fitnessfan365 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 One great piece of advice I picked up from 'Hitch" years ago is to allow women the space to drift away from you on a date. It sends a message that you aren't needy or clingy. Had a great date tonight where this happened. After we enjoyed ice cream, we walked around the center chatting and wound up inside Barnes and Noble. At one point, she started walking to another section. But instead of chasing after her lingering, I stayed where I was. Picked out a book that caught my eye and flipped through it. A few minutes later she made her way back over and jumped right back into conversation with me. Up until then, her body language was positive and the chemistry was good. But after that, she really amped up the flirting, being playful, and was even more relaxed than she had been. The fact that I had communicated on a non verbal level that I wasn't the needy type, put her completely at ease. So tell me ladies, have you ever had dates where the guy just wouldn't give you any space and acted completely clingy?
Buddhist Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 You know, this almost sounds like dog training. I'm so glad you let her off the leash to discover that she wants to be on the leash. I'm going to try this with my basset hound tomorrow. 11
Toodaloo Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) You know, this almost sounds like dog training. I'm so glad you let her off the leash to discover that she wants to be on the leash. I'm going to try this with my basset hound tomorrow. It actually IS a technique used in dog training! I use it on mine all the time! When my little deaf one is being a nightmare I turn my back and walk away... She soon catches up! It also works on one of my ponies who was very badly beaten up! Try to catch him normally and he will run. Call and walk away and he will charge up happily... I have always said that humans are just another animal and we have similar rituals etc... I have used these techniques on "damaged" children and also on my father... When I am unsure how to act I base my actions on the same that I would treat a beaten up dog or horse... Seems to work most of the time! ETA - I wonder how many pages this one will grow to... Glad your date went well FF... Going to have to change the abriviation so amyandgrace and I don't add the S on the end... Edited May 8, 2015 by Toodaloo 2
KatZee Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 This is not just a date thing. This is an "everyday scenario" thing. No one likes having people hover 24/7. 5
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 If I think of my last date which was last Saturday evening. We had a walk in a busy downtown street and dinner on a terrace. I liked the fact he walked at my pace, he held my hand to cross streets, he made sure I didn't step in puddles, he opened doors, pulled chairs, etc. I prefer this kind of attention than being with someone doing his own thing right next to me like I'm a buddy. If he had wondered around on his own to buy something lets say I probably would have thought 'really did you have to do this now'. I think the wondering about you're talking about is good sure, I have nothing against it and would be fine with it but not for a first meeting for me. 1
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 One great piece of advice I picked up from 'Hitch" years ago is to allow women the space to drift away from you on a date. It sends a message that you aren't needy or clingy. Had a great date tonight where this happened. After we enjoyed ice cream, we walked around the center chatting and wound up inside Barnes and Noble. At one point, she started walking to another section. But instead of chasing after her lingering, I stayed where I was. Picked out a book that caught my eye and flipped through it. A few minutes later she made her way back over and jumped right back into conversation with me. Up until then, her body language was positive and the chemistry was good. But after that, she really amped up the flirting, being playful, and was even more relaxed than she had been. The fact that I had communicated on a non verbal level that I wasn't the needy type, put her completely at ease. So tell me ladies, have you ever had dates where the guy just wouldn't give you any space and acted completely clingy? The fact that I had communicated on a non verbal level that I wasn't the needy type, put her completely at ease. -- Unless she actually told you that, you have no idea that was the case. She may have done that anyway. If a guy were consciously giving me space on a 3/4 hour, whatever, date and walking away from me or not focusing on our date, I wouldn't be accepting another date. Don't do the mind reading thing. Just be yourself, enjoy the date, treat her with respect and have fun. Frankly, space on a date is ridiculous. Space is what's needed or given in a more established relationship to recover from a faux pas or an issue that has come up. Giving a woman you just met "space" during a date, is more likely to cause her to question your interest. And, picking up a book for a minute isn't about space, it's about the guy who found an interesting book and looked at it. You were in a bookstore for goodness sake. That's what people do in a bookstore . . . By the way, she went to another section and left you where you were. Was she giving you space? 2
Toodaloo Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 This actually reminds me of the disaterous Zoo date... remember the one where he crowed at me??? He wondered off... It wasn't so much "giving space" as disappearing completely!!! 1
