What would you do if your date acted rudely towards a waitress/waiter?

May 8, 2015

I remember a date that I went on years ago with a guy who owned his own upholstery shop and, by far, it was THE most embarrassing date that I've ever been on.

He had taken me to an expensive steak restaurant and, while he was ordering how he wanted his steak cooked, I got a bad vibe...I had the impression that he was a bit snooty, but that feeling only lasted a few seconds and after that, I didn't give it a second thought. Until our order arrived.

When he cut into his steak and he saw that it was well done, he became VERY irate. He motioned for the waitress to come to our table and instead of just informing her that his steak was cooked too long and to please bring him another one, he spoke VERY rudely to her, complained that he has been eating there for years and how "shocked" he was that his steak was NOT cooked to HIS specifications. And while he was raising his voice to her and complaining about his steak, I felt SO bad for the waitress. Her and I made brief eye contact and I could tell that she knew how bad I felt for her and how absolutely embarrassed I was. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

Well, the waitress remained polite and actually apologized for the cook's error and brought back another steak that was practically mooing. He cut into it and blood oozed out of it along with the meat's juices. Even though she apologized profusely and had asked him if the steak was cooked the way he had wanted, he said a curt "Yes, now it is". He didn't even have the decency and courtesy of saying "Thank You" to her and he didn't say anything else to her as she walked away.

I was FUMING at that point. I ate a few bites of my meal and pushed my plate away. He asked me why wasn't I eating and was my meal "not" prepared properly? And if it wasn't, he would call the waitress back and "demand" they cook my meal correctly. I was HORRIFIED when he said that, so I reassured him that my meal WAS cooked to my liking, it's just that I had LOST MY APPETITE. I knew that he KNEW why I didn't want to eat my dinner. Well, he didn't give a $hit about what he had done or my reaction to it. He actually continued to eat his steak dinner while I sat there and watched him.

Towards the end of his meal, he was visibly uncomfortable with the way I was acting and he made a lame attempt at an apology by saying he didn't mean to 'cause such a ruckus'. I told him that I thought the way he behaved towards the waitress was messed up and that he was completely out of line and that I was leaving to go home. He said that what had happened was 'not a big deal' and that I was 'overreacting'. He actually seemed irritated that I wanted to go home instead of genuinely apologizing for being such a douchebag. I put a $20 bill on the table, got up and left. He was saying something to me as I was walking away but I didn't pay any attention. I iggied his call that night and for the entire week before he finally stopped calling me.

Going out on that date taught me A LOT about how some people can really be SO incredibly rude, insensitive, boorish and have a TOTAL lack of manners. Thank God I've never dated anyone like that ever again! And if I ever do, I'll end the date right then and there.

If you were out on a date and he/she acted in a rude and disrespectful manner to a member of the wait staff or to any employee at any venue, how would you react? Would you brush it off and give them a second chance? Or would you have reacted the way that I did and leave them there...and never go out with them again?

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May 8, 2015

All before this he was charming wasn't he?

You met a manipulator/controller/abuser.

You did well to just leave.

They don't often show so many signs so early on.

May 8, 2015

hey blackopsgirl...you can tell a person by how they treat waitstaff....he sounds self entitled.......and quite rude.....i dont think however that being rude back helps.....not to teach him anything anyways......if it were me i would have explained why i found him rude in private and explained to him fi it happens again i can tell we are not going to get on...... .my ex used to be quite vocal in restaurants if something wasnt to his liking he also was not a very generous spirit when i met him..... as in money.....i am into giving.....it didnt take long before he found out that giving was actually a peaceful feeling ....a good feeling......and now we arent together but he is a much more giving and generous spirit......he even feeds homeless peopel at a soup kitchen at xmas time now instead of getting wasted....which is cool......

i never was rude to him if he was rude to someone.....but i did voice my opinion in private.... i mediated behind the scenes........i could have cut him down while he was being rude.....but i chose not too...i knew it wouldnt help prove my belief about how to treat people...and he did change......comes into the fact i believe god puts people in our lives for a reason......either to teach us something or for good for either one.......might not seem so positive that way at the time you know the person...but looking back i can see this over and over again......you know what you dont like and what makes you feel wrong and out of place.....and he does know that you as a woman objected completely to his poor treatment of a hard working polite and courteous waitress.....thats a good thing....just maybe....he might think twice next time he gets a well done steak........cheers...deb

.....

May 8, 2015

"Our search for such [moral] principles can start with . . . the unconditional imperative to acknowledge every person as a person. If we ask for the contents given by this absolute, we find, first, something negative—the command not to treat a person as a thing. This seems little, but it is much. It is the core of the principle of justice."

- Paul Tillich.

May 8, 2015

All before this he was charming wasn't he?

You met a manipulator/controller/abuser.

You did well to just leave.
They don't often show so many signs so early on.

