LoveStinks8 Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Hi everyone, So my ex and I broke up little over two weeks ago now. He left me, I wasn't ready to let go of the relationship but it is what it is. He said maybe in the future we'd work it out and that he'd like to go on a date in the near future. 5 days later (possibly less, I'm not sure) he started hanging with a new girl. I was obviously crushed. I was doing no contact so I said nothing, and really there was nothing I could say anyways. Day 6 he contacted me about dealing with something that was in both of our names. Day 7 we resolved that issue and he tried to have a casual conversation with me, which I promptly shut down and he became very upset because I wouldn't keep talking to him. Day 9 I found out he had been with that same girl every single day and told him that if he was moving on I wanted my things back (I know, I shouldn't have let him know this new girl was bothering me but the past is the past now). He told me that he was in no way involved with this girl but that I could have my things back whenever. We had a chat about this girl and also about our possible reconciliation, to which he responded that he didn't know what he wanted yet. I felt a bit better about it and ended the conversation on a good note. Day 11 he text me casually and I thought we were on the right track and mistakenly responded. Day 11 & 12 he was still spending his free time with this other girl. I quickly realized that he was/is trying to string me along to keep me as an easy option in case he wants to come back, but without having to even think about committing right now and still being able to do as he pleases/seek out the possibility of other women. So on day 12 I told him that he was to give my things back and not to otherwise contact me until he had made a decision about our relationship/reconciliation. He acted like he was kind of hurt by me wanting my things back and tried to be overly kind, saying he didn't want any of his things back because they were gifts and things he wanted me to keep. He then proceeded to say he wasn't sure when he would be able to give me my things back because he was busy and wasn't sure where everything was or when he'd have time to find it all but would contact me as soon as my things were ready. I accepted that, at first. Why am I no longer so accepting of it? Because I have constantly seen him around our town with this same other girl. Shows to me how "busy" he truly is. It has been nearly 5 days now since I asked for my things back. Part of me still wants him back, but each time I see him with this new girl, and acting like a little turd, I want him back a little less. We were together for over 3 years, lived together for a while, and he just up and left one day saying he needed time to be alone, and started spending all of his free time with another woman. I know she's essentially his rebound, whether they're together or not. An "ego feed" if you will. However my attraction dies a little more each time I see her (we're in our twenties, this girl is only in high school, frankly it disgusts me). I'm just trying to figure out what he's trying to pull with this refusal to give me back my things. Is he being lazy? Trying to string me along? Trying to decide if maybe he wants to try to get back together before it's too late? Thinks me wanting my things back is me moving on and wants to stop that? Something else? Any insight into this would be great. Also, what is everyone's suggestion(s) about how long I should wait for him to dig my things out before I get hateful with him? I wouldn't mind 5 days if he wasn't consistently around our area with this other girl doing virtually nothing. I am going to drop his things off with a family member at the end of the week if there hasn't been contact by then... but I know his family doesn't know where my things are located and I feel a little odd about ransacking their house to find my things (although his family would let me if I needed to). No, these aren't things I can just forget about. We're talking a couple thousand dollars worth of stuff.
minime13 Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 (edited) Also, what is everyone's suggestion(s) about how long I should wait for him to dig my things out before I get hateful with him? I wouldn't mind 5 days if he wasn't consistently around our area with this other girl doing virtually nothing. I am going to drop his things off with a family member at the end of the week if there hasn't been contact by then... but I know his family doesn't know where my things are located and I feel a little odd about ransacking their house to find my things (although his family would let me if I needed to). No, these aren't things I can just forget about. We're talking a couple thousand dollars worth of stuff. Does he live with this family member, and do they have access to his house? If so, let him know that you are stopping by on (whatever day) with his family member (or even himself) present to collect your belongings. If he would like to pack them up and have them ready for you, that would be great. Otherwise, with his permission, you'd like to go ahead and pick them up. Make a list of everything to make sure you don't have to do this again. Give him 5 days. If these are valuable items, he should not be playing like this. If he still hasn't delivered, or has not given you a time and place to come collect them yourself, then file a police report. He's playing games with your property, and is coming close to theft. But, realize that's the end if you have to take these steps. Don't look for a meaning in this. There is no deep meaning. He's just being childish. Edited May 6, 2015 by minime13 clarification
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