LostOne1 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 So I met this girl online. We went out for coffee... I thought we hit it off. She never thanked me for coffee till she got home later and texted me saying "thanks for coffee". So, then we arrange to meet a week later. I noticed something odd a day before our date. As we were deciding on where we would go, we thought dinner would be good. I noticed she stopped laughing at my jokes through text. She kept it more simple and straight forward. We then meet up... no hug. We sit down and have a chat and it was terrible. We both didn't say too much besides how our week went. She was looking at her phone, saying she had a family get together later that's why she was looking at the phone. At times our eyes were drifting away to the side. It got bad to a point where I was like F this... it's already gone down hill let's just make the most of it. So I searched up questions on google... LOL She laughed a lot about it, but it DID get us engaged in convo. The questions were good. If anything, I learned I need to remember these questions rather than pulling out a phone with them. But it got us talking! I also noticed she kept looking for the waitress. Which for me was a bad sign... it meant she wanted out. At some point I looked at her and asked.. tired or bored. She said both... at least she was honest! At the end the bill came. She never once asked to pay part of it. She also did not say thank you at all... and no text from her either. The least you can do is if it wasn't up to your standards is thank the person for at least paying. I think what upset me the most was this girl had the exact qualities I want in a woman. And, I rarely find her type... and now I think it's all over... I haven't heard from her so far. I was hoping she would send a thank you for dinner text. But that has kind of turned me off a bit.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I think what upset me the most was this girl had the exact qualities I want in a woman You definitely didn't read the same story I read. 5
Author LostOne1 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 You definitely didn't read the same story I read. I'm lost.. what do you mean? Are you saying based off what I wrote... it seems as if I don't like her or things about her. And, yet I am contradicting myself by saying she has qualities I like?
umirano Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Pulling the phone out while trying to converse with a date? Terrible move. I think your best bet is to let this one be. Even without all the awkwardness on your part she seems distracted / uninterested / unable to date. No welcome hug at the beginning of the second date is pretty much the kiss of death. 2
Author LostOne1 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Pulling the phone out while trying to converse with a date? Terrible move. I think your best bet is to let this one be. Even without all the awkwardness on your part she seems distracted / uninterested / unable to date. No welcome hug at the beginning of the second date is pretty much the kiss of death. Well I am chalking this one up.... I mean I don't think there is any saving it at this point. I just feel the activity was wrong.. dinner was a horrible idea. It should've been some activity that gets us engaged, as we both had long work shifts and were tired. Yeah the 1st time I met her she did not have her phone out. This time I guess her cousins were texting her to a home party. But, even then I feel if she was interested in me she would've ignored it. Yeah, the welcoming no hug killed it. When she said hi and stood there but on an angle. I felt like okay... no hug wtf is going on. Considering we hugged last time after we wrapped up our coffee meetup/date. Through her texting earlier the day before we met. I just got this feeling like a gut feeling like something was wrong. She went from all of the LOL's and hahaha to straight up direct and serious type of tone. What I don't get it why? and if she wasn't interested why meet up? Unless she thought let's just give it a shot. Like I said... I liked things about her a lot. But, now when I look back at it she did things wrong too or things that turned me off. I'm a pretty polite guy always thanking people/waitors/waitresses etc... But, I didn't see her doing that at all.
umirano Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Maybe you should have gone for the hug more aggressively, but tha probably wouldn't have salvaged it if she's truly not interested. She was probably too lazy or shy to cancel. Don't waste your time with debating this. Get back on the horse and land the next date. 1
Author LostOne1 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Maybe you should have gone for the hug more aggressively, but tha probably wouldn't have salvaged it if she's truly not interested. She was probably too lazy or shy to cancel. Don't waste your time with debating this. Get back on the horse and land the next date. yeah.. in my mind I was thinking just give her a hug. I don't know why I chickened out... I guess I just felt like she wasn't interested.... Or maybe she was shy... I don't know. But you're right.. no point worrying about it right now or anymore. It's over and nothing I do will change it... Gotta move on and keep the search going.... I guess it's just tough trying over n over again... but I guess that hasn't stopped me in life before... so why should it now......
