dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 You are strong my friend. I wish I had half your strength. I wish I could be like you and not give a fk about her but she still means so much to me. She means nothing to you. She's not in your life. You're clinging on to a fantasy. It's not real. You're just following thought patterns in your head, that's all they are. Can't you see that? The reality is she's gone, never coming back, and wants nothing to do with you. 1
imbax Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 She means nothing to you. She's not in your life. You're clinging on to a fantasy. It's not real. You're just following thought patterns in your head, that's all they are. Can't you see that? The reality is she's gone, never coming back, and wants nothing to do with you. I told her I would give her time and wait for her. Since then, I haven't heard back from her!
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Woah you two are really strong! What would you do or say if ex contacts you asking to meet up?
medzeer Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 dangerbang is a strong bastard im so jealous of that man... If i could only have a mindset like you do. I guess it is all about confidence, which most of us, dont have right now because our other parts walked away with it.
joseb Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 This guy could be everything she ever wanted but the things we shared are kind of hard to repeat. More like those moments of her life have passed...I not sure how to explain it. She may not miss me but she will not be able to erase me. I am her entire undergraduate memory which last for about 4 years. She also has a pride/ego problem. Sorry to be blunt, but if you think that you have some kind of magical place in her heart that will never be replaced, then you have an ego problem. You need to stop wondering/hoping if she misses you. What will that achieve? Nothing. Even if you somehow were to find out that yes, she misses you (but obviously not enough to actually do something about it!) so what? She still has left you. If you find out she never thinks of you, what then? She is your past. Move on. Get over the one-itis. Sounds like you have a great bunch of friends/flatmates, so focus on doing stuff with them. Oh and no contact. Does nobody read the big no contact list pinned at the top of this board?! That includes deleting her on Facebook. Not deleting her isn't playing cool, it's clinging on.
imbax Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) Woah you two are really strong! What would you do or say if ex contacts you asking to meet up? I'd wait and ask her what for? And if it's for bs I'd probably say I'm too busy and have other commitments. If she made it sound like she really wanted to see me to get back together then I would maybe meet up with her and reconcile It all depends on the gut feeling, even if she doesn't explicitly say she wants back because of her pride issues, I'll use my gut feeling to judge. Usually if they want back I guess they will make it obvious or sometimes it will need a trigger like meeting up. Not always (rarely), but as more time goes on, the less hope I have. Speaking from experience, the last time my ex seriously broke it off with me, I went NC for 1 week and she started texting me like crazy and started to threaten that she will block my number if I didn't reply. So I asked her why she was so angry then she blamed me for making her break up with her and if I really wanted it to work, I would text her back. So I did, and we got back together for almost 2 years. Until recently, she broke up with me AGAIN! And this time, I haven't heard from her ever since. Edited May 5, 2015 by imbax
diamondgirl Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 to be honest, i am sure all of your exes think about you but it just may not be in the way you want. of course they still have memories and will have triggers time to time and im sure they will even have moments of missing you, but it doesnt mean they will ever want to reconcile. im 7 months out of a 7 year relationship with my first love which lasted all the way through high school and college. it is really painful. i still have good days and bad days but i am healing and doing ok. honestly the only thing thats helped me is getting my thoughts away from his head. i can sit here and speculate all day that hes missing me terribly and scared to call to reconcile or that hes the happiest guy in the world and never wants to hear from me again in his life. either could be true or somewhere in the middle so what good does it do for me to sit here and wonder? i have no control over his thoughts or actions so i need to focus on my own. at a certain point i told myself i was done with the pity party. for months and months i cried everyday, let him consume my thoughts, obsessed about it to my friends and clung to false hope and fantasies that he would be back one day. the truth is, its a waste of time. none of us know what the future holds. focus on what can make you happy today and you need to focus on the simple truth. all of our exes dumped us. they are dating other people and dont make an effort to initiate contact. use that as your push to move on. if down the line they initiate contact, you can see how you feel but for now its best to get out of their heads and into your own.
