Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 I love girls who like it a bit rough. If she really wanted it rough I'd give it to her, just make sure beforehand she knows to let me know if it's too much Lol.
loveweary11 Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Heartbroken now. Was with my girlfriend for 15 months, sexually active for a year. Sex was good but she'd sometimes ask for something crazy. Hit her on the butt, pull her hair, slap her in other places. I didn't want to but she insisted and then she complained that I didn't do it hard enough. Say what? Theres enough violence toward women and I'm not about to be violent. Last night she complained again, she wanted to be slapped on the butt. I did and she said I slap like a girl. It turned into an argument and she called me boring. This morning she broke up for good and I'm heartbroken and confused. I'm 25 and she was my first. Sounds like a pretty typical girl from Long Island. I spent 12 years with one. If you want something opposite, try New England girls. They'll rough YOU up. Sorry you're heartbroken and it does seem ad stupid thing to break up over, but... it's sexual incompatibility. It would have caused problems down the line.
Vercetti Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Ok come back in a decade and read my post. I've been in your shoes mentality. You were told by a women what she wanted. You did not take the cue and explore with a trusted open partner. Will you forever ignore what women tell you they want over some idea in your head? Really. Are you going to ignore advice from older men and women? No one is saying be Ted Bundy. Sure there is someone into your way of doing things.....yet you really want to waste time discovering what your girlfriend and posters already expressed. Girls like it a bit rough, it's mental and physical. Thinking rape or hospital tells everyone here...you're not getting it. I did not get it with my first, no one is insulting you. My first had multiple climaxes and seemed nutty kinky...in retrospect could have been much more. 2
ltjg45 Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 I am the kind of guy that has no problems doing either form of sex. In all honesty, if the possibility of non-vanilla sex was available, I would do it because that does sound like something that is made for positive memories. However, I know that I won't proceed with such sexual acts unless she is fine with it first. After all, I don't know what kind of sex she prefers and I certainly is not going to try and force it on her. With that said, I would try and see if she is feeling it since while I may be a quiet person on the outside, I do have the desire and interest to try anything that is a bit crazy. But, like others have said, OP, you are your ex is simply not compatible. As for me, if she asks for a bruising during sex, I would have no obligations giving it to her the way she likes it because I know it will make me hard insanely fast....but I can also understand why some guys is not willing to go that far with all of the anti-male BS that is going on out there. Just keep looking. I am sure you will find a woman that wants the kind of sex you prefer. But I will tell her that if she wants it, I will say that she should be careful of what you ask for. You may just get it.
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 Don 't worry LongIslander. For every woman out there who wants you to hit her, there's one who would react to being hit by coming after you with the frying pan. With my luck I'll give in, will accidentally go too far, and end up hit in the head with a frying pan.
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 Ok come back in a decade and read my post. I've been in your shoes mentality. You were told by a women what she wanted. You did not take the cue and explore with a trusted open partner. Will you forever ignore what women tell you they want over some idea in your head? Really. Are you going to ignore advice from older men and women? No one is saying be Ted Bundy. Sure there is someone into your way of doing things.....yet you really want to waste time discovering what your girlfriend and posters already expressed. Girls like it a bit rough, it's mental and physical. Thinking rape or hospital tells everyone here...you're not getting it. I did not get it with my first, no one is insulting you. My first had multiple climaxes and seemed nutty kinky...in retrospect could have been much more. It's too fine a line and go a little too far and god knows what she will accuse me of. In case you didn't know they change their minds a lot. Your descriptions are more than a bit rough and more like violence.
Gary S Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 A women who was in love with a man would not call him boring. When they love you, they think you are more exciting than you really are! 5
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 I am the kind of guy that has no problems doing either form of sex. In all honesty, if the possibility of non-vanilla sex was available, I would do it because that does sound like something that is made for positive memories. However, I know that I won't proceed with such sexual acts unless she is fine with it first. After all, I don't know what kind of sex she prefers and I certainly is not going to try and force it on her. With that said, I would try and see if she is feeling it since while I may be a quiet person on the outside, I do have the desire and interest to try anything that is a bit crazy. But, like others have said, OP, you are your ex is simply not compatible. As for me, if she asks for a bruising during sex, I would have no obligations giving it to her the way she likes it because I know it will make me hard insanely fast....but I can also understand why some guys is not willing to go that far with all of the anti-male BS that is going on out there. Just keep looking. I am sure you will find a woman that wants the kind of sex you prefer. But I will tell her that if she wants it, I will say that she should be careful of what you ask for. You may just get it. I can just see it happening. I go a bit rough because that's what I thought she wants but doesn't really want and I end up with a court date. Always thought sex was supposed to be fun and enjoyable but instead I'll be going in scared next time if there even is one. I did slap this last girl on the butt but it wasn't hard enough. I'm not going to choke someone because I don't want a passed out girl on my floor, guess that makes me a loser in the eyes of just about everybody.