PogoStick Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Maybe you blew it before the date ever started with your anxiety and over analyzing everything she did like her texting. You came to dinner with a jacked mindset and killed the vibe. 1
Author LostOne1 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Maybe you blew it before the date ever started with your anxiety and over analyzing everything she did like her texting. You came to dinner with a jacked mindset and killed the vibe. Yeah.. that too. You know what made it worse I think.... I put her up there or I made her up to be this awesome person. I forgot, I don't know her THAT well... so she can't be THAT great... YET... Normally, I go in not giving a **** if I do well with the woman or not.... and I find that takes off any and all pressure. And, things seem to go well! This time I over analysed so much and put so much pressure on myself.... that I got away from who I was and how I was.... However, at the same time.... There could be other factors. She could've found someone else online and been more interested in them... etc... etc... really who cares..... as I want to stop over thinking about it. So I think you're partly correct in your thought. All I can say is this date was a GOOD LEARNING lesson for me. Provided, I see what went wrong and what went right.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 You definitely didn't read the same story I read. I'm lost.. what do you mean? You spent your whole first post about issues you had with her and her behaviour. You made it seem like she was rude or not into you. Then you ended it saying she was everything you were looking for. I think you idealized her--you let her good characteristics overpower your ability to see her poor ones. I don't think anyone was at fault in that date, you two just aren't compatible for whatever reason. Good to find that out now then 2 years in. 1
Author LostOne1 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 You spent your whole first post about issues you had with her and her behaviour. You made it seem like she was rude or not into you. Then you ended it saying she was everything you were looking for. I think you idealized her--you let her good characteristics overpower your ability to see her poor ones. I don't think anyone was at fault in that date, you two just aren't compatible for whatever reason. Good to find that out now then 2 years in. yeah thanks for the clear up. It's funny because I totally agree with you. And, I assume SHE NOTICED this before I did..... And you're right, as I wrote above earlier... I built this image of her just with a few facts of what she told me about herself. And, then I just made it worse by building her up rather than telling myself each time... let's see what else she can do or can't do... In the end... when I re-read what I wrote... there were MANY facts that seem to bug me. I guess like you said I let them get over powered by the larger things..... Lesson learned for next time.
Author LostOne1 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Okay... I think I realized I have issues now. Maybe it's just rejection or wishing things were changed. But, I can't help read our convos.... It's like I want to say something, msg her... anything... I don't get this... Well maybe I do.... I guess I need a few days to get it out of my system. But this sucks... I don't know how I would do this like every week or ever month of rejections or it not working out. Do you just get used to it or immune to it? I know this girl I met has met a few guys, so this must be normal or easy for her. She's probably used to it quite a bit. I guess I just need time or someone new to spend my time on to get over it.....
Lansing Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Wow, you are obsessing abut her. Don't contact her, move on. You even admitted it was a bad date. Is she really hot? Find someone new and hope for some chemistry next time. 1
joseb Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Okay... I think I realized I have issues now. Maybe it's just rejection or wishing things were changed. But, I can't help read our convos.... It's like I want to say something, msg her... anything... I don't get this... Well maybe I do.... I guess I need a few days to get it out of my system. But this sucks... I don't know how I would do this like every week or ever month of rejections or it not working out. Do you just get used to it or immune to it? I know this girl I met has met a few guys, so this must be normal or easy for her. She's probably used to it quite a bit. I guess I just need time or someone new to spend my time on to get over it..... You only had a couple of dates. You are WAY too emotionally invested in this. You say she has all the qualities you look for and then describe a terrible date with a woman with awful manners who seemed to have nothing much in common with you. Time to move on. Try not to take early dates so seriously, they shouldn't be. 2
Toodaloo Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Sounds to me as though she was humming and harrring before you even met... All a bit flakey all the way through. Sorry dude but its time to say NEXT! 1
Auspecial Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I'm lost.. what do you mean? Are you saying based off what I wrote... it seems as if I don't like her or things about her. And, yet I am contradicting myself by saying she has qualities I like? Yes, and she is not only showing signs of not being interested, she is also being a big rude jerk! Checking a phone during a date is sometimes necessary but doing it constantly is ridiculous and over-the-top self-absorbed. Its NOT an honorable thing, that she was "honest" telling you she was both bored and tired. That's really rude and hateful, actually. What is the point of telling someone you are bored with their company unless its just to make them feel like crap? I think the qualities you thought you saw at the beginning have now been negated by how her personality is, in reality. 1
Author LostOne1 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Wow, you are obsessing abut her. Don't contact her, move on. You even admitted it was a bad date. Is she really hot? Find someone new and hope for some chemistry next time. I know... this isn't like me though... I've dated or seen other women. And, I've always kept a "I don't care if this goes well or not.. I'm just going to have fun" type of approach when meeting women. That way there is never any pressure on me. And, I find it actually works very well, as I am able to be myself. Since I don't give a crap. That doesn't mean I treat the lady badly, but in terms of expectations... I don't care. If she wants to see me and I her.. then great. If not, then I usually move on and forget it. In this case, she is sort of hot. I mean I'd say she is.. though I noticed she doesn't doll herself up. But then again it could be that she was going to see me and thought she wouldn't need too. I feel much better today... Thank god I didn't text her last night. I was close to it... very! But I kept telling myself, if she can't respect me enough to msg me a "thanks for dinner" comment. Than, why the hell should I chase her.... no thanks...
