Patienceiskey23 Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Hey everyone! I would like any and every criticism you have for me. I like to hear different perspectives. So I've been interested in this woman for quite awhile. It just started to hit me out of no where that I really do have feelings for this woman. I just can't figure her out. Anyways here's what I've been going through. She is 3 years older then I am. We both work at the same job, same building, and same room. So yes I have interaction with her everyday. And yes I know what all of you reading this are thinking, but before you all jump on me about "****ting where you eat," I think I'm mature enough to handle a work place relationship, not like I see it happening in the near future. Plus, she is also very mature and handles herself very well. She'll voice out her opinions when she needs to and refrains when need be. (If you comment please don't tell me not to try for her just because she is a coworker, I have gone through in my mind all the repercussions if I were to date her and if it ended badly. So please hold your comments about that. Thank you.) We started at the same time and have been working together for a little over 2 years. When we started she was quite quiet at first and had an expression on her face like don't talk to me unless you need something important. Well, that wasn't the case because couple months in we talk more and more and we get to know each other quite a bit and she's totally the opposite, she's bubbly and laughs a lot, quite a bit of it at me. Clearly a wall to split the men from the boys. At the early stages of getting to know her I wasn't looking for any relationship, and her she recently got out of one. So both of us starting a new job we were more focused on learning the aspects of our positions. And this job might not be our careers but it is definitely a foot in the door for something we are both interested in. Over the course of the first year we got to know each other quite well, but I never saw her as a potential mate even though she was very attractive to me. During the course of the first year we've become comfortable enough to playfully tease each other, she also does it more frequently then I, even up to this day, plus she doesn't go as hard on any other coworker besides me if that makes sense. Basically she has no filter towards me and I'm completely ok with that because I know she's joking and vice versa. Her connection with me is a lot stronger compared to others at our job. She'll make a slight pass or touch me on my arm or hand when we talk, but only once I awhile, she doesn't overdue it. And yes she only does that with me. Once in awhile, maybe like twice a week, we buy each other coffee in the morning before work. She'll tell me things that she doesn't tell anyone else. Her ex (because this crazy dude can't get over her), things going on in her life, and her daily endeavors. This is where it's confusing for me because we'll talk at work and we see each other more then any of our friends and family, but she never talks to me outside of work. We do once in awhile but it's small talk and only over texting. Next day at work we talk about anything and everything. So not sure what to make of this. I've tried to ask her to hang out to get more of a feel for her plus also invited her friend but she declined, and I did not ask her on a date because I'm just unsure of her feelings and I don't want to make it too awkward. That was only once, and that was a couple months back, haven't since then. What gets me though is that she hasn't asked me to hang out either, maybe it's because she just doesn't want to get into anything with me, but then again she did invite me to her sisters bday party but I couldn't attend because of other plans. Also, just recently she asked me for the third time to come join her at her cross fit gym. She said her trainer told her to ask me but it's the third time so I doubt her trainer would be that into getting me to come train. I feel she's using that as an excuse to get more time with me? I'm not sure what to make of this situation. Kind of odd for me. I've noticed she looks at me a more from when we first started. I'll catch her taking a peek, but that's only because I want to look at her. When I dress up casually, button down, jeans, and maybe some Jordan's, she will occasionally complement my style and the clothes I'm wearing. She's into Jordan's too, a similar thing we like. We have been through a lot over the past couple years. I've seen most of her moods and she has seen mine. We know each other very well. I just can't seem to figure if she has anything there for me or not. I don't want to be to direct because that'll just make things awkward. I'm more of a if it happens, let it happen. I'm not trying to rush anything, I am very patient, plus she isn't talking to anyone at the moment well not that I know of because she hasn't told me. For the most part she's just doing her I guess. Anyways, comments, insights, what do you guys think I should do? Thanks.
