Sunyata Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Okay, as I've said here before, I'm turning 30 in three weeks and am new to dating. Got my first girlfriend (and kiss, everything, etc) at 28. But that girl didn't "intimidate" me because she had a lot of issues, so I never went through the whole dating process with her. She was smitten with me right away, and our dating originated on Skype for a month before meeting in person. I was nervous, definitely, but not like I am now. After living with the first GF for over a year, I've gotten a lot of experience and shaken loose a lot of the trauma of my childhood challenges. An attractive girl messaged me on OKCupid. We met for a date, where I was a little awkward. A few days after the date, I weakly asked her for another one when she was available. She didn't respond. I messaged her again and we set up a date. She rescheduled on the day of the date for the day after. On the day of the rescheduled date, she expressed guilt of not being able to afford the date - I reassured her it was okay and that I could cover it without being impacted financially (which is true). Anyway, here is how the second date went. I'd really appreciate any feedback. We decided to sit in the dining room instead of the bar, across from each other in a booth. I tried to "ground myself" away from my anxiety, and we made back and forth conversation about various topics. Eventually it got onto the first date, and how she could tell I was awkward and thought in this case it was endearing. I tried to be genuine, expressing my vulnerability and insecurity but without just talking about it. Eventually, she asked if she could sit on my side of the booth. I agreed. She said it was because it felt less like an interview, less awkward - but I figured it must at very least mean she liked me. I asked her if I could put my hand on her shoulder. She said yes, laughed, and said "got to break the physical barrier?" or something. I laughed and said yeah. She held out her hand and we held hands for a few moments, then she said my energy was scattered and we stopped holding hands. The food came, she moved back over to the other side so we wouldn't be banging elbows. When we finished, I asked her to move back over. She did. I said I liked it more when she sits on my side, and she said "Yeah... It's less awkward" or something. I said "It makes me feel warm" (being very vulnerable). At this point she went to the restroom, coming back shortly after. I proposed a 3rd round of drinks, and she couldn't quite decide, but ultimately gave in. We talked for awhile longer sitting next to each other. Earlier in the date she invited me to a thing in late May, and also said "she'd get me next time" (pay for dinner). Unlike the first date, when we parted ways, I hugged her and told her I'd text her. That night when I got home I texted her saying I had a great time. She texted back the next morning saying "sorry I passed out." I texted back later that night saying I hoped she was having a nice night, and she replied to me saying the same thing. The next night (last night) I texted her a joke since she asked me to during the dinner. She laughed and texted me one. That's where we are at right now. I'm getting over a LOT of negativity in my past, but having a cute girl like this dig me is really helping. I'd be interested in hearing any one here's interpretation. Keep in mind, my mind sees myself as so worthless that I may have missed clear signals - such as that she definitely likes me, etc. I still honestly don't know what's going on. I want to text her tonight or tomorrow saying we should grab coffee or go for a walk. Since we met for dinner/drinks the first two dates, I want to do something different.
cessna Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Sounds like she likes you man! I wouldn't ask to put your hand on her shoulder though. If it feels right just do it. You'll find out soon enough if she wants that sort of physicality or not. And I'm not so sure about the "makes me feel warm" comment, could maybe come across as being a bit weird that. One last thing, you should have gone for the kiss at the end of the date, I'm sure she would have reciprocated. Other than that, good for you! You're doing much better than me, I can't even get a date right now.
Author Sunyata Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 In theory it sounds wrong but there are girls out that respect a man who is willing to be vulnerable. It's subtle, the line between being awkward and being endearingly vulnerable. I hope given the fact she already expressed she liked me meant she could see even then I was being vulnerable. But she probably honestly has no idea how much of my life and mind were taken from me and how I'm slowly putting everything back together - including the idea I could be liked and so on. When I held her hand, I also told her how nice it was and that my ex wouldn't let me hold her hand (my ex was ALWAYS afraid she'd get hurt, nothing to do with me).
cessna Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 In theory it sounds wrong but there are girls out that respect a man who is willing to be vulnerable. It's subtle, the line between being awkward and being endearingly vulnerable. I hope given the fact she already expressed she liked me meant she could see even then I was being vulnerable. But she probably honestly has no idea how much of my life and mind were taken from me and how I'm slowly putting everything back together - including the idea I could be liked and so on. When I held her hand, I also told her how nice it was and that my ex wouldn't let me hold her hand (my ex was ALWAYS afraid she'd get hurt, nothing to do with me). No, I agree with you totally. I think it takes more of a man to be open and honest about his emotions and feelings. I just think some people might take it the wrong way or take it out of context. Don't mention your ex either.
kayla73 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I wouldn't say I'm a dating expert, but I definitely think she likes you. She went on the second date, she made the move to sit by you at dinner, she's actively texting you after the second date. All are great signs! For your next date, do something exciting that will take the attention off of having to stare at each other and talk. Maybe go hiking, swimming, etc. Dinner dates with someone new can be awkward for anyone. Good luck!
joseb Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Sounds like she likes you man! I wouldn't ask to put your hand on her shoulder though. If it feels right just do it. You'll find out soon enough if she wants that sort of physicality or not. And I'm not so sure about the "makes me feel warm" comment, could maybe come across as being a bit weird that. One last thing, you should have gone for the kiss at the end of the date, I'm sure she would have reciprocated. Cessna nails it perfectly. All good points. Yip sounds like she does like you. Have you set up a third date? Take the advice above onboard for next time. You sound kind hung up on doing things to show that you are vulnerable - not sure what that's all about. Just be yourself. Oh yeah, and don't talk about your ex.
