Diezel Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 So, what's the rush? I still haven't got an answer. She hasn't really answer why this thread exists if she is so sure, either. I wouldn't be asking about something if I was 100% certain that this was okay in my book. Her responses to everyone is: Yes, this is what I want. But, the thread suggests otherwise. 2
Author girlywoman25 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 So, what's the rush? I still haven't got an answer. Do i really need to give an answer? i did answer your question anyway in your last comment thanks
Author girlywoman25 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 She hasn't really answer why this thread exists if she is so sure, either. I wouldn't be asking about something if I was 100% certain that this was okay in my book. Her responses to everyone is: Yes, this is what I want. But, the thread suggests otherwise. Someone already asked me this
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Do i really need to give an answer? i did answer your question anyway in your last comment thanks Whoah lady lol, The title of your thread is Is it too soon? I asked why are you doing it so soon? You answer is I don't have to answer you lol really? that's your logic?
Diezel Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Someone already asked me this Gotcha, I re-read the thread and found your answer. I do have a question though: How did you go from posting a thread at the beginning of March asking if it was too soon to move in with this guy and feeling like it was too soon... to now posting a thread in May about getting married in November, and feeling like it's just right and NOT too soon? I'm actually very curious. 1
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Diezel thanks for the heads up. OP: So are you moving in with him in June? And is getting married this soon has anything to do with him moving out of your state?
Omei Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) Its too soon but hey Ian somberholder and Nikki reed got married last weekend with only 6 months of dating. Who's to say its wrong, I personally would not. Your hardest hurdle right now will be living together thats when you really get to know someone. Edited May 8, 2015 by Omei 1
Author girlywoman25 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 Diezel thanks for the heads up. OP: So are you moving in with him in June? And is getting married this soon has anything to do with him moving out of your state? I apologize I didn't mean to get like that. We are both ready to settle down and have a family but we don't want to start until next year to have kids. Since we known each other for awhile we feel we are both right for each other so by November it will be almost a year since we been together. The reason I made this topic because I'm just curious what others think and I'm just very worried my friends and family are going to critize me for my decision and not sure how to explain to them without looking crazy. As for moving in next month I'm not sure if its going to happen.
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I'm just very worried my friends and family are going to critize me for my decision and not sure how to explain to them without looking crazy. . They are going to criticize you because you do look crazy moving so fast into marriage. I really do think a long engagement is the way to go here. Best of both worlds. You live together. You plan. You get to know each other. You work to build something lasting. Marriage is way more than a piece of paper & it's not supposed to be disposable. 1
MissBee Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 We're 26 and we been together for 4 month before he proposed to me. I accepted because we both feel we're right for each other. Like they say when you find the "one" you'll know. I worry thought how my friends and family are going to take it since we haven't been dating for long. I need some input thanks! Have a long engagement, for a year at least I'd say. Many people "just knew" 4 months in, 3 months in, 3 days in...some of them are currently divorced or the marriage lasted for the blink of an eye. I'm not trying to be cynical, I'm just saying that you have nothing to lose in giving the relationship a full year at minimum to mature, to see more sides of the person, maybe pick up one of those books about 100 questions to ask before you get married and so on before saying yes to forever. It's not like if you marry him say 2 years from now you'll be losing out on anything, meanwhile it is more likely that if you do it too soon you make a mistake that matters more. I'd keep the engagement private for now personally and plan a long engagement and if things are still going well a year from now that's when I'd announce it. 1
CarrieT Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I'm just curious what others think and I'm just very worried my friends and family are going to critize me for my decision and not sure how to explain to them without looking crazy. Suffice to say that there is NO WAY your friends and family aren't going to criticize you and there is NO WAY you can explain this to them without looking crazy. As evidenced by this thread, it is apparent you are moving too fast. What you *can* say to them is to mind their own business. They will think what they will think. You can either accept that everyone will think you are bonkers and do it anyway, or slow-the-heck-down with this relationship and see if it stands the test of time before jumping into marriage and children. 2
OldRover Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Girly, I'd have no problem with it... but realize it is pretty quick, and there's an argument to just live together for a year or two first. You don't need a piece of paper to make a commitment. And, as for getting to know each other.... you will continue to learn about each other forever, and get pretty comfortable after five or ten years. There have been MANY successful marriages with less than a year of going together. The success comes from continuing to grow together and address each others needs. 1
Gaeta Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 I'm just very worried my friends and family are going to critize me for my decision and not sure how to explain to them without looking crazy. As for moving in next month I'm not sure if its going to happen. If you want to do something bold than you have to not care what others are going to say, you are your own woman now. If you show ANY doubt as to what you're about to do your family & friends will feel it and will feed on it. On the other end if you are 100% sure this is what you want and this is what you will be doing with or without their blessing, they will back off. If one day I get remarried I will fly away to some tropical paradise and come back with a ring around my finger and tell everyone I'm married. I am very close to my family and love them to bits but I don't need their approval, I also know they will keep on loving me no matter what and no matter how many times I fall on my face. 1
