Eternal Sunshine Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I recently met a guy on OKC. He was cute in the pictures but he was more attractive in person and realistically out of my league. He has a good job and is close to my age (3 years younger than me). I get a really positive vibe around him, it's hart to explain, like he is a really good natured and kind person. The problem is that I feel anxious around him because of his looks. When we walked through the city, women were checking him out a lot. I don't want to come across as insecure. I actually thought that I will never hear from him again because is better looking than me. He messaged me immedietly after the date. And he asked me out again for this weekend. I was really touched that I mentioned during our first date that I miss <my country's> food as I haven't been able to find a store that sells it in this town. Well, he tracked down a store that is a 90 minutes drive from my place and he is actually picking me up and driving me to the store. And after that he planned a walk at the beach...because I mentioned that I love the ocean. How do I not screw this up by showing my insecurities? I never dated a guy this attractive because I realistically thought that that's not possible for me. I would actually want to see him again if he was a lot worse looking... 1
Toodaloo Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 ES... at some point this man is going to get a stomach upset and believe you me he will not look nor smell so good then! Remember that! What is good looking to you will be ugly to someone else. Remember that too! And excuse me lady but you are pretty hot yourself! how do you know that the women were not checking YOU out! Chin up and be proud of who you are! Glad you had a great date! Will keep fingers crossed that the next few go as well too! 4
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I recently met a guy on OKC. He was cute in the pictures but he was more attractive in person and realistically out of my league. He has a good job and is close to my age (3 years younger than me). I get a really positive vibe around him, it's hart to explain, like he is a really good natured and kind person. The problem is that I feel anxious around him because of his looks. When we walked through the city, women were checking him out a lot. I don't want to come across as insecure. I actually thought that I will never hear from him again because is better looking than me. He messaged me immedietly after the date. And he asked me out again for this weekend. I was really touched that I mentioned during our first date that I miss <my country's> food as I haven't been able to find a store that sells it in this town. Well, he tracked down a store that is a 90 minutes drive from my place and he is actually picking me up and driving me to the store. And after that he planned a walk at the beach...because I mentioned that I love the ocean. How do I not screw this up by showing my insecurities? I never dated a guy this attractive because I realistically thought that that's not possible for me. I would actually want to see him again if he was a lot worse looking... Stop being insecure and think about this . . . this man is very attractive and likely could be with any girl he wants . . . it appears he wants to be with you ! That should make you feel great and bolster your confidence. That's what a strong, secure woman would feel. Be that woman Enjoy each date as it comes. He is treating you well, is listening to you when you talk about what you like. You may have a keeper. Enjoy it. 1
Hawaii51 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 As you've already foreshadowed, his attractiveness will come at a very equal price. Whether it's women or some other cosis* that will be dealt with when the time comes. Realize, he's as human as you- Uhoh.
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I'm going to say also that he's hot to you and probably hot to no more than 30% of the rest of female population. You're into him, he clicks all of your boxes that's great :-) If he wants to spend time with you it's because you offer him a package no one else is offering! Work on your confidence! You're a real catch, believe it and carry yourself like it. 1
sagetalk Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Dating physically attractive people (especially if they have generic good looks that everyone likes) is tough. Even if you are as attractive. They have a lot of options, but I'm sure you do as well. It sounds like you are starting to invest in him emotionally already though. I would advise caution in doing that right now, especially since he is from OKC. Treat it as a great afternoon with an attractive person of the opposite sex. In short, look at him as a whole person, don't just focus on his best qualities. It will help with feelings of anxiety and inferiority.
