Giving a woman space on dates

[lollipopspot]

FF, are you the one who compared dealing with dates to dealing with cats, i.e. that you don't want to make sudden or threatening moves and scare them off? If yes, I think your idea is right. I think many women are physically self-protective around men they don't know well, and giving your dates freedom and space is a good thing. I'm much more comfortable with a guy I don't feel pressured by, or I sense might become stalkerish on me.

[fitnessfan365]

I've come to understand FF365 a little better and even like him a bit, but I think you're being over-generous with the eating up his mad skillz stuff. FF would get shut down in very short order running that 'game' on me. (Unless I felt like teaching him a lesson lol.)

 

Haha.. Well assuming that's your real pic, would I approach? Sure. Also, assuming your personality carries over, you're feisty, sarcastic, and know yourself well. Traits I am actually attracted to in a woman. Plus, underneath that crunchy exterior, you're a big softie Jen and Oreo cookies are tasty.

 

But I'm a hardcore monogamist so our lifestyle differences would make me lose interest. I am curious though. Do you ever plan on settling down with one sexual partner?

[jen1447]

Right now I suspect I'll settle down with three, but no one really knows the future do they?

[fitnessfan365]

Right now I suspect I'll settle down with three, but no one really knows the future do they?

 

Haha.. Very true. It's not like there is a sexual magic 8 ball out there.

[Syberia]

There is. It's just that all sides say "outcome is uncertain."

[Frank2thepoint]

I've come to understand FF365 a little better and even like him a bit, but I think you're being over-generous with the eating up his mad skillz stuff. FF would get shut down in very short order running that 'game' on me. (Unless I felt like teaching him a lesson lol.)

 

The over-generosity of eat up his mad skillz has already been proven to be true by most of the ladies anyway. I was just pointing it out. And as for shutting down his game, au contraire mademoiselle, that is far from the truth. It is a woman's prerogative to say one thing, but do another.

[Gaeta]

I didn't get a chance to participate in that massive thread because by the time I finished reading it, it was locked.

 

Just point out something that fitnessfan365 probably knows, most of the women on that thread, and even on this one too, the women were eating up everything you were saying. Sure they had a few problems with your words and how you treat a woman, but overall your push-pull conversation even through mere words on these forums excited a lot of those women. Many of those same women that were miffed with you, are actually obsessed with you. A couple, as I have quoted above, admitted how much they are enamored with you at this point.

 

I was quoted in your post as a woman miffed with FF

 

I like FF confidence and wit and I get a kick at teasing him about his dating style but in real life his game wouldn't work on me. :-)

[jen1447]

The over-generosity of eat up his mad skillz has already been proven to be true by most of the ladies anyway. I was just pointing it out. And as for shutting down his game, au contraire mademoiselle, that is far from the truth. It is a woman's prerogative to say one thing, but do another.

Hm, haven't seen it so much myself. And you're saying that me shutting him down is far from the truth? You must have a magic crystal ball looking into my mind that I don't have in that case.

[katiegrl]

I rather think katie was speaking to that thread being intellectually stimulating, which it was. Gaeta was ....teasing? Yeah. **Does that mean she was sexually beside herself with desire for FF365? No**.

 

I've come to understand FF365 a little better and even like him a bit, but I think you're being over-generous with the eating up his mad skillz stuff. FF would get shut down in very short order running that 'game' on me. (Unless I felt like teaching him a lesson lol.)

 

First paragraph -- you got that right jen! That notion is hilarious actually...

 

Second paragraph -- for me it's the opposite. Used to like and respect ff...even flirted with him for awhile ...but getting to know him better... well let's just say I feel the opposite from you jen...and given my posts (on other threads) in response to his, that's been fairly obvious. Trying to be more respectful though.

 

Nevertheless, THIS thread *was* intellectually stimulating ....not because of him, but because of the discussion in general...which many posters participated in...

 

I would also like to note that in another thread, ff advised this same girl has dumped him....he made some remark about "missing her lips" or something, and she went cold.

Edited May 16, 2015 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

I would also like to note that another thread, ff advised this same girl has dumped him....he made some remark about "missing her lips" or something, and she went cold.

 

Opps the book store woman woman dumped him?

[katiegrl]

Opps the book store woman woman dumped him?

 

Yup...even before their next date. He talked about it in another thread...like I said he made some assinine remark about missing her lips, which apparently he thought would sexually excite her, and she went cold...never heard from her again.

 

He didn't care...you know him, if a chick isn't enthralled with whatever he chooses to doll out at any given time, sexually or otherwise, he has no desire to date her anyway...

