Does this warrant such EXTREME action?

May 9, 2015

I'm personally not the slightest bit interested in any detail except for that you're afraid of him and he's exhibited distinct and alarming controller/abuser behavior. Those are the only things that are relevant.

I do love how the other guy pulled the police involvement tactic tho. That was fantastic and totally deserved by this guy, and entirely his fault.

May 9, 2015

OP, I am wondering how YOU interpret his behavior? Do you interpret it as love?

As in, oh he loves me so much he doesn't want to let me out of his sight?

He loves me so much, he doesn't want me to have any friends?

He loves me so much he will risk his job just so he can stalk me so he knows what I am doing every second of the day?

He loves me so much he will make me feel guilty for daring to have friends, a job and a life apart from him? Just so he won't feel insecure and worry I might meet someone else and leave him?

Are you flattered by all this and how much he appears to "love" you?

Does his possessiveness turn you on? Make you feel protected?

What??? What is the attraction? The appeal for you? I would really like to know.

Your boyfriend and your relationship (and subsequently you) are so fundamentally dysfunctional and unhealthy on so many levels, one has to wonder what it is you are actually thinking...

May 9, 2015

Yes, I see his extreme devotion as "love" and his constant need to be with me as an example of his love for me.

And while some of his behavior may be extreme (I see that it is - especially when it comes to his hurting his career)... I feel responsible. Had I not been texting another guy -- he may not be so fearful. So, I feel as if it's a result of my behavior. It's why I tend to forgive it or look past it.....

He does't mind me having friends but I can tell he just wants to make sure I'm not out at happy hour etc with them.

He thinks that one of my friends likes to play around and he freaks out if I say I'm going to lunch with her etc.

And I see he will sometimes ask questions in front of my friends about things I have said that we have done together - to see if I was telling the truth.

The question is why do I see this as love? I feel very loved by him -- and we have this amazing connection. But, now I'm very concerned that I've hurt my own job by not doing all that I need to do -- so I can devote more time with him. And Now it seems HIS income and career is hurting. If this arrest gets out he could lose his job -- and if he does lose that....getting a new position will require a background check. He will have trouble --with a class a misdemeanor on his record.

I feel like he sees me as a prize -- and treasured. I guess by this reaction -- I see that I'm warped in the head...

OP, I am wondering how YOU interpret his behavior? Do you interpret it as love?

As in, oh he loves me so much he doesn't want to let me out of his sight?

He loves me so much, he doesn't want me to have any friends?

He loves me so much he will risk his job just so he can stalk me so he knows what I am doing every second of the day?

He loves me so much he will make me feel guilty for daring to have friends, a job and a life apart from him? Just so he won't feel insecure and worry I might meet someone else and leave him?

Are you flattered by all this and how much he appears to "love" you?

Does his possessiveness turn you on? Make you feel protected?

What??? What is the attraction? The appeal for you? I would really like to know.

Your boyfriend and your relationship (and subsequently you) are so fundamentally dysfunctional and unhealthy on so many levels, one has to wonder what it is you are actually thinking...

May 9, 2015

This is the behavior of a psychotic...

Seriously psychotic!

You need to be away from him *AND* file a restraining order.

***I hate to say that we are going to be reading about him being arrested for murdering you or something as tragic. ***

I am serious.

Of course you are serious. Anyone who knows anything about abuse (which starts out emotionally) knows you are serious.

Hell, I have read stories of such men "loving" their partners so much they have thrown lighter fluid on them, lighting the match, almost burning them to death, leaving them permanently disfigured. That one is fairly common believe it or not..

Or another man whose behavior was nearly identical to the OP's boyfriend's who got so frustrated and angry he threw acid in his girlfriend's face, permanently disfiguring her.

Another man cut off his girlfriend's nose in a fit of rage one night because he couldn't find her...

You think I am exaggerating OP, I am NOT!!! These men all started out exhibiting the same behavior as your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend's behavior is psychotic and extremely dangerous..

Get out!!!!

May 9, 2015

Look, you're not the least bit serious about him and nor should you be. You telling the cops everything was okay was a lie. Your bf was losing it. That is why the laws changed so that when there is a woman who is afraid to press charges, the law takes that choice out of her hands.

This is a dangerous guy. This is your chance to cut him off completely. If you had any sense, you'd get a restraining order and get all his crap out of your place, change your phone and phone number in case he's put tracking software on there, and never talk to him again and call the police if he shows back up. You are playing with fire.

May 9, 2015

How old are you and do you have kids?

