Gloria25 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 This question is mostly for guys, but gals can chime in... What's the longest you ever went on before making a sexual move on a gal you know has the hots for you and you had the hots for her? I mean, I am not sure how long I can take this...I've known a dude for like a year now and like recently, we interact, I get giddy and nada. First time we almost hooked up, I literally was so wet that when I was walking my pets I was scared it would drip through my shorts...after that, when we'd cross paths/run into each other, I'd get a female version of "blue balls" cuz of the excitement and no release (having sex with him). Now, I guess my subconscious body/mind has gotten into protective mode and while if we have an interaction I get giddy, my body resists getting excited cuz it's sorta like "ok, why get prepared for intercourse (getting wet) if it ain't gonna happen". So, while I don't get to the point of blue balls, I still get frustrated. So, I don't know, he seems to do things that a guy would like you does - like he has interest in things I like/do and the staring and glancing away at times. But, while I'm flattered and all that - when it comes to making a sex move on me, he does not dare make that move? Hello, one of my interests IS sex, so why not pick up a shared interest in wanting to see me naked? I don't know, something's gotta give...this is too long to go w/o making a move - especially if the attraction is there. 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I didn't. My ex lasted about 3 months before making a move on me. I had the hots for her for at least a month before she told me to make out with her.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 You're not really describing any scenario that would lead to sex (although you said you almost hooked up the first time) nor did you mention that you were actually dating him...just catching glances every now and again. From what you're describing it sounds like you are kind-of-sort of dating him, but maybe it's just some kind of flirtatious behavior, I'm not really sure though what's going on based on what you've said. Will a guy make the move? I don't know...is the guy married or have a GF? If a guy is going on dates with you regularly or you're "seeing each other", don't you find yourself in situations that would lead to that next level? At any rate, personally I may not make a move if: - There's not a lot of romantic interest, maybe sexual interest as a man...but you know it's always a risk sleeping with someone new aka: drama, STD's, clinger - Perceive you more as a friend; although i could sleep with you it's not really a strong motivation..and again consequences of doing so like if you're a neighbor, co-worker, etc.. - Not really in a place to date or be intimate with someone. I've been there before and was just kind of taking a break from the whole "roller-coaster" of dating, there's certain expectations that usually come along with dating someone or being intimate with someone and sometimes you'd just rather avoid getting involved with all of that Otherwise it's naturally a pretty quick build up if the chemistry is right for me, and I'm not necessary the one making all the moves. Your situation is extremely vague, however you've known him for a year so I'm just imagining there has always been some kind of flirtatious or sexual innuendo type of chemistry, but I don't know if this guy is really that interested in making a move from the sound of it. Maybe he's just enjoying the superficial part of it. Also if you have a "reputation" of any kind, that may steer him off as well. Being that he's known you for a year, he might have a judgment of you, or your "type". It's too hard to tell in this situation why with that information or not talking to him. 1
Els Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 (edited) I'm all for taking things slow, but even in my opinion a year is a reaaaalllly long time to wait to make a move, if you were both single the entire time. I'd just infer that he wasn't interested. Edit: Actually, wait, I'm confused. You mean you want him to make a 'sex move' on you... not make a move to ask you out on a date? And you haven't dated each other before, right? So in other words, you want to be FWBs? In that case why not just suggest it? Edited May 9, 2015 by Elswyth 2
Author Gloria25 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 I'm all for taking things slow, but even in my opinion a year is a reaaaalllly long time to wait to make a move, if you were both single the entire time. I'd just infer that he wasn't interested. Edit: Actually, wait, I'm confused. You mean you want him to make a 'sex move' on you... not make a move to ask you out on a date? And you haven't dated each other before, right? So in other words, you want to be FWBs? In that case why not just suggest it? And that's my quandary.... It's one thing to take it slow if we were dating and he wants to get to know me before becoming intimate...but, we're not even dating. About proposing a FWB thing? Well, I can't even get the opportunity to "propose" something cuz when we do cross paths, I get tongue-tied and/or other people are around, and/or he scurries away. A while back I reverted to "attracted" but not "interested", but come on, a year now of "attraction" w/o "action"? If he likes this cuz of the thrill of having a woman being attracted to him is enough for him and he's not willing/available to get with me, I get that, but come on, after a year I'd figure he'd be wanting to actually wanna "touch" the thing he stares at so much or lose attraction.
