tuxedo cat Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 I just can't take my life anymore. This city is breaking my spirit but I have nowhere else to go. Another guy led me on for weeks, disappears and blows off our date, and then confesses when I confront him that he met someone else. This whole time he had been assuring me he was very interested. In other news I get the distinct vibe that my boss doesn't like me but I can't figure out why because I work so hard and do everything I can to do a good job for her. Just walking down the streets sends me into a state of panic because in everyone I pass I see my anxieties embodied... I feel like you always need to be on in ny to make it because there is always better around the corner and I have days like today where im not on. And I can feel people judging me for it. More than anything I just want to find people who accept me as I am...who I do not need to fake extroversion or togetherness or detachment around. Why is that so hard to find. Obviously I'm not perfect but I do have some worthwhile traits. I know I do. I have so much love I want to give but it feels as if I'll never have the chance.
neowulf Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 I just can't take my life anymore. This city is breaking my spirit but I have nowhere else to go. Another guy led me on for weeks, disappears and blows off our date, and then confesses when I confront him that he met someone else. This whole time he had been assuring me he was very interested. In other news I get the distinct vibe that my boss doesn't like me but I can't figure out why because I work so hard and do everything I can to do a good job for her. Just walking down the streets sends me into a state of panic because in everyone I pass I see my anxieties embodied... I feel like you always need to be on in ny to make it because there is always better around the corner and I have days like today where im not on. And I can feel people judging me for it. More than anything I just want to find people who accept me as I am...who I do not need to fake extroversion or togetherness or detachment around. Why is that so hard to find. Obviously I'm not perfect but I do have some worthwhile traits. I know I do. I have so much love I want to give but it feels as if I'll never have the chance. We all have days like this. It's a terrible feeling, the isolation of being unable to connect. It's a pain I know all too well. The people you're chasing are out there though, you just have to find the courage to find your clique. I know you'll probably wake up tomorrow and feel better, but for today... *hug* Hang in there. 4
Author tuxedo cat Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 We all have days like this. It's a terrible feeling, the isolation of being unable to connect. It's a pain I know all too well. The people you're chasing are out there though, you just have to find the courage to find your clique. I know you'll probably wake up tomorrow and feel better, but for today... *hug* Hang in there. Thank you. 1
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 You will receive by giving. You are too concentrated on you and what's missing. Concentrating on others is a great way to receive, find inner balance and experience fulfillment. There are people around you suffering each day, the homeless, the sick, the old, animals. Find a charitable organization and give of your time. There you will find acceptance, friendship, support, and maybe love who knows. 5
lemoncello Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 I just can't take my life anymore. This city is breaking my spirit but I have nowhere else to go. Another guy led me on for weeks, disappears and blows off our date, and then confesses when I confront him that he met someone else. This whole time he had been assuring me he was very interested. In other news I get the distinct vibe that my boss doesn't like me but I can't figure out why because I work so hard and do everything I can to do a good job for her. Just walking down the streets sends me into a state of panic because in everyone I pass I see my anxieties embodied... I feel like you always need to be on in ny to make it because there is always better around the corner and I have days like today where im not on. And I can feel people judging me for it. More than anything I just want to find people who accept me as I am...who I do not need to fake extroversion or togetherness or detachment around. Why is that so hard to find. Obviously I'm not perfect but I do have some worthwhile traits. I know I do. I have so much love I want to give but it feels as if I'll never have the chance. Bad days are like clouds. They eventually pass and then the sunshine comes out. He's one guy. Don't let him ruin dating for you. 2
RoseVille Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 You will receive by giving. You are too concentrated on you and what's missing. Concentrating on others is a great way to receive, find inner balance and experience fulfillment. There are people around you suffering each day, the homeless, the sick, the old, animals. Find a charitable organization and give of your time. There you will find acceptance, friendship, support, and maybe love who knows. I don't know the OP's back story but this is fabulous advice. Abundance comes to me only when I'm in a state of generosity myself. 5
Author tuxedo cat Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 Why haven't you seen a doctor yet tux? I have. I had a first appointment with a psychiatrist a few weeks ago. Then I had to cancel our next appointment because I wasn't able to take off work. She called me up a week ago and told me that I couldn't see her again until my healthcare card arrived in the mail, which it just has. We're playing phone tag at the moment, but hopefully I will be able to see her again. Talking to her felt good. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 You will receive by giving. You are too concentrated on you and what's missing. Concentrating on others is a great way to receive, find inner balance and experience fulfillment. There are people around you suffering each day, the homeless, the sick, the old, animals. Find a charitable organization and give of your time. There you will find acceptance, friendship, support, and maybe love who knows. I like this advice. However, I would say that I would not expect anything back from anybody, ever. Good deeds don't necessarily go returned, people won't necessarily like you for it and being less shallow will get you absolutely nowhere in the game of dating. And there is generally no such thing as karma. However, when you die, you can be happy with all of the material possessions you acquired and all of the hot people you dated, OR you can be happy that you did things for other people and made the world a generally better place. Either way, you take neither with you. 1
Satu Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 This is an extract from my journal which came through at a time of great positive change for me: To be loved, be loving. To find peace, be peaceful. To find forgiveness, be forgiving. To be cared about, be caring. To be treated kindly, be kind. To be understood, be understanding. To have friends, be friendly. (That list extends endlessly into infinity.) I live by it and it works for me. 1
todreaminblue Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 hey tux, the right guy for you wasnt that guy that does not mean in any way or shape or form that the right guy doesnt exist he just wasnt that guy.Its a blessing that eh walked sooner rather than later...who wants to waste time on the wrong guy right? I have many bad days tux....when some times i even wake up from a bad day the day before...and go crap still here......and sometimes i wake up and the sunlight glitters on my paperbark tree outside my bedroom window and turns the drooping leaves a certain irredescent silver...and i say today might be better.....its all perspective...i choose to see silver leaves......and i choose to believe me living my life, trials, graceful interludes, messes and all and my living with mental illness serves a purpose.......or actually quite a few purposes.....enough for more than one personality to exist.....;0)...anxiety actually serves a purpose it lets you know their are issues you need to look at strategies you need to develop to simplify your life.....simplify tux.....its the best way.....know your limits.....go easy on your self till the anxiety subsides..... dsont put pressure on yourself to find the right guy....because ultimately the right one, perfect for you, will cross your path.....may even be on your path right now....let things be...and happen naturally...when you force something into existence that isnt there yet.....its not tangible because your perspective isnt quite ready .......to deal with anything too intense.....so go simple.....not complex emotions or feelings deal with oen thing at a time...not several things all at once........ heres simple...... find joy with you...in you and around you ..connect with what is tangible and real that you love that you feel passionately for.....even if it is a red balloon let loose...enjoy that balloon...if it is a walk to feed the ducks...live it and have fun.............and there are many things you love.....remember them...count your blessings however simple those blessings are...like hot buttered toast with cinnamon sugar...is there anything nicer????:0)....open your mind and let those loves of yours in..be it poetry a book...whatever.....yoru horizon is limitless....seek it.........and the joy will fan out to those you meet those you know and whom you adore........and ultimately your days become more peaceful.......i wish you love and happiness tux.....hugs....de3b 1
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