May 9, 2015

I see you wrote that maybe this is normal jealousy. No. A person this jealous and this extreme about it has problems that have nothing to do with you. He would be trying to control and be jealous of literally any woman he was the least bit involved with. Do not marry him! You are very foolish for even entertaining that thought. These type guys get worse, not better. You have no control over this aspect of him.

May 9, 2015

I have been in a relationship with a man who has a hot temper. So much so, I have worried that he could get violent. He never has...but he has had behavior that has been extreme. He thought I was cheating on him and went through my cell phone and found text messages he did not like. He is extremely jealous and any interaction with ANY men - was wrong in his opinion. I abided by that for awhile but I started to talk with friends etc behind his back when I noticed his temper and worried that we weren't going to survive. Were some of my texts flirtatious? Only from the guy's end -- but when he dug through my phone - he was not pleased. So my point is - he had reason to be suspicious.

We ended up breaking up for a couple of days even though we fought all day via text when he said we were done. And then we got back together. During those days of fighting, a girlfriend tried to set me up with another guy. We hadn't talked on the phone, only texted. He invited me to meet him. I had told him that I had just gotten out of a long/serious relationship because of a very, very jealous and controlling ex.

Well, the night we got back together - we were at dinner and a text message popped up from the guy who invited me. I had just told him via text that day I had gotten back with my boyfriend. His text was something like "too bad, you would have seen that I'm not crazy and we could have had fun together."

My boyfriend saw it and demanded to know who it was. I initially lied and told him it was a girlfriend. He did reverse dial on the number and saw it came back to a man. He made me call him and talk to him. Remember I had never even spoken to this guy before via phone. He was shocked at my call and he could hear something was off in my voice. As I was talking, I was watching my boyfriend get extremely angry - flailing arms etc. I was obviously distracted. I got off the phone quickly and he asked if I was okay. I told him yes. He said I didn't sound it. I told him all was fine.

Well, after I hung up - he called 911. He texted me and asked if I was okay. I said no. My BF then grabbed the phone out of my hand and told me if the cops showed up that he would tell them I broke into the house!

I started running for the door. The cops were there.. and asked if I was okay. I told them yes. I told them that I was not in danger but I wanted to put it on the record that I was not breaking into the house and that my BF said that if they showed up that would be his story, but that I was NOT in danger and just wanted everything to calm down.

They told me to step outside and they arrested my BF for interference with a 911 call. They said I had no say in the matter - it was the state pressing charges, not me.

He feels that he was wrongly prosecuted and that I am to blame for the mess because I "cheated" even though I didn't even talk to the guy... he is really worried about his record.

What do you make of the situation? Is this my fault? Would you stay with this man if things are better and improved??? He has been an angel ever since...

Your bf is a lunatic and I would NEVER put up with any of this.

If you're breaking up and getting back together, you fear he could get violent, the police have been called, he's jealous and controlling, going through your phone, you have to be top toeing... Ahh what else do you need to realize this is NOT normal? He may be an "angel" now but that won't last long so please wake up and walk away from this situation.

May 9, 2015

I'm in my 40s and I have one child.

He has 3 kids of his own. He says he will do therapy and work through this -- but I see the instability -- I understand that it would probably be next to impossible for him to have lasting change..

He is great with kids -- and does not show this kind of behavior around them. However, I will tell you that he would be extremely hurt if I told him I wanted to spend an entire weekend (overnight) with my child without him present. He has basically put his life on hold and geared everything around me and my schedule - that he would never go with his kids without me -- anywhere. He has avoided spending time with his kids -- in order to be with me, instead. In fact, last night he was angry and suggested we just stay with my child for the weekend (instead of going to join in with his family). He said he was trying to figure out if that's what I wanted. He said "fu*K my kids and family...we will just stay here...because that's what you want." I said NO~ I never suggested that ..and he shouldn't talk like that... He said just "fuc* my life... I've already fu*ked up my career because I've been chasing you..."

May 9, 2015

Yes, I see his extreme devotion as "love" and his constant need to be with me as an example of his love for me.

And while some of his behavior may be extreme (I see that it is - especially when it comes to his hurting his career)... I feel responsible. Had I not been texting another guy -- he may not be so fearful. So, I feel as if it's a result of my behavior. It's why I tend to forgive it or look past it.....

He does't mind me having friends but I can tell he just wants to make sure I'm not out at happy hour etc with them.

He thinks that one of my friends likes to play around and he freaks out if I say I'm going to lunch with her etc.

And I see he will sometimes ask questions in front of my friends about things I have said that we have done together - to see if I was telling the truth.

