imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Hey Everyone, Its been 6 months since we broke up, 4 months since I saw her, 3 months since we last spoke (phone call: she wanted something). I can say that I have not moved on yet, I need to get her thoughts out of my head. Today I had a dream about her and I woke up in pain. (This has not happened in a very long time.) Kind of made me feel that I wanted to contact her. I have tried almost everything I could do to move on but I am still stuck. What did you guys do to push you forward? I suggest talking to a few different girls and getting your self confidence and ego up a bit. Even if you don't have feelings or anything to do with them, it will boost the ego slightly which is sometimes all you need.
dangerbang Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Dude, really? Why on earth would you think this is so? I sometimes think there's mass psychosis going on on this site. Utter delusion. It makes me fear for humanity! 2
imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Dude, really? Why on earth would you think this is so? Because she would be stupid to give me up like that. She knows what a great boyfriend I was to her and when she develops her maturity to see it, she will want back eventually. It's just my gut feeling talking. I sometimes think there's mass psychosis going on on this site. Utter delusion. It makes me fear for humanity! Hahaha dangerbang, unfortunately, most of the people you are talking to on this thread have had recent break ups so you only hear hopefuls/negativity/delusions. The people who actually GET their girlfriend back, do not come back to post on this forum with the other heartbroken. Likewise, the people who actually MOVE ON don't come back and post about how they have moved on. See the trend?
dangerbang Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Because she would be stupid to give me up like that. She knows what a great boyfriend I was to her and when she develops her maturity to see it, she will want back eventually. It's just my gut feeling talking. Hahaha dangerbang, unfortunately, most of the people you are talking to on this thread have had recent break ups so you only hear hopefuls/negativity/delusions. The people who actually GET their girlfriend back, do not come back to post on this forum with the other heartbroken. Likewise, the people who actually MOVE ON don't come back and post about how they have moved on. See the trend? Well I've recently broken up too. I started posting here about it, then stopped, and now I just comment on other people's issues. I have not moved on but I certainly am moving on at the moment. There's a lot of spineless folk around though, and negativity on this forum. I'm not sure it's good for the weak.
imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Well I've recently broken up too. I started posting here about it, then stopped, and now I just comment on other people's issues. I have not moved on but I certainly am moving on at the moment. There's a lot of spineless folk around though, and negativity on this forum. I'm not sure it's good for the weak. Yeah you're right, some posts are really uplifting to see whereas some are just.."....." I guess we do the craziest stuff when we have our hearts shattered.
Author martin1992 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 Didn't you open a thread on this yesterday? That one was different...more like trying to find out if she misses me still. Now I dont care about that, all I want is to be independent and normal! From this break I learnt a lot about myself and what actually is. I suggest talking to a few different girls and getting your self confidence and ego up a bit. Even if you don't have feelings or anything to do with them, it will boost the ego slightly which is sometimes all you need. I have been doing this, the problem is when I am on my own I start thinking about her. Today I woke up abruptly missing her voice and etc. It’s stupid and I need it to stop. The only think I have not tried is having a rebound relationship; I might go for one if the chance arise...I just do not want to hurt anyone though.
Author martin1992 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 Well I've recently broken up too. I started posting here about it, then stopped, and now I just comment on other people's issues. I have not moved on but I certainly am moving on at the moment. There's a lot of spineless folk around though, and negativity on this forum. I'm not sure it's good for the weak. This is not your first break up is it? You joined this site 4 years ago. Anyway from people’s post I can tell at which stage they are at in the moving on process; we all go through the same stages. Denial>Bargaining>Anger>Depression>Acceptance A problem I have is that it just doesn’t end with Acceptance; I tend to loop back into Anger after a set period of time. Because she would be stupid to give me up like that. She knows what a great boyfriend I was to her and when she develops her maturity to see it, she will want back eventually. It's just my gut feeling talking. Hahaha dangerbang, unfortunately, most of the people you are talking to on this thread have had recent break ups so you only hear hopefuls/negativity/delusions. The people who actually GET their girlfriend back, do not come back to post on this forum with the other heartbroken. Likewise, the people who actually MOVE ON don't come back and post about how they have moved on. See the trend? Yeah you're right, some posts are really uplifting to see whereas some are just.."....." I guess we do the craziest stuff when we have our hearts shattered. Is your ex seeing someone else? I was a great boyfriend to her, her first true bestfriend, she called me her soul mate yet she just went 180 degrees and left when this new guy turned up. I do believe in breakup theories as it coincides with human mentality really well; i.e I know she caught the GIGs, that said she would never come back even if the grass may not be greener on the other side.
imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 This is not your first break up is it? You joined this site 4 years ago. Anyway from people’s post I can tell at which stage they are at in the moving on process; we all go through the same stages. Denial>Bargaining>Anger>Depression>Acceptance A problem I have is that it just doesn’t end with Acceptance; I tend to loop back into Anger after a set period of time. Is your ex seeing someone else? I was a great boyfriend to her, her first true bestfriend, she called me her soul mate yet she just went 180 degrees and left when this new guy turned up. I do believe in breakup theories as it coincides with human mentality really well; i.e I know she caught the GIGs, that said she would never come back even if the grass may not be greener on the other side. My ex isn't seeing anyone that I know of. She just wanted space to hang out with her friends without always worrying what I would think about her. In the end, I don't think it matters because it will be what it will be. Yes I am upset inside, yes I am torn up but there I think our histories have already been written and we are just players of a bigger picture. Our true soulmates are out there, we just have to be patient, be ourselves and enjoy life until we meet them. If she comes back and you guys marry for life, then she was the one, if not then it just wasn't meant to be. You are also right about the denial > bargaining > anger > depression > acceptance stage. I broke NC 1 week post break up through denial / bargaining. When my ex didn't answer my heartfelt message, I was angry and went into a bit of a depressive phase. Now I am getting out and accepting her decision was for the best with spurts of anger here and there. Sometimes my mind would flashback to a moment we had together and it would make me long for those times to return, but coming back to reality you realise that its just the past and there is a better future soon.
imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 That one was different...more like trying to find out if she misses me still. Now I dont care about that, all I want is to be independent and normal! From this break I learnt a lot about myself and what actually is. I have been doing this, the problem is when I am on my own I start thinking about her. Today I woke up abruptly missing her voice and etc. It’s stupid and I need it to stop. The only think I have not tried is having a rebound relationship; I might go for one if the chance arise...I just do not want to hurt anyone though. Hmmm it's definitely hard especially when you wake up in the morning. It gets better throughout the day. As for rebound relationships, I have a feeling as soon as you fall in love with someone else, you lose all thoughts about your previous love and they just become a memory. That's my theory anyway. Yet to be experienced by me. I am scared to hurt girls too because I feel like I can never love in the same way, and there is some sort of expectation for the new girl to live up to my old girlfriends ways. hahaha talk about me being stupid!
dangerbang Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Yeah I've been through a few breakups, 4 years ago I did similar things to what people are discussing here. Breaking NC, getting fitter, looking after myself, so that they might want me next time they see me. I wasted months on her. When I was 19 I fell in love with a girl and we went out for 2 years. When that ended I wasted about 4 years being drip fed by her and being given false promises. One day she emailed me and I just said to myself - you are full of sh*t and I'm done with this. It was a very personal epiphany and a great feeling. So this time I'm speaking from experience and the ONLY thing you can do is cut all chords. Ask yourself this. Can you imagine yourself ever not loving your ex-gf enough while you were together to say, I don't want to be with you anymore, I need space etc.? No, you probably can't. Clearly they have their reasons and they're just not into you anymore. It's really not that big a deal, and it's only a girl. Don't value your life on some chick.
Author martin1992 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 My ex isn't seeing anyone that I know of. She just wanted space to hang out with her friends without always worrying what I would think about her. In the end, I don't think it matters because it will be what it will be. Yes I am upset inside, yes I am torn up but there I think our histories have already been written and we are just players of a bigger picture. Our true soulmates are out there, we just have to be patient, be ourselves and enjoy life until we meet them. If she comes back and you guys marry for life, then she was the one, if not then it just wasn't meant to be. You are also right about the denial > bargaining > anger > depression > acceptance stage. I broke NC 1 week post break up through denial / bargaining. When my ex didn't answer my heartfelt message, I was angry and went into a bit of a depressive phase. Now I am getting out and accepting her decision was for the best with spurts of anger here and there. Sometimes my mind would flashback to a moment we had together and it would make me long for those times to return, but coming back to reality you realise that its just the past and there is a better future soon. Yeah, likewise…if she does ever want to reconcile as my girlfriend again I would give it a go but with caution. I’d never want to be her friend even though she meant a lot to me; it won’t be fair and heathy for me to do that. That said I really just want to enjoy life as it is rather than being sappy about the past.