Moy Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I recently met a guy on OKC. He was cute in the pictures but he was more attractive in person and realistically out of my league. He has a good job and is close to my age (3 years younger than me). I get a really positive vibe around him, it's hart to explain, like he is a really good natured and kind person. The problem is that I feel anxious around him because of his looks. When we walked through the city, women were checking him out a lot. I don't want to come across as insecure. I actually thought that I will never hear from him again because is better looking than me. He messaged me immedietly after the date. And he asked me out again for this weekend. I was really touched that I mentioned during our first date that I miss <my country's> food as I haven't been able to find a store that sells it in this town. Well, he tracked down a store that is a 90 minutes drive from my place and he is actually picking me up and driving me to the store. And after that he planned a walk at the beach...because I mentioned that I love the ocean. How do I not screw this up by showing my insecurities? I never dated a guy this attractive because I realistically thought that that's not possible for me. I would actually want to see him again if he was a lot worse looking... He's hot! You're dating him! High five! Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!! 4
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 He's still a person. Assume he feels the same way about how you look & enjoy getting to know him. Don't go looking for problems. 2
Dallers Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Without sounding big headed or cocky. I am pretty good looking and get told it a lot by friends and girls alike. However, I do not see it. I still have the same fears and insecurities as anyone else. Yes I have them under control but you do not look at yourself in the same light that everyone else does. If he is not being vain then he most likely looks at himself as just a normal looking guy who gets a lot of interest. As others have said he is interested in you and that is all that matters. The girls I have fallen in love with have all been referred to as average lookers but to me they are the most beautiful creatures alive. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 4
jen1447 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Whenever you start feeling insecure, imagine him with a doggy collar around his neck with you holding the leash. Works every time.
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) I recently met a guy on OKC. He was cute in the pictures but he was more attractive in person and realistically out of my league. He has a good job and is close to my age (3 years younger than me). I get a really positive vibe around him, it's hart to explain, like he is a really good natured and kind person. The problem is that I feel anxious around him because of his looks. When we walked through the city, women were checking him out a lot. I don't want to come across as insecure. I actually thought that I will never hear from him again because is better looking than me. He messaged me immedietly after the date. And he asked me out again for this weekend. I was really touched that I mentioned during our first date that I miss <my country's> food as I haven't been able to find a store that sells it in this town. Well, he tracked down a store that is a 90 minutes drive from my place and he is actually picking me up and driving me to the store. And after that he planned a walk at the beach...because I mentioned that I love the ocean. How do I not screw this up by showing my insecurities? I never dated a guy this attractive because I realistically thought that that's not possible for me. I would actually want to see him again if he was a lot worse looking... For a man to be CLEAR out of your league, he'd have to be a model or something. And even then, you're still not really out. Some people make mountains out of minute differences in attractiveness, others not. The best looking men always have options because so many women want them, but you're pretty attractive. I'm not saying that to be nice either. Edited May 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Satu Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Try not to anticipate problems. He's interested in you. Just drink that up and enjoy it. Have fun, even 1
preraph Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 You just have to really adjust your thinking and exercise a lot of self-control. I've dated or had affairs with some drop-dead good looking guys. The one who I refer to as an old flame because he was that more than a real boyfriend, the trickiest part was not to push and not to treat him weird and let him pursue. Because he was really sick of having to push women off him and that was apparent. I mean, women would get drunk in public and beg him to leave with him *this was the 70s when that wasn't out of the norm*. It was before anyone understood about stalkers and had any intelligence about who to avoid because they were the stalker/obsessed type. But he had to deal with all that. I was crazy crushing on him myself, but I never acted like it. He was aloof, I was aloof. I would let him run with the chasing all he wanted. I guess he had a White Knight fantasy, and I let him play that out by just making myself have self-discipline around him. Even if he had another date, he'd make a big deal if he saw me in a club, come up, kiss my hand. If I had a man, he'd scare them to death by standing right in front of me right up in my face gazing and not budging. It was so much fun. He was a great guy, but his need to rescue ran deep and I didn't need rescuing, so other women got him who did. I also dealt with guys in bands who had women after them all the time. You have to put them in a special category. Sometimes they want you to assert your ownership to make someone go away. Usually, they do not because it's bad for their popularity and career. You have to get to know the person and find out what his ethics are in that regard. When he's just playing around, he has one set of ethics. When he's serious, what will he be like? How will the rules change? I find guys are fairly open talking about that type stuff, but you have to be careful not to land in the friend zone, I guess. And lastly, you can never forget what your standards are. While you must try to acknowledge his circumstances are different because he is so good looking and you should adjust your thinking to realistic proportions (like you can't get mad just because a woman approaches him), stick to your own standards and don't let the guy roll over you just because a lot of other women would let him get away with anything just to be seen with him. Don't ever treat his looks as his main asset. Compliment him on anything other than that, except to give a brief occasional comment on his taste in clothing or something like that. You don't like being only wanted for your looks, and neither do guys. They want someone to see what's behind the pretty face and appreciate it.