Male Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 (edited) I'm totally lost as well. It almost sounds like she wants this guy, but this guy really doesnt have any clue about it. In her mind > OMG cant you see how bad I want you??? Why havent you jumped my bones yet?? I'm so ready, why havent you picked up on the signs??? What the guy sees > She stood a half an inch closer to me at the water cooler today. I've only made moves on women I was dating. And typically it was never more than a month before we were intimate. Edited May 9, 2015 by Male 3
jen1447 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Is it possible he's inexperienced Gloria? It almost sounds like he doesn't know what to do. 1
Male Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Is it possible he's inexperienced Gloria? It almost sounds like he doesn't know what to do. We dont even know what their story is. the way she explains it leaves me and I think many other readers in the fog. is she dating him? Does she do things with him outside of work? Have they kissed? Are they friends? Almost hooked up?? What does that mean?? Were you on a date? Were you out drinking together? Theres no details to this story what so ever. 1
Author Gloria25 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 We dont even know what their story is. the way she explains it leaves me and I think many other readers in the fog. is she dating him? Does she do things with him outside of work? Have they kissed? Are they friends? Almost hooked up?? What does that mean?? Were you on a date? Were you out drinking together? Theres no details to this story what so ever. It's complicated.....
sarah_prl Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 (edited) First: If you really want a move to be made, why don't you make it yourself? Second: Like others, I'm totally lost too. So you know he has the hots for you? Positive? "Knowing a dude" is not dating a dude, is not knowing a dude, is not having anything with a dude... You say you "interact", interact how? Talk about the weather? Talk at work/wherever? Talk outside of that environment? Go out?! What does "almost hooked up" mean?... I still don't understand if you have actually even kissed or not. Tell us at least that, so we can maybe help better. "So, I don't know, he seems to do things that a guy would like you does - like he has interest in things I like/do and the staring and glancing away at times." Well, the first thing doesn't mean much. The second one... hum... I don't know... Does he know you're into him? People can be pretty clueless... "when it comes to making a sex move on me, he does not dare make that move?" Has he tried asking you out? Has he tried maybe kissing you? How does he know you want him to? "so why not pick up a shared interest in wanting to see me naked?" Maybe he really hasn't. Or maybe he really isn't interested. Or maybe even, he is or was interested, but realized you're just attracted. Or thinks the opposite. Either make a move yourself (any kind), find a way to truly measure his interest, or move on to somewhere where you can let go of your sexual frustration. Edited May 10, 2015 by sarah_prl
spiderowl Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Honestly Gloria, hate to say it but he doesn't sound interested. I'm sure any red-blooded guy would have made some sort of move to ask you for a date if he was interested. You've given him flirtatious signs I'm sure. Maybe you should spend less time with him and show him zero interest and see if he suddenly realises he might be losing you. Otherwise, I'd give up on him.
autumnnight Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I'm totally lost as well. It almost sounds like she wants this guy, but this guy really doesnt have any clue about it. In her mind > OMG cant you see how bad I want you??? Why havent you jumped my bones yet?? I'm so ready, why havent you picked up on the signs??? What the guy sees > She stood a half an inch closer to me at the water cooler today. I've only made moves on women I was dating. And typically it was never more than a month before we were intimate. This is what I'm thinking too. I'm thinking 99% of this has gone on inside the head and there may or may not be real signs of anything in real life.