The question is why do I see this as love? I feel very loved by him -- and we have this amazing connection. But, now I'm very concerned that I've hurt my own job by not doing all that I need to do -- so I can devote more time with him. And Now it seems HIS income and career is hurting. If this arrest gets out he could lose his job -- and if he does lose that....getting a new position will require a background check. He will have trouble --with a class a misdemeanor on his record.

I feel like he sees me as a prize -- and treasured. I guess by this reaction -- I see that I'm warped in the head...

The fact that you see his behavior as loving and as you being a prize and aren't running away screaming that he is a nut case and this is dysfunctional says that you probably need therapy too to help you understand why this is your idea of love.

This isn't normal and you should immediately get some help to see this before it's too late.

May 9, 2015

Are you the same one that is a news anchor and he's a surgeon?

May 9, 2015

It's all making sense now. OP, if you're the poster who has made several threads under different names about the same jealous bf who proposed and won't let you see your child or live your life, you may be a little loony too. I don't mean to be rude, but you should seek help seriously because if you are with a man and need to make 50 threads under 50 names to ask about his behavior, you're doing the same thing over and over with the same result which is insanity.

If this was normal and healthy you wouldn't have to do this. No matter how many names you make or stories you tell the final answer is he is insane and so are you if you put up with him and keep making new threads to ask about the same thing.

I don't see the point of constantly getting on here to tell your story when you don't seem at all interested in anyone's opinion. Just be with him and live your life then and stop asking what to do. But if you're asking and keep asking the answer is get away and get yourself into therapy ASAP as you need hands on real life help that we can't give.

May 9, 2015

For God sake, the guy just about has you chained up in a basement. How many red flags do you need? Are you this desperate for a partner? Here's the story.

- This guy has real issues, psychological ones. The kind of issues that probably need professional help and possibly medication. You can't help with that or change that.

- You also seem to have real issues very similar to the above. You do need professional help and possibly medication. You should go and see someone about that as a priority.

- No-one in their right mind is going to tell you that your boyfriend is a keeper and you should stay with him. Because we are not insane and he is clearly a dangerous individual.

Edited May 9, 2015 by Buddhist

May 9, 2015

I had left him a couple of times -- because I noticed the instability and was beginning to fear the situation. My therapist had been concerned that he was going to hurt me - but she no longer thinks that -- she just thinks that he is extremely controlling. She says my problem is I keep thinking that I will be able to fix him -- and that if I just act a certain way...everything will be okay. And honestly, that is typically the case. If I don't make him jealous or get quiet etc... he is fine. But, sometimes I DO get quiet or reserved -- and he reads that to mean I don't love him anymore or something... and that gets exhausting.

I grew up with abuse in my childhood -- so It's probably why this seems extreme to those on here -- and not as much to me...

I guess I just get worried because when I start to think like my therapist and see the actions for what they might really be... I get scared. I stay with him -- and I have one girlfriend who is chronically single and she loves him. She sees him out with me and tells me that we look so in love and she encourages me to just set firm boundaries but to try to make the relationship work. And that's what happened the last time I left....I confided in her and she suggested I go back ...

and try to work things out.

I lose strength and the reality check when I hear things like that...because I do feel so deeply for him.

For God sake, the guy just about has you chained up in a basement. How many red flags do you need? Are you this desperate for a partner? Here's the story.

- This guy has real issues, psychological ones. The kind of issues that probably need professional help and possibly medication. You can't help with that or change that.
- You also seem to have real issues very similar to the above. You do need professional help and possibly medication. You should go and see someone about that as a priority.
- No-one in their right mind is going to tell you that your boyfriend is a keeper and you should stay with him. Because we are not insane and he is clearly a dangerous individual.

May 9, 2015

I'm sure what age you are, but you need to recognise this as abuse. Why would you marry a man like this?

He is dangerous and there is no excuse for his behaviour. Get smart and see him for what he is. He needs help with his anger. You will need to speak with other men at times and his intense jealousy will do you harm.

DO NOT MARRY HIM

May 9, 2015

I had left him a couple of times -- because I noticed the instability and was beginning to fear the situation. My therapist had been concerned that he was going to hurt me - but she no longer thinks that -- she just thinks that he is extremely controlling. She says my problem is I keep thinking that I will be able to fix him -- and that if I just act a certain way...everything will be okay. And honestly, that is typically the case. If I don't make him jealous or get quiet etc... he is fine. But, sometimes I DO get quiet or reserved -- and he reads that to mean I don't love him anymore or something... and that gets exhausting.