scooby-philly Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 To be honest, I'm not the best at reading a woman's intentions. On one hand she could be just nice to you because she feels comfortable. You both started at the same time and work together. Maybe she feels a friend connection if you've had similar life experiences. Don't confuse simple human interest with affection/feelings. On the other hand, she did invite you out to her sister's and is trying to get you to go to the gym. Those are pretty nice hints if she's into you. If anyone else chimes in let me know if I'm off base - but if I were you (i know, easier said then done - but you're on here for a reason...) you need to find out two things..... 1. Is she ready? 2. Is she interested? Try saying yes to the gym - even if you don't want to go. See what happens after - ask her for coffee or a late night snack. Second try talking - when you do - about her friends and family situation. Sometimes people go through life and when a divorce or exes happened, combined with general shifts in life, they lose people and can become isolated, lonely, etc. Not saying she is - but if she's not interested in you that would explain her motivations -"nice guy - can become new friend". If she's just looking for a friend then it will save your the embarrassment and discomfort. If she's interested then you're fine. Go for the gold.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 A few things to consider. 1) You've known her for two years. If it was going to happen, it probably would have already. In my experience, a woman will usually drop really subtle hints to speed up the process if a guy she likes isn't taking charge fast enough. 2) If a woman sees you as a possible romantic interest, she won't vent and treat you like a therapist. The fact that she talks about her ex, all her problems, etc is because she most likely feels a "friendship" type comfort. In my experience, when a woman is attracted, she actually wants to hold things back because she cares what you think of her and wants you to like her.
RoseVille Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 She's not interested in you outside of work, otherwise she would have accepted your invites. You're her "work boyfriend." That's it.
preraph Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 But you should take her up on those invitations to parties because she might be trying to introduce you to someone if she herself has decided not to get involved.
havocser Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I'm in a similar situation. I've been working at my job for about 2 years and I always thought this one guy was cute and we've always worked close together just not very often. Anyways, we kind of just started talking (have hungout twice outside of work and have plans next week) and he's a pretty cool guy but he seems stand off-ish because he's so much of a "let things happen" kind of dude I suppose. It could be she doesn't know you're interested in her, as you have made yourself sound similar to the guy in my situation. Girls don't like to make all of the initiative, well not me anyways. Women like to be courted. The last time I hungout with my coworker he said we should do it again and we made plans but it totally caught me off gaurd because I didn't think he was into me in the slightest bit. So you'll probably need to make it a little more obvious. If you're mature like you say you are even if you go right in and ask her out on a date its not going to be awkward at work, and at least you'll know if she's interested or not. No harm in trying!
todreaminblue Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 No one on here can tell you what she is thinking....theres only one who can...you said something interesting to me something i relate too..she likes to weed out the men from the boys...if she is this way...you need to ask her out... as a man would get up and stand up and take the plunge....a boy wouldnt...but a man would...are you that man?.....do it and dont pussy foot around...be up front and honest both admirable traits to possess as a man...not aggressive just upfront and honest...worthy of respect......what have you to lose..so.....man up soldier....and good luck......deb
Author Patienceiskey23 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 I really like all your answers. Thank you everyone. To be honest I was going to take her up on her offer to go to the gym with her, I just never found it beneficial to me because I already pay for a gym membership, why should I pay for another one. She knows this because I've told her about it, but she still pushes for me to go every now and then. Also, she is protective of herself. She told me she used to be real aggressive when it came to going after a guy she liked but has turned that down a lot. I'm guessing her last relationship really got to her, so she's more safeguarded. I also feel she is a bit more shy when it comes to showing her feelings. She's not very open with how she feels. Again protective issue. To what fitness said, she kind of treats me like her therapist, I don't think that at all, maybe I didn't give enough information but she doesn't tell me all her problems. We talk and it usually just comes up, to be honest I think she was just trying to have conversation and see where I stand with how woman are supposed to be treated because her ex wasn't the best of boyfriends. And plus she has so many other friends she can vent to about these things. She has a lot of guy friends and girl friends to tell these things too. So why tell me, her coworker of all people, these things? I think you are right about if a woman likes you she will try to drop subtle hints to speed things up, which I may be totally oblivious too hence me being on this forum, maybe she is trying to do that but isn't sure of herself or just doesn't want to be put on the spot. She doesn't like to be put in the spotlight, especially around other coworkers because she also hates when people get in her business, and being at work you say something and it spreads like a wildfire. Trying to figure out if she is interested and ready is really the big question. I guess she is just trying to feel me out and she can't do that at work, so I guess I'll take her up on her offer for the gym. Be patient and see where that goes.
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