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) The fact that I had communicated on a non verbal level that I wasn't the needy type, put her completely at ease. -- Unless she actually told you that, you have no idea that was the case. She may have done that anyway. If a guy were consciously giving me space on a 3/4 hour, whatever, date and walking away from me or not focusing on our date, I wouldn't be accepting another date. Don't do the mind reading thing. Just be yourself, enjoy the date, treat her with respect and have fun. Frankly, space on a date is ridiculous. Space is what's needed or given in a more established relationship to recover from a faux pas or an issue that has come up. Giving a woman you just met "space" during a date, is more likely to cause her to question your interest. And, picking up a book for a minute isn't about space, it's about the guy who found an interesting book and looked at it. You were in a bookstore for goodness sake. That's what people do in a bookstore . . . By the way, she went to another section and left you where you were. Was she giving you space? Haha.. It was 2-3 shelves over. Not across the store. She was still close enough for us to maintain eye contact,smile at each other, and also focus on the books we were looking at. Sometimes if a woman wants to drift a bit if you're browsing, you let her do so. You don't nervously hover because you're afraid to let her out of your sight. Finally it isn't doing the "mind reading" thing. It's simply watching body language and observing behavior/personality with an educated guess. Not claiming to have ESP, Just making an observation. Once again though, can we PLEASE stay on topic? As I said before in the t-shirt and jeans thread, opinions are great and everyone can have them. But instead of expressing an opinion and mostly staying on topic, it turns into another pinata session with non stop bashing and personal attacks. I come on to say I have a great date, post a few things as an example to go with the topic, and then ask a question to jump start topic discussion. But instead of sticking to the topic, saying that it's awesome the date went well, etc once again my example is picked apart, etc. I mean "dog training", questioning her/my interest level, acting like you know better than I do about what happened on my date when I was there, etc.. Thankfully at least Toodalo said "Glad that your date went well". Once again, I am not looking for validation or approval on the example I provided. I am happy with how the date went and simply wanted to add to the discussion of not hovering around a woman if she wants to go her own way a bit. So hopefully this won't turn into another 15 page thread attacking me and we can actually get some insight and discussion going. Edited May 8, 2015 by fitnessfan365 2
Morro72 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Not being a lady I can't answer your question. However, in your specific case, I think it would be interesting to know what books your date was looking at while she was off browsing by herself. For all we know she could have been reading "Use Body Language to Spice Up Your Love Life" and the experimental subject could be you, not her. 1
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) One great piece of advice I picked up from 'Hitch" years ago is to allow women the space to drift away from you on a date. It sends a message that you aren't needy or clingy. Had a great date tonight where this happened. After we enjoyed ice cream, we walked around the center chatting and wound up inside Barnes and Noble. At one point, she started walking to another section. But instead of chasing after her lingering, I stayed where I was. Picked out a book that caught my eye and flipped through it. A few minutes later she made her way back over and jumped right back into conversation with me. Up until then, her body language was positive and the chemistry was good. But after that, she really amped up the flirting, being playful, and was even more relaxed than she had been. The fact that I had communicated on a non verbal level that I wasn't the needy type, put her completely at ease. So tell me ladies, have you ever had dates where the guy just wouldn't give you any space and acted completely clingy? ff .... I highly doubt that incident led her to conclude you weren't clingy. You were in a book store, it's normal for people to go off and browse... you didn't do anything ("allowing" her to go browse) that spectacular that would cause her to suddenly conclude ....now here's a REAL man!! He allowed me to go browse a different section, without getting all needy....he's a keeper! Lol, you're over thinking.... She just likes you..which is very cool! Edited May 8, 2015 by katiegrl 1
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 ff .... I highly doubt that incident led her to conclude you weren't clingy. You were in a book store, it's normal for people to go off and browse... you didn't do anything ("allowing" her to go browse) that spectacular that would cause her to suddenly conclude ....now here's a REAL man!! He allowed me to go browse a different section, without getting all needy....he's a keeper! Lol, you're over thinking.... She just likes you..which is very cool! ^^To add ...I think she just felt at ease with you generally. It wasn't your allowing her *space* that caused her to feel that way. As for your question, not sure what you mean by space on a date. Space is great in a relationship, but leaving another person while on a first date? Or first meet! It's never happened to me, but if it did, I would think that rather rude. The bookstore is different though, because you are specifically there to browse different sections. By the way, did she tell you she was going to go browse a different section? Or did she just go wander off leaving you to wonder where she went? 3
