StephenSG Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I need to understand how to do this. Scenario: I got a girls number and went on a date with her, yet i did the usual nice guy ****, paid for the meal, tried to get to know her, etc etc. and then the followng days her texts seemed less and less interested in what I had to say. I truly believe being nice with girls is a sure way to fail or get friendzoned. I need to understand how to be an ******* to girls but still show enough interest that things can progress to the next level.
Satu Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Be yourself. Be the same person on the outside and on the inside. Adopting pseudo personas is idiotic. 9
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 You don't have to be a jerk. You just have to stop being a doormat. Do you make decisions on dates or do you say "whatever you want" no matter the topic, where to eat, what movie to see etc. If you aren't the one controlling the shots, start. What's your posture like? Are you standing up straight, chest puffed out, looking her in the eye like you have the world on a string? Nobody wants to date the guy who is slumped over, staring at his shoes. Be confident in yourself. Project an air that she's lucky to be with you. You shouldn't be an arrogant jerk about it but remember you are the prize here; it's not about you sniveling after her being thrilled some girl agreed to go out with you. She's a prize too but you don't need to grovel, is my point. 5
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I need to understand how to do this. Scenario: I got a girls number and went on a date with her, yet i did the usual nice guy ****, paid for the meal, tried to get to know her, etc etc. and then the followng days her texts seemed less and less interested in what I had to say. I truly believe being nice with girls is a sure way to fail or get friendzoned. I need to understand how to be an ******* to girls but still show enough interest that things can progress to the next level. It's not about girls being more interested in ***holes, it's that they simply weren't interested in you. Not that there's anything wrong with you, it just didn't work for them. You're going to get ton more of that than you will getting girls who remain interested. Don't try to change yourself. Be yourself always and you will attract the ones who appreciate you for you. And, don't text girls the next day about mundane stuff. Call her and ask her for another date if you're interested enough. Get out of texting and do more phone calling. Texts are for light, flirty contact in between phone calls and dates. 6
Author StephenSG Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 It's not about girls being more interested in ***holes, it's that they simply weren't interested in you. Not that there's anything wrong with you, it just didn't work for them. You're going to get ton more of that than you will getting girls who remain interested. Don't try to change yourself. Be yourself always and you will attract the ones who appreciate you for you. And, don't text girls the next day about mundane stuff. Call her and ask her for another date if you're interested enough. Get out of texting and do more phone calling. Texts are for light, flirty contact in between phone calls and dates. Thats the thing, I am not myself on these first dates. I try too hard to be nice and courteous. if I was just myself i would be more of an ******* and these girsl would be attracted to me. I know it. the few times I have pulled off the ******* persona in the past its worked
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I want to explain why you shouldn't try to be something you're not -- she will be attracted to those other things and when the real you starts coming through, she may back off anyway. What happens then is, you've become attached to each other under 'false pretents' and she starts to feel that you used her or aren't trustworthy or . . . 1
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Thats the thing, I am not myself on these first dates. I try too hard to be nice and courteous. if I was just myself i would be more of an ******* and these girsl would be attracted to me. I know it. the few times I have pulled off the ******* persona in the past its worked I'm confused. If your real and natural self is being an asshat, and you attract girls that way, why are you here asking how to be more of an asshat?? As per your original post? Just go back to being yourself -- an asshat! Why change what works? 11
fitnessfan365 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 1) Any woman that's genuine wants to spend time with you based on your personality. Not because you're buying her dinner. So start making all your first dates really low key and casual. I never spend more than $10 total on any of my first dates, and I almost always get second dates and beyond. 2) What's the interaction like? If you don't set a romantic tone and work on building chemistry, she will only see you as a "friend". Tease her, be playful, flirt with her, break the touch barrier, etc.. 3) It's also very true about not being a push over and a kiss ass. State your opinions, debate with her, tell her that she's a huge dork for liking something you don't, etc.. Women want to date a guy being his authentic self. Not a super pleaser. 4) Are you ever going for a kiss at the end of your first dates, or are you always doing hugs and cheek pecks?
