yourdatingpro Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 What? Who is giving you dating advice lmao! Just because you bought her dinner doesn't mean she'll open her heart up to you. Take her on dates that will blow her away, places that she's never even thought about. Being an ******* will eventually drive her away. if you do all those things and she STILL doesn't want you, just know when she's with a real *******, she'll be thinking about how she missed the chance with you.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Take her on dates that will blow her away, places that she's never even thought about. Being an ******* will eventually drive her away. if you do all those things and she STILL doesn't want you, just know when she's with a real *******, she'll be thinking about how she missed the chance with you. Bad advice IMO. Why? You shouldn't have to "blow a woman away" to get her to like you in the beginning. She should appreciate you for who you are, and not what you can give her. When you're first getting to know a woman, have the confidence to rely on your personality. If a woman genuinely likes you, she could have a blast doing something as simple as people watching with a scoop of ice cream. As you invest more time in her and she shows how special she is, that is when you give her special treatment. But, when you take any woman you meet out on over the top dates, it shows you're trying too hard and have no standards. 1
Author StephenSG Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) So another one... I went on a date with another girl a few days ago, we met up and had coffee. had lots in common, usual crap blah blah blah. This was our first time meeting so I tried to sneek in subtle flirtatious comments, which seemed to go over ok.. Date lasted about 2 hours, then I took her home because she had to cook dinner for her family that night. Again, no kiss this time, just a hug as opportunity didnt seem to present itself. I texted her later that night and said "Hey, had a great time with you." she replied saying the same thing basically. So fast forward a few nights and I ask her out for drinks, and she says sure but her friend is arriving from out of town and she has to pick her up at the airport first, then she will come out and meet me for drinks. Night goes by, no text or call or anything. (i was out with my friends anyways). I text her and say "Hey, still coming out?" and she takse aobut an hour and replies "Hey sorry dont think I am goign to make it", so I say to myself, fine whatever guess shes not interested. Next night she texts me and says I should come by her work and have a drink there with her. I agree. So as the night goes by she texts me again and says "sorry I have to close now, I wont be getting off until late". I dont reply. Later that night I got pretty drunk with my friends out on the town, so I reply to her previous text saying this: "I just want to lay it out there, I think you're attractive and I'd like to go on another date with you, but you've blown me off two nights in a row so it doesn't seem like you're interested, so Ill let you be". She takes until the morning to reply and she says "Whoa. Sorry but I dont get attached to someone after one date. Sorry i didn't want to come out last night after working my ass off. I think you're cool and we vibe well, and Im sorry if it seemed like I wasn't interested but thats not the case". I replied saying "Thats understandable, it just seemed like you were blowing me off. Sorry for the drunk texts. Let me take you for dinner tonight." then her reply was "Yea i get it. I cant tonight I already have plans but next friday is my next night off so maybe then?". I replied simply with friday works. We havent talked since. Why is she stringing me along? She clearly doesnt seem interested yet keeps saying she is? I feel like if I try and take her out on friday again I am just goign to get blown off again. Edited May 11, 2015 by StephenSG
fitnessfan365 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 1) An example of you being too nice was taking her home after the meet. If she met up with you, she can find her own way back home. Don't act like a boyfriend or taxi service with a woman you don't even know. 2) Texting her later that night is a bit over eager. The next day as a follow up probably would have been better. 3) The second she said that she had to pick her friend up first, etc you withdraw the offer. You say "Let's do it another night when we can make definite plans. When are you free?" Then you let her suggest an alternate day. By agreeing to wait around on her, you're essentially communicating you don't value your time and that you don't mind being treated like a back up plan. Then to make matters worse, you chased after her again that night. Then the drunk texts only made it worse. 4) Once again, you accepted a "maybe" for the dinner. If a woman doesn't give you a concrete yes, you withdraw the offer and leave the ball in her court to get back to you with different availability. Otherwise you'll usually just be sitting around waiting to be flaked on. *** To be honest, I think her reaction of saying she doesn't get attached after one date was perfectly justified. Also, the reason why she is blowing you off is because you've demonstrated needy, pushy behavior. If this is any indication of how you've been acting, I can see why you're not being successful. 2
BlueIris Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 ... Why is she stringing me along? She clearly doesnt seem interested yet keeps saying she is? I feel like if I try and take her out on friday again I am just goign to get blown off again. what?!?! 1. You ask her out for that very night, a last minute invitation, and she's picking up someone at the airport- dependent upon someone else’s schedule. 2. She asks you to come to her work and have a drink and you wait so long to show up that she texts back to say she’s closing up. 3. You send drunk text drawing some kind of line in the sand with a woman you have gone out with once. 4. She said yes to setting up a date, which she set and you agreed to… So perhaps your original premise is correct. It works.
