aliya34 Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 originally posted by LoveAlways: She probably expected you to break down and cry and beg her to take back what she said (that you couldnt be together cos u were boring and she was fun) - but you didn't, you held your hed up and stood your ground - and that's why you are brilliant!!! i broke up with my ex a pretty long time ago because he was cheating on me. he wanted to understandly get action and i am very conservative, and we were friends long before we started dating. i stopped talking to him, he missed me and came back, spilling out he really loved me. but then i rejected him. but a couple months ago, i went back to him and told him i had feelings for him and realized i really loved him too. but now he is dating someone. i broke down in front of him and cried.... now he feels more powerful like he has control over me.... will he ever go back to that point of realizing he loves me again? or now that i've "fallen" will he not elevate me back to "oh i wish i had her back"? do i no longer seem like a strong person? will no contact even be effective anymore?
lindya Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Yes it will be effective, but possibly not in the way that you hope. What you want and what you need may be two very different things right now. You WANT this guy, but you NEED some space to get him right out of your head. He cheated on you and you ditched him for it. He tried to get you back, and you rejected him. So far so good...but then your heart took over, and you let him know you still had strong feelings for him. What happened then? Well, what happened is that the guy had firm evidence of what he probably already suspected - that your No Contact rule was nothing more than a strategy to get him back. So no, it probably won't work again. It's a bit harsh I know, but if you have to stop contact with someone in order to find out how they feel about you then the chances are that they don't feel anything earth-shattering. Sorry - I know it's not what you want to hear, but the quicker you stop analysing this guy and move onto the healing process the better your chances of meeting someone who will love you the way you want to be loved.
Author aliya34 Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 yeah you are probably right. when we broke up though, he did say it may work in the future, but that's probably just to hold on to me. he's been acting pretty mean and haughty too (when i last spoke to him like 2 months ago).... probably because he thinks he has me under control. i know this sounds awful, but i don't want to contact him so i can be ASSURED that he thinks i've moved on. i don't want him to think anymore that i still have feelings for him..... i want him to feel INSECURE about what's left of his relationship with me. the last thing i want is to him to feel like, "she's going to want me no matter what, whenever i want her to." and so you don't think that this will be effectively accomplished by continuing no contact?
lindya Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Yes, I think you will accomplish that if you manage to stay away from him. But here's the more important thing...if you stay away for long enough then eventually you won't give a damn about whether or not he thinks you're still hung up on him
Author aliya34 Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 lol you're right i think well maybe he will too--forget about me and move on? this sounds horrible... but i don't want him to forget... i want him to regret not getting back together with me, not to sound arrogant but i am a pretty attractive girl and he knows guys are after me... and i am smart and study and am a good girl, i don't do what a lot of other girls do (at least here) which is partying a lot and drinking and sleeping around, which makes me rare i guess hehe.
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