beejsea2 Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 I'm having a really bad day today. My ex took off and left me 6 months ago with no notice , left a note that made no sense. The other day I came across an on-line personal that he posted days after he left. I was floored because in the note he left he made it sound like he really struggled with leaving. Yeah right and a few days later he's posting and looking for another woman. The thing that bothered me is that the person he described that he's looking for is me...so I'm like what the *uck??? There was a section for turn ons and turn offs. In the turn on section he stated that he likes Public Display of Affection...my jaw dropped. A week before he left we were at a bar and I rubbed his inner thigh and he's like "you know I don't like showing that in public." I know deep down that I'm 110 % better off without him but I just feel that the last couple days I have regressed. I guess I'm just venting but I wonder how others on here have coped with finding out things like I did about my ex??
laRubiaBonita Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 to cope you have to stop being aware of the ex, the ex's activities, everything ex related. then you can laugh, and think wow, i have grown soo much and i am such a better person thanks to that dumb-@ss!
Author beejsea2 Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 Last night I did some house cleaning and threw out a lot of non-important items he left behind. I'm really determined to move on and continue getting better. A gf told me last night don't be surprised when he's in the gutter again that he'll come crawling back, saying he loved etc. I told her that I DON'T want him back that I now see him for his true colors. It's just been a crappy few days and I know that I'll make it through all of this, after all if it does not kill us it makes us stronger!
laRubiaBonita Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 see how much you have grown? unfortunatley every day cannot be sunshine and roses.....it has to rain.
Author beejsea2 Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 Well considering where I live has rained the past four days could be a reason why I'm feeling a bit gloomy. I know since October when he left I've grown a lot I just need to get over this little bump in the road!
laRubiaBonita Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 and a small bump.....what is that? Just throw into 4-wheel drive and do not look back!
Author beejsea2 Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 Well I'd like to run my car back and forth over it a few times to just make sure I got it!!
snoop_dawg22 Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Everyone that's coping I think has their down days. That's why there's LS!! You're right though. What doesn't kill us will make us stronger. I told myself that when he finds someone that treats him like crap, he'll be back. But now I wish him happiness and I'm trying to be at peace with myself as well as him. After forgiving comes a chance to bury all of the crap and move on. Now don't get me wrong. I tomorrow may be posting on here about my down day. But that comes with the process of healing/coping.
laRubiaBonita Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by beejsea2 Well I'd like to run my car back and forth over it a few times to just make sure I got it!! LMAO!!!
Author beejsea2 Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 snoop, I guess you're better than me because right now I can't hope that karma hits him smack in the head!! I feel that he conned and lied to me for the entire 4 1/2 years. I mean he didn't even wait to start looking for someone else...it was within days after he left. In fact like my gf told me last night he might have been looking before he even left! Don't get me wrong I don't want something bad to happen to him, but I just can't see wanting for him to be happy!!
snoop_dawg22 Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 It is harder when you've been burned by the person. We do have different situations. When I think of the ex hate comes into play so I just try ( as hard as I can ) to not think of him. It's hard too. Your ex is a jerk and really and truly what goes around comes around. He may come crawling back to you when he realizes that whatever is out there that he's looking for was once right in his face. Hopefully by then you can bask in the glory and trun him down cold.
moon Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 beejsea2, I think as more and more pieces of the puzzle reveal themselves, you are probably going to have bad days here and there until you come to terms with the whole situation. I'd just like to say I was looking online and I typed in my exes first name and where he lives and this picutre of his came up, but with a different last name. It looks just about like him, but not quite. It is the strangest things. The site that pulled up isn't exactly a dating site, it's a singles meet and greet type of thing. I saw this about two weeks ago. But it's funny because I was happy to see his (maybe) picture there. My ex started dating another woman right after me, so strangely enough if he isn't dating that woman I guess I don't care ????? I think pride comes into play a lot. But then again....the picture is too small and not close up enough for me to tell if it's him or not. It's strange. But I was surprised at my reaction to seeing his maybe picture. I laughed. I was thinking "God's gift to women" (in his own mind) needs a little online help. I don't know....I think dating sites are fine, but I really wouldn't go on them unless I was having a heck of a time finding somebody in real life.....which could be soon?? But how hard is it to strike up an actual conversation with somebody. I've never had a problem with that. Beejsea2, I hope you feel better. It sounds like you're soooooo much better off with out this guy!!! Just keep reminding yourself of that very fact. Thank God he hasn't been in touch with you, at least on your weak days. STAY STRONG.