Author StephenSG Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 what?!?! 1. You ask her out for that very night, a last minute invitation, and she's picking up someone at the airport- dependent upon someone else’s schedule. 2. She asks you to come to her work and have a drink and you wait so long to show up that she texts back to say she’s closing up. 3. You send drunk text drawing some kind of line in the sand with a woman you have gone out with once. 4. She said yes to setting up a date, which she set and you agreed to… So perhaps your original premise is correct. It works. 1. The first night I asked her out (when she was picking up her friend at the airport) I asked her early in the day. She agreed to it then only later texted me around 6pm telling me about having to pick up her friend. Its more the fact that she didnt have the courtesy to text me to say she wasnt coming, I had to text her to ask. That seems rude to me?? 2. She basically told me not to come because she wouldnt have time to sit down with me. This one I can understand because she has no cotnrol over work. 3. Yes the drunk text was a mistake but I don't like bugging girls if they arent interested in me, I hate the games. I just wanted her to be honest. 4. Right....
Author StephenSG Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 1) An example of you being too nice was taking her home after the meet. If she met up with you, she can find her own way back home. Don't act like a boyfriend or taxi service with a woman you don't even know. 2) Texting her later that night is a bit over eager. The next day as a follow up probably would have been better. 3) The second she said that she had to pick her friend up first, etc you withdraw the offer. You say "Let's do it another night when we can make definite plans. When are you free?" Then you let her suggest an alternate day. By agreeing to wait around on her, you're essentially communicating you don't value your time and that you don't mind being treated like a back up plan. Then to make matters worse, you chased after her again that night. Then the drunk texts only made it worse. 4) Once again, you accepted a "maybe" for the dinner. If a woman doesn't give you a concrete yes, you withdraw the offer and leave the ball in her court to get back to you with different availability. Otherwise you'll usually just be sitting around waiting to be flaked on. *** To be honest, I think her reaction of saying she doesn't get attached after one date was perfectly justified. Also, the reason why she is blowing you off is because you've demonstrated needy, pushy behavior. If this is any indication of how you've been acting, I can see why you're not being successful. ****, fine, blow me off I don't care. but why does she keep saying shes still interested. All I seek is honesty, I don't like chasing people that aren't interested in me.
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 1. The first night I asked her out (when she was picking up her friend at the airport) I asked her early in the day. . Did you ever read a book called The Rules? Most of it is pop psychology garbage & it really isn't meant to be followed literally but one of the things it preaches is that a woman should only accept a Saturday night date from a man who asks on Wednesday. Again I told you it was stupid but the rational is that if a man doesn't give the woman sufficient notice he doesn't value her time or think she's desirable. A woman who accepts such a date is saying that she's willing to drop everything for some guy which is her not valuing herself. When you ask a woman for a date that same day you have to assume she is already busy which is the case here. Pushing when she said she had to go to the air port to pick up her friend was another bad move on your part. She most likely wanted to see her friend not some guy she just met. You need to work on your timing. Give a girl a bit of advanced notice to plan. Stop asking out women for that day. It's rude for one but more importantly it fails to allow for the idea that she has a life & plans. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 ****, fine, blow me off I don't care. but why does she keep saying shes still interested. All I seek is honesty, I don't like chasing people that aren't interested in me. In general, most women would rather lie than "hurt your feelings". She's trying to communicate through her actions that she isn't interested and hoping you take the hint. But I'm hoping that this won't be another case of you blaming the woman and wondering why you keep being rejected. I've given you solid advice pointing out, why in this case at least, it was 100% your fault.