 

But he's got that new chick remember? The one last Monday with whom he had that spontaneous date..

 

But we haven't heard anything since so who knows....

[Gaeta]

Thanks for the update Katie

 

FF: Try to update in the proper thread please so we can keep track!

[fitnessfan365]

I would also like to note that in another thread, ff advised this same girl has dumped him....he made some remark about "missing her lips" or something, and she went cold.

 

I'd hardly call it a "dumping". It was a woman I had one date with. At the end of the date, we both agreed how much we enjoyed kissing each other and that we wanted to see each other again. So I sent her a follow up text the next morning. She responded instantly saying "I had a really GREAT time too!! :)" Then I sent her one, and she replied back instantly again. So I followed up by saying "It was great how the date flowed. Plus your lips have been my mind." No response at all after that. So I let that whole day go by and most of the next day too into the early evening. Called her/left voice mail. Never got a call back so I walked away.

 

My only complaint is this. If two people stress how much they liked kissing each other, it's only natural to mention it again in hindsight, Especially considering the fact that she originally responded confirming she had a great time as well. I mean if I really like kissing a woman, I'm going to let her know that her lips have been on my mind. Not with a goal of "sexual excitement". Just making a direct statement about kissing her. But for whatever reason, that text made her go from complete enthusiasm, to never wanting to see me again. Just one of those mysteries in dating.

Edited May 16, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[Gaeta]

But for whatever reason, that text made her go from complete enthusiasm, to never wanting to see me again. Just one of those mysteries in dating.

 

It's not a mystery to me. You had used plenty of sexual flirting since beginning and after your date she wanted to hear something else. The sexual teasing is fun but it needs to be balanced with a good dose of being interested in other things than her lips, body, dress, etc.

[fitnessfan365]

It's not a mystery to me. You had used plenty of sexual flirting since beginning and after your date she wanted to hear something else. The sexual teasing is fun but it needs to be balanced with a good dose of being interested in other things than her lips, body, dress, etc.

 

That's the thing though. There wasn't "plenty" of sexual flirting. Aside from the one joking comment about "looking forward to seeing her sexy outfit" the flirting in general was pretty minimal. On the date itself, I kept things playful and teased her a bit. But it was all light hearted fun interaction. No innuendos or any sexual discussion at all.

 

Then we exchanged a few texts a piece that morning. We both stressed once again we had a really good time. I also referenced an inside joke from our date, and she responded favorably. Then to start closing out the text convo I said "It was great how the date flowed. Plus your lips have been on my mind". If she had responded favorably to that as well, my next text would have said "I'll give you a call soon to plan our next date." But in all honesty, it seemed like the natural thing to say after both of us stressed how much we enjoyed kissing each other.

[jen1447]

Ok, at the risk of turning this into another moratorium on FF's texting style/dating approach, I have to say again that comment feels cludgy, just like the "look forward to hot outfit" clunker. It's all subjective of course, but to me it's just flat. It's a mixture of pushing too far too early mixed with egoism.

 

FF, the only reason I say this at all is in an effort to help you adjust. You don't seem to take that sort of input very well tho, or at all, and prefer to debate the merits rather than consider alternatives, so rather than do that now, please just ignore me if you won't at least give me a "point taken, I'll consider it, thanks." I don't really want to debate whether you think most other women love that or whatever.

[katiegrl]

It's not a mystery to me. You had used plenty of sexual flirting since beginning and after your date she wanted to hear something else. The sexual teasing is fun but it needs to be balanced with a good dose of being interested in other things than her lips, body, dress, etc.

 

In his defense though Gaeta, the "right" woman "for him" will love that type of sexual teasing. He literally needs a woman to be responsive to him in this way, or it won't work *for him."

 

Perhaps that's why he even throws such stuff out there, to see how well, or not well, she responds...to determine whether or not she's right for him.

 

I actually understand this!!!

[katiegrl]

Ok, at the risk of turning this into another moratorium on FF's texting style/dating approach, I have to say again that comment feels cludgy, just like the "look forward to hot outfit" clunker. It's all subjective of course, but to me it's just flat. It's a mixture of pushing too far too early mixed with egoism.

 

FF, the only reason I say this at all is in an effort to help you adjust. You don't seem to take that sort of input very well tho, or at all, and prefer to debate the merits rather than consider alternatives, so rather than do that now, please just ignore me if you won't at least give me a "point taken, I'll consider it, thanks." I don't really want to debate whether you think most other women love that or whatever.

 

jen, I like that word "cludgy," never heard it before joining this board, but I like!