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Haha.. It was 2-3 shelves over. Not across the store. She was still close enough for us to maintain eye contact,smile at each other, and also focus on the books we were looking at. Sometimes if a woman wants to drift a bit if you're browsing, you let her do so. You don't nervously hover because you're afraid to let her out of your sight. Finally it isn't doing the "mind reading" thing. It's simply watching body language and observing behavior/personality with an educated guess. Not claiming to have ESP, Just making an observation. Once again though, can we PLEASE stay on topic? As I said before in the t-shirt and jeans thread, opinions are great and everyone can have them. But instead of expressing an opinion and mostly staying on topic, it turns into another pinata session with non stop bashing and personal attacks. I come on to say I have a great date, post a few things as an example to go with the topic, and then ask a question to jump start topic discussion. But instead of sticking to the topic, saying that it's awesome the date went well, etc once again my example is picked apart, etc. I mean "dog training", questioning her/my interest level, acting like you know better than I do about what happened on my date when I was there, etc.. Thankfully at least Toodalo said "Glad that your date went well". Once again, I am not looking for validation or approval on the example I provided. I am happy with how the date went and simply wanted to add to the discussion of not hovering around a woman if she wants to go her own way a bit. So hopefully this won't turn into another 15 page thread attacking me and we can actually get some insight and discussion going. FF, I did not intend to attack you and I'm sorry that it came across to you that way. The topic title was "giving a woman space on a date". So, I gave my views about that. If the title of the thread said "I gave a woman space on a date and it went well" and the thread opened with I had a great date and all I want is for you to congratulate me, I would have said kudos to you. And, I am now However, the body of the thread started out with a reference to something from a movie that is likely less than a sound approach and controversial. The opening line of a particular topic sets the tone for responses. In addition, the last line of the post asked a question and I gave you insight as you mentioned above. In addition, people post here and sometimes give information as to their thinking that is more important than the intended topic and it appears that the poster is maybe overlooking an important aspect that needs to be highlighted for them. In the end, you're right, you had a great date! And, that's terrific. 2
Toodaloo Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Haha.. It was 2-3 shelves over. Not across the store. She was still close enough for us to maintain eye contact,smile at each other, and also focus on the books we were looking at. Well good for you... Mr Crow Noises Man went off on a wonder on our date... I had no idea where he went! I had bit of a look around for him but couldn't find him. You remember those training reins you get for children so you can hang onto them? I figures a set of those wouldn't have gone amiss on that date. Then after a while thought sod it, and went to see the rhinos on my own and got chatting to some youngish blokes while watching the great beast scratch its bottom on the wall... I think the rhino had more fun relieving its itch than I did that day! Date 2 lined up???
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 If you were still maintaining eye contact and smiling at each other, that would hardly be considered giving her *space*. Space would be *disconnecting* ....you were still *connected,* via eye contact and smiling. That's NOT space. Sounds like a great date though! Was she wearing a dress????
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Is it allowed to ask if it's the lady from your last thread?
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Is it allowed to ask if it's the lady from your last thread? I believe he said their date is next week Gaeta. Sounds like a different lady...
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 ff I hope you don't disappear from this thread, just cause the responses aren't *exactly* what you intended. Flexibility and an open mind, remember. Your last thread ruffled feathers, but it was actually an awesome thread! 1
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) It really was just a few shelves over to the left. Not on the other end of the store. We're talking 45-50ft tops. Also, she doesn't need to check in with me and ask permission to go to another book shelf. So it didn't bother me that she moved a few shelves over on her own. Finally space as in spacial relations. Not the proverbial "I need space" type space. The way that I took it in the movie Hitch, was it being about confidence. You don't have to constantly hover and cling with lame small talk because you're feeling insecure about your date's interest level. But what's cracking me up is that a few people in the thread brought up how it would make them question interest level..LOL That's the whole point of it though. On a non verbal level it demonstrates comfort and confidence IMO. BTW - To stay congruent with the other thread, this was with Ms T-Shirt. I asked her out spontaneously yesterday because my Thurs night opened up with training cancellations. Since I didn't know anything about her going into the date, and it was a spontaneous day of meet, it actually helped and made both of us be completely in the moment. Everything just clicked and flowed and the good night kissing was very hot. Overall, one of the best first dates that I've ever had. However, to satisfy curiosity, she had on a very casual "t-shirt" and it wasn't form fitting, v-neck, etc as other women thought it would be. But as I said, it was a first meet so who cares. Point is, nothing she wore would have looked bad on that hot body of hers. Girl was a competitive fencer for 12 years, and also played tennis, volleyball, did swimming, heavily into nutrition, etc.. When she first walked up, I shook her hand and then told her that I wanted to get a better look at her. So I spun her around slowly while still holding her hand. She actually really liked that and smiled when I said that the pictures didn't hold a candle to the real life version. Just very sweet and feminine woman. Edited May 8, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
Toodaloo Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 It really was just a few shelves over to the left. Not on the other end of the store. We're talking 45-50ft tops. So what did I do to make mine to go the other end of the Zoo!!!???!!! Perhaps I should have just shoved him in with the tigers and been done with it.
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 So what did I do to make mine to go the other end of the Zoo!!!???!!! Perhaps I should have just shoved him in with the tigers and been done with it. Hahahaha.. Well did you guys have a garlic heavy dinner before the zoo?
