vc87 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 My current boyfriend is absolutely wonderful in so many ways and I completely love him, and it's a wonderful feeling knowing it's a mutual thing.. We are both in our late 20s.. I know everyone is going to have a fair share of people in their sexual past/relationships that they've been with by now.. when my boyfriend was younger, he was a bit of a ladies man to put it lightly and he had quite a bit of partners.. We're very open with each other and he told me the number which is easily double mine, and I was pretty surprised to say the least.. From time to time he mentions past girls that he's hooked up with and/or dated and things he's done with them.. Most were well over 10-15 years ago, but part of me can't help but feel a little bit jealous (Plus I don't really want to try to think about him being with all these people) He hasn't been with anybody since his last relationship ended over two years ago.. And I'm the first one he's been with since then romantically.. So I know he has since cooled down since those days.. How can I handle this? Is a lot of sexual partners too much to deal with? Any opinions? Thanks!
Diezel Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 You are just going to have to focus on the fact that the two of you are together NOW versus his past. This is why I tell people to NEVER discuss sexual history with their significant other. NO good can come of it. It's just laying a foundation for insecurity and resentment. All you can do is just focus on the now. 1
ManyDissapoint Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I had almost triple the amount of sex partners as my ex, not that I truly believe the number she told me. But it means nothing. There is nothing that I want more than a truly committed relationship and prefer sexual comfort and familiarity. Rather have one special lady who is comfortable licking my butthole and I hers than a hundred who are not, so to speak. I have had 15 sex partners but I wish I had less and more quality. That has been my mindset for over a decade now.
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Tell him to not mention his past partners in front of you. It's basic consideration for you. When I met my ex-husband I was 17 and virgin. He was 24 and already had multiple partners. It was never an issue because he never spoke about them and he certainly never brought up sleeping with other women in front of me.
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 The two best pieces of advice you have been given are 1. ask him not to mention past partners to you 2. focus on the fact that he chose you & is with you now If you still insist on dwelling on his past, comparing yourself to them and letting it eat at you, either invent a time machine or break up with him. It's not a deal breaker for me but if it is for you, you can't stay with him & make yourself miserable.
ascendotum Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 We are both in our late 20s.. I know everyone is going to have a fair share of people in their sexual past/relationships that they've been with by now.. hmmm not everyone here that's for sure. Depends how many options people have. when my boyfriend was younger, he was a bit of a ladies man to put it lightly and he had quite a bit of partners.. We're very open with each other and he told me the number which is easily double mine, and I was pretty surprised to say the least.. From time to time he mentions past girls that he's hooked up with and/or dated and things he's done with them.. Most were well over 10-15 years ago, but part of me can't help but feel a little bit jealous (Plus I don't really want to try to think about him being with all these people) Personally I don't think its that much of a sin to mention past partners evry now and then in the context of the discussion and I have no problem when a gf does it with me, but I prefer not to hear a big list of names, or places when we are out that she has hooked up with someone from there. I think the bad part is how he mentions things he has done with them unless he is simply referring to a holiday place they went or a rock concert they went to. Assuming you are being treated the same by him and they did not get treated better or he is not fondly reminiscing then you should not be jealous imo. You are with him now and they are history. He hasn't been with anybody since his last relationship ended over two years ago.. And I'm the first one he's been with since then romantically.. So I know he has since cooled down since those days.. How can I handle this? Is a lot of sexual partners too much to deal with? How many is too many is up to you. People here will have quite differing opinions on what is too many (anywhere from 10 to 100+), or if they even care at all. Many will tell you the past is the past, but its your life and you have your own expectations and preferences in terms the character of your bfs. Do you think he would judge you harshly if you had shagged twice his number? OP - my comments in bold
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 My current boyfriend is absolutely wonderful in so many ways and I completely love him, and it's a wonderful feeling knowing it's a mutual thing.. We are both in our late 20s.. I know everyone is going to have a fair share of people in their sexual past/relationships that they've been with by now.. when my boyfriend was younger, he was a bit of a ladies man to put it lightly and he had quite a bit of partners.. We're very open with each other and he told me the number which is easily double mine, and I was pretty surprised to say the least.. From time to time he mentions past girls that he's hooked up with and/or dated and things he's done with them.. Most were well over 10-15 years ago, but part of me can't help but feel a little bit jealous (Plus I don't really want to try to think about him being with all these people) He hasn't been with anybody since his last relationship ended over two years ago.. And I'm the first one he's been with since then romantically.. So I know he has since cooled down since those days.. How can I handle this? Is a lot of sexual partners too much to deal with? Any opinions? Thanks! In this day and age, someone having a lot of sexual partners is kinda the way of the world and maybe more so for men. People are so much "freer" with sex. It isn't valued the way is should be in my opinion. It is about what YOU feel about it that counts though. And, the past is the past. It should now be about what he wants now and what you want now. If he is showing you that he is focused on you and treating you the way you should be treated and you two are on the same page about what you each want for yourselves, let things develop naturally. If he is consistent with communicating with you, consistently dating you and is exclusive with you sexually, let it be.