katinlc Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Well, I'm going to offer a bit of a different of an opinion. I got engaged to my fiancé 4 months after we started dating and we are getting married in 36 days. Our engagement was exactly 6 months. I never once questioned if it was too soon, it felt completely natural and none of either of our families thought it was too soon. We are both 34, so a little bit older than you and settled in our lives and know who we are and what we want. Neither of us believe in living together prior to marriage, so the whole live together first would have never worked for us. Here's the big kicker for to decide whether it is too soon. What kind of conversations have you had? Have you discussed money, children, faith, family, weaknesses, etc...? My FI and I have had frank conversations about all of this. On our first pre-marital counseling session, we were asked to fill out a questionnaire separately and then discuss our answers with each other. It was about 4-5 pages long and covered everything. My fiancé and I had discussed 97% of what was on there prior to this exercise. We weren't going into things blind. Does he have faults? Hell, yes...so do I and I am not blinded to this. We have also survived the stress of planning a rather large wedding (oh how I wish we had eloped), along with job stress and lots of family stress. The honeymoon phase is definitely over, but there's this weird deeper love. I have never experienced anything like it before. At the end of the day, I just want to come home to him. So I said that to say all this - I don't think that four months is too short for some people. However, if all you have done is dated and had fun with no serious life conversations, then it may be too soon. I'm also concerned if you are asking if it's too soon, that it is too soon. I never once thought to question whether it was too soon. 2
Author girlywoman25 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 They are going to criticize you because you do look crazy moving so fast into marriage. I really do think a long engagement is the way to go here. Best of both worlds. You live together. You plan. You get to know each other. You work to build something lasting. Marriage is way more than a piece of paper & it's not supposed to be disposable. I agree with this
Author girlywoman25 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Posted May 8, 2015 Have a long engagement, for a year at least I'd say. Many people "just knew" 4 months in, 3 months in, 3 days in...some of them are currently divorced or the marriage lasted for the blink of an eye. I'm not trying to be cynical, I'm just saying that you have nothing to lose in giving the relationship a full year at minimum to mature, to see more sides of the person, maybe pick up one of those books about 100 questions to ask before you get married and so on before saying yes to forever. It's not like if you marry him say 2 years from now you'll be losing out on anything, meanwhile it is more likely that if you do it too soon you make a mistake that matters more. I'd keep the engagement private for now personally and plan a long engagement and if things are still going well a year from now that's when I'd announce it. Great answers I think I'm going to do this
cessna Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Why do you feel like you have to jump into this? If you give it a couple of years and you're still together and you still want to get married what have you lost out on? Nothing changes between you just because of a piece of paper. 1
Author girlywoman25 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Why do you feel like you have to jump into this? If you give it a couple of years and you're still together and you still want to get married what have you lost out on? Nothing changes between you just because of a piece of paper. I know that is very true but how I see it is that there are people who have dated each other for 2+ years or more and aren't married. I don't see anything wrong with this but I'll give you an example. I have a close friend who dated this guy for 6 years and he didn't want to get married. If I dated for someone for that long and they didn't want to get married I would be crushed and if you think about it those 6 years were a waste of time. I hope I'm making sense
Gaeta Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Girly; when we ask you why you don't have an answer. Are you moving in together in June as planned? 1
cessna Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I know that is very true but how I see it is that there are people who have dated each other for 2+ years or more and aren't married. I don't see anything wrong with this but I'll give you an example. I have a close friend who dated this guy for 6 years and he didn't want to get married. If I dated for someone for that long and they didn't want to get married I would be crushed and if you think about it those 6 years were a waste of time. I hope I'm making sense Right, but that's six years. You've been going out 18 months. You do realise that getting married has no bearing on how long you'll stay together? What happens if you get married and end up getting divorced in six years? Would those six years be a waste of time too? 1
Gaeta Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 I suggest you do a credit check on him. You do know what a marriage means you will be financial & legally responsible for him right? 2
joseb Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 When you are only dating someone for 4 months, it is very easy for them to put on a good side. Not saying that this is the case here, but it's possible - and people who are hiding something might want to rush things before they are caught out. If you read through here and other forums, so many of the really troubled relationships start out with "I had never met someone like this and we moved in/got married/had kids after x number of months" while the "love bombing" was still in effect. Then the mask dropped. Like I said, this is just one possibility. But I'm always cautious of people that want to rush things. Unless you have a really good reason to rush (e.g. you are 38 and want to have kids asap) then don't. If he is the one, if this relationship is as special as you say, waiting a couple of years will not make any difference. 2
cessna Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Right, but that's six years. You've been going out 18 months. You do realise that getting married has no bearing on how long you'll stay together? What happens if you get married and end up getting divorced in six years? Would those six years be a waste of time too? No idea where I got 18 months from, must have had that in my head from another thread. 1
Author girlywoman25 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Girly; when we ask you why you don't have an answer. Are you moving in together in June as planned? Oh sorry I thought I answered this. I was using my mobile phone. I don't know if we are going to move in together by June since I realized it's hard looking for a place at least where I live. I still want to.
Author girlywoman25 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Right, but that's six years. You've been going out 18 months. You do realise that getting married has no bearing on how long you'll stay together? What happens if you get married and end up getting divorced in six years? Would those six years be a waste of time too? Good point I didn't think of it that way.
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