introverted1 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) I would actually want to see him again if he was a lot worse looking... Maybe the reason this guy was on OKC was for the same reason you were -- he's not meeting the right kind of woman in his day-to-day interactions. Although the odds are likely that he finds you plenty attractive, it's also possible that, like you he values the whole package over one component (looks). Try to relax and enjoy. And take it slow! Edited May 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
preraph Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 For what it's worth my "old flame" could have any woman he wanted, I guess, but I never saw him with any drop dead gorgeous women. Pretty, but not perfect. Not even great bodies. I'm surprised he liked me as much as he did because I wasn't all that feminine back then and I know he liked very feminine women.
Woggle Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 No matter how good he looks at the end of the day he is a flesh and blood human being and bleeds red like anybody else. Keep that in mind.
SmartDude Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 How do I not screw this up by showing my insecurities? I never dated a guy this attractive because I realistically thought that that's not possible for me. I would actually want to see him again if he was a lot worse looking... This part of what you said boggles my mind. Especially the last sentence. He is too good looking so you are considering not seeing him again?
Revan32 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 A lot of girls who date guys better looking than themselves tend to put out really fast. Maybe they think to themselves that its the best way to keep him around. But if a guy can get laid often, thats really not something thats going to entice him to stay. It just kills the excitement before he has an emotional connection. So my advice is to not put out for a while... 3
PogoStick Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) No men are out of YOUR league. Best wishes. Edited May 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
preraph Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 (edited) But if a guy can get laid often, thats really not something thats going to entice him to stay. It just kills the excitement before he has an emotional connection. So my advice is to not put out for a while... ^ I agree with that. They never get to chase. They can get laid all the want but can't have a normal courtship. Edited May 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
RedRobin Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I do the car crash test. I ask myself if I would still like him if he were in a horrible car crash and was disfigured. When we are together, I look into his eyes and try to see through to the human being inside... Same as I would do if he were actually disfigured in some way. You just look past it. You might be surprised. Some of the most beautiful people can be the loneliest. Being far outside the norm in either direction can be hard to deal with. Not everyone eats up the attention.
lemoncello Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Eternal Sunshine: if he's not vain about his looks and seems really normal and down to earth then why worry? And if he likes you for who you are already, then I don't see a problem. Just enjoy the time you two spend together and let the chips fall where they may. 1
Vercetti Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Try not to babble in circles about nothing. Even if you do it can be cute. That's the only real big give away ( for me ) when a girl is flustered. Batting eyes and a smile can get through a rough patch. Plus know this, he might be just as taken with you as you are him.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Don't let anything slide that you wouldn't let slide for a less good-looking guy. Make sure he's genuinely excited about you, too. Pay attention to whether the interest and effort feel balanced and right. 2
Buddhist Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 By realising that even hot guys are insecure too. My last partner was model pretty, and he was seriously the most insecure guy I've ever dated. The thing is the psychology of pretty is actually quite horrible. A lot of people who approach hot people say something stupid like....gee you're so hot. So they know people are just attracted to their looks, and what they really want is what everyone wants, to find someone who loves them for who they are, not what they look like. And when they find that person, they all scared on the inside that they will lose their holy grail. At least that's pretty much what played out in my relationship. So, if he's choosing you, he's choosing you for a reason. And no amount of women coming up to him and throwing the vomit inducing line of 'you're so hot' will change that. Hot people get attention all the time, so the holy grail for them becomes not attention (as it is for less attractive folks) but what kind of attention. They are looking for the person who treats them differently in a positive way.
Recommended Posts