Author LostOne1 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 You only had a couple of dates. You are WAY too emotionally invested in this. You say she has all the qualities you look for and then describe a terrible date with a woman with awful manners who seemed to have nothing much in common with you. Time to move on. Try not to take early dates so seriously, they shouldn't be. Thanks for the tips. Yeah, normally I don't get emotionally invested. I guess this was the first time I found a women with certain qualities I do like. I guess along the way I forgot she also had some flaws that I very much dislike. On top of that if she couldn't even say thanks for dinner. To me that shows disrespect. And, I refuse to chase a women that would do that to me. If I went after her, all it will show is that she can treat me like ****. And, that I'd still chase her.
Author LostOne1 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Sounds to me as though she was humming and harrring before you even met... All a bit flakey all the way through. Sorry dude but its time to say NEXT! Yeah it's weird.... our 1st date went really well. I guess that is why I am so confused. It's like how did we go from having a nice time to total garbage. I guess my gut feeling tells me she is interested in someone else. So she put me on the back burner. Which is why her texting habit changed the day before the date. Oh well... I guess she wasn't worth it.
lollipopspot Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 What are these questions you referred to? Is it a list?
Author LostOne1 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Yes, and she is not only showing signs of not being interested, she is also being a big rude jerk! Checking a phone during a date is sometimes necessary but doing it constantly is ridiculous and over-the-top self-absorbed. Its NOT an honorable thing, that she was "honest" telling you she was both bored and tired. That's really rude and hateful, actually. What is the point of telling someone you are bored with their company unless its just to make them feel like crap? I think the qualities you thought you saw at the beginning have now been negated by how her personality is, in reality. I just don't get why the hell she showed up to the date then? Yeah she did do it a bit early on. Then I kind of engaged her with some questions. She was answering them truthfully. But, I felt she didn't want to be there. She would always look at the waitress, her phone and the tv when I wasn't asking her something. I think she is kind of a brat... I do know she is the oldest kid. I think she is used to always being the top of the class or what not. So maybe she has that attitude of her being this super amazing person that everyone should look up at/too. I have to agree now that you have brought it up. Her personality sucks. If it was me and I was actually bored. I'd try my best to DO something about it. Maybe there might be no chemistry, but I'd try to make the date as fun as possible. I rather TRY my best, than give up and be an assole by playing with my phone or tell her she's boring (I've only said this to a woman as a joke when she wasn't talking much to get her to open up and feel more comfortable). 1
Author LostOne1 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 What are these questions you referred to? Is it a list? Yeah.. well she went to the washroom. I'm like ****... this date is horrible. So I thought **** already is in the dump. Nothing can be any worse! I pulled out my phone while she was away and googled a list of questions. So I just asked her ones that seemed interesting. In the end, I showed her the list and she laughed. But it DID help, because at least we were talking rather than looking else where. The other problem I had was I already KNEW about her from date #1. I knew about her family, friends, career. So it was like.. **** what else do I ask.... I forgot to bring up things like "what is your ambition, what drives you, what's the crazyest **** you have done..... But I toss that up to lack of experience. Normally, I never get to date #2. Now, I seem to get to date #2 and 3 fairly easily these days... till I met this girl. Then there was no date #3!
lollipopspot Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I pulled out my phone while she was away and googled a list of questions. So I just asked her ones that seemed interesting. In the end, I showed her the list and she laughed. But it DID help, because at least we were talking rather than looking else where. I want to see that list of questions. What did you Google?
Author LostOne1 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 I want to see that list of questions. What did you Google? I think it was something like "questions to ask a girl on a date". One website has like 500 or 800... They were actually pretty decent.. Well some where real stupid like (Do you have STD's). We both got a good laugh at that one. But, I would definitely memorize a few of them for my next date with another lady. It's a good way to see how she thinks, her beliefs or what she values. And, also more about her life in deeper details. I mean asking someone their most embarrassing moment is hardcore. Only a man or woman that is happy with themselves and can laugh at their own selves with others would have the guts to do so. 1
Gary S Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 hEY, ya did great! Some guys can't get to date one, let alone a 2nd date. Next time, give her the kiss test on date one, and put a grade on it. 1
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