Friendzoned?

[smackie9]

Tip: never express your feelings, just ask them out on a date. If she doesn't say yes!, back off.

 

Stop answering her texts all the time, and be less available because yes you are heading down to the friends zone.

[Gary S]

"You're an awesome guy but its too early for me to move on.

 

- She's on the rebound. It's not in the cards for you or any guy at this point, so don't feel bad. The most she could muster at this point would be a temporary fling, and break some guys heart. Don't be that guy, because if you think it hurts now, that would really leave a mark.

 

Just because they are beautiful and breathing does not mean they are ready for a relationship.

[minime13]

Well I dont know... negative thoughts took over.

I guess i'll give her time without pushing, eventually its either that me/her find a new partner or we end up being together

 

 

You may have blown it. When it comes to relationships, it's not just about you.

 

I was engaged once, and had a friend who I knew had a crush on me at one point ask me out a couple of months after I broke off the engagement. I found that to be a huge turn-off. That action, in my mind, just reeked of opportunistic motives, because I was in the frame of mind of having just ended a relationship where both my ex and I made a pledge to spend our life together - even though we didn't follow through. In the end, I'm sure that he wasn't trying to take advantage of a situation, but it didn't matter. That's what I saw when he did that, and he was taken off the table as any potential option when I eventually was ready to date again.

 

Breaking off an engagement is a lot different than breaking up with someone. There is more to process and more time needed to get over it because, while in a relationship you are looking for someone that has those compatible qualities that you want for a spouse, an engagement means that you think you found it, and the search is over.

 

I'm not saying that every woman thinks the same way as I do, but it does seem a little more opportunistic than genuine when a person comes on strong like that after breaking off an engagement. If nothing else, you may be seen as a plaything or rebound by coming on strong like that. The best thing you can do, at this point, is just back off and be her friend right now, and hope that those actions didn't immediately flag you as maybe a little too eager to jump on an opportunity. Time will tell.

 

Oh, and the whole friend-zone thing - there is more to it than people realize. Most men are put in the friend zone because a woman does not have a romantic attraction to them, and usually never will. A few men are put in this category if there is some romantic attraction, but they become friends and the friendship feels more right than pursuing a relationship. If a woman has an interest in dating you, the friend zone isn't a permanent place. If she's not, then there is nothing you can do to get out of that.

[guild11]

You may have blown it. When it comes to relationships, it's not just about you.

 

I was engaged once, and had a friend who I knew had a crush on me at one point ask me out a couple of months after I broke off the engagement. I found that to be a huge turn-off. That action, in my mind, just reeked of opportunistic motives, because I was in the frame of mind of having just ended a relationship where both my ex and I made a pledge to spend our life together - even though we didn't follow through. In the end, I'm sure that he wasn't trying to take advantage of a situation, but it didn't matter. That's what I saw when he did that, and he was taken off the table as any potential option when I eventually was ready to date again.

 

Breaking off an engagement is a lot different than breaking up with someone. There is more to process and more time needed to get over it because, while in a relationship you are looking for someone that has those compatible qualities that you want for a spouse, an engagement means that you think you found it, and the search is over.

 

I'm not saying that every woman thinks the same way as I do, but it does seem a little more opportunistic than genuine when a person comes on strong like that after breaking off an engagement. If nothing else, you may be seen as a plaything or rebound by coming on strong like that. The best thing you can do, at this point, is just back off and be her friend right now, and hope that those actions didn't immediately flag you as maybe a little too eager to jump on an opportunity. Time will tell.

 

Oh, and the whole friend-zone thing - there is more to it than people realize. Most men are put in the friend zone because a woman does not have a romantic attraction to them, and usually never will. A few men are put in this category if there is some romantic attraction, but they become friends and the friendship feels more right than pursuing a relationship. If a woman has an interest in dating you, the friend zone isn't a permanent place. If she's not, then there is nothing you can do to get out of that.

 

First I wanna thank you for the post and your personal exprience.

I had few girlfriends in the past, I was never attracted to anyone like I'm attracted to her, usually I would have a crush and in case of rejection I would forget about her 2 weeks after, this time its not the same.

 

I never thought of "so shes single now ? I should use the opportunity to hit on her" She was single at least few month until I started noticing her, I think I wouldve had a crush on at some point even if she was still engaged.