Author martin1992 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 Hmmm it's definitely hard especially when you wake up in the morning. It gets better throughout the day. As for rebound relationships, I have a feeling as soon as you fall in love with someone else, you lose all thoughts about your previous love and they just become a memory. That's my theory anyway. Yet to be experienced by me. I am scared to hurt girls too because I feel like I can never love in the same way, and there is some sort of expectation for the new girl to live up to my old girlfriends ways. hahaha talk about me being stupid! It is amazing how similar people are…I do feel my next girl have to live up or be better than my ex. If rebounds actually help you forget the past relationship then why do people recommend not to do it? I read everywhere that those relationships are bound to fail.
imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 It is amazing how similar people are…I do feel my next girl have to live up or be better than my ex. If rebounds actually help you forget the past relationship then why do people recommend not to do it? I read everywhere that those relationships are bound to fail. I don't know...I think it's because a person can become too attached to their past and it impacts negatively on the relationship. It also drives that person who initially likes you away because you put too much emphasis on your ex either directly or indirectly. They will eventually feel this and it doesn't work out in the end because you carry too much emotional baggage. Yes I think in most ways humans do think the same. After all, we are human aren't we?
imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 I fear I am moving on too fast sometimes. Then some moments really hit me and make me realise I am still thinking of her ALL the bloody time. I think I should go out and date a few girls to get my mind off her. The mornings are the worst!
dangerbang Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 I fear I am moving on too fast sometimes. Then some moments really hit me and make me realise I am still thinking of her ALL the bloody time. I think I should go out and date a few girls to get my mind off her. The mornings are the worst! Mornings are awful for me too. I wake up at 5 or 6am and my mind is clear but a few seconds later BOOM I get hit with a ball of negative energy in my stomach that unleashed all kinds of thoughts in my head. It takes a few hours to calm them down! By the time I'm going to bed at night though I'm all Zen and calm. This will pass in time as long as you accept it's over and she's not coming back.
imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 OMG same here man. Always at 5am I wake up and I know there is something wrong with me and it takes literally the whole morning to get my emotions in check again. Worst feeling because I lose a good part of sleep from 5am to 7.30am. By night time, I am calm and rational about it like right now. Worst feeling!
Author martin1992 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 Hmmm it's definitely hard especially when you wake up in the morning. It gets better throughout the day. As for rebound relationships, I have a feeling as soon as you fall in love with someone else, you lose all thoughts about your previous love and they just become a memory. That's my theory anyway. Yet to be experienced by me. I am scared to hurt girls too because I feel like I can never love in the same way, and there is some sort of expectation for the new girl to live up to my old girlfriends ways. hahaha talk about me being stupid! I don't know...I think it's because a person can become too attached to their past and it impacts negatively on the relationship. It also drives that person who initially likes you away because you put too much emphasis on your ex either directly or indirectly. They will eventually feel this and it doesn't work out in the end because you carry too much emotional baggage. Yes I think in most ways humans do think the same. After all, we are human aren't we? Hmm, seems like something I would do. I need to start dating but really casually and make them aware that I am not ready for anything serious just yet. The entire relationship physiology is really interesting.
Ruby65 Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Because she would be stupid to give me up like that. She knows what a great boyfriend I was to her and when she develops her maturity to see it, she will want back eventually. It's just my gut feeling talking. Your "gut feeling" is just another way of saying "what I wish and hope will happen." You STOPPED being a great boyfriend the day she fell out of love with you. It doesn't matter how good you were to her.... if she's not feeling it, she's not coming back. Love is a feeling, it's an emotion -- it's not logical or rational. The sooner you start to ACCEPT that this breakup is permanent, the better it will be for you. 1
dangerbang Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 OMG same here man. Always at 5am I wake up and I know there is something wrong with me and it takes literally the whole morning to get my emotions in check again. Worst feeling because I lose a good part of sleep from 5am to 7.30am. By night time, I am calm and rational about it like right now. Worst feeling! It's crazy isn't it. I don't get back asleep either. All because of some completely irrational thoughts in your head about someone who isn't even real anymore really, just a collection of silly thoughts in your head. It's more a case of "here we go again, do your worst" for me now though, you have to accept that it's just your mind trying to upset you.
