Author walkingonair Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 Feeling like you've done something wrong because you break up with someone who doesn't make you happy and isn't on the same page, doesn't make sense. Did he ever do or say things to you that were intended to make you feel badly about yourself or were manipulative? Do you have any history of abuse in relationships? Thanks Red.You're right.I just feel sooo awful right now,cried for an hour:(I was never happy with him.He always kept me at a distant,would only spendtime with me once a week or every 2 weeks and if we did spend a few days together i felt like he wante me to leave.I don't want to feel like i'm a nusence to someone.I want a guy to want to spend time with me and want to see me.He made me feel bad about myself all the time.Would talk about other women.Like once we were at a bar and we were both talking to this girl and after we talke to her he was like "she's pretty,i'd put it in her butt"....That REALLY hurt me:( But he would always initiate contact with me everyday,but that's not enough for me:(A few months ago he told me he doesnt see a future with me and after that he suddenly tells me he's moving.I feel guilt because when i broke up with him we were still talking and things werent going that bad and he wasnt sure if he was moving,but i just remembered all those awful things hes done and said and i couldnt take it anymore,plus i realized i cant continue seeing someone i have feelings for if they are planning to move in 2 months even though hes not sure but just the fact that he was even considering to move reallu hurt:( Btw he also blocked his other ex on fb after she broke up with him and he had feelings for her.He told me he's crazy and he doesnt know how to deal with feelings. 1
Emilia Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Thanks for your answer.He didnt really lead me on cause i knew what i was getting into (redflags since day one).But him blocking me is wrong cause i didnt do anything to him and he's making me feel like i did something wrong!If he truly cared he'd contact me and say sorry or something.And now i feel bad cause i didn't want to hurt him.I can't hangout with someone who is planning to move.If they are moving,they dont care about me enough.He isnt even moving for a real reason just said his friends live in that state and hes not happy where he is now.He always runs from problems and never faces them:( It's because people like him - and I think men handle this differently from women, often - fear the abandonment part so much that it's what they focus on. So when it inevitably happens, it's that 'I KNEW this would happen again' as his cycle begins. of course it will be repeated over and over again in every single 'relationship' until he has therapy or something. Or end up with a dog as a companion. He isn't capable of having a relationship because he isn't capable of seeing beyond perceived abandonment. There is nothing you can do about this OP. It isn't your job, either. He is an adult. 1
Redhead14 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Thanks Red.You're right.I just feel sooo awful right now,cried for an hour:(I was never happy with him.He always kept me at a distant,would only spendtime with me once a week or every 2 weeks and if we did spend a few days together i felt like he wante me to leave.I don't want to feel like i'm a nusence to someone.I want a guy to want to spend time with me and want to see me.He made me feel bad about myself all the time.Would talk about other women.Like once we were at a bar and we were both talking to this girl and after we talke to her he was like "she's pretty,i'd put it in her butt"....That REALLY hurt me:( But he would always initiate contact with me everyday,but that's not enough for me:(A few months ago he told me he doesnt see a future with me and after that he suddenly tells me he's moving.I feel guilt because when i broke up with him we were still talking and things werent going that bad and he wasnt sure if he was moving,but i just remembered all those awful things hes done and said and i couldnt take it anymore,plus i realized i cant continue seeing someone i have feelings for if they are planning to move in 2 months even though hes not sure but just the fact that he was even considering to move reallu hurt:( Btw he also blocked his other ex on fb after she broke up with him and he had feelings for her.He told me he's crazy and he doesnt know how to deal with feelings. Yes, this was at best a dysfunctional relationship in which you weren't treated with respect and that does take a toll on esteem. However, you did pull it together enough to extricate yourself. Now, you need to focus on your own needs and realize that you really are a strong woman. he doesnt know how to deal with feelings -- He does know how to deal with feelings -- he also blocked his other ex on fb after she broke up with him. This is the way he deals with his feelings. I promise you that his other ex was treated the same way and that is the reason she broke up with him. Just know, that this is not about you. You didn't do anything wrong You just liked him too much and tried to hang on in hopes he would love you. I feel guilt because when i broke up with him we were still talking and things werent going that bad -- You don't feel guilt because of this. You feel guilt because you were trying to lie to yourself that he did actually love you. Don't focus on all the negatives here except to the point of learning from them and being a stronger, more confident, independent woman. You're gonna be fine. Go out and enjoy your life. Find a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. 1
Author walkingonair Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 It's because people like him - and I think men handle this differently from women, often - fear the abandonment part so much that it's what they focus on. So when it inevitably happens, it's that 'I KNEW this would happen again' as his cycle begins. of course it will be repeated over and over again in every single 'relationship' until he has therapy or something. Or end up with a dog as a companion. He isn't capable of having a relationship because he isn't capable of seeing beyond perceived abandonment. There is nothing you can do about this OP. It isn't your job, either. He is an adult. Thank you Emilia!You are right:(In the past he actually did tell me that he is really scared of rejection.And he also blocked one of his exes on fb after she dumped him.He said he was a sociopath ,didnt give her his attention and thats why she broke up with him.I guess the cycle is neverending.How sad
Author walkingonair Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Yes, this was at best a dysfunctional relationship in which you weren't treated with respect and that does take a toll on esteem. However, you did pull it together enough to extricate yourself. Now, you need to focus on your own needs and realize that you really are a strong woman. he doesnt know how to deal with feelings -- He does know how to deal with feelings -- he also blocked his other ex on fb after she broke up with him. This is the way he deals with his feelings. I promise you that his other ex was treated the same way and that is the reason she broke up with him. Just know, that this is not about you. You didn't do anything wrong You just liked him too much and tried to hang on in hopes he would love you. I feel guilt because when i broke up with him we were still talking and things werent going that bad -- You don't feel guilt because of this. You feel guilt because you were trying to lie to yourself that he did actually love you. Don't focus on all the negatives here except to the point of learning from them and being a stronger, more confident, independent woman. You're gonna be fine. Go out and enjoy your life. Find a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Thank you Red!I guess he deals with his emotions by running away and not facing them.He told me his ex called him a coward.She was right..... Yes i just remembered everything he told me about his past relationship and he pretty much treated that girl the same way he was treting me.He told me he didnt give his attention to his last ex and was a sociopath.And he told me he loved her and it was hard for him to get over her.I guess he's not the type of guy to apologize and do everything he can and change his ways to get the girl he loves back.How sad.People like him are toxic ,i think it should be illegal for them to get into relationships because they break hearts.