Author Sunyata Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 ****, decided to look at my ex's FB. Her new FB picture is gorgeous and I can tell was taken by some guy. She is wearing cuter clothes than she ever wore when dating me. Ahhhhg. This feeling. BAD BAD. I need to focus on new things for myeslf.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Op sounds like she likes you, she finds your awkwardness endearing.... I'd try to get a bit more confident though. Don't be too vulnerable early on, don't ask to touch her (weird)- shoulder is a bit much for dinner. Basically be a bit less weird On my iPad or I'd elaborate more.
Author Sunyata Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Op sounds like she likes you, she finds your awkwardness endearing.... I'd try to get a bit more confident though. Don't be too vulnerable early on, don't ask to touch her (weird)- shoulder is a bit much for dinner. Basically be a bit less weird On my iPad or I'd elaborate more. You think it's too intimate? Most guys would have went for a kiss, or put their hand on her leg considering she moved next to me. I just put my hand on her shoulder. I dunno.
Gary S Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Sounds like you are doing well. Her taking the initiative to sit next to you was a huge sign of interest. Women don't want to get close to guys unless they are really interested. But you need to kiss her by date three, her interest might wane if you wait too long. I would not be so needy with touching her and calling right after the date though. Let her touch you and wait 5 days to call for a date in the beginning.
Redhead14 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Okay, as I've said here before, I'm turning 30 in three weeks and am new to dating. Got my first girlfriend (and kiss, everything, etc) at 28. But that girl didn't "intimidate" me because she had a lot of issues, so I never went through the whole dating process with her. She was smitten with me right away, and our dating originated on Skype for a month before meeting in person. I was nervous, definitely, but not like I am now. After living with the first GF for over a year, I've gotten a lot of experience and shaken loose a lot of the trauma of my childhood challenges. An attractive girl messaged me on OKCupid. We met for a date, where I was a little awkward. A few days after the date, I weakly asked her for another one when she was available. She didn't respond. I messaged her again and we set up a date. She rescheduled on the day of the date for the day after. On the day of the rescheduled date, she expressed guilt of not being able to afford the date - I reassured her it was okay and that I could cover it without being impacted financially (which is true). Anyway, here is how the second date went. I'd really appreciate any feedback. We decided to sit in the dining room instead of the bar, across from each other in a booth. I tried to "ground myself" away from my anxiety, and we made back and forth conversation about various topics. Eventually it got onto the first date, and how she could tell I was awkward and thought in this case it was endearing. I tried to be genuine, expressing my vulnerability and insecurity but without just talking about it. Eventually, she asked if she could sit on my side of the booth. I agreed. She said it was because it felt less like an interview, less awkward - but I figured it must at very least mean she liked me. I asked her if I could put my hand on her shoulder. She said yes, laughed, and said "got to break the physical barrier?" or something. I laughed and said yeah. She held out her hand and we held hands for a few moments, then she said my energy was scattered and we stopped holding hands. The food came, she moved back over to the other side so we wouldn't be banging elbows. When we finished, I asked her to move back over. She did. I said I liked it more when she sits on my side, and she said "Yeah... It's less awkward" or something. I said "It makes me feel warm" (being very vulnerable). At this point she went to the restroom, coming back shortly after. I proposed a 3rd round of drinks, and she couldn't quite decide, but ultimately gave in. We talked for awhile longer sitting next to each other. Earlier in the date she invited me to a thing in late May, and also said "she'd get me next time" (pay for dinner). Unlike the first date, when we parted ways, I hugged her and told her I'd text her. That night when I got home I texted her saying I had a great time. She texted back the next morning saying "sorry I passed out." I texted back later that night saying I hoped she was having a nice night, and she replied to me saying the same thing. The next night (last night) I texted her a joke since she asked me to during the dinner. She laughed and texted me one. That's where we are at right now. I'm getting over a LOT of negativity in my past, but having a cute girl like this dig me is really helping. I'd be interested in hearing any one here's interpretation. Keep in mind, my mind sees myself as so worthless that I may have missed clear signals - such as that she definitely likes me, etc. I still honestly don't know what's going on. I want to text her tonight or tomorrow saying we should grab coffee or go for a walk. Since we met for dinner/drinks the first two dates, I want to do something different. Don't text her next, call her and ask her with a specific day, time and place and go from there. And, ask her if there is something she'd really enjoy doing. Use texting only for light, flirty messages between dates and phone calls. Call fairly often but not over the top and have brief, quality conversations here and there. Don't have marathon phone conversations or else there won't be much to talk about in person. Consistent phone calls and requests for dates shows real interest.
Author Sunyata Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 (edited) Completely freezing up. I might just need to text. I imagine her phone ringing and her being like "ugh!" Especially in this day and age, people don't like using the phone, right? Edited May 9, 2015 by Sunyata
Author Sunyata Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 (edited) I sent a text asking her if she could talk. Perhaps that's a huge mistake. She said she was busy on weekends and I didn't want to interrupt. Edited May 9, 2015 by Sunyata
SunnySide0418 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I sent a text asking her if she could talk. Perhaps that's a huge mistake. She said she was busy on weekends and I didn't want to interrupt. OMG, you need to man up. Be confident and pursue this girl if you like her. The awkward thing becomes a turn off really quickly. Trust me... I'm trying to picture sitting next to someone in a booth and touching their shoulder. Seems like an awkward thing to do. Grab her hand, rest your hand on her leg. If she likes you she'll dig it!!
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