Author StephenSG Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 Right^. Anways, I deleted her number.
BlueIris Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 So don't get all pushed out of shape about being "strung along" or getting "blown off."
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 then her reply was "Yea i get it. I cant tonight I already have plans but next friday is my next night off so maybe then?". I replied simply with friday works. We havent talked since. Why is she stringing me along? She clearly doesnt seem interested yet keeps saying she is? I feel like if I try and take her out on friday again I am just goign to get blown off again. This is what I don't get. The girl gave the OP a specific date when she was free. Why is the OP deleting her # and why are people telling him she isn't interested? Honestly I think she's busy. She's not the best communicator & changes her mind -- not being able to come out after picking the friend up from the AP or after her shift got changed until later but she had asked the OP to come to her work when she thought she was getting out earlier -- so why do people not believe that she's ready willing & able to go on the date Friday? 2
fitnessfan365 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 This is what I don't get. The girl gave the OP a specific date when she was free. Why is the OP deleting her # and why are people telling him she isn't interested? Honestly I think she's busy. She's not the best communicator & changes her mind -- not being able to come out after picking the friend up from the AP or after her shift got changed until later but she had asked the OP to come to her work when she thought she was getting out earlier -- so why do people not believe that she's ready willing & able to go on the date Friday? She didn't give a direct confirmation though. She said "So maybe then". The OP is the one who said "Friday works" taking it as a definite date. But the key here is that she said maybe and never committed to anything.
Author StephenSG Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 I've decided that if I dont have another girlfirend within the next couple years (i.e. I keep getting rejected) i am going to end my life.
katiegrl Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) Originally Posted by StephenSG then her reply was "Yea i get it. I cant tonight I already have plans but next friday is my next night off so maybe then?". -------------------------- She didn't give a direct confirmation though. She said "So maybe then". The OP is the one who said "Friday works" taking it as a definite date. But the key here is that she said maybe and never committed to anything. ff, you are wrong about that. She didn't mean "maybe" literally... "So maybe then?" was a figure of speech that translates to "yes, I'd love to, is that night good for you"? When I was dating and a man asked me out and what my schedule was, I often said "sure, maybe Saturday'? Again, meaning, yes I'd love to, how about Saturday? You can't take everything one says literally all the time, especially in dating. Many statements are just common language differences and figures of speech. Edited May 12, 2015 by katiegrl 1
clia Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Did you ever ask the girl from the original post out on a second date?
Author StephenSG Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 Did you ever ask the girl from the original post out on a second date? she told me she wasnt interested. rejected as usual.