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Sorry to be blunt, but if you think that you have some kind of magical place in her heart that will never be replaced, then you have an ego problem. You need to stop wondering/hoping if she misses you. What will that achieve? Nothing. Even if you somehow were to find out that yes, she misses you (but obviously not enough to actually do something about it!) so what? She still has left you. If you find out she never thinks of you, what then? She is your past. Move on. Get over the one-itis. Sounds like you have a great bunch of friends/flatmates, so focus on doing stuff with them. Oh and no contact. Does nobody read the big no contact list pinned at the top of this board?! That includes deleting her on Facebook. Not deleting her isn't playing cool, it's clinging on. Deleting her 6 months later is just weird. I do not ever go into her profile but she did message me through there about 2-3months ago. Its not ego, its just what I felt or more like hoping that what we have had meant something to her even though its in the past. I am happy to have shared those with her. Just got to live and let go.
imbax Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 to be honest, i am sure all of your exes think about you but it just may not be in the way you want. of course they still have memories and will have triggers time to time and im sure they will even have moments of missing you, but it doesnt mean they will ever want to reconcile. im 7 months out of a 7 year relationship with my first love which lasted all the way through high school and college. it is really painful. i still have good days and bad days but i am healing and doing ok. honestly the only thing thats helped me is getting my thoughts away from his head. i can sit here and speculate all day that hes missing me terribly and scared to call to reconcile or that hes the happiest guy in the world and never wants to hear from me again in his life. either could be true or somewhere in the middle so what good does it do for me to sit here and wonder? i have no control over his thoughts or actions so i need to focus on my own at a certain point i told myself i was done with the pity party. for months and months i cried everyday, let him consume my thoughts, obsessed about it to my friends and clung to false hope and fantasies that he would be back one day. the truth is, its a waste of time. none of us know what the future holds. focus on what can make you happy today and you need to focus on the simple truth. all of our exes dumped us. they are dating other people and dont make an effort to initiate contact. use that as your push to move on. if down the line they initiate contact, you can see how you feel but for now its best to get out of their heads and into your own. Well spoken, it's hard to let go especially when my ex told me that she still loves me and misses me but due to our problems and incompatibilities there was no point continuing the relationship. It would be so much easier if she had told me she doesn't love me or have feeling for me anymore, at least that way I can forget about her and move on. This half hearted break up has left me hanging
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 dangerbang is a strong bastard im so jealous of that man... If i could only have a mindset like you do. I guess it is all about confidence, which most of us, dont have right now because our other parts walked away with it. I'm not that strong. I'm a nervous wreck at the moment, my body isn't functioning properly and I can't eat. Why the hell would I want to talk to someone who done this to me and could do it again?
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Woah you two are really strong! What would you do or say if ex contacts you asking to meet up? I wouldn't respond. Meet up for what? So she can decide if she wants to go out with me or not? Get f**ked. Maybe my case is unique but I could never believe a word she said to me ever again, or trust her again.
imbax Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I wouldn't respond. Meet up for what? So she can decide if she wants to go out with me or not? Get f**ked. Maybe my case is unique but I could never believe a word she said to me ever again, or trust her again. Funny thing is, I had your mindset last week but I have let go of the hate and bitterness because the fact is, I went out with this person for so long for a reason. As much as she broke my trust and disrespected me for who I was, you still love them. Therefore I am sort of at peace with her and I respect her decision to leave as it was probably for the best. In the future however, reconciliation will be a slim chance I am guessing less than 1% chance but if she is willing to put in, then it will work. Unfortunately, knowing her stubbornness and ego issues, she would never put into a relationship with me. So I'm just gonna be happy and leave it where it's at. In her own words, "I am glad this relationship has ended on a high and when we look back, it will be of the happy moments."
diamondgirl Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Well spoken, it's hard to let go especially when my ex told me that she still loves me and misses me but due to our problems and incompatibilities there was no point continuing the relationship. It would be so much easier if she had told me she doesn't love me or have feeling for me anymore, at least that way I can forget about her and move on. This half hearted break up has left me hanging my ex told me that he sees himself marrying me but needs some other experiences first. every time i broke NC in the months post breakup hes told me he loves me and misses me and sees a future but he needs this time for him. last time we spoke two months ago he even told me he would reconcile now but that it hasnt been long enough yet so hes forcing himself to stick with it. honestly, its all BS. dont take her words too literally. she could be letting you down easy. peoples feelings change. as i said in my prevous post, if she contacts you down the line then fine but until then dont try to read between the lines - she left you and said you are incompatible. use that as fuel to let go.