I grew up with abuse in my childhood -- so It's probably why this seems extreme to those on here -- and not as much to me...

I guess I just get worried because when I start to think like my therapist and see the actions for what they might really be... I get scared. I stay with him -- and I have one girlfriend who is chronically single and she loves him. She sees him out with me and tells me that we look so in love and she encourages me to just set firm boundaries but to try to make the relationship work. And that's what happened the last time I left....I confided in her and she suggested I go back ...
and try to work things out.

I lose strength and the reality check when I hear things like that...because I do feel so deeply for him.

You cannot avoid making him mad. One day he'll get violent just cause dinner is not to his liking, or he'll disagree with a look you give at him, or because there is no more beer in the fridge.

I know one day you will leave but you will have wasted your youth on him. As a last advice, because I know you won't leave him, I strongly suggest you save emergency money in a secret account and add in your contact the phone number of the closest women's shelter.

May 9, 2015

one day your gonna call the police and hes gonna say "i swear i didnt hit my wife, officer. i stuck my fist out and she fell on it."

May 9, 2015

You can't call him a good father if he's blowing off even his own kids to keep tabs on you, and that is what he is doing. Controlling men or women are not fit to be with. Not that extreme. It's a poor role model for your kids seeing him monitor and bully you like that.

May 9, 2015

Marry him = ruin your life. That's pretty much it.

May 9, 2015

You cannot avoid making him mad. One day he'll get violent just cause dinner is not to his liking, or he'll disagree with a look you give at him, or because there is no more beer in the fridge.

I know one day you will leave but you will have wasted your youth on him. As a last advice, because I know you won't leave him, I strongly suggest you save emergency money in a secret account and add in your contact the phone number of the closest women's shelter.

Gaeta, she said in a previous post she is 40 with a child no less.

Her youth is long gone and so will her future is she stays with this maniac.

May 9, 2015

Are you the same one that is a news anchor and he's a surgeon?

I'm willing to bet even money this is the same poster...

May 9, 2015

Gaeta, she said in a previous post she is 40 with a child no less.

Her youth is long gone and so will her future is she stays with this maniac.

Seriously !!! I thought I read every posts!! I would have expected that from a young woman with no experience and no resources. At 40 OP you are suffering from serious emotional instability. Maybe when child welfare comes around to question your capability as a parent you will get a clue. If they have not come already with that 911 call.

May 9, 2015

Seriously !!! I thought I read every posts!! I would have expected that from a young woman with no experience and no resources. At 40 OP you are suffering from serious emotional instability. Maybe when child welfare comes around to question your capability as a parent you will get a clue. If they have not come already with that 911 call.

Post no. 34 -- "I'm in my 40s..."

Very very sad....

May 10, 2015

Yes tonight I was on my phone typing responses to this forum while he was at the gym. Apparently he was watching me on the security cameras. When he came in the house he demanded to see my phone to see who I was texting. Knowing this forum was on here I didn't give it up. It created a huge fight in ear's reach of my son. And now he's saying I have proven to him he can't trust me because I obviously have something to hide from him. I left with my son and went to the store to try and calm down. But he told me that I like to cause problems. That he can't live like this. He feels I am unhappy and I am destroying his life. And that I like to always play the victim. Since I started crying he says that he is beginning to think that I want to destroy us.

I'm so sad right now. When I told him he's ruining my Mother's Day he told me I am playing the victim again and being dramatic.

May 10, 2015

Yes tonight I was on my phone typing responses to this forum while he was at the gym. Apparently he was watching me on the security cameras. When he came in the house he demanded to see my phone to see who I was texting. Knowing this forum was on here I didn't give it up. It created a huge fight in ear's reach of my son. And now he's saying I have proven to him he can't trust me because I obviously have something to hide from him. I left with my son and went to the store to try and calm down. But he told me that I like to cause problems. That he can't live like this. He feels I am unhappy and I am destroying his life. And that I like to always play the victim. Since I started crying he says that he is beginning to think that I want to destroy us.

I'm so sad right now. When I told him he's ruining my Mother's Day he told me I am playing the victim again and being dramatic.

If you're looking for sympathy, sorry you won't get any from me.

You are the one choosing to stay with this psychopathic maniac; that's on YOU.

Did you read my post about the woman whose boyfriend became so angry he threw acid on her face?

Come on now, you are a grown woman, you should know better. If not for yourself, for your son!

What are you thinking???

I am absolutely dumbfounded.

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Does this warrant such EXTREME action?

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