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Thats the thing, I am not myself on these first dates. I try too hard to be nice and courteous. if I was just myself i would be more of an ******* and these girsl would be attracted to me. I know it. the few times I have pulled off the ******* persona in the past its worked I have pulled off the ******* persona in the past its worked -- how could it have worked if it's past? If by worked you mean it got you laid . . . OK. Nevertheless, if your nature is to be an ***hole and that's what works for you, then stick with that. However, I'd say that ***holes don't attract much if anything other than flies maybe. I'm just saying that if you're being an ******* and the girl is attracted to that, she's probably not a strong, secure woman and doesn't understand that she should be treated better than that. 1
jen1447 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Somehow I don't buy the 'as$hole who's striving to be a better as$hole' thing. 6
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Somehow I don't buy the 'as$hole who's striving to be a better as$hole' thing. Yep, he wants to be a wolf in sheep's clothing . . . 1
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I need to understand how to do this. Scenario: I got a girls number and went on a date with her, yet i did the usual nice guy ****, paid for the meal, tried to get to know her, etc etc. and then the followng days her texts seemed less and less interested in what I had to say. I truly believe being nice with girls is a sure way to fail or get friendzoned. I need to understand how to be an ******* to girls but still show enough interest that things can progress to the next level. There should be a sign at the entrance of this forum saying: Don't feed your date on a first meeting You did nothing wrong, she did nothing wrong, she was just not into you. It will be like that with every woman you meet till you meet one that IS interested in you. So from now on when you meet someone for a first date head to a park, a fair, bowling, billard, festival, ice cream, flea market where ever you can interact in different manners and have fun. I am not a big restaurant person. It's quite boring sitting there with a table between me and my date, looking at each other chewing. 5
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 There should be a sign at the entrance of this forum saying: Don't feed your date on a first meeting You did nothing wrong, she did nothing wrong, she was just not into you. It will be like that with every woman you meet till you meet one that IS interested in you. So from now on when you meet someone for a first date head to a park, a fair, bowling, billard, festival, ice cream, flea market where ever you can interact in different manners and have fun. I am not a big restaurant person. It's quite boring sitting there with a table between me and my date, looking at each other chewing. Yeah, maybe it's just the way he titled the topic. If that's what he's really trying to deal with, yes, don't spend a ton of money on a first date and do something more fun. Especially since he's young. It's harder for a younger man and woman to have engaging conversations when they first go out. They need different surroundings to spark conversations.
Author StephenSG Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) Yep, he wants to be a wolf in sheep's clothing . . . Excuse me? I am a wolf in all other aspects of my life. I work hard for the things I want. However yes I prefer to be nice to women and treat them with respect. However, after seeing countless friends get laid over and over again by being "*******s" to girls, I start to wonder what the hell I am doing wrong. And the only conclusion I have come to is that my nice by nature personality is boring and makes girls not like me. They want the badboy who genuinely shows he doesn't give a ****, and doesn't need them. . Edited May 8, 2015 by StephenSG
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Excuse me? I am a wolf in all other aspects of my life. I work hard for the things I want. However yes I prefer to be nice to women and treat them with respect. However, after seeing countless friends get laid over and over again by being "*******s" to girls, I start to wonder what the hell I am doing wrong. And the only conclusion I have come to is that my nice by nature personality is boring and makes girls not like me. They want the badboy who genuinely shows he doesn't give a ****, and doesn't need them. . Are you looking for someone to date or someone to get laid? Those girls that go for bad boys, endure disrespectful treatment from your friends, you sure this is the kind of woman you want to date? 2
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Excuse me? I am a wolf in all other aspects of my life. I walk the walk, however yes I prefer to be nice to women and treat them with respect. However, after seeing countless friends get laid over and over again by being "*******s" to girls, I start to wonder what the hell I am doing wrong. And the only conclusion I have come to is that my nice by nature personality is boring and makes girls not like me. They want the badboy who genuinely shows he doesn't give a ****, and doesn't need them. Your *nice by nature personality*? You just said in your last post that your nature was being an a**hole? And that you attract more girls that way... So which is it? What am I missing? 3
Author StephenSG Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 Your *nice by nature personality*? You just said in your last post that your nature was being an a**hole? And that you attract more girls that way... So which is it? What am I missing? I mentioned that I have acted like an ******* before to girls and its worked, but these were mainly girls I wasnt very attracted to so I had no problem doing. the point I am tryign to make is it truly seems that the less you want a girl, the more they want you. The more you pursue and conduct kind gestures they dont want anything to do with you
