fitnessfan365 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 However, after seeing countless friends get laid over and over again by being "*******s" to girls, I start to wonder what the hell I am doing wrong. What is your ultimate goal? If you want to get laid, stop pretending you want to date. Own it and be authentic. Act aggressive and direct with your attraction. Invite women to meet up "for drinks" or to "come watch a movie". There are some women who respond to it, and they respect that you have the balls not to pretend it's something else. But if you actually want to date and find something more worthwhile, keep planning dates and getting to know women as people. However, that doesn't mean that you should walk on egg shells either. If you can combine the confidence and playfulness of a pick up artist, with the consistency of planning actual dates, being a gentleman, etc, you'll be more successful IMO. Right now it seems like you are on the "too nice" end of the spectrum. So give women a taste of both. 2
loveweary11 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Excuse me? I am a wolf in all other aspects of my life. I work hard for the things I want. However yes I prefer to be nice to women and treat them with respect. However, after seeing countless friends get laid over and over again by being "*******s" to girls, I start to wonder what the hell I am doing wrong. And the only conclusion I have come to is that my nice by nature personality is boring and makes girls not like me. They want the badboy who genuinely shows he doesn't give a ****, and doesn't need them. . You're close here. you've almost got it. The secret is to be the GOOD guy who doesn't care and doesn't need them.
Rejected Rosebud Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 The secret is to be the GOOD guy who doesn't care and doesn't need them. The secret to what exactly?? :confused: It's important in my relationship that we both feel needed!!
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I am 25 and most girls I go on dates with are 22-24. So maybe you're right about the age group. i would like to date an older girl but most of the time they aren't interested in someone younger. Ok, you're probably a little bit in "limbo" age wise. You're maybe a little more mature for your own age group and younger, but not quite "there" yet to be going older. I'd say, don't focus on dating for a while. Keep any dates you do have very casual and fun. Treat them right. If you like them enough, call them more often than you text them and if they are receptive. It's a little bit of a numbers game too. The more you date, the more likely you are to find a match for you. But for now, hold off a little. You're feeling a little burned right now I think. Get centered again and just be who you are.
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 You're close here. you've almost got it. The secret is to be the GOOD guy who doesn't care and doesn't need them. ^^This with one caveat. Women *do* want you to care and need them....just not *too* much. It's a delicate balance between acting like the good guy who cares and maintaining some distance. Don't text too often, pace your dates out and, keep her wondering a bit....at the beginning. Date other girls so you don't become overly invested in ONE girl ... On dates, ask questions and be a good listener. Don't always agree with everything she says ...well, unless you do...but if you don't, don't be afraid of saying so! Stay cool, and always keep it REAL... 1
Author StephenSG Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 Sigh lol, why does it have to be so delicate. Why can't girls and guys just be straight up with their intentions. if you like each other just say it, its always gotta be these mind games.
Woggle Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 You can have to be a jerk but never give up your self respect.
loveweary11 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 ^^This with one caveat. Women *do* want you to care and need them....just not *too* much. It's a delicate balance between acting like the good guy who cares and maintaining some distance. Don't text too often, pace your dates out and, keep her wondering a bit....at the beginning. Date other girls so you don't become overly invested in ONE girl ... On dates, ask questions and be a good listener. Don't always agree with everything she says ...well, unless you do...but if you don't, don't be afraid of saying so! Stay cool, and always keep it REAL... I mean at first. He's talking about very early on.
guild11 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Its not about being nice... Its about being confident and not to be depended on your girl and worship her. Stop being shallow. 1
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) I mean at first. He's talking about very early on. I am talking about very early on. Are you suggesting that a guy should act like he doesn't give a shyt (i.e. doesn't care).... because they "just" started dating? Speaking personally, I wouldn't last long with a guy who acted like he didn't give a shyt about me (i.e. didn't care)... at the beginning, middle or while in a relationship. I stick to what I said previously. You can act like you care, but just not "too" much. Pace dates out, don't call too often, keep options open. DON'T make her the focus of your existence! That is true at the beginning or at any point during your relationship. It's not game playing or mind games if this is who you truly are. If it's NOT who you truly are, then takes the necessary steps so it IS who you truly are... and become that man. JMO! Edited May 8, 2015 by katiegrl
SingleDude Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I need to understand how to do this. Scenario: I got a girls number and went on a date with her, yet i did the usual nice guy ****, paid for the meal, tried to get to know her, etc etc. and then the followng days her texts seemed less and less interested in what I had to say. I truly believe being nice with girls is a sure way to fail or get friendzoned. I need to understand how to be an ******* to girls but still show enough interest that things can progress to the next level. I understand why you are saying this because I had the same thought once myself. Then I realized it wasn't me or them, there was just nothing to build on. Today? Had a first date. Just sat and talked for three hours. Nobody nervous, nobody trying to impress, lots in common and chemistry. I didn't have to ask to see her again because she made room for me tomorrow just like that. If you have to be a jerk to get a girl, you've already lost. Don't even bother.
