just wish it would of been before I traveled to other cities to be with her. I thought everything was literally going great too. I spoke with her friends at the bar and one of them told me she has done this before and described her as being weird. I have become good friends with all of her friends and none of them really quite know what happened. Oh well. Live and learn I guess. Just hurts to invest feelings into someone
jen1447 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I'd never trust her friends to give you the straight scoop. Their first objective is always going to be to cover for her. That's especially true with women. Otherwise, women can change their minds and hearts really quickly, yeah. No point trying to analyze it, it just happens. I still say you're ahead of the game having gotten some sort of explanation from her - and it actually sounds like a plausible one. Not feeling a "click" is totally legit. She could have given you the sudden change in busy-ness excuse or the unavailability due to hairwashing routine, but she didn't.
lolablue17 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Maybe she felt like that sometime before your vacation, and she decided to treat your trip as a test for her feelings towards you. She wasn't faking, but more like made efforts and played her part, but it didn't work for her. That explains her timing. 1
aloneinaz Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Maybe she felt like that sometime before your vacation, and she decided to treat your trip as a test for her feelings towards you. She wasn't faking, but more like made efforts and played her part, but it didn't work for her. That explains her timing. I think this is on point. The vacation was her last effort to see if she could feel a true connection to you. When it didn't work for her, she ended it. The timing is also about perfect in the honeymoon phase was coming to an end. The newness, excitement was wearing off and that spelt doom for the relationship. Lots of relationships run into the 3-6 month time frame and then fizzle.. Very common.
FortunateSon Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Probably not much you could have done, OP. I had this happen to me recently, dated for a couple months, I genuinely thought it was going well. I was a bit baffled, but she was nice enough to talk about it. She told me that we were different people and that as much as she wanted it and tried, she said it just didn't feel like it should for her. I took her explanation at face value and appreciated the fact she was up front about it. She did make an effort during the relationship so I can't fault her for that. You best option is to cut all contact and move on.
Author MLP11 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Thanks all for your input, I truly do appreciate it. Not at all the answer I was looking for but you really can't make someone feel a certain way towards you unfortunately. Hard pill to swallow It may sound childish but I have since removed her from all social media accounts to resist the temptation to see her page / what she is up to. Seeing her out at the bar was already difficult enough and having her friends all come up to me and talk to me wasn't exactly enjoyable either. Have a good night!
Erik30 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Something similar happened to me last year. I was dating a girl for a couple of months until she suddenly ended it. It really seemed to be coming out of nowhere, because I thought everything was going great. The last time I saw her we had some drinks, and were planning to go to a festival. While we were discussing some of the details over text a couple of days later, she suddenly said "oh yeah, by the way I have to tell you something... we can only go to the festival as friends." I was stunned because just three days before that she was all over me. We obviously didn't end up going. The only "clues" I had were that she took longer than usual to respond to my texts, and ignored one of them. This only started to happen a few days before she ended it, so I didn't think anything of it at that time. It turned out she was also dating some other guy at the same time, and picked him over me. It did take me a couple of months to get over it because it sucked knowing she was out there having fun with someone else, and I didn't see it coming at all. Their relationship didn't even last a month, but that doesn't really matter. So maybe there's another guy in her life.
joseb Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 It may sound childish but I have since removed her from all social media accounts to resist the temptation to see her page / what she is up to. Seeing her out at the bar was already difficult enough and having her friends all come up to me and talk to me wasn't exactly enjoyable either. Have a good night! Not childish at all. It's actually very sensible to do that. I agree with lolablue17. The same thing happened to me, only I was the Dumper. I was feeling doubts about the relationship before the holiday, and the holiday clarified in my head that I didnt want to be with her anymore. So shortly after the holiday, I broke up.
SoThatHappened Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Otherwise, women can change their minds and hearts really quickly, yeah. No point trying to analyze it, it just happens. Yep. The absolute sudden change of heart is hard for anyone to deal with. I had a girl who I was seeing for just a couple weeks jump ship less than 24 hours after being all over me. Why? No effing clue. A switch in her head went from "I want to jump your bones" to "there's no spark." Literally in less than 24 hours. Trying to figure it out is alright for a while, but sooner than later you need to just let it go like a rock in curling... Done with the ex and on to the next.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Throw-away dating!! You're great... until someone greater comes along. I blame social media!!
Author MLP11 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 She told me she wasn't seeing anyone else and I do truly believe her. She traveled for her job and when I didn't visit her in other cities we saw each other most of the time she was home. I have to take her for her word and move on...it's hard to do though. Especially when your friends become intertwined. I took everything slow to make sure anything like this didn't happened. Hurts to know she "pretended" to feel something or whatever by acting very intimate with me and how she interacted with me. Time to move on I do suppose and find some new hobbies and possibly friends and grow as an individual. Would you all recommend casual dating to help me move on? I have met some other girls this past weekend who seem nice, but I am definitely not ready to seriously date again. I wasn't sure if casual drinks might be a beneficial way to help move on? Thanks all for the support. And I swore I would never be the one posting on here
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I don't think anyone's ex has ever said "I'm breaking up with you and YES, I'm already thinking about / talking to / banging someone else..." Casual dating is OK. It can be helpful for some people in some situations. Really depends on you and what you want and can handle right now...
Author MLP11 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 she told me we were exclusive when we were dating. At this point though it doesn't really matter if she was or wasn't though. I can definitely compartmentalize my feelings and not talk about a recent breakup at drinks. I am most definitely not emotionally available for another girl however to date. Would be almost essentially a self-esteem booster for me to see other girls I guess?
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Some people casually date right after a BU, and some don't. I didn't. My ex did Be careful not to hurt someone else meeting your own needs...
Author MLP11 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Very true...I did that after my last relationship. I took a few different girls out on different dates and talked for around 2-4 weeks only to leave them in the dust. They weren't bad girls by any means but I was emotionally available to even consider dating them. I think I was probably using them as an emotional crutch which isn't the best thing to do to another person.
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