 

We just worked alone and after few times I got to know her better and personally, I just find her perfect, I like when she smiles, Sometimes when I talk to her I get uncontrolable smile myself.

Edited May 15, 2015 by guild11

[minime13]

First I wanna thank you for the post and your personal exprience.

I had few girlfriends in the past, I was never attracted to anyone like I'm attracted to her, usually I would have a crush and in case of rejection I would forget about her 2 weeks after, this time its not the same.

 

I never thought of "so shes single now ? I should use the opportunity to hit on her" She was single at least few month until I started noticing her, I think I wouldve had a crush on at some point even if she was still engaged.

 

We just worked alone and after few times I got to know her better and personally, I just find her perfect, I like when she smiles, Sometimes when I talk to her I get uncontrolable smile myself.

 

I'm not making the accusation, just giving my opinion on how that may come off. It's a little tricky when it comes to someone breaking off an engagement. Best of luck.

[phineas]

I stopped texting her and guess what ? Now she constantly texting me.

 

She said she will dye her hair and sent me an old photo with the same color, when I saw the photo all I wanted to say is how crazy I'm about her but I held myself and wrote something else

 

Me - it look alright I guess

Her - well... I wont be doing it

Me - too bad then, because I did like it, I like it a lot

Her - then I'll do it for you

 

Few hours later she sent me a new photo but I didnt said anything, later she said "you're an *******" lol

 

I will call her out again next week but this time I wont ask, I'll just put it as a fact that we will date.

 

I would of flirted with her and tried to get nudes.

Seriously.

If a woman is in a pic sending mood you see how far you can go.

If they like you and don't have issues they will not fault you for it even if they decline to send pics.

You don't beg.

I tell them I'm going to the gym or bed or watching paint dry and talk to them later whatever is appropriate to convey you are getting bored with someone who just wants to text.

Most times the pics come rolling in.

Then I take them out for drinks and bring them home.

 

The problem here is you have no experience with women and you picked one you have to see regularly at work.

 

Have you asked her for that drink yet?

You have her as your gf in your mind but haven't even asked her out.

 

She's either messing with you or waiting for you to man up and ask her out.

But you will never know unless you find out.

If you keep going like this she will feel rejected and then its all over for you.

[guild11]

I would of flirted with her and tried to get nudes.

Seriously.

If a woman is in a pic sending mood you see how far you can go.

If they like you and don't have issues they will not fault you for it even if they decline to send pics.

You don't beg.

I tell them I'm going to the gym or bed or watching paint dry and talk to them later whatever is appropriate to convey you are getting bored with someone who just wants to text.

Most times the pics come rolling in.

Then I take them out for drinks and bring them home.

 

The problem here is you have no experience with women and you picked one you have to see regularly at work.

 

Have you asked her for that drink yet?

You have her as your gf in your mind but haven't even asked her out.

 

She's either messing with you or waiting for you to man up and ask her out.

But you will never know unless you find out.

If you keep going like this she will feel rejected and then its all over for you.

 

She isnt just my coworker... She is my supervisor as well.

It might be that she doesnt know what she wants.

I shared the situation with my sister and she said that I'm being played most likely.

 

I talked to her last night -

 

me - lets go out!

She - what ?

Me - lets hang out

She - lol do you have an adrenalin rush or smthin?

Mr - yea something like that

she - Have you smoked ?

Me - No, I sniffed, now dont change the subject!

She - lol... Ummm

Me - dont say "umm" just say you will

She - go out for a drink yes? Nothing else ?

Me - yea have a drink and have fun

She - I dont know, there still a week ahead of us

Me - alright the clock is ticking

 

I havent texted her since then and neither she did.

The whole situation still weird to me.

 

In the past when I dated someone, usually I knew she wants me and I would simply plan it as 1st date I'll probably kiss her and next time we get laid, same story in most cases, but not this time.

Edited May 16, 2015 by guild11

[phineas]

stay away from a supervisor.

unless your job is minimum wage and you can get another one elsewhere.

 

honestly, she sounds like a typical woman playing games & looking for attention.

The only thing weird to me is the way you keep giving it to her without getting anything in return.

but i'm only going by what you post & don't know the situation fully.

 

She turned you down but left a carrot dangling.

anything but a yes is a no.

learn that.

 

act like normal at work.

don't text her again.

don't ask her out again.

don't call her out either.

