mmlee Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Something I have noticed with a guy I have been dating: 1. No guy friends, only have friends who are girls he has dated or interested in dating him. He actually said he doesn't understand why guys would hang out together at a bar and watch a game together. He constantly talks to his ex, won't let go of them, and visits and have dinner such. I am not that jealous, just find it odd. 2. Snapchatting a random 19 year old. He is 35. 3. Demanded to have my phone as a "trust building exercise" and when I fought to get it back, he said he was going to walk if I didn't give it. So I caved and allowed him to have it for a minute. Without telling him, he emailed copies of my chat history to himself. I didn't find out weeks later, when confronted, didn't appologize. Yeah, I should have walked. Can someone pls knock some sense into me. Thx
preraph Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Lots of red flags here. One, he's too controlling and then the twin brother that goes with that is he won't let go. Men probably think he's nuts. He had your phone, so please be aware that it only takes about 90 seconds for him to have installed a tracking device on it so he can see everything you do, so I'd recommend you dump him, get a new phone and a new number and be clear you don't want to hear from him again. 4
Satu Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 He's maybe not masculine enough to hang out with men. Walk. 1
Methodical Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Definitely ditch him. He's manipulative and exhibits a lot peculiar behavior. Like preraph said, have your phone checked or replaced. 2
joseb Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Something I have noticed with a guy I have been dating: 1. No guy friends, only have friends who are girls he has dated or interested in dating him. He actually said he doesn't understand why guys would hang out together at a bar and watch a game together. He constantly talks to his ex, won't let go of them, and visits and have dinner such. I am not that jealous, just find it odd. 2. Snapchatting a random 19 year old. He is 35. 3. Demanded to have my phone as a "trust building exercise" and when I fought to get it back, he said he was going to walk if I didn't give it. So I caved and allowed him to have it for a minute. Without telling him, he emailed copies of my chat history to himself. I didn't find out weeks later, when confronted, didn't appologize. #3 alone would be enough for me to walk. No question. #1 is also a big flag. #2? i don't do snapchat, so not sure if thats normal or not. I think you know the answer to your question though. Follow your instincts. 1
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 He's a nut case, no wonder men don't want to hang out with him. How old are you for putting up with this crap? 4
losangelena Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Well, your eyes are open. You are free to keep seeing him, but you know what you're putting yourself through. What may be the reasons for still seeing him? 1
Price2Play Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 (edited) 3 HUGE RED FLAGS & he gave you an ultimatum to boot! Time to give him the boot! You are just dating & he has trust issues already, it's only going to get worse. Edited May 9, 2015 by Price2Play 1
MovingOnIsHard Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I guess this is what my ex will be when he's 35 lol Seriously, though dump this guy. And for lolz, try asking him to give his phone to you and see what he says. :-)
kayla73 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Wow, definitely red flags. 1. Not having many friends is normal as you get older, but hanging out with exes would bother me. 2. He needs to grow up; sounds like a player. 3. He's shady for sending that to his e-mail and not telling you. That trust building exercise is a load of crap. He is the distrusting one.
guest569 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Thats disgraceful what he has done. A "trust building exercise" is he for real?? Clearly he had trust issues if he had to do that, and in doing so, should have dried up any trust you had for him. I wouldn't have walked. I would have ran as fast as I could.
calvincline47 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I think you should ask people IRL what to do, people that actually know him. Don't make life decisions based on what a bunch of random people in a forum tell you to do.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Haha.. Wow. That "trust building exercise" line is definitely one I haven't heard used before. So at least he tried to be creative. But it's obvious he's insecure. Also, the snap chatting with the 19 year old is just plain weird.
guest569 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I think you should ask people IRL what to do, people that actually know him. Don't make life decisions based on what a bunch of random people in a forum tell you to do. Really? Thats sort of what this entire forum is for. You think its wise to stay with someone who behaves in this manner? Why would talking to people who know him help? What he did is unacceptable and downright strange. 1
Vercetti Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Sounds like a rather uncouth man I know of. Nothing good will come of him. 1
Author mmlee Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Lots of red flags here. One, he's too controlling and then the twin brother that goes with that is he won't let go. Men probably think he's nuts. He had your phone, so please be aware that it only takes about 90 seconds for him to have installed a tracking device on it so he can see everything you do, so I'd recommend you dump him, get a new phone and a new number and be clear you don't want to hear from him again. Omg never thought of the spyware. Scary stuff! He said his phone is his sancurary, don't ever touch it. And even if he asked me to pass his phone, I should answer "no I can't touch that."