Author beejsea2 Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 Thanks for the words of advice. This place is a God send on really bad days. I had a male friend over last night and he kept telling me he'd be back and I'd better get stronger or I'd end up taking him back. I started crying because I really don't want my ex back I just wanted to treated with respect, like my friend said he has no integrity and I'm a better person! I guess I keep trying to find someone here that went through the same kind of break-up I did...you know the one where the ex slithers away like the snake that they are!! I just need to take one day at a time, baby steps and some day I'll be taking big leaps!!!
Author beejsea2 Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 Thanks moon!! I know that I'm a strong person...just having a bad day!! I have a therapy session tonight so I'm really hoping to work through this issue. I mean there's a guy that I dated before my ex(Left due to job transfer to another state) coming into town this weekend and he called and asked to see me. I kind of left things up in the air (part of me felt like I was cheating on ex) but I think going out for dinner and drinks is what I need right now!
moon Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Oh my God, DO NOT feel like you are cheating on your ex if you see your other ex boyfriend. Don't let your past ex have any type of control over you anymore. NONE. He doesn't deserve to have any say in your life at all. Tell yourself that!! He blew it. Hope your day improves. I know what you mean by having good and bad days. I feel okay today. I guess they come in waves.
Author beejsea2 Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 I don't plan on letting me ex control me or if I go out with the other man, it was just a fleeting feeling than I smacked myself up the side of the head and said wake up girl... I had been doing so well for the past 2 months or so. I've had people tell me that it could take a year for me to totally be over him. The friend that came over last night I helped him deal with a break-up when the girl he was dating one day said she loved him the next she wouldn't even talk to him...so he kept breaking up my advice I gave him. He did get me to laugh. He'd be like remember when you told me this??? I knew that he was right and that I needed to open my eyes and stop being so blind. This other man sent me two dozen red roses to cheer me up when he heard what my ex did to me. So I know that there are decent men out there!!
Isabella82 Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 Beejsea2, The same thing kind of happened to me, I typed in my ex's screen name into Internet Explorer, and up came this dating website. I was so hurt by it, on there it said that his first Ideal date would be a movie and a midnight picnic under the stars. He never did that for me and we were together for two years. Also the person he was describing that he wanted to find, he was basically describing me. I am thinking that is what he is looking for, and that is exactly who I am. Why can't he see that. I also have tons of people tell me that one day he will regret breaking up with me, but I might never know it because he has too much pride to admit that he was wrong and made a mistake. I tend not to believe this. He was pretty set in breaking up with me. It has been almost a year for me, and I still have my bad days. You are doing so well, a lot better then I was after 6 months. You know you are better off without him, so keep telling yourself that. Sometimes I feel like I am not better off without him, but oh well there is nothing I can do about it. Just be grateful for the things that you have.
Author beejsea2 Posted April 22, 2005 Author Posted April 22, 2005 Well like you all said yesterday today I feel differently!! Well it also helped that I had a therapy session last night. I printed out the personal ad and showed it to my therapist and her mouth dropped open...of course we talked about how I felt etc. I know that what I'm (and a lot of you are going through) is a roller coaster ride. I'll keep going on the ride through the ups and downs until one day I'll get off and I won't think of my ex or be bothered by his actions. Until that time I just need to hold on!!! My therapist and I talked about the different stages that people go through, I told her I was at the I don't give a damn stage. Thanks for all the words of encouragement that you all gave me yesterday....
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