Act like you don't give chit.

 

if she bugs you or wants to know why you don't text her, tell her friends do things together & your getting bored with the texting. in a nice way so you don't look butt-hurt.

 

Make her either make an actual investment in time or seek other attention.

right now she just sounds bored and you are her entertainment.

 

I don't think this woman is into you at all and you should just move on.

 

for me personally, I stay away from women at work.

Its too easy for them to mess with your head and makes it impossible for you to just be done with them.

 

you see them constantly and are reminded daily about them.

[fitnessfan365]

She isnt just my coworker... She is my supervisor as well.

It might be that she doesnt know what she wants.

I shared the situation with my sister and she said that I'm being played most likely.

 

I talked to her last night -

 

me - lets go out!

She - what ?

Me - lets hang out

She - lol do you have an adrenalin rush or smthin?

Mr - yea something like that

she - Have you smoked ?

Me - No, I sniffed, now dont change the subject!

She - lol... Ummm

Me - dont say "umm" just say you will

She - go out for a drink yes? Nothing else ?

Me - yea have a drink and have fun

She - I dont know, there still a week ahead of us

Me - alright the clock is ticking

 

I havent texted her since then and neither she did.

The whole situation still weird to me.

 

In the past when I dated someone, usually I knew she wants me and I would simply plan it as 1st date I'll probably kiss her and next time we get laid, same story in most cases, but not this time.

 

Dude, this is PUSHY behavior. You have to remember that there is a finesse to dealing with women, You have to be playful and keep it light. Also, you have to be in the moment and strike while the iron is hot.

 

Back when she mentioned the drink, that is when you take her up on it. Back when she was texting you at booty call hours to see what you're up to, that's when you invite her over to watch a movie. However, you've essentially shined on all her advances and ignored her. This caused her interest level to go way down, and rightfully so. Then out of nowhere you blind side her, and get pushy demanding a date telling her the clock is ticking? Just awful dude.. Awful.

 

Finally, this was NEVER about "dating". She made it clear she never wanted to date you. She was just hinting about hooking up with you. But if you actually want to date this girl, you should walk away. She made it clear from the get go she wanted nothing serious.

[guild11]

Dude, this is PUSHY behavior. You have to remember that there is a finesse to dealing with women, You have to be playful and keep it light. Also, you have to be in the moment and strike while the iron is hot.

 

Back when she mentioned the drink, that is when you take her up on it. Back when she was texting you at booty call hours to see what you're up to, that's when you invite her over to watch a movie. However, you've essentially shined on all her advances and ignored her. This caused her interest level to go way down, and rightfully so. Then out of nowhere you blind side her, and get pushy demanding a date telling her the clock is ticking? Just awful dude.. Awful.

 

Finally, this was NEVER about "dating". She made it clear she never wanted to date you. She was just hinting about hooking up with you. But if you actually want to date this girl, you should walk away. She made it clear from the get go she wanted nothing serious.

 

I disagree, I was being myself, She either like me or hate me.

Sometimes girls like when a guy demands rather than asking.

Also there is no special "technique" or when say x to get y response from a girl.

at the end of the day I will be fine knowing that I did it my way.

[phineas]

Dude, this is PUSHY behavior. You have to remember that there is a finesse to dealing with women, You have to be playful and keep it light. Also, you have to be in the moment and strike while the iron is hot.

 

Back when she mentioned the drink, that is when you take her up on it. Back when she was texting you at booty call hours to see what you're up to, that's when you invite her over to watch a movie. However, you've essentially shined on all her advances and ignored her. This caused her interest level to go way down, and rightfully so. Then out of nowhere you blind side her, and get pushy demanding a date telling her the clock is ticking? Just awful dude.. Awful.

 

Finally, this was NEVER about "dating". She made it clear she never wanted to date you. She was just hinting about hooking up with you. But if you actually want to date this girl, you should walk away. She made it clear from the get go she wanted nothing serious.

 

good point.

When a woman is DTF and you don't go for it she feels rejected and you are basically done.

It's like she loses all sexual attraction in you.

 

When I started doing OLD i'd have women literally invite themselves over for a first date.

SOOOO many times I had a woman on the couch & didn't go for it, or didn't go for it quick enough.

 

I was divorced and had not really dated for a bit so I was just not used to women like this at all.

