KayK Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 My boyfriend of 8 months has gone cold.. We have never had a typical relationship, we have always bee told by EVERYONE that we are "relationship goals". My boyfriend is sweet, caring, in tune to me, attentive, supportive, etc.. We have had the strongest bond yet the most simple relationship ever..only two tiffs in 8 months..and always there for each other, and always putting our relationship first. We are younger, but have still discussed our future together. I know I'm a lucky girl! About ten days ago, he started seeming a tad off. We discussed it and he said 'he had noticed he hadn't been himself, but he hadn't figured out quite why but it didn't have anything to do with the relationship'. He's getting ready to graduate so I just figured it probably was stress and changes. But wow.. within the last five days things have really changed. It started with him making excuses not to hangout. Then the first night he didn't call (like always does) said his phone died..and for the first time ever in our relationship I felt he wasn't being honest . Now the last couple days he has made other plans for lunch and hasn't seen me after school. I know you may think I'm being petty, but when for eight months he has done all these every day and now suddenly not, it's very odd. I'm young, but not dumb. I know something is going on. But what has me perplexed is that we still text all day like we have..I mean its not as gooey and insightful as it was, but it is there. And when I don't respond for a couple hours he keeps texting, so its not just me wanting to text. He asks me at least once a day if I'm ok, and when I say 'yes why' he says 'makin sure'. He still texts me good morning texts and goodnight texts both with pet names (not long and gooey anymore) and we still snapchat in the evenings too. I have backed off and I don't always respond, or immediately. I have stopped asking if there is anything going on and stopped questioning his actions because I don't like I was being a nag and I don't like that. There is a part of me that says just ignore him and see what happens, but that not me..I'm the kinda girl that feels he is still my boyfriend and I will respect him. He hasn't done anything until now to not deserve my respect. Plus, what if he really is just working through something rough, I want to be there at the end for him. I need advice and wisdom.....
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) My boyfriend of 8 months has gone cold.. We have never had a typical relationship, we have always bee told by EVERYONE that we are "relationship goals". My boyfriend is sweet, caring, in tune to me, attentive, supportive, etc.. We have had the strongest bond yet the most simple relationship ever..only two tiffs in 8 months..and always there for each other, and always putting our relationship first. We are younger, but have still discussed our future together. I know I'm a lucky girl! About ten days ago, he started seeming a tad off. We discussed it and he said 'he had noticed he hadn't been himself, but he hadn't figured out quite why but it didn't have anything to do with the relationship'. He's getting ready to graduate so I just figured it probably was stress and changes. But wow.. within the last five days things have really changed. It started with him making excuses not to hangout. Then the first night he didn't call (like always does) said his phone died..and for the first time ever in our relationship I felt he wasn't being honest . Now the last couple days he has made other plans for lunch and hasn't seen me after school. I know you may think I'm being petty, but when for eight months he has done all these every day and now suddenly not, it's very odd. I'm young, but not dumb. I know something is going on. But what has me perplexed is that we still text all day like we have..I mean its not as gooey and insightful as it was, but it is there. And when I don't respond for a couple hours he keeps texting, so its not just me wanting to text. He asks me at least once a day if I'm ok, and when I say 'yes why' he says 'makin sure'. He still texts me good morning texts and goodnight texts both with pet names (not long and gooey anymore) and we still snapchat in the evenings too. I have backed off and I don't always respond, or immediately. I have stopped asking if there is anything going on and stopped questioning his actions because I don't like I was being a nag and I don't like that. There is a part of me that says just ignore him and see what happens, but that not me..I'm the kinda girl that feels he is still my boyfriend and I will respect him. He hasn't done anything until now to not deserve my respect. Plus, what if he really is just working through something rough, I want to be there at the end for him. I need advice and wisdom..... In this case, you are right to give plenty of space. You are cognizant of some stressors in his life so you should maintain light, supportive contact here and there and don't mention the relationship. Let him close up the space when/if he is ready. There isn't anything you can do to make him come to you, but if you push harder it will certainly drive him further away. You take this "space" to focus on yourself and maintain your life. Don't dwell on this situation or stress too much. If he comes back around, you need to be the woman and/or even better that he knew before. If he comes back around, you'll have to evaluate what he says and does moving forward. Is he back full-steam and preferably more so? Does he understand how his pulling away affected you and is he apologetic? Then, observe his behavior and that he is demonstrating a serious return to the relationship or whether he is back just because he's lonely or seeking comfort while still not being invested in the relationship? Edited May 8, 2015 by Redhead14
jen1447 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 If you've been full-time for 8 months, I wouldn't tolerate any backing off without an explanation. He owes you that much at least. It'd be one thing if you were only dating casually, but BF/GF-see each other every day means he can't just opt out. (Unless you let him.)
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I am sorry to say but I think this relationship has run its course. Happens a lot with very young couples when they're about to hit graduation. There is a new step ahead for him and he's rethinking your relationship. Feelings change sometimes for no reasons, it just happens. You have no control over it and there is nothing you can do. I would have a face to face conversation with him and ask him to put his cards on the table. He owes you that much respect after 8 months.
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