Yes, he was! That's what really threw me for a loop with him. Upon reflection, I'm almost sure that he had NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder); either that, or he was just a d!ck and didn't show his true rotten colors until a situation came up that allowed his 6 headed hydra to slither out.

.

May 8, 2015

Both my parents have a grade 6 education. My mother worked for 40 years as a waitress and my father has a truck driver to send all of us 4 kids to college and Uni.

I would have ripped his head off right there and then and leave, he would have been too embarrassed to ever set foot in that restaurant.

May 8, 2015

I wouldn't go out with them again, and I'd tell them I was going to the bathroom and go hand the hostess and 20 and ask her to give it to the server discreetly.

I only get pissy with servers if they are truly awful. I did have one last year that was not listening to one thing I said. I ordered a shredded beef taco plate that came with pineapple pico, according to the menu. She had the wrong order, but then when the right order came, no pineapple pico. So I asked for some and she gave me a real hard time and then went and talked to someone and came back and said it would cost extra!! It's on the freakin menu as coming with it. So I stayed away from there for a few months until she was good and gone and now am going there again.

Servers and managers at my favorite restaurants love me because I'm nice, I'm not condescending and am friendly, and I tip well. I get comp'd a lot at my favorite place and have employees who come up and hug me.

If I don't like the service, though, I won't go there much. I went to this trendy bbq place in the arts district when they opened. Go in, all you see is the bar. Had to fumble around because no one is working the door. Finally stop someone and they say you have to go to the back and order. Wanted to order a sandwich. They only sold meat by the pound and didn't make sandwiches. Ordered a little meat and they gave me two thin fragile pieces of white bread to make my own sandwich. No plate, just butcher block paper to put it on. No condiments around. Had to ask the bartender where the bbq sauce was. Tried to eat my sandwich and it just fell apart. So I never went back there, and I just can't imagine why anyone would go back there. Some people think anything different is cool. It was also very overpriced. The meat was okay, but not worth it.

May 8, 2015

Oh wow BOZG.... That's awkward lol.

I used to work in retail and would get bitchy customers and I'd get the same looks of embarrassment and pity from people who had to accompany people like that.

May 9, 2015

What would you do if your date acted rudely towards a waitress/waiter?

I'd take the person aside, apologize for the rude manners of my guest and leave them enough to cover the check and a tip and never set eyes on the other person (date) again.

May 9, 2015

What would you do if your date acted rudely towards a waitress/waiter?

Since it hasn't happened to me yet (weird, I must have polite friends I guess), I think I would probably tell the person who was rude that they were rude, tell them I was leaving them to pay the bill and never see that person again.

May 9, 2015

I'd have likely reacted in the same way you did.

May 9, 2015

I don't think I'd ever take the side of a wait staff person over my date, but I'd talk to her about it afterward if I thought she was too out of line.

May 9, 2015

When I waitressed at an upscale restaurant, the best thing I ever saw was a man put his cigarette out in the steak that was just served to him. He pushed the steak away and said, "There's a cigarette in my steak."

This guy didn't have a date, though. Can't imagine why.

Respect for others is HUGE for me, and that includes respect toward strangers. If anyone displayed any kind of disrespectful behavior, I'd take it as a huge red flag.

May 9, 2015

Lmfao. Go to the bathroom and leave and let the classless trash rage and make a fool of himself alone. If can flag down the waiter, apologize for him slip him a tip.....and waiter will cover you're escape.

May 9, 2015

I think you can learn a lot about someone's personality and manners from observing how they treat wait staff - so you definitely dodged a bullet and I think your reaction was very much justified. While it's valid to politely inform a waitress that the steak is overdone... the keyword here is 'politely', something which your date clearly has yet to learn. Can't stand people who get their kicks out of verbally abusing people who are just trying to earn a living.

May 9, 2015

I would have wondered what else was wrong in his day but said something pointed like "she didn't cook the steak. Send it back but calm down." Then I would have looked at her and apologized.

If it ended there OK. If he turned on me, well all bets would have been off at that point.

May 9, 2015

Hmmm, that has never happened to me, but if it did, knowing me I would not have said anything, but silently thought he was an insensitive arse, and just not gone out with him again.

But I applaud you BOZG for the way you handled it!! :bunny:

May 9, 2015

Luckily for the OP, that guy showed his true colors early on date one so she did not have to waste time with him.

To be a good catch, they must have a good attitude... the more positive they are, the better. Walking on eggshells in a relationship is not my idea of a good time.

May 9, 2015

I've had several dates go similar to this. They never get a date after.

As a former waiter and bartender myself, I know the things that happen in the front and back end of a restaurant. If I EVER have to return anything, I'll actually apologize and assure them that it is okay.

But it is a HUGE turn-off when I see someone be a complete jerk to wait staff or even a bartender. It says a lot about their mentality.

