Eighty_nine Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 (edited) I ran into two of my exes this month. One FB messaged me the day after our run in, the other messaged me a week after our run in. One relationship was about a year, the other about 4 months. They both were jerks, and they both hurt me. I would have ignored them but both are very close friends with two very close friends of mine. So the option was ignore and make run-ins more awkward, or try to establish civility. I had a bit of communication with both- and what I find funny is that there seems to be some "missing" of me from both of them: but one of them ended up literally saying "I did nothing wrong and it was all you" (insert eyeroll here) and the other said the exact opposite: "It was all me." The first one was just being malicious and has since been blocked- f*ck civility. The second one I basically agreed with, and I think we're at an OK point for future run ins, like at our friends bday in a month. It's going to be very awkward when I see the other ex, when we all help move our (disabled) friend, again in about a month. I'm just sort of commenting on my experience. I think they both know they messed things up with me and regret it-- but are both expressing it differently. I would NEVER become romantically involved with either again. I'm a NC supporter, but I think I've figured out that NC doesn't need to necessarily last behind the healing point. Being able to interact with them and feel very little romantically is actually empowering. The only question I ask is how do other people deal with exes when run-ins every few months are GUARANTEED? (or do you just skip important activities with friends/groups that you really enjoy)? Edited May 7, 2015 by lissvarna
ByMyself01 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I ran into two of my exes this month. One FB messaged me the day after our run in, the other messaged me a week after our run in. One relationship was about a year, the other about 4 months. They both were jerks, and they both hurt me. I would have ignored them but both are very close friends with two very close friends of mine. So the option was ignore and make run-ins more awkward, or try to establish civility. I had a bit of communication with both- and what I find funny is that there seems to be some "missing" of me from both of them: but one of them ended up literally saying "I did nothing wrong and it was all you" (insert eyeroll here) and the other said the exact opposite: "It was all me." The first one was just being malicious and has since been blocked- f*ck civility. The second one I basically agreed with, and I think we're at an OK point for future run ins, like at our friends bday in a month. It's going to be very awkward when I see the other ex, when we all help move our (disabled) friend, again in about a month. I'm just sort of commenting on my experience. I think they both know they messed things up with me and regret it-- but are both expressing it differently. I would NEVER become romantically involved with either again. I'm a NC supporter, but I think I've figured out that NC doesn't need to necessarily last behind the healing point. Being able to interact with them and feel very little romantically is actually empowering. The only question I ask is how do other people deal with exes when run-ins every few months are GUARANTEED? (or do you just skip important activities with friends/groups that you really enjoy)? One of my exes came back, in fact he came back up to 3 times. Once he showed up at my house, another time he found my phone number in a phone book and another time he found me on Facebook. I don't trust him at all. He cheated on me got another girl pregnant and dumped me. The second time he found me he was married and that marriage didn't work out. And it's surprisingly funny, his children's mother thinks I still want him and he's the one trying to catch up with me. Sometimes we talk but I will NEVER see him romantically again. I don't trust him and will NEVER put myself back in that situation. Now if my last ex comes back, I will be convinced they ALL come back. But even he came back after 3 weeks of NC when I used to be strong enough to do it. Now, I don't believe so.
central Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Most of my past relationships ended amicably (except my ex-wife), which is different than your situation. Many have remained friends. We either see each other when in town, or stay loosely in touch via email as only one lives nearby.
Ruby65 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Why don't you have these jerk exes blocked on Facebook -- and everywhere else? Skip the drama and just block 'em all.
aloneinaz Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I don't know.. I'm on the fence about NEVER having any contact with an ex again unless they totally screwed you over horribly. If an ex simply ended the relationship, was a decent person but didn't feel it, DON'T hold grudges. We've all ended relationships. If it's still recent and it still hurts or bothers you, yes, stay NC until you simply don't care anymore. In my mind, you've spent time with someone you loved. There's no reason you can't be on friendly terms down the road. I have a few ex's on FB. We check in occasionally and it's fun to see how their lives are going. In most of these cases, years have gone by before becoming friendly again.
Recommended Posts