MissBee Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I broke up with my ex 3 days ago because he treated me horribly , never actually gave me committment and told me he's planning to move to another state far away. So I told him its best we dont hangout because you're moving soon. He just said ok, I think you're right.3 days ago by and today i find out he blocked from two of his facebook accounts. We were friends on one of the accounts but we werent even friends on his other facebook account and his fb was private. Why did he block me from both? I'm so upset because he's the one that hurt me and now i feel guilty and as if i did something wrong:(((((((((((((((((((( It's like i'm the bad person.Help guys (( That's part of the moving on process for many people. Blocking their ex so they can move on. I wouldn't take it personally or feel guilty, he's doing it for himself as he should and since he was horrible you should move on for you and not try to be Facebook or any other kind of friends with him. 1
spiderowl Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 He hurt you but he also feels rejected because you didn't accept that and stay in contact with him. You've done nothing wrong. He's blocked you because he can't cope with rejection that's all. He'll probably unblock eventually to see what you are up to. 1
MissBee Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I understand.It's just sad.He doesn't even care enough to work things out or contact me and say sorry. Did you breakup with him as a bluff for him to beg you not to? If not, this doesn't make sense that you expect he should try to work things out or say sorry. You broke it with him for a good reason and you should focus on those reasons and how poorly he treated you and not on the fact that he blocked you. 1
joseb Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 He blocked you cause you are no longer going out. It's something almost everyone her tells people to do when they break up, so I'm not sure why people are reading much into him blocking - it's what he should do. And you should block him too. Facebook shouldn't be a place to stalk exes and keep attached and drag out the pain. "always told me he doesn't know how to deal with emotions and he's crazy" Next time a guy says that listen! Don't put up with people like this. You are better than that. 1
Author walkingonair Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Did you breakup with him as a bluff for him to beg you not to? If not, this doesn't make sense that you expect he should try to work things out or say sorry. You broke it with him for a good reason and you should focus on those reasons and how poorly he treated you and not on the fact that he blocked you. ThanksMiss Bee! I just thought if we break up maybe he'll change
La.Primavera Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I'm sure you hoped that deep down he cared and that this would be a wake up call that he needed to stop taking you for granted but instead you found out that this guy is truly is emotionally unavailable to you. He doesn't care, now you have the proof. If you're going to waste any time thinking about him, focus on the negative things like what he said about having sex with another girl, right in front of you. That behavior should be completely unacceptable to you. A decent guy would never say something like that. I'm sure you have plenty of other examples you can use to remind you that you did the right thing in dumping him. I know it hurts but in time you will realize how much better your life is without him. You were dating a creep but now you know the warning signs so next time you date a guy you won't waste your time on a jerk. 2
Author walkingonair Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 I'm sure you hoped that deep down he cared and that this would be a wake up call that he needed to stop taking you for granted but instead you found out that this guy is truly is emotionally unavailable to you. He doesn't care, now you have the proof. If you're going to waste any time thinking about him, focus on the negative things like what he said about having sex with another girl, right in front of you. That behavior should be completely unacceptable to you. A decent guy would never say something like that. I'm sure you have plenty of other examples you can use to remind you that you did the right thing in dumping him. I know it hurts but in time you will realize how much better your life is without him. You were dating a creep but now you know the warning signs so next time you date a guy you won't waste your time on a jerk. Thank you Prima!Yes you are right:( I was hoping:(Many other examples (always talking about other girls in front of me)and the worst part is i know he was purposlly saying all those things to push me away.He's not stupid.
MissBee Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 ThanksMiss Bee! I just thought if we break up maybe he'll change No girl. People don't magically change 3 days after you break up.
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