[fitnessfan365]

In his defense though Gaeta, the "right" woman "for him" will love that type of sexual teasing. He literally needs a woman to be responsive to him in this way, or it won't work *for him."

 

Perhaps that's why he even throws such stuff out there, to see how well, or not well, she responds...to determine whether or not she's right for him.

 

I actually understand this!!!

 

In all honesty though, there wasn't any grand plan in my mind. Nor was my comment designed to elicit a sexual response. We had both stressed that we enjoyed kissing each other. So after a few texts a piece the next day, my only goal was to let her know once again that I liked kissing her. That's it.

 

If I enjoy kissing a woman on a first date, I always let her know in the follow up. In every other case, it got a positive response back. "Your lips have been on my mind too", "I can't wait to kiss you again either", etc.. But, that's why dating is a numbers game. Sometimes, you'll come across a particular woman you just rub the wrong way. Maybe she's had bad experiences with guys wanting sex too fast, and she thought I would start sexting with her. I have no idea. But since we liked kissing each other and she stressed she had a GREAT time too, I didn't think it would be a deal breaker.

 

** But even though she didn't respond to that text for the rest of the day or the next, I did follow up with a phone call. However, when a woman won't return a voice mail where you mention planning a second date, it's obvious she isn't interested in seeing you again. So that's why I didn't contact her again after that.

Edited May 16, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[katiegrl]

In all honesty though, there wasn't any grand plan in my mind. Nor was my comment designed to elicit a sexual response. We had both stressed that we enjoyed kissing each other. So after a few texts a piece the next day, my only goal was to let her know once again that I liked kissing her. That's it.

 

If I enjoy kissing a woman on a first date, I always let her know in the follow up. In every other case, it got a positive response back. "Your lips have been on my mind too", "I can't wait to kiss you again either", etc.. But, that's why dating is a numbers game. Sometimes, you'll come across a particular woman you just rub the wrong way. Maybe she's had bad experiences with guys wanting sex too fast, and she thought I would start sexting with her. I have no idea. But since we liked kissing each other and she stressed she had a GREAT time too, I didn't think it would be a deal breaker.

 

** But even though she didn't respond to that text for the rest of the day or the next, I did follow up with a phone call. However, when a woman won't return a voice mail where you mention planning a second date, it's obvious she isn't interested in seeing you again. So that's why I didn't contact her again after that.

 

>>In all honesty though, there wasn't any grand plan in my mind...<<

 

I believe you, not on a conscious level anyway... but I think we all do things, and behave in ways, whether consciously or subconsciously, to determine who the best partner for us will be.

 

You have even admitted yourself many times, in this thread and others, that if a woman isn't responsive to your particular type of pursuit (not your exact words)...which include positvely responding to your remarks about how she dresses, or in this case her lips, among other things you have said and done indicating how dominant and "manly" you are, you have no desire to date her.

 

Which is your prerogative! Just own it, instead of becoming defensive about it...as you so often do..

 

ETA: and for the record, your not contacting her again was the right move...

Edited May 16, 2015 by katiegrl

[fitnessfan365]

>>In all honesty though, there wasn't any grand plan in my mind...<<

 

I believe you, not on a conscious level anyway... but I think we all do things, and behave in ways, whether consciously or subconsciously, to determine who the best partner for us will be.

 

You have even admitted yourself many times, in this thread and others, that if a woman isn't responsive to your particular type of pursuit (not your exact words)...which include positvely responding to your remarks about how she dresses, or in this case her lips, among other things you have said and done indicating how dominant and "manly" you are, you have no desire to date her.

 

Which is your prerogative! Just own it, instead of becoming defensive about it...as you so often do..

 

ETA: and for the record, your not contacting her again was the right move...

 

1) Katie, you need to stop coming back to "dominance". I've made it no secret that's who I am. But not everything I do with a woman is designed to test the type of dynamic we'd have. Especially since it takes time for a woman to develop the trust involved. The only time I won't date a woman is if she demonstrates at the early stages she is a hardcore feminist.

 

2) I will gladly own something if that's the case. If you or anyone else calls me on something and it's the truth, I always say "Fair enough", "I will own that", etc.. But recently when I have become defensive, it's only because people keep misreading my intentions. I'm not going to admit to something that I didn't do.

[Gaeta]

If I enjoy kissing a woman on a first date, I always let her know in the follow up. In every other case, it got a positive response back. "Your lips have been on my mind too", "I can't wait to kiss you again either", etc..

There was nothing wrong in what you said to her as to having her lips on your mind. I think for her it's just a accumulation from beginning. You don't consider it much but in her book it was.

 

 

Maybe she's had bad experiences with guys wanting sex too fast, and she thought I would start sexting with her.