neowulf Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 It's too fine a line and go a little too far and god knows what she will accuse me of. In case you didn't know they change their minds a lot. Your descriptions are more than a bit rough and more like violence. I understand your hurting, but the fact is, she needed something you weren't comfortable giving her. That's all there is too it. There's nothing wrong with what she's asked for. There are men out there who will comfortably straddle the line between "too far" and "just right". They are comfortable with exploring those grey lines between the acceptable and taboo. You are not one of those men. That is perfectly ok. That's what several posters are trying to get across. It sounds like you came here expecting others to chime in with "wow.. biatches be crazy!", but instead have been confronted with the fact that "well, actually... it's perfectly normal and ok" It's a big world with a lot of tastes. The more flexible you can be with your thinking, the easier it becomes to navigate it. 3
chantos Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 OP you're making the common mistake a lot of shy, less experienced guys make by conflating dominance with actual violence. Apples and oranges. When you are dominant in bed you are calling the shots, putting the girl where you want, being physical with her. Most women like this to some degree. Hair-pulling, butt-smacking, dirty talk are pretty standard. Many girls liked to be choked and slapped in the face as well. The difference is that you are doing these things as a form of sexual stimulation with the intent of delivering pleasure and not simply physically abusing them. Very few women like to actually be beaten up during sex, and if you're dating one of those get out asap because that kind of thing can get you locked up. But that's a *far* cry from the regular displays of sexual dominance that turn many women on. 3
ascendotum Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 I did slap her ass but apparently not so hard she was not knocked off the bed. Guess in today's nutty world anything that isn't extreme is vanilla and boring and for losers. You could easily go to the level where you leave a read mark of your hand print. Quite a few people get off with pleasure & pain much more then this and if a girl gets turned on by it, then chances are you can up the intensity to where you'll hurt your hand more than her butt. Its a shame she did not give feedback at the time you were slapping her saying how she loved it and go harder each time, so you could have realized you were exciting her more. If you are going to do it, do it proper and not a weak slap. Escalate the intensity and If you go to far they'll let you know pretty quick. Even if you find and marry a girl that is more into sensual sex and nothing kinky, don't discount that she might get turned with rough sex for a refreshing change after doing the same thing sex wise for numerous years. Your gf probably gave no indication for the first half or your time with her. At least she spoke up and told you what she wanted. Some women will stay quite in their disappointment and just eventually break up with you and simply say it was working for her anymore. 1
Vercetti Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 It's too fine a line and go a little too far and god knows what she will accuse me of. In case you didn't know they change their minds a lot. Your descriptions are more than a bit roug and more like violence. So holding my wife's hair and giving a playful pull / tug is violence. What did you fall for my aggressive mind game and think I was Conan? I said your not getting it, thinking there is going to be a forensic files episode with a plaster mold cast of my dick banged into a brick wall as the only clue for detectives. 1
Vercetti Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 I can just see it happening. I go a bit rough because that's what I thought she wants but doesn't really want and I end up with a court date. Always thought sex was supposed to be fun and enjoyable but instead I'll be going in scared next time if there even is one. I did slap this last girl on the butt but it wasn't hard enough. I'm not going to choke someone because I don't want a passed out girl on my floor, guess that makes me a loser in the eyes of just about everybody. No the fact you take choke so literally as strangulation where someone passes out might be why a few are shaking head and rolling eyes. 1
MrNate 2.0 Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Judging by the responses there aren't many out there. Smacking asses isn't enough because I didn't do it will all my might. Those who equate pain with pleasure are off the wall but now I'm the bad guy for saying such a thing. Hey, bud don't sweat it. You'll have to take the responses here with a grain of salt. There's a special kind of people that gather on this site, and will mob you for a difference of opinion if you let them. Stand your ground and be who you are. You two were simply sexually incompatible. That's not a jab on you by any means. Don't let people here create an insecurity in you. Just find a woman who's sexual boundaries align with yours. They're out there. Trust me. 2
SoulCat Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 In case you didn't know they change their minds a lot. Who the hell are 'they'? There is a HUGE difference between consensual rough sex and sexual violence and you are conflating the two. Since she only asked you to pull her hair and slap her ass, I'm pretty sure we are talking about the former rather than the latter here. You are letting fear rule you, and that is not a healthy approach when it comes to sex. 1
