soyou Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 I thought I've reached at a maturity age (30) where I know exactly what I want and who I want to be with in my life. And then BAAMMMM, I fall unexpectedly into a guy which I never thought of I could fall for. He's almost everything which I'm not fancy of (Short as hell, not good looking, not affectionate, bad communicator, worse of all not even interested in me romantically) The only thing I really like/admire him about is his intelligence, career success, and similar mindset/standards/lifestyle to mine. One note to add is that he's one of the very few who don't chase after me or give in into me. He's pretty distant toward me . Yet, I feel very attached toward him. BUT I keep my cool so no desperation/clinginess /interest is shown. So my question is has it ever happened to you before? Is this normal? What happened to me? I feel like I'm going to back to my teenager time again.
Redhead14 Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 I thought I've reached at a maturity age (30) where I know exactly what I want and who I want to be with in my life. And then BAAMMMM, I fall unexpectedly into a guy which I never thought of I could fall for. He's almost everything which I'm not fancy of (Short as hell, not good looking, not affectionate, bad communicator, worse of all not even interested in me romantically) The only thing I really like/admire him about is his intelligence, career success, and similar mindset/standards/lifestyle to mine. One note to add is that he's one of the very few who don't chase after me or give in into me. He's pretty distant toward me . Yet, I feel very attached toward him. BUT I keep my cool so no desperation/clinginess /interest is shown. So my question is has it ever happened to you before? Is this normal? What happened to me? I feel like I'm going to back to my teenager time again. I'd venture to guess that he represents a challenge. It would be exciting for the moment if you were able to draw him to you, but I'd also bet that the attraction will fade quickly after you "get" him because he isn't that interested in you, won't show you enough to keep you interested and likely just being with you for intimacy if he does come around. 2
Vintage79 Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 I'm not entirely sure why you think you can have an overly formulaic method to knowing who you'll be attracted - it's a bit naive. People fall for people all the time that don't fit into their predefined construct of their ideal mate. The overly defined idea is the reason why a lot of the people who are in their 30s+ and single are single. Just go with it, and see where it goes. That said - challenge frequently translates into interest - so be aware of the fact that the interest, at least at this point, may not be mutual. 1
empresario Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 I'll provide a theory... I've posted previously about the upside of not acting animalistic towards women (how it benefits them). It makes them enjoy intimacy much more. They connect with you. They are comfortable with you. They see you as a man...and a good guy. However, there are pitfalls...and this is one of them. Thing is, you've been conditioned for so long to believe male attraction is followed by sexual advances you probably don't even know what to do when a guy doesn't try (or perhaps genuinely isn't interested). That safety...knowing you don't have to lock the proverbial gate...probably confuses you. It's attractive. Confidence in men is always attractive, especially when it's not followed by physical desperation. 1
Zippy2000 Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 I ve read of this a lot on the web. It tends to happen a lot with women who believe they connect with men. It doesn happen the other way aroudn that often as men are more visual and if we dont find a woman attrctive we wont usually change our minds. Im a male and a few years back I used to work with a woman in my team for around 2-3 years. One day in a team meeting she had this vibe about her and I took a second look at her and saw her as attractive. Im not usre why this happens but maybe its becuase we feel their presence once in a while and like everything else it takes time. The girl I was speaking to wanst really my type but she wasnt unattractive. She was just there and one day something had chnaged.
stillafool Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Yes! I remember in my youth falling for a guy who was severely overweight and flabby. When young I always went for the most fit, goodlooking guys but for some reason I fell head over heels for this guy and he treated me worse than anyone I had ever dated. Believe ir or not, the sex was the best I'd ever had. It happens.
chantos Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 it's called being a challenge. imagine if the guy was tall and good-looking and still acted that way and you'd have me
fitnessfan365 Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 Some people want what they can't have. Whether it's ego based thinking "they should want me" or excitement based with the challenge of it, etc.. I personally think that challenge is overrated and I act direct from the get go. I only want women in my life that are past the games and want to be real with me. That's why I take the things that women say and do at face value.
todreaminblue Posted May 8, 2015 Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) I have had it happen....and its not right for me.....i dont enjoy liking a guy who doesnt like me back...makes me feel abnormal and wrong.....i dont find it challenging i find it troublesome...and i am not in for a chase or into manipulative head games for any guy...stuff that........and i dont like keeping secrets i like to be upfront.....and when i cant be upfront.....its a problem ...reminds me of the way i felt about my dad...and that gets creepy...because he never loved me blah blah...dont care.....im not that kid anymore and in a way it makes me regress........ack....as i said....i gave up back then chasing after my fathers affection......not in to chasing or pining after a guy who doesnt like me back.....rather spend time looking for someone who feels something for me like i do for them...dont even like admitting i was hung up on some guy....gives him control over me...and i dont like it........deb Edited May 8, 2015 by todreaminblue
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