Troubles getting over ex girlfriend Edit

[Yodaas]

Hello strangers! I'm going through a rough time right now and I wanted to get some advice from different people to maybe make sense of everything.

 

Me and my girlfriend started dating in February of 2012 when i was just a few months short of graduating high school and she was 16 at the time. The first few months were great! We spent like 4-5 days a week with eachother, never argued, always went out and had fun together. During this time i didn't really hang out with my friends too much because i was very focused on making her happy since she had recently moved up here from out of state right before we started dating and she didn't have many friends up here.

 

Once the summer hit, soccer practices started and I wanted to help coach the team since I played through high school and had a lot of friends that were on the team. I told her how excited I was to go play soccer and invited her to join the team so we could play together. She said she didn't want to play with a bunch of the females on the team that were my friends because she thought they were sluts. She then told me that I couldn't go either because she didn't want me around women without her. We discussed it and finally she said that I could go after I assured her I wasn't going to cheat and there was a lot of other guys there I wanted to see. After I went once I came over and she flipped. She said she didn't think that I would actually go play soccer and started saying that she was going to go have sex with other guys and that i was a nigger ( i'm half black) after she was done yelling at me I told her I wouldn't go to soccer or see my female friends anymore. Weeks after she didn't like my even texting my female friends that have been friends with me for years and nothing more. So she said I can't have a cellphone or facebook anymore and that she would also delete her facebook to make it fair but wanted to keep her cellphone to keep in touch with her friends from back home. So I ended up deleting my facebook and canceled my cellphone which killed my relationships with my friends.

 

Although I knew this wasn't right, I enjoyed being in a relationship so much (it was my first real relationship) that I was willing to do anything to make it work. At this point we spent every day with eachother and I was buying her food and other stuff every day. After a while I found out that she had been texting guys from around here and they were asking her to come to their place and all of that so I said it wasn't fair how that could be happening but I wasn't even aloud to have a cellphone so I was able to get that back but only have my guy friends in it. I was okay with this for a while because I still go to do other things I enjoy that didn't involve me going out without her. Fast forward a little bit and she got even more crazy. She then didn't want us going swimming anymore because she didn't want me to see other girls in a bikini even though I told her I wouldn't look, she didn't want to chance it. She also made me turn my head when we were watching movies if a girl in a bikini popped up and would get really really mad in front of her family if a girl popped up and I didn't turn my head fast enough. I also knew this wasn't right but I wanted to try to make her see this so I said if I can't watch movies or go swimming then you can't have guys look at you in a bikini so she stopped posting pictures on instagram of her in a bikini.

 

I was still okay with things because I said that she will change if I just show her that I can be trusted. Around our 2 years of dating she pretty much cut me off from anything. I wasn't aloud to go out to eat with my family if she wasn't around, I couldn't go to the gas station without her, if we went through a drivethru and a girl handed me the food and said have a nice day..I wasn't aloud to say it back because she was a girl. I was literally at the point where I was working and coming straight home every single day and would only be aloud to leave if she was there with me. During all of this, I still let her go hangout with her friends or go do whatever because I still enjoyed her coming home at night and spending time with her. About 2 months prior to our breakup she started to act different. She never wanted to do anything with me like hangout or spend time together and she cut back on our sex to about once every 10 days. She also started to go hangout with her cousins ( who are party people) every single day and wouldn't come home until about 1 in the morning. I told her it was bothering me a little bit and she would always get very angry and yell at me telling me that she wasn't cheating on me. I held it in except one day I asked her who she was texting and she said a guys name and I said I thought we weren't aloud to talk to the other sex? She got really pissed and punched my computer monitor and shattered it.

 

We then broke up afterward. After we broke up she went to go stay with her dad who lives down the road and I would ask to see her to talk about things. I would ball my eyes out saying we can fix this and how much I loved her but she would just have no emotion and say I need time to find myself again. She basically wanted us to both fix our issues and that we would get back together in a few weeks. She told me that she still wants me to follow our relationship rules so I continued to just go to work and come home every day and on the weekends I would just stay at home and watch TV or play video games. We would still text somewhat during this time but she would hardly say anything if anything at all and stopped saying that she loves me. About a month after the breakup, I wanted to see what she was up to so I looked up her instagram online and I seen that she had been going out to bars, parties, hanging out with tons of guys like every night while telling me to stay inside. I even found out that when we were still dating, she was talking to guys the entire time on there and had a snapchat the entire time that she used to talk to guys. I never cared about her talking or being around guys really, I just don't understand how she set up the rule of not communicating with the other sex and then didn't follow it but expected me to. I returned all of her stuff after finding this out and told her that I thought I knew who she was but clearly I didn't and she just tripped out saying she doesn't give a **** what a nigger thinks about her. I texted her saying that I love her and was going to block her number to try to move on so I did. A week later I get a text from someone saying they're my ex's new boyfriend and said they heard about me threatening to kill her and trying to run her off of the road and I told him I never did any of those things and that he was stupid for believing that ****. I blocked his number after that and a few days later a mutual friend of ours told me that she was going around town saying that I used to beat the **** out of her every single day and would threaten to kill her if she ever left the house. Nobody in my town likes her because she's a thief and starts a lot of drama so nobody believes it. None of my friends or family like her at all either but we talked about having a family and growing old all of the time and were a few weeks away from moving into our own place. I just don't see how someone that spends 3 years with you can change all of a sudden. Even after all of this, I still miss her a lot and literally think about her every second of the day. I cry at night without her, don't show up to work randomly, and just feel depressed all of the time. It feels like nothing makes me happy anymore. I tried so hard to make everything work..I always took her out, massaged her every day, would cuddle with her, tried to get her to go out and do stuff, and even payed for everything of hers. I really don't know why or if I should even be missing this girl. It's been 2 months now and things have not really gotten better. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[Satu]

She's seriously disturbed mentally, and you should keep well away from her.

 

I don't mean, 'she has some problems.' I mean that she's mentally ill, and viciously abusive.

 

Your relationship with her consisted of her verbally and emotionally abusing you, and you trying to propitiate her.

 

Your relationship was very dysfunctional, and very damaging to your emotional health.

 

Please, oh please, do not try to get back with her.

 

She does not love, respect, or care about you, at all.

 

For the sake of your emotional health, cut all contact with her.

 

*No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

[Yodaas]

Sorry for not responding earlier, I was at work. Thank you for taking the time to read this and offer some advice! I had a pretty good feeling that that was the case but what I'm curious about is if it's normal to miss someone like that? I know she's a terrible girlfriend but I still miss her a lot. Shouldn't that be over after 2 months of being broken up? Also I don't see how she could be sleeping around with a bunch of guys and partying every night right away after we broke up. Do you think this is because she's 19 and going through a phase or do you think she was always doing this kind of stuff without me knowing?