elaine567 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Like when I showed up unannounced back in January and her car was in the driveway and he wouldn't let me go upstairs (I assume she was in the bedroom). ...We got into an argument that morning because of me being there and I remember screaming I love you to him and trying to hug him through tears. She must have heard it all and still kept coming back. I'm just completely confused. Putting myself in her shoes... I just don't get it. OK, this is how it works. .............................................. You are in bed with your new man, his ex shows up and he goes down to speak to her. You hear them arguing and then she starts screaming and sobbing. You hear her say, "I love you". You hear something indistinct from him. The front door closes. You hear him breathe a long sigh. He then bounds up the stairs and comes back up into bed. He kisses you solemnly. You say "She's never going to get the message is she?". He says " She will babe, she's just acting crazy just now". You kiss again and then he runs his hand up the inside of your thigh. He smiles slowly... .............................................. mimiMobile You need to stop blaming yourself, and keep strict NC and move on, there is nothing for you here.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 We talked about it. Several times. Basically, I had made it clear at the beginning of the relationship that my comfort level of dating was the 2 year mark. Arbitrary deadline, forgot where I picked up, but it stuck with me. So when 2 year mark came and went and there was no talk of engagement, I got uncomfortable. By the end of the year, I sat down and asked him to give me at the minimum a plan -- if he is serious about marrying me, tell me your criteria or things we need to get done before there is a ring. He saw that as me busting out a power move and basically said he shouldn't have to persuade me to stay. I moved out due to a combo of things. That being the major one. But also he became a police officer and we began working opposite shifts. His free time went to either sleeping or other hobbies. I don't mind but when relationship is suffering and needs attention and care, I do begin to feel unappreciated and unloved. There was a point where (tmi) I was going down on him and looked up only to see his eyes glued on the TV. Or after having sex I wanted to cuddle but he "had" to go help out the contractors outside (I wanted 2 minutes cuddle time). Moments like that -- I felt invisible and unappreciated. That is why I moved out. I thought by moving out, we would actually have to make plans to spend quality time together and remember why we fell in love in the first place instead of constantly bickering about not spending enough time together. As soon as I moved out I realized it was a mistake. I turned around with an apology and asked to come back. Unfortunately, that is around the time the girl popped up and he decided he was too angry about my move out to let me back in and that he had to conduct soul searching. 4 months later, I've been driving myself literally insane, while he's been filling the void. Go figure. I had no idea how he had it that easy. Every time I've seen him since, he's told me how he loved me and how life was hard. I couldn't figure out what was so hard about life. Oh. There's another girl. OK. Now it makes sense. I'm just disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself for losing a great man that I truly loved and cared for and went about solving our issues the wrong way. I'm disappointed he gave up on me so easily and didn't chase or pursue me after the move out or didn't accept me back. I'm so tired of beating myself up every single day for my mistakes. The worst of it is I don't think this is the worst of it. I think this is going to keep sinking in and I'm going to keep realizing what a stupid and awful thing I did was when I moved out. I have no idea how to remedy this. Okay, at least you talked about it before hand. You have this image of how your life will proceed "get married by ____" which like one of the other posters, I do not understand and share the same mindset of "why does that matter?". But have you looked at how you want your life after marriage? From what you've posted about this guy in this thread I highly doubt this is your ideal husband. You should have ended the relationship when you decided that you had enough, and hopefully you've learned that just because you are ready to further a relationship doesn't mean you should force the other party. Also, I reread my original reply to this thread and it sounds aggressive towards you. That wasn't my intention and I apologize if you took it as an attack. Lack of tone from text can be tricky sometimes.
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