 

live & learn.

[phineas]

I disagree, I was being myself, She either like me or hate me.

Sometimes girls like when a guy demands rather than asking.

Also there is no special "technique" or when say x to get y response from a girl.

at the end of the day I will be fine knowing that I did it my way.

 

It depends on your personality & how they know you.

 

but, if this woman was interested in you sexually I don't think she is anymore.

[guild11]

So... After almost 2 month of talking and chatting we went out.

First we just talked about random stuff and laughed a bit,

eventually we talked about us

 

Me - Do you see US in the future?

Her - at First I didnt, but once I realized you have feeling for me I had thoughts of you...

But its impossible, I'm your supervisor, I wouldnt be able to give you feedbacks or treat you like I treat others.

Me - I guess I got all the answers, Lets head home

 

I walked her to her car and then she asked me "will we be able to be as before? Joke and go for a drinks?"

I told her that I'm sorry but I cant act like we are just friends when I wanted more than that.

I said I prefer us to be just coworkers and thats it.

I gave her a hug and drove home.

Never felt so broken after rejection.

 

The next day she texted me in the morning,

She wrote "I know we are agreed not to talk about stuff that isnt work related but I wanna be honest, the whole situation really upset me"

I read it and went back to sleep.

2 hours after she send another message "So you switched to ignoring ? Ok I understand"

 

And thats it, I feel bad, I feel like I was well played... But I cant hate her, I still like her

The next challenge will be seeing her every day at work.

Edited May 23, 2015 by guild11

[fitnessfan365]

Well to be honest man, I don't know what you expected to happen. You developed "feelings" for a woman you didn't even know at work. Then after a few months of talking, you finally go out and confront her about a relationship on the FIRST DATE.

 

If you had kept things casual and allowed her to actually date you for a few months, then she might have actually wanted something serious. But when you blindside a woman on a first date, she's going to push you away. So hopefully you learn something from this experience.

[guild11]

Well to be honest man, I don't know what you expected to happen. You developed "feelings" for a woman you didn't even know at work. Then after a few months of talking, you finally go out and confront her about a relationship on the FIRST DATE.

 

If you had kept things casual and allowed her to actually date you for a few months, then she might have actually wanted something serious. But when you blindside a woman on a first date, she's going to push you away. So hopefully you learn something from this experience.

 

The story did not end, we worked together again and we havent talked at all, just work related questions

on the second day I went out for a break and she went home, while I was sitting outside she called me and asked me to come over to talk and I did

She said "so whats up ? Are you going to keep it that way ? We didnt fight you know? It really upsets me we are in the same team"

I said thats its just the way I am, but I said she is right and we should be alright, she gave me a hug and she left.

 

The next day I didnt talked to her just "hey whats up" and was joking with my other female coworker, we were harrasing each other and I noticed my crush looking at us and it looked like she is being jealus, eventually she came to sit next to me and give me some info, I took a marker and started drawing on her hand/shoulder she didnt asked to stop but said that I will clean the color off her skin.

 

Later on we finished our stuff pretty early and pretty much went crazy, from one side my coworker tried to hit me with a stick while my crush started drawing on me.

At some point we were alone and she came to me and said she will beat me in a fight, she started scraching me and we end up awkward when I push her to the wall but kept myself close to her and then my other coworker came in.

 

I decided to be nice and I bought her favorite chocolate and put it on her table so she could see it in the morning.

 

Day after (today) she came late and send me an email "thank you :)" during the shift my other supervisor joked about her and said she is dressing like a dude, I said she is right I would call her "Bro" from now on.

later on she pissed me off again, she went to my coworker who is single, asked him "when will we date ? You promised you will take me somewhere" I acted like I dont care and she left home.

30 min later she texted me "so you think I dress like a dude ? No problem, mark your words"

I didnt reply nor understand what she wants

Help?

[smackie9]

Help? Back off because now all she is doing is playing mind games. So unprofessional she is being which is not good. You better watch out, you don't want to jeopardize your job. Stop goofing around at work like you are in junior high and keep your personal interests outside of work.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Ahh first date feelings... Lol. You gotta keep that to yourself bro! You freaked her out, and now she's playing games with you.

 

 

Ohh and this girl is definitely DTF.... Dunno how you mess it up so bad, you could be getting laid right now

Edited May 29, 2015 by barcode88