y_t Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I'd like to hear some stories from women (sorry guys) about telling men off. What did you say? How did it go? How did you feel about it immediately after and lets say a week to a month later? I'm feeling pretty good right now, sort of. Although, I tried typing out my story and it just made me feel petty and immature and the name calling was not cool. But it felt so good to tell him off in the moment and the whole fiesta took place over text because he's out of town. So I did the typical "Well I hope you have a great next couple of days. I'm going to go to sleep now" and he did the typical "Thanks!! Night" and then I did the typical stew in resentment thing for like maybe 3 minutes and fired off some texts that let him have it. Telling him how I've been feeling that he's been rude to me and dismissive of my feelings. Not with the "Thanks!! Night", but things over the last few days. He then did his typical "what the ****" which enraged me because I'm already upset that he dismisses my feelings. So then I did the "I don't want to hear what the ****. In fact I never want to talk to you again!" + some other things I don't want to look at my phone to repeat, but basically more of how he has been rude and dismissive and how I don't want to even try any more and am totally over it. Basically burning it all to the ground. Then he said "**** you! ha incredible!" to which I replied "no **** you!" and added some more things about how I've been so consistent in my behavior and supportive of him and I called him a moody bitch who has been so rude to wonderful me (i'm covering my face in shame, but it felt so good at the time). I felt like I was purging so much repressed stuff and shedding so much negativity as well as any connection I may have had to this person. Now, after typing all that out, I think I was immature. Share your stories please.
guest569 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Texting sux sometimes. I wonder how that would have gone down in person..
Buddhist Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I had a partner proceed to lecture me on where I needed to 'grow'. I firmly and calmly told him where he could shove his growth lecture. The moment when I told him that No, thanks. I'm perfectly acceptable the way I am, was a mastercard moment. Priceless. 1
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I don't think accumulating resentment and then blowing at someone is an effective way to handle relationship. When something bothers me I address it right away. The reasons you blew up at him is because you endured a bad behavior instead of addressing it, and you stayed in that relationship even though it was highly aggravating you. Right? Then I think you should ask yourself why you remain in relationships till you feel the need to blow up at them. 1
Author y_t Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) I don't think accumulating resentment and then blowing at someone is an effective way to handle relationship. When something bothers me I address it right away. The reasons you blew up at him is because you endured a bad behavior instead of addressing it, and you stayed in that relationship even though it was highly aggravating you. Right? Then I think you should ask yourself why you remain in relationships till you feel the need to blow up at them. I agree with you. And certain things were aggravating me highly as you say. And I did stay. The best answer I have for why I remained is that it wasn't all bad and I thought I could work with the aggravation. Also, I guess I have self doubt. For example something may aggravate me, but I may think that it wouldn't a better person or that it shouldn't. Edited May 8, 2015 by y_t
Toodaloo Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Sorry but I don't see what is wrong with him saying thank you for you hoping he has a good couple of days and goodnight after you said you were going to sleep??? I am confussed.com over here. I don't know why you felt the need to go off at him like that. I think I would be WTF as well. But yes. I often have to "tell men off". I state my case, state what needs to change and my expectations then leave it at that. As far as I am concerned if he sorts it out over and done with and I am not going to bring it up again. Whats the point? Its history. I take no joy in telling any one off be them man, woman, dog or child! One of my dogs does answer back and flounces when you tell her off though...
Vintage79 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 If telling people off is your thing, prepare to be single for a while, it's immature and puerile - congratulations for acting like a 4 year old and being proud of it. Why don't you try to learn to actually work through the issues and have a real conversation about it? You should probably feel pretty dirty and low right now - being proud of it just underscores innate immaturity.
gaius Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I just got told off and it was kind of sexy. Look y_t, if it's a healthy relationship that you both want you'll end up blowing up at each other and then you'll calm down and talk out whatevers bothering you. Should never feel bad for venting your true feelings with someone.
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) Sorry but I don't see what is wrong with him saying thank you for you hoping he has a good couple of days and goodnight after you said you were going to sleep??? I am confussed.com over here. I don't know why you felt the need to go off at him like that. I think I would be WTF as well. But yes. I often have to "tell men off". I state my case, state what needs to change and my expectations then leave it at that. As far as I am concerned if he sorts it out over and done with and I am not going to bring it up again. Whats the point? Its history. I take no joy in telling any one off be them man, woman, dog or child! One of my dogs does answer back and flounces when you tell her off though... Toodaloo....she said in her OP it was a build up of things that led to her lashing out. Behavior she felt was rude, inconsistent (I forget what other things she mentioned). It seems odd to me too that a seemingly pleasant exchange of "good nights" would trigger a reaction like that, but I guess when you let things build up....anything can trigger an outburst like that... All I have to say is that his behavior must have been pretty darn bad for her to have gone off on him like that... OP, I AM glad you feel better though!!! As for me, I have had my moments, but they usually occur in person at the time of the incident. Words are exchanged and then we talk it out.... I don't let stuff build. Edited May 8, 2015 by katiegrl 2
jen1447 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I have an effective approach to telling people off that's generally pretty calm but momentous. Seems to carry a lot of weight if the results are any indication. You stole my "bitch" line btw. I love calling men bitches (when appropriate). 3
Author y_t Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 I have an effective approach to telling people off that's generally pretty calm but momentous. Seems to carry a lot of weight if the results are any indication. You stole my "bitch" line btw. I love calling men bitches (when appropriate). It felt very good honestly. 2
Author y_t Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) Sorry but I don't see what is wrong with him saying thank you for you hoping he has a good couple of days and goodnight after you said you were going to sleep??? I am confussed.com over here. I don't know why you felt the need to go off at him like that. I think I would be WTF as well. But yes. I often have to "tell men off". I state my case, state what needs to change and my expectations then leave it at that. As far as I am concerned if he sorts it out over and done with and I am not going to bring it up again. Whats the point? Its history. I take no joy in telling any one off be them man, woman, dog or child! One of my dogs does answer back and flounces when you tell her off though... I didn't go off over the thanks. I agree that would have been insane. I just didn't want to type out my whole story. I was mostly looking to hear stories from other people about their experience and also venting mine. I like that you state your case and your approach. Honestly, the whole thing was a learning experience in how I approach dating someone who is in early stages of recovery and is in AA. That did not mesh well with my personality. I was concerned about adding stress to his life if I would confront him on things so I tried to not make them a big deal and some weren't huge deals, but over time it just all added up into the big blowup. Have you ever dated someone in AA and did you approach handling conflict with them in the same way as you do people who are not in recovery? Edited May 8, 2015 by y_t
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