Author martin1992 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 OMG same here man. Always at 5am I wake up and I know there is something wrong with me and it takes literally the whole morning to get my emotions in check again. Worst feeling because I lose a good part of sleep from 5am to 7.30am. By night time, I am calm and rational about it like right now. Worst feeling! Mornings are awful for me too. I wake up at 5 or 6am and my mind is clear but a few seconds later BOOM I get hit with a ball of negative energy in my stomach that unleashed all kinds of thoughts in my head. It takes a few hours to calm them down! By the time I'm going to bed at night though I'm all Zen and calm. This will pass in time as long as you accept it's over and she's not coming back. I really do not like waking upi at 5am! Today it hit me at 5:30am!!! :/ Your "gut feeling" is just another way of saying "what I wish and hope will happen." You STOPPED being a great boyfriend the day she fell out of love with you. It doesn't matter how good you were to her.... if she's not feeling it, she's not coming back. Love is a feeling, it's an emotion -- it's not logical or rational. The sooner you start to ACCEPT that this breakup is permanent, the better it will be for you. Ruby is right, once they fall out of love its hard to get them back. My ex gave me the "I love you but I am not in love with you", that said being in love is just a chemical thing and eventually that always fades away. She is with someone else now through GIGs. Smokeybear claimed such a thing to be a rebound. [Apparently dumpers can have them to]. Doesn't mean it wont last, all I know they could get engaged and married soon. She was my first love hence I am finding it hard to move on and "in my head" we seemed perfect...or more like I thought she was.
imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Yeah you are completely right. I am feeling ups and downs, its so bad for productivity
Ruby65 Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Hmm, seems like something I would do. I need to start dating but really casually and make them aware that I am not ready for anything serious just yet. You're not ready for "casual dating" or any dating other than strict FWB or one night stands. A girl can still catch feelings for you, even if you tell her from the start you don't want anything serious. This is how recent dumpees inadvertantly begin rebound relationships that end up hurting innocent people. Dating is too much relationship/involvement for you at this point. Easy for YOU to keep it "casual".... not so easy necessarily for the unfortunate girl you're dating.
imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 I really do not like waking upi at 5am! Today it hit me at 5:30am!!! :/ Ruby is right, once they fall out of love its hard to get them back. My ex gave me the "I love you but I am not in love with you", that said being in love is just a chemical thing and eventually that always fades away. She is with someone else now through GIGs. Smokeybear claimed such a thing to be a rebound. [Apparently dumpers can have them to]. Doesn't mean it wont last, all I know they could get engaged and married soon. She was my first love hence I am finding it hard to move on and "in my head" we seemed perfect...or more like I thought she was. I knew that my girlfriend wasn't perfect and saw all her faults etc. I knew that another relationship would bring about different problems and different faults. She believed that there is a person where you don't have to live with faults all the time. The week before she dumped me after we had sex and were in bed talking, she asked me whether or not we stayed together for so long because we were each others firsts! I should have seen this coming!! I told her, "the grass is always greener where you mow it." And she didn't say any more but little did I know she was considering breaking up with me back then! But I was still willing to stick with her and make it work simply because I loved her and could see it through to the end with her rough times or not. She could only see the problems we had and love wasn't enough to keep her in the relationship. In all honesty, she is right, it is 100% about compatibility and we were NOT compatible. I on the other hand was willing to compromise and accept whereas she was fed up of it and wanted out. Just proves time and time again that you can't change what other people think or feel no matter how hard you try. I guess that's just destiny's way of telling me "f you". I have to accept this and move on. So damn hurtful to have my trust my everything broken. I gave this relationship my EVERYTHING literally. I don't think I can ever do this for another person ever again.
dangerbang Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 You're not ready for "casual dating" or any dating other than strict FWB or one night stands. A girl can still catch feelings for you, even if you tell her from the start you don't want anything serious. This is how recent dumpees inadvertantly begin rebound relationships that end up hurting innocent people. Dating is too much relationship/involvement for you at this point. Easy for YOU to keep it "casual".... not so easy necessarily for the unfortunate girl you're dating. I agree. I went on a couple and it's not fair on the others. It all feels so fake. You are not in a mindframe to be dating people. I wish FWB and one night stands were so easily attainable for men as they are for women. The physical distraction would be quite welcome at this moment!
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