loveweary11 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I am talking about very early on. Are you suggesting that a guy should act like he doesn't give a shyt (i.e. doesn't care).... because they "just" started dating? I'm suggesting not to give a shyt at all until you've got to know someone well enough you want to see them more. This has 2 advantages. 1) Keeps you grounded and not getting your hopes up too high for someone you don't know yet and 2) Makes you appear nonchalant or aloof, which actually attracts the other person more, giving you more partners to choose from. Speaking personally, I wouldn't last long with a guy who acted like he didn't give a shyt about me (i.e. didn't care)... at the beginning, middle or while in a relationship. You would if he was nice, just what you were looking for, but you weren't 100% sure if you were reading hoiim right... unsure as to how much he liked you first or 2nd date. And I'm talking about myself here.I care about everyone. Too much probably. That comes right through in my personality in person. But... i don't go gaga over anyone. I allow it to develop....slowly. I don't get invested in dates. I get invested in potential partners. There is a big difference between the 2. I stick to what I said previously. You can act like you care, but just not "too" much. Pace dates out, don't call too often, keep options open. DON'T make her the focus of your existence! That is true at the beginning or at any point during your relationship. It's not game playing or mind games if this is who you truly are. If it's NOT who you truly are, then takes the necessary steps so it IS who you truly are... and become that man. JMO! Words to make the post outside the quote longer. Yeah.... words.
DC77 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I didn't read through every single thread but I concur it's not about being an *******, it's about being confident. Taking the lead. Making decisions. Most quality women (not girls) actually want a nice respectful man that treats her well but isn't a push over. Even if you feel confident, pay attention to the confidence that you project. Body language. Decisions. Assertive voice versus a passive voice. Etc... And also know dating can be brutal and degenerative. No matter what personna you try to be there will be women that just suck. Just be the best, confident version of yourself and quality women will respond to that. 1
Vercetti Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Just have to play a bit. Be forthright with intent. Good timing. Don't over extend and sabotage yourself. Being yourself is great, yet so is best foot forward.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Didn't read all. You could follow in the footsteps of Eazy E. To be honest, just try to project an I don't care attitude. Be prepared to follow thru.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 OP you don't need to be an ******* per se, just avoid being a doormat. Be unpredictable and adopt an I don't care attitude. It's better to be genuine than fake.
Buddhist Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I truly believe being nice with girls is a sure way to fail or get friendzoned. I need to understand how to be an ******* to girls but still show enough interest that things can progress to the next level. The fact you even think like this make me your singledom as no mystery at all.
LookAtThisPOst Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 You don't have to be a jerk. You just have to stop being a doormat. He's not being a doormat, she just simply lost interest.
Author StephenSG Posted May 11, 2015 Author Posted May 11, 2015 The fact you even think like this make me your singledom as no mystery at all. Every first date I've gone on and been a "nice guy" to the girl I have gotten friendzoned. So I guess you just don't know what you're talking about.
smackie9 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 The reason why I turned down second a date is because I found them boring not because they were being nice to me. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 The reason why I turned down second a date is because I found them boring not because they were being nice to me. But the real question is, did you say 'He's a really nice guy but.." to your girlfriends? Over the years female clients I've talked with, women on forums, etc always pair "nice" with a rejection. Yet with men they're interested in, nice is something they never use to describe the guy. 2
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 He's not being a doormat, she just simply lost interest. True. That is what happened with this girl. But the OP asked in general. The last girl was just an example. With her it was also an afternoon date & he didn't try to kiss her even though he had the opportunity. That indicates to me he may have a confidence problem.
El Pallasso Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 You don't have to be a jerk. You just have to stop being a doormat. Do you make decisions on dates or do you say "whatever you want" no matter the topic, where to eat, what movie to see etc. If you aren't the one controlling the shots, start. What's your posture like? Are you standing up straight, chest puffed out, looking her in the eye like you have the world on a string? Nobody wants to date the guy who is slumped over, staring at his shoes. Be confident in yourself. Project an air that she's lucky to be with you. You shouldn't be an arrogant jerk about it but remember you are the prize here; it's not about you sniveling after her being thrilled some girl agreed to go out with you. She's a prize too but you don't need to grovel, is my point. Never thought I would ever say this but d0nnivain is right. Too many men don't act like men. They act like girls. Nothing wrong with being a girl but if she wanted a girl, she would date a lesbian. Start acting like an in charge man and less like a wuss doormat.
BlueIris Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 “Nice Guy” and “A*****e” are opinions, interpretations, conclusions. So they tend to say more about the person using the word than about the actual behaviors in question. OP, if you were a “Nice Guy,” that’s your interpretation but how could people determine if you were unless you remembered and then detailed what you said and did? I notice you skipped over that question when it was asked. It looks as though you just want to get laid, since you’re saying that your jerk friends get laid a lot, as though that is the measure of success. So be a jerk. Get laid. When you want a lifetime relationship, which you might never want because some people don't, then jerkiness is going to make some women reject you. Or maybe you’ll catch a woman who is turned on by jerkiness and marries you. So you’ll marry someone who likes jerkiness. Yay?
fitnessfan365 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Nice guy and gentleman both end in masculine phrasing. But the problem is some guys are too much on the nice and gentle end of the spectrum and genuinely have no clue how to embrace their masculine energy. Then to make matters worse, they write masculine behavior off as being an "a-hole". It would be interesting to take ten self proclaimed nice guys and ten women. You have both groups define what the phrase means to them. I'm guessing you'd get a completely different interpretation. There in lies the problem. Men and women think differently. Also, women in general are raised to be polite and never want to "hurt a guy's feelings". So it doesn't help when they reject with compliments. All it does is encourage the guy to keep acting the same way..LOL I think if more women that met the "really nice guy but" type would be honest and educate them on what they did wrong, they may actually change their behavior. 1
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