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Excuse me? I am a wolf in all other aspects of my life. I walk the walk, however yes I prefer to be nice to women and treat them with respect. However, after seeing countless friends get laid over and over again by being "*******s" to girls, I start to wonder what the hell I am doing wrong. And the only conclusion I have come to is that my nice by nature personality is boring and makes girls not like me. They want the badboy who genuinely shows he doesn't give a ****, and doesn't need them. You titled this asking how to stop being a nice guy guy and later you said you were an ****** usually so wanting to seem like a nice guy seemed contrary. Anyway, if you want a girl who respects you and wants to keep seeing you beyond getting laid, keep treating them right. Girls who like bad boys are usually bad girls. If you're treating girls with respect, you're not doing anything wrong. They just don't want that. If they prefer men who treat them like crap, then they don't think they deserve better than that or they like the challenge of trying to get a man to love them and don't that don't really want them. It's probably about the age group. And, this statement will probably resurrect the "dating older women" threads that show up here every now and again
Mrin Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Are you looking for someone to date or someone to get laid? Those girls that go for bad boys, endure disrespectful treatment from your friends, you sure this is the kind of woman you want to date? There is so much truth to this. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 You don't have to be a jerk. You just have to stop being a doormat. Do you make decisions on dates or do you say "whatever you want" no matter the topic, where to eat, what movie to see etc. If you aren't the one controlling the shots, start. What's your posture like? Are you standing up straight, chest puffed out, looking her in the eye like you have the world on a string? Nobody wants to date the guy who is slumped over, staring at his shoes. Be confident in yourself. Project an air that she's lucky to be with you. You shouldn't be an arrogant jerk about it but remember you are the prize here; it's not about you sniveling after her being thrilled some girl agreed to go out with you. She's a prize too but you don't need to grovel, is my point. I might argue that even if you're a doormat, you might want to stay who you are. I knew this group of women and this guy and they all went to graduate school together. When he moved, he started giving away his things. A couple of the women offered to pay him and he insisted they take them. They thought that was kind of doormattish of him. That is what I call a nice guy, and people changing their characteristics of kindness so they can get more women and get other men to respect them more is kind of sad. Maybe you have to be kind of older (and closer to death ) to see it from my side. 1
cessna Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Thats the thing, I am not myself on these first dates. I try too hard to be nice and courteous. if I was just myself i would be more of an ******* and these girsl would be attracted to me. I know it. the few times I have pulled off the ******* persona in the past its worked Well hang on, you said in your original post that you needed to know how to be an arsehole. You're now saying that your natural persona is that of an arsehole... And if that was working for you previously why change it?
Author StephenSG Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 You titled this asking how to stop being a nice guy guy and later you said you were an ****** usually so wanting to seem like a nice guy seemed contrary. Anyway, if you want a girl who respects you and wants to keep seeing you beyond getting laid, keep treating them right. Girls who like bad boys are usually bad girls. If you're treating girls with respect, you're not doing anything wrong. They just don't want that. If they prefer men who treat them like crap, then they don't think they deserve better than that or they like the challenge of trying to get a man to love them and don't that don't really want them. It's probably about the age group. And, this statement will probably resurrect the "dating older women" threads that show up here every now and again I am 25 and most girls I go on dates with are 22-24. So maybe you're right about the age group. i would like to date an older girl but most of the time they aren't interested in someone younger.
Revolver Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 If you're not attractive you won't be allowed to get away with being an *******
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I mentioned that I have acted like an ******* before to girls and its worked, but these were mainly girls I wasnt very attracted to so I had no problem doing. the point I am tryign to make is it truly seems that the less you want a girl, the more they want you. The more you pursue and conduct kind gestures they dont want anything to do with you Define "acted like an a**hole." How so? Not texting as often? Maintaining a bit of distance? Acting a bit aloof, nonchalant? If so, then whatever behavior "worked" on the girls you were NOT attracted to... act the same way with the girls you ARE atttacted to! Seems fairly obvious to me... 1
elaine567 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I mentioned that I have acted like an ******* before to girls and its worked, but these were mainly girls I wasnt very attracted to so I had no problem doing. the point I am tryign to make is it truly seems that the less you want a girl, the more they want you. The more you pursue and conduct kind gestures they dont want anything to do with you The girls you weren't attracted to were probably more desperate for someone to like them, so any attention, even from *********s is better than no attention at all. Popular girls who can pick and choose, pick and choose the guys they like best, so I guess whether you are nice or nasty, they will not pick you, if they do not like you.
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