May 9, 2015

Automatic deal-breaker. If you cannot show respect for someone who works on their feet for twelve hours at sub-minimum wage, you lack the compassion to be a decent person (much less romantic partner). It's not just about entitlement, it's about having empathy and decency.

May 9, 2015

One of my ex's totally reamed out a manager at a movie theater for not letting her bring a drink in one time. I just stood there and didn't interfere much.

Despite the fact I have all the respect in the world for anyone who works a job, I'm not taking their side in public against someone I'm dating. Wtf planet are people living on, where you decide how sexy someone is based on how they treat the waitstaff on one date. And then side against them with a stranger. Maybe it's different for women, but I can always speak with her after and most likely get her to not do it again.

May 9, 2015

One of my ex's totally reamed out a manager at a movie theater for not letting her bring a drink in one time. I just stood there and didn't interfere much.

Despite the fact I have all the respect in the world for anyone who works a job, I'm not taking their side in public against someone I'm dating. Wtf planet are people living on, where you decide how sexy someone is based on how they treat the waitstaff on one date. And then side against them with a stranger. Maybe it's different for women, but I can always speak with her after and most likely get her to not do it again.

It has nothing to do with "taking sides" or "being sexy". It's indicative of someone's values. If you are OK treating wait staff like dirt, you probably don't treat other people very well either. You're an adult; you shouldn't need someone to tell you not to be a jerk.

Even if we were taking sides here, and we really aren't, I'm on Team Basic Respect for Others. And I won't date anyone who isn't.

May 9, 2015

If someone acts like a child to something petty as a food order not being to thier subjective taste...well. Simple option, kindly send the dish back for something else or bite the bullet and take it as a learning experience the establishment is just not for you.

A first date or even first few dates owe the other person nothing. I'm not going to look a fool or be uncomfortable cause someone else lacks. If they are so picky, why did they not go where they trust the food and staff...probally cause they are always fault finding and haven't established such.

Where is tolerating a rude / aquward idiots actions for any amount of time coming from. Do some people really lack such self worth they will publicly lose face over a person that's been in thier life a few days.

That sort of behaviour is supposed to be a cue. Oh great she is looking for a speck of dirt in her water with a lime, great she is going nuts cause the silverware has some water marks, oh boy now she bitching about the size of the house / side salad.....I'm out.

May 9, 2015

Ouch, major pet peeve of mine. On two levels -

1. What everyone else is saying about basic decency. When it comes to restaurants and wait staff, I've always understood the norm to be that you can complain (politely) to people if those people actually have something to do with what you're complaining about. A waiter/waitress didn't cook your steak, so all that should be said to them, if you can't live with it, is that it was prepared wrong and could you have another. (Again, politely.) Your beef would be with the chef, but usually you can't talk to them, so if it was such a big deal that you couldn't let it go, you should ask for the manager at the end of the meal and speak to them.

2. When you're sitting at a table with me and speak to anyone other than me in a professional environment, you're presuming to speak for me, being as I'm there with you. That means your conduct will reflect on me by association. That means you damn sure better get my approval before launching into some diatribe, or just safely assume that such an act is inappropriate for the situation and the occasion. Addressing everyone respectfully is how I would treat everyone, so that's generally what you should do too, and it's what I do because I don't want to drag you down into bitchface territory with me because my eggwhite's not white enough.

Bopz, what I'd do specifically depends, but it would be similar to you and I applaud your actions. If it was a first date, I'd just stare at my date during his rant and after the server left, until he had to uncomfortably ask "what?" Then I'd ask him wtf was that and explain the thing about dragging me down with him into his personal hellhole of restaurant dissatisfaction. If his explanation wasn't completely conciliatory and apologetic, I'd walk out, and stop at the hostess stand on the way to pay the bill or a portion. I'd also make a point of seeing the server to apologize on my behalf and point out that the douche is dining solo from this point on.

If it was beyond first date, I'd actually interrupt his rant and tell him to knock it off immediately under the threat of walking out, and again explain his douchery to him, right in front of the server.

May 9, 2015

I agree with most of the posters on my thread with the exception of Gaius. Um, what does your date being "sexy" have anything to do with them having respect for others, etiquette, decency and common sense??

It's also not about "taking sides", Gaius. It's about what kind of character traits your date has...and if their values match your own. Are you saying that, if your date is "sexy" and as long as the potential for them to have sex with you exists, it wouldn't matter to you how disrespectful or rudely they treat others? And do you really think, since they have it within themselves to treat others in this negative manner, that you would be able to actually prevent them from treating people that way in the future by "having a talk with them after the first incident"?

Maybe it's different for men (or for you specifically)...but for me, I'd NEVER tolerate a date's inexcusable and deplorable rude behavior towards anyone just because I wanted to have sex with them or because I thought they were "sexy".

.

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What would you do if your date acted rudely towards a waitress/waiter?

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