Author vc87 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 My boyfriend has slept with over 40 women, not including all the ones that he hooked up with where no sex was involved.. The part that gets me a little bit to think is that he was in a few long-term relationships, ( one for 6 years, one for 3, another for a year and a half..) so all these other women must have happened pretty quickly one after the other in between the serious ones..considering he was basically celibate for 2 years.. I know the past the past, trying really really hard not to judge him for it.. But I can't help but think about some of the people that he mentioned because I do know them.. He does tell me that I'm the only one he wants and that i'm the love of his life and he wants to marry me.. He also said that all of the other girls don't mean anything or even compare to me..
Vintage79 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Ok - realistically, this is your issue - you can either deal with it or not. If you can't, leave him, if you can, just make sure he knows that you don't want to hear about his past and get over it. 1
jen1447 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 My boyfriend has slept with over 40 women, not including all the ones that he hooked up with where no sex was involved.. The part that gets me a little bit to think is that he was in a few long-term relationships, ( one for 6 years, one for 3, another for a year and a half..) so all these other women must have happened pretty quickly one after the other in between the serious ones..considering he was basically celibate for 2 years.. I know the past the past, trying really really hard not to judge him for it.. But I can't help but think about some of the people that he mentioned because I do know them.. He does tell me that I'm the only one he wants and that i'm the love of his life and he wants to marry me.. He also said that all of the other girls don't mean anything or even compare to me.. It's all relative hon. 40's not a big number to me, and I can tell you that they can be racked up pretty quickly if that's your thing, so I wouldn't worry about how he got to 40 and beyond.
wheream_i Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 It's all relative hon. 40's not a big number to me, and I can tell you that they can be racked up pretty quickly if that's your thing, so I wouldn't worry about how he got to 40 and beyond. Lol, exactly. 40 is not a lot. I'm almost double that. Any woman who asks how many partners I've had is not going to like hearing that. Like everyone else has said, I just would tell him it's not something you care to hear about.
Phoe Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I personally would never be comfortable with someone who has a large amount of partners. I am in the single digits and prefer my partner the same way. No judgment, I just imagine we might have different lifestyles and beliefs on the matter, that would not gel. That being said, I will NEVER ask, because I do not want to know. Don't tell me! Lol.
Gary S Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 This is why I tell people to NEVER discuss sexual history with their significant other. NO good can come of it. It's just laying a foundation for insecurity and resentment. - Yes. I guess you'll just have to get over it OP.
elaine567 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 On here we can either say "40 is nothing, he is a beginner" or "40 a huge deal and he is a manwhore". We can tut and shake our heads or we may want to shake his hand and pat him on the back, truth is it doesn't really matter what WE think. This is about you and what you consider acceptable and what you can live with. I have no real opinion re his "number", it is what it is, BUT it is a bit insensitive for him to bring up what he did with his exes. I hope he is not divulging too many gory details. If he is, then you need to question his motives for that. 1
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