Jonp219 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 My thing is how the hell do you continue to get dates with this attitude and my ass cant
yourdatingpro Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Bad advice IMO. Why? You shouldn't have to "blow a woman away" to get her to like you in the beginning. She should appreciate you for who you are, and not what you can give her. When you're first getting to know a woman, have the confidence to rely on your personality. If a woman genuinely likes you, she could have a blast doing something as simple as people watching with a scoop of ice cream. As you invest more time in her and she shows how special she is, that is when you give her special treatment. But, when you take any woman you meet out on over the top dates, it shows you're trying too hard and have no standards. Don't take my post out of context. I was referring to that instead of being an *******.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Originally Posted by StephenSG then her reply was "Yea i get it. I cant tonight I already have plans but next friday is my next night off so maybe then?". -------------------------- ff, you are wrong about that. She didn't mean "maybe" literally... "So maybe then?" was a figure of speech that translates to "yes, I'd love to, is that night good for you"? When I was dating and a man asked me out and what my schedule was, I often said "sure, maybe Saturday'? Again, meaning, yes I'd love to, how about Saturday? You can't take everything one says literally all the time, especially in dating. Many statements are just common language differences and figures of speech. Hmm.. It's funny. Whenever I ask a woman "When are you free to get together" she never says "maybe". She always gives definite suggestions for days. I mean if you were free Saturday, wouldn't you say "I have Saturday open' or "Sat works for me", etc.. I'm just wondering why you wouldn't make a direct statement. I have a lot of sales experience, and over the years anytime someone uses a non-committal phrase like "maybe", "we'll see, "I'll think about it", etc it's a polite no 99% of the time. That's why I always advise guys to withdraw the offer if a woman says "Maybe I can do Saturday", etc.. If she actually wanted to do Saturday, she'd just say so. I mean why hide your enthusiasm for getting together behind "maybe"? But I guess there are exceptions in each case and you're one of them.
katiegrl Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) Hmm.. It's funny. Whenever I ask a woman "When are you free to get together" she never says "maybe". She always gives definite suggestions for days. I mean if you were free Saturday, wouldn't you say "I have Saturday open' or "Sat works for me", etc.. I'm just wondering why you wouldn't make a direct statement. I have a lot of sales experience, and over the years anytime someone uses a non-committal phrase like "maybe", "we'll see, "I'll think about it", etc it's a polite no 99% of the time. That's why I always advise guys to withdraw the offer if a woman says "Maybe I can do Saturday", etc.. If she actually wanted to do Saturday, she'd just say so. I mean why hide your enthusiasm for getting together behind "maybe"? But I guess there are exceptions in each case and you're one of them. There is a difference between "Friday is my next night off, maybe then"??" (which is what the OP's girl said-- with a question mark at the end --- meaning, is that night good for you?) .....and "I don't know, maybe, I will let you know." She told him she was free Friday night and her "maybe then"? with a question mark is her asking him if Friday night works for him too... The latter scenario "I don't know, maybe" or "maybe I can do Saturday" are blow offs. Hopefully you know how to differentiate between the two..... Edited May 12, 2015 by katiegrl 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 There is a difference between "Friday is my next night off, maybe then"??" (which is what the OP's girl said-- with a question mark at the end --- meaning, is that night good for you?) .....and "I don't know, maybe, I will let you know." She told him she was free Friday night and her "maybe then"? with a question mark is her asking him if Friday night works for him too... The latter scenario "I don't know, maybe" or "maybe I can do Saturday" are blow offs. Hopefully you know how to differentiate between the two..... OK the way you put it makes sense to me now. In that connotation I agree with you.
katiegrl Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 OK the way you put it makes sense to me now. In that connotation I agree with you. The English language is so fascinating. In how something as simple as a question mark can change the entire meaning of a sentence. I mean, had she texted, "Friday is my next night off, *maybe* then." Phrasing it as a statement instead of a question requiring his response, it would have sounded like a blow off! Fascinating!
clia Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 There is a difference between "Friday is my next night off, maybe then"??" (which is what the OP's girl said-- with a question mark at the end --- meaning, is that night good for you?) .....and "I don't know, maybe, I will let you know." She told him she was free Friday night and her "maybe then"? with a question mark is her asking him if Friday night works for him too... The latter scenario "I don't know, maybe" or "maybe I can do Saturday" are blow offs. Hopefully you know how to differentiate between the two..... Exactly. I'll use "maybe" to indicate that I'm free at that time, but am free at other times as well if that doesn't work for the person who I'm talking to. It's an offer for them to accept. I think it's more a pattern of speech, because the "maybe" obviously isn't necessary. I wonder if OP is from the Midwest.
johndoe2 Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 My thing is how the hell do you continue to get dates with this attitude and my ass cant Maybe you should try approaching them with your face instead? Sorry couldn't resist.
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