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 my ex told me that he sees himself marrying me but needs some other experiences first. every time i broke NC in the months post breakup hes told me he loves me and misses me and sees a future but he needs this time for him. last time we spoke two months ago he even told me he would reconcile now but that it hasnt been long enough yet so hes forcing himself to stick with it. honestly, its all BS. dont take her words too literally. she could be letting you down easy. peoples feelings change. as i said in my prevous post, if she contacts you down the line then fine but until then dont try to read between the lines - she left you and said you are incompatible. use that as fuel to let go. Sage advice
diamondgirl Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Deleting her 6 months later is just weird. I do not ever go into her profile but she did message me through there about 2-3months ago. Its not ego, its just what I felt or more like hoping that what we have had meant something to her even though its in the past. I am happy to have shared those with her. Just got to live and let go. i deleted my ex off facebook and instagram and snapchat 6 months later. i was still stalking him and getting hurt so i just did it and its helped me immensely. 1
imbax Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Either I am blind or stupid or both. But given the context and pretext of my ex and my breakup, I am still to believe that she has feelings for me. I did notice she as a bit distanced but always happy when we were together in person. She said it to me crying and sincerely, she would have to be the best actor in the world to lie under those conditions. Which is why I told her I would wait for her and I told her to take as long as she needs and do what she has to do. In the meantime, I'll just bunker up and try to continue on my life goals while having a cry here and there
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 hmm, Earlier today I felt weak so I turned to this site to vent out a little and find some hope. But when I am normal I thought I of flirting, hitting and gaming on her if we do meet up More like taking the piss! Being single gives you the power of not giving a ****. But yeah my emotions is a wave...I dont ever get negative...I just all my options open.
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Either I am blind or stupid or both. But given the context and pretext of my ex and my breakup, I am still to believe that she has feelings for me. I did notice she as a bit distanced but always happy when we were together in person. She said it to me crying and sincerely, she would have to be the best actor in the world to lie under those conditions. Which is why I told her I would wait for her and I told her to take as long as she needs and do what she has to do. In the meantime, I'll just bunker up and try to continue on my life goals while having a cry here and there She probably has some feelings. She may miss you as you were so close to her for a time. But you have to assume she has no romantic or sexual desires for you anymore and that's why she's not in touch. Just accept it. If you broke up with her for some reason, and you were still crazy about her and you knew she wanted you - surely you'd be in touch to work something out? She just doesn't want you in that way. And who cares? Some other girl will one day. And you'll handle the next relationship better hopefully.
imbax Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Yeah that's true but I just want to let me ex discover the real world and work on herself a bit before she decides if she wants back. It's still way too early to say, so much has yet to happen and by then, no one knows what the future holds. I simply told her how I felt and that I would be happy with her. She knows this and respects that. In turn, I also respect her need for space and time alone to figure herself out before jumping back into a relationship. I think everything will fall into place after time. If not, the sun still shines and the world still spins.
joseb Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Deleting her 6 months later is just weird. I do not ever go into her profile but she did message me through there about 2-3months ago. . You said you were still having trouble moving on. Keeping ties to people keeps you from moving on. Having her as a facebook friend is a tie, and you need to cut it. If you were moved on, happy, comfortable seeing her (no emotional affect on you) then you could be friends and having her as a facebook friend would be appropriate. But I don't think you are there, so it isn't.
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Yeah that's true but I just want to let me ex discover the real world and work on herself a bit before she decides if she wants back. It's still way too early to say, so much has yet to happen and by then, no one knows what the future holds. I simply told her how I felt and that I would be happy with her. She knows this and respects that. In turn, I also respect her need for space and time alone to figure herself out before jumping back into a relationship. I think everything will fall into place after time. If not, the sun still shines and the world still spins. You're not really respecting her need for time and space, because you're hanging around hoping she fixes whatever is causing the ridiculous notion of not being with you, waiting for her to get back with you. Obviously she's made such a huge mistake, the silly girl! Not... You wouldn't do this to her. She. Does. Not. Want. You. Ever!
Author martin1992 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 Hey Everyone, Its been 6 months since we broke up, 4 months since I saw her, 3 months since we last spoke (phone call: she wanted something). I can say that I have not moved on yet, I need to get her thoughts out of my head. Today I had a dream about her and I woke up in pain. (This has not happened in a very long time.) Kind of made me feel that I wanted to contact her. I have tried almost everything I could do to move on but I am still stuck. What did you guys do to push you forward?
imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Just cause I told her I would wait for her, doesn't mean I am not doing my own stuff in my life and dating other people. I know she will come back one day, but that day is not very soon unfortunately. It's cool though because I am calm and collected about it.
Ruby65 Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Just cause I told her I would wait for her, doesn't mean I am not doing my own stuff in my life and dating other people. I know she will come back one day, but that day is not very soon unfortunately. It's cool though because I am calm and collected about it. Dude, really? Why on earth would you think this is so?
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