 

That is what I said in one of my posts on here. She may be a very flirty sexual gal but she doesn't want this facet to be addressed to heavily before meeting or on the first couple of dates (like me).

 

Katie: I understand FF needs to find a woman that enjoys his ways. I feel there are a lot of women that would enjoy his style but I think he presents that side of him too early after a first contact. He does it even before meeting the woman and confirming he will like her.

[katiegrl]

1) Katie, you need to stop coming back to "dominance". I've made it no secret that's who I am. But not everything I do with a woman is designed to test the type of dynamic we'd have. Especially since it takes time for a woman to develop the trust involved.

 

 

***The only time I won't date a woman is if she demonstrates at the early stages she is a hardcore feminist. ***

 

 

 

2) I will gladly own something if that's the case. If you or anyone else calls me on something and it's the truth, I always say "Fair enough", "I will own that", etc.. But recently when I have become defensive, it's only because people keep misreading my intentions. I'm not going to admit to something that I didn't do.

 

Quote in asterisk above -- excuse me? I invite you to re-read your own posts on this thread and others.

 

You have specifically said many times, using the ladies on this board, and who responded in this thread as examples, that you would have no interest in dating any of us ... or women like us...being how adverse we are to your particular type of dating and texting style.

 

And none of us are hard core feminists ....we just don't care for, and would not respond positively to, your type of pursuit/dating/texting style.

 

Which is fine, your prerogative. Just don't rewrite history and deny what you have previously admitted....and say the only women you would not date are hard core feminists.

 

Your own posts suggest otherwise....

[fitnessfan365]

Katie: I understand FF needs to find a woman that enjoys his ways. I feel there are a lot of women that would enjoy his style but I think he presents that side of him too early after a first contact. He does it even before meeting the woman and confirming he will like her.

 

I will admit, that it will rub some women the wrong way. To them, it's an online "meet" with a "stranger". But the ironic thing is that you actually interact more before an OLD meet, than you do before a real life first date. The only difference is that you don't know what the other person looks like.

 

In real life, there would already be basic flirting and tension going into the first date. That's why she'd give me her number. So my goal is to re-create that experience. By having some playful flirting and creating tension going in, it carries over as a "date", as long as people look like their pics. That's why so many "meets" fall flat in my opinion. People show up with skepticism, turn it into an interview with a stranger, etc.. But why not try to create some basic chemistry going in? After all, personality has nothing to do with what someone looks like.

 

Quote in asterisk above -- excuse me? I invite you to re-read your own posts on this thread and others.

 

You have specifically said many times, using the ladies on this board, and who responded in this thread as examples, that you would have no interest in dating any of us ... or women like us...being how adverse we are to your particular type of dating and texting style.

 

And none of us are hard core feminists ....we just don't care for, and would not respond positively to, your type of pursuit/dating/texting style.

 

Which is fine, your prerogative. Just don't rewrite history and deny what you have previously admitted....and say the only women you would not date are hard core feminists.

 

Your own posts suggest otherwise....

 

What you say is true. If a woman doesn't respond well to my style GOING IN to an online first date/meet, it is not a good match. I've admitted this many times especially in that other thread. But what I am referring to is a woman I've already had dates with. If everything doesn't go exactly according to plan, I won't write her off because of it. That's exactly why I called Ms T-Shirt as a follow up when she didn't respond to the text. But, there is a difference between having different personalities and being polar opposites before you meet someone, versus getting along well on a basic level with a few subtle differences.

Edited May 16, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[Gaeta]

I will admit, that it will rub some women the wrong way. To them, it's an online "meet" with a "stranger". But the ironic thing is that you actually interact more before an OLD meet, than you do before a real life first date. The only difference is that you don't know what the other person looks like.

 

In real life, there would already be basic flirting and tension going into the first date. That's why she'd give me her number. So my goal is to re-create that experience. By having some playful flirting and creating tension going in, it carries over as a "date", as long as people look like their pics. That's why so many "meets" fall flat in my opinion. People show up with skepticism, turn it into an interview with a stranger, etc.. But why not try to create some basic chemistry going in? After all, personality has nothing to do with what someone looks like.

 

 

Women online gets flirted with and gets all kinds of sexual innuendos all the time. You would actually stand out of the crowd by holding back a little, wait to make a connection, then hit her with your best game.

 

When you play your game too soon it feels like we're not anymore special than the woman from yesterday. It's your MO and you play it on every single woman. When you wait a little and make a rapport first before hitting us with your game then it feels like we inspire it in you and it's not just you going through the motion like you do with everyone day in and day out.