El Pallasso Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 I'm just going to be upfront with you. You're acting like a wuss. No wonder she broke up with you. 3
ltjg45 Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 I can just see it happening. I go a bit rough because that's what I thought she wants but doesn't really want and I end up with a court date. Always thought sex was supposed to be fun and enjoyable but instead I'll be going in scared next time if there even is one. I did slap this last girl on the butt but it wasn't hard enough. I'm not going to choke someone because I don't want a passed out girl on my floor, guess that makes me a loser in the eyes of just about everybody. When I was growing up in middle school, I have gotten into a few fights. A lot of kids back then told me that I hit like a girl. I even got beaten up by girls back in middle school. Fast forward to now, I can understand why. I didn't have any strength when I throw a punch. My accuracy was horrible. When I did finally hit someone, they merely blinked. I even remember one fight that didn't finish because my opponent was too embarrassed to continue. We, as men, is typically judged by society by our financial success, our confidence, and how we handle our sexual interactions with women. Also, once we do get into the bedroom, women typically has the expectation that their man will give them pleasure that they hasn't had before. That typically involves rough play. If she asks you to slap her butt (which isn't violence, by the way. Now if she asks you to slap her or punch her face, that is a different story), she would expect you to put some power into the slap. Men typically has much more strength then women and that kind of action just rouses the women to pleasure levels that is difficult to get to otherwise. If she wanted a weak slap on her butt, she would just be a lesbian instead. Just something to keep in mind.....but like others have said, you are your ex is just incompatible because I would have no objections giving your ex what she asks for. And, before you feel this way, no, this doesn't make you any less manly. At least you are willing to admit your boundaries and that is not something many people has these days. 2
SoulCat Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 You two were simply sexually incompatible. That is pretty much what each and everyone of those 'special kind of people' have been saying in their posts here.
MrNate 2.0 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I'm just going to be upfront with you. You're acting like a wuss. No wonder she broke up with you. So, What about this is productive for this thread? 1
Erised Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 You can read books on it; Conquer Me; Screw The Roses Give Me the Thorns; etc. Consensual BDSM is not abuse. And it's very sexually satisfying to some of us. But nothing wrong with y'all being incompatible either. Not with her or you. These things happen. You should know and stick to your own boundaries. Hers are different. And that's not wrong or a threat. 1
Vercetti Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 That is pretty much what each and everyone of those 'special kind of people' have been saying in their posts here. IDK maybe his girlfriend expressing desire is wrong, the mature men and women expressing the same is wrong. Maybe the OP suggesting we are all violent nuts after his one relationship is right. Maybe us being in the OP postion in our life's is a collective delusion. Maybe he is ganged up on cause takes things to literial comic extremes. Maybe it's not ganged up on cause not speaking of hipster sex but generals we have discovered in life. I see his point of view cause I once had it. I take slight offence being called a violent man, over things he misunderstands. Things that in part bind my wife and I. I was once in his position, most here are telling him EXACTLY what I was told. 2
Erised Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 It all comes down to what you feel comfortable with. Everyone has a little fantasy, a little bit of fun they like to inject into their sexual appetites. Most of the time there is nothing wrong with it, but when it comes to one partner requesting the other to do something they don't want to do, then its time to sit back and think about what it is you want from that relationship. I think Christian Grey has a lot to answer for lol - it is amazing how many women have read "those" books and thought that type of love making is norm Though everyone I know into BDSM hates those books and abusive Grey. Well, everyone who actually hates reading hates those books anyway. Because, terrible writing. But nonetheless... Not representative at all. 4
ThaWholigan Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 You're freaking out a bit. For every girl that likes it rough, there are those who don't - and those inbetween who like a bit of variety. Its just sexual incompatibility, so don't sweat it. None of its bad - different strokes for different folks 6
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Rough sex can be hot, it lets you both really indulge in primal animalistic sex. It can be a huge turn on for sure. 1
CarrieT Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 OP, it is commendable that you don't want to hurt a woman. But some of us like a little pain as a complement to pleasure. We don't look at it as abuse. Also, please do not delude yourself that just performing various positions isn't anything *but* vanilla, because it is. That is okay if that is your flavor of choice and I hope you find a girl that likes vanilla as well. But "kinky" does involve a great deal more of experimentation; toys (dildos, vibrators), silk scarves, pinching, food, spanking, and more. 3
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