Author mmlee Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 I think you should ask people IRL what to do, people that actually know him. Don't make life decisions based on what a bunch of random people in a forum tell you to do. You mean actually talk to his ex?
guest569 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Omg never thought of the spyware. Scary stuff! He said his phone is his sancurary, don't ever touch it. And even if he asked me to pass his phone, I should answer "no I can't touch that." he's bad news. I don't understand why it's ok for him to talk to exes and young girls and who knows what else behind your back, but he has to know everything that you're doing. His phone is a sanctuary? What about yours? I have no idea why you are still with him.
Author mmlee Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 I realized I have been super naive. He was house sitting for me once before, waiting for furniture delivery. Because my intercom is linked to my phone, he asked for it, says he can open the door for delivery that way and asked me to disable my password. I said I could just open the door for them while at work and call u to let u know. He said it's easier to have my phone. I didn't think much cos I was rushing to work. Now thinking back, he totally manipulated me. You don't need to enter password to answer the phone. He wanted to snoop and hoaxed me into it. This was 1.5 months into our relationship. So manipulative! Omg.
Vercetti Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Yeah...friends with ex's, all friends are girls, chatting up his daughter. Digs through your phone looking for ways to leverage you, but can't touch his phone. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Get rid of him immediately. He's playing you like a fiddle. He is not to be trusted. How old are you, OP?
Author mmlee Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Get rid of him immediately. He's playing you like a fiddle. He is not to be trusted. How old are you, OP? 30+ But only new to dating again.
lemoncello Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 This guy has "abuser" written all over him, based on what I've read about him here. OP, time to remove the rose colored glasses. I can understand why it may be hard for you to leave your boyfriend if you haven't been in a relationship in a long time. But, at 30+ years old, you are old enough to know the difference between a safe relationship and a toxic, potentially dangerous relationship. No? My guess is he has more red flags in his closet that you haven't seen yet. Do you want to stay around to find out? 1
Author mmlee Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 This guy has "abuser" written all over him, based on what I've read about him here. OP, time to remove the rose colored glasses. I can understand why it may be hard for you to leave your boyfriend if you haven't been in a relationship in a long time. But, at 30+ years old, you are old enough to know the difference between a safe relationship and a toxic, potentially dangerous relationship. No? My guess is he has more red flags in his closet that you haven't seen yet. Do you want to stay around to find out? The craziness continues... we met up yesterday, I suggested go for a walk. He insisted on walking for an hour to wal-mart... fine. He said let's wear hoodie and tennis shoes. when I wanted to wear a sweater underneath my hoodie, he said NO, I must wear a shirt. I said I will be cold without sweater... He said I was being difficult. I wasn't allowed to wear my converse either, must wear nike shoes. He told me not to wear make up, as I was putting some concealer on my under-eye bags. He yelled. When we finally got to walmart and shopped, I wanted to uber home. He said no, we must walk home. When we got home, I was making dinner, gave him 4, 5 options, he said no to all of them and said I was dumb. He finally said "don't make anything, or else I will throw it at your face". We eventually settled on going to a buffet dinner later on. He said lets not eat before hand, but I was very hungry, so I took ONE potato chip and a cracker... he yelled at me again saying I was being difficult. This is not the first time he yelled. He has said **** you, screw you, called me selfish idiot before. But I just assumed it;s the side effects of his medication. He went home after dinner. I have never met anyone like him! Not a friend not a date not a bf. Is this the med or personality?? Was I being difficult? I have lost my sanity.
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