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 ff I hope you don't disappear from this thread, just cause the responses aren't *exactly* what you intended. Flexibility and an open mind, remember. Your last thread ruffled feathers, but it was actually an awesome thread! Haha.. Seriously? Taking a massive personal attack from women on the forum for 15 pages isn't what I would call "not exactly as intended". But I never left that thread and responded all the way to the end. Just like I will do here. However, I cracked up when you said "He's nowhere to be seen". Why because I took sometime to sleep and train clients?
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 It really was just a few shelves over to the left. Not on the other end of the store. We're talking 45-50ft tops. Also, she doesn't need to check in with me and ask permission to go to another book shelf. So it didn't bother me that she moved a few shelves over on her own. Finally space as in spacial relations. Not the proverbial "I need space" type space. The way that I took it in the movie Hitch, was it being about confidence. You don't have to constantly hover and cling with lame small talk because you're feeling insecure about your date's interest level. But what's cracking me up is that a few people in the thread brought up how it would make them question interest level..LOL That's the whole point of it though. On a non verbal level it demonstrates comfort and confidence IMO. BTW - To stay congruent with the other thread, this was with Ms T-Shirt. I asked her out spontaneously yesterday because my Thurs night opened up with training cancellations. Since I didn't know anything about her going into the date, and it was a spontaneous day of meet, it actually helped and made both of us be completely in the moment. Everything just clicked and flowed and the good night kissing was very hot. Overall, one of the best first dates that I've ever had. However, to satisfy curiosity, she had on a very casual "t-shirt" and it wasn't form fitting, v-neck, etc as other women thought it would be. But as I said, it was a first meet so who cares. Point is, nothing she wore would have looked bad on that hot body of hers. Girl was a competitive fencer for 12 years, and also played tennis, volleyball, did swimming, heavily into nutrition, etc.. When she first walked up, I shook her hand and then told her that I wanted to get a better look at her. So I spun her around slowly while still holding her hand. She actually really liked that and smiled when I said that the pictures didn't hold a candle to the real life version. Just very sweet and feminine woman. When I asked if she told you she was gonna browse another section or just wandered off, that was BEFORE I discovered she was only a few shelves over, and you were still maintaining eye contact and smiling at each other. Dude, that is NOT giving her *space* ...you were STILL engaging! Eye contact and smiling. What about that is giving her space???? Does not compute. If you want to give yourself kudos, fine, but what you did was not giving her "space.". Just the opposite actually, it was flirty!
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 But what's cracking me up is that a few people in the thread brought up how it would make them question interest level..LOL That's the whole point of it though. On a non verbal level it demonstrates comfort and confidence IMO. I personally would have liked you to stick with me and take interest in what book I took off the shelves and use it as a conversation starter, maybe use it to tease me depending on what book I'd picked. It's not about being cligny, it's about interacting and taking interest in each other. It's not because our opinion is different that's it's bad eh FF ! I am showing you a different point of view. BTW - To stay congruent with the other thread, this was with Ms T-Shirt. I asked her out spontaneously yesterday because my Thurs night opened up with training cancellations. Since I didn't know anything about her going into the date, and it was a spontaneous day of meet, it actually helped and made both of us be completely in the moment. Everything just clicked and flowed and the good night kissing was very hot. Overall, one of the best first dates that I've ever had. However, to satisfy curiosity, she had on a very casual "t-shirt" and it wasn't form fitting, v-neck, etc as other women thought it would be. But as I said, it was a first meet so who cares. Point is, nothing she wore would have looked bad on that hot body of hers. Girl was a competitive fencer for 12 years, and also played tennis, volleyball, did swimming, heavily into nutrition, etc.. I'm happy you're totally into her ;-) When she first walked up, I shook her hand and then told her that I wanted to get a better look at her. So I spun her around slowly while still holding her hand. I'm staying away from that one lol
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Haha.. Seriously? Taking a massive personal attack from women on the forum for 15 pages isn't what I would call "not exactly as intended". But I never left that thread and responded all the way to the end. Just like I will do here. However, I cracked up when you said "He's nowhere to be seen". Why because I took sometime to sleep and train clients? Well we (I) missed you when you disappeared, what can I say??? Lol Like I said, it was a great thread! You handled it (the *attacks*) very well too I might add...so I will give you kudos for THAT!
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 I'm staying away from that one lol Let me guess. I objectified her, made her feel like a piece of meat, etc.. Believe it or not, there are a lot of women that like a guy that leads, acts flirtatious, gives them attention, etc.. It's not like I was leering at her or being inappropriate. Just a quick little twirl around while I was still holding her hand from the handshake.
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