todreaminblue Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 for me i wouldnt make a move on a guy normally unless i was a hundred per cent sure the feelings were reciprocated.....sex is easy to come by and i dont need to chase a guy to have sex..... and it doesnt interest me if it is just sex anyways.....i am actually celibate till marriage...it is part of my religious convictions and commitments....and i struggle with it because i actually really miss making love....i have a high sex drive...... to me though....you seem to hesitate when it comes to him....and maybe it is you who is giving mixed signals your confusion on what to do could be contagious..... as far as the guy goes...he may not be interested in just sex...so that is why he hasnt made a sexual move on you if you are indeed giving off interested sex vibes.......is it sex you are just after gloria???? this guy may just be a guy looking for a serious commitment other than just sex and even if he was sexually attracted to you he wouldnt project that sexual urge onto you.....deb 1
Author Gloria25 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 for me i wouldnt make a move on a guy normally unless i was a hundred per cent sure the feelings were reciprocated.....sex is easy to come by and i dont need to chase a guy to have sex..... and it doesnt interest me if it is just sex anyways.....i am actually celibate till marriage...it is part of my religious convictions and commitments....and i struggle with it because i actually really miss making love....i have a high sex drive...... to me though....you seem to hesitate when it comes to him....and maybe it is you who is giving mixed signals your confusion on what to do could be contagious..... as far as the guy goes...he may not be interested in just sex...so that is why he hasnt made a sexual move on you if you are indeed giving off interested sex vibes.......is it sex you are just after gloria???? this guy may just be a guy looking for a serious commitment other than just sex and even if he was sexually attracted to you he wouldnt project that sexual urge onto you.....deb I don't know... I don't think he's looking for more than sex (i.e. a real RL)...now, he may be concerned about whether or not feelings are reciprocated (i.e. once I have sex with him, will I bounce?)... But, sometimes, since we almost hooked up once, I wonder if all he wanted was a one-time sex thing and "I'm" the one who wants to come back for seconds and "he's" the one who's not down for seeing me more than a one-time hookup. I don't think I'm sending mixed signals...but, then again, I may not always show how much I care/am interested, but the feelings are there and that may confuse some people. I have to keep my guard up you know... But lastly, I lean more towards "flattered and attracted, but not interested"...In other words, he's attracted and gets an ego boost, but has no intentions of actually having anything to do with me...But, what perplexes me is almost a year of this and no desire to make a move on me?
Male Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I don't think I'm sending mixed signals...but, then again, I may not always show how much I care/am interested, but the feelings are there and that may confuse some people. I have to keep my guard up you know... Nothing against the OP specifically, because most women do it, but that right there is the double standard that many women live their lives by. The woman always wants the guy to show his hand first before she she shows hers. And even after that, many women still keep up that wall/guard toying with the guy and stringing it out. THIS is the exact situation that I always complain about in my threads. Why should I go out of my way, investing, time, effort, energy, etc, when the woman doesnt contribute what I do? I will always pass on situations like this, holding out for a woman that proves with her actions that shes actually interested.
madjac74 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 The woman always wants the guy to show his hand first before she she shows hers. And even after that, many women still keep up that wall/guard toying with the guy and stringing it out. As far as we know your sample of women could be like 2. This statement is false in my opinion. I have met many women who are very forward with their sexual intentions. The fact that you think they are toying with you may very well be that you aren't doing anything about it! 1
Male Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 I have met many women who are very forward with their sexual intentions. Your point? I've met women that are forward too. But MAJORITY are not.
Hawaii51 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Your point? I've met women that are forward too. But MAJORITY are not. His point is that you use finite terms such as "always,""all,"and "never." You sir, are not forward by any means. It depends on the dynamics of the two people, the energy and the reaction is always a little different, and sometimes too different. Simply how you're feeling about everything in your life on a given day will have much to do with how you interact with strangers m/f. 1
Price2Play Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 3-5 dates/hangouts, reading body language/flirting isn't rocket science.
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