martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Hi Everyone, About 6 months ago, I experienced my first heart break. I loved her a lot and we were together for approximately 4 years; we were each other’s first relationship but there were several instances (red flags) where she wondered what else is out there. Our relationship started while we were at our first year in undergraduate uni and ended when she entered graduate school where she met someone else. She broke up with me to pursue a relationship with this new guy and they have been in a relationship for 5 months. I am still having trouble in completely moving on. I initiated NC several times and kept my life hidden from her. I am interested to know if she misses me even the slightest because at the moment there is no connection between us. I know this is silly, it is just to ease the heart at the moment.
medzeer Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) im really sorry martin, she does not miss you. She doesn't think about you at all, she is consumed with her new relationship and there is no place for thoughts about you there. If i would be wrong, you would already know, she would text you, call you, reach out to you. Why i know? cause im in the same position as you are. First love, first break up, already three months. No contact at all from her. She moved on, she is happy with her life more than ever. You can imagine the pain. Crying to sleep every night, existing not living, not being able to do anything but to think about her. Killing myself over thoughts of her being with someone else. I can't really imagine there being bigger pain. I lost the sense of life. She was the one. And I made her fall out of love with me. It hurts so much man. I hope in your case, she was not the one, because living your whole life without that special someone must be the biggest punishment of all. I turned away form god, eventhough i belived in him my whole life. But if god makes me suffer that much, than he is no god. I would do everything to take her back. I miss her flaws, i miss everything about her. I tried so many times to tell my story here, but im just not able to finish it. It hurts so much. be strong Edited May 5, 2015 by medzeer
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Hi medzeer, I guess you are right she may not miss me at all, there were a few attempts for to meet up from both our sides but its always put been put off, the next time she contacts me Ill just tell to forget it because it is just not happening. Anyway I felt she was the one, I felt I could be with her forever...I made some mistakes but I always tried to be the best I can be for her. Maybe I was just not good enough. Thanks though, for your reply. I somewhat feel I cannot fall in love again
Moley87 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Hi medzeer, I guess you are right she may not miss me at all, there were a few attempts for to meet up from both our sides but its always put been put off, the next time she contacts me Ill just tell to forget it because it is just not happening. Anyway I felt she was the one, I felt I could be with her forever...I made some mistakes but I always tried to be the best I can be for her. Maybe I was just not good enough. Thanks though, for your reply. I somewhat feel I cannot fall in love again I disagree she is at the moment yes consumed by her new partner but she will without doubt think of you at some point but that doesn't mean she wants you back she has now moved on Horrible to say and I'm sorry but its time to respect her decision and now focus on you don't punish yourself it was her decision , give you time to recover and maybe one day you can reopen a door for her as a friend but now is not the time You have your mates there now more important then she is and most importantly your more important !!
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Hi Moley87, I am not expecting her to get back with me, just would like her to miss me even a little bit. Does rebounding help someone move on? Yeah I respect her decision and left her to be without having to bother her. Both of us moved to this new city but she broke up with me almost immediately so there is actually nothing here that would remind her of me. We would have to meet one last time in july for graduation and after that we would be done for good I think. I am quite sappy. About being her friend, I would probably say no to that...she treated me horribly after the break up.
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I am not expecting her to get back with me, just would like her to miss me even a little bit. Does rebounding help someone move on? Yeah I respect her decision and left her to be without having to bother her. May not be a rebound, may be that this new guy is amazing compared to you. He could be better in bed, sexier, funnier, and give her a huge sense of fulfillment. I doubt she misses you at all. But who cares? Why sit around moping about it? She's dead to you now, you're just pining for what is not.
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 May not be a rebound, may be that this new guy is amazing compared to you. He could be better in bed, sexier, funnier, and give her a huge sense of fulfillment. I doubt she misses you at all. But who cares? Why sit around moping about it? She's dead to you now, you're just pining for what is not. Hahaha, probably not what I wanted to hear but thanks for your reply. Its been a while so I am better but there are these random moments where I get moppy. I would like her to miss me though just because we meant a lot to each other whilst it lasted. What did you get up to when your ex broke up with you and when did it happen?
imbax Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 im really sorry martin, she does not miss you. She doesn't think about you at all, she is consumed with her new relationship and there is no place for thoughts about you there. If i would be wrong, you would already know, she would text you, call you, reach out to you. Why i know? cause im in the same position as you are. First love, first break up, already three months. No contact at all from her. She moved on, she is happy with her life more than ever. You can imagine the pain. Crying to sleep every night, existing not living, not being able to do anything but to think about her. Killing myself over thoughts of her being with someone else. I can't really imagine there being bigger pain. I lost the sense of life. She was the one. And I made her fall out of love with me. It hurts so much man. I hope in your case, she was not the one, because living your whole life without that special someone must be the biggest punishment of all. I turned away form god, eventhough i belived in him my whole life. But if god makes me suffer that much, than he is no god. I would do everything to take her back. I miss her flaws, i miss everything about her. I tried so many times to tell my story here, but im just not able to finish it. It hurts so much. be strong hey man, I feel exactly the same as you. This girl LOVED me, she was infatuated with me at one point before I ruined it with my insecurities and stupidity. I was selfish, childish and immature. I really want a second chance but I know it's not going to come. The reason why I feel like she is over me is because I sent her a heart felt message 7 days post break up and she didn't even reply!! It just proves how little she cares for me now and the amount she misses me is close to zero. On the other hand, I am fighting a rough battle with my own mind. I was initially in denial and thought it was just one of her mood swings. Then I was angry at how she could put 3.5 years into the bin without even talking it over with me. Now I am accepting it and I feel like it's all my fault for the breakup from my immaturity. The struggle is real.
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Hahaha, probably not what I wanted to hear but thanks for your reply. Its been a while so I am better but there are these random moments where I get moppy. I would like her to miss me though just because we meant a lot to each other whilst it lasted. What did you get up to when your ex broke up with you and when did it happen? Happened a few weeks ago, we were supposed to be getting married in a few weeks from now. I guess I'm still in the turmoil of it all but thinking is futile really, they are just thoughts in my head and all they are doing is hurting me. At least I'm aware of that fact. I can imagine anything I want as to how she feels or what she's doing, but it's all imagination, none of it is real. There's a churning in my stomach constantly and my heart beats fast every day but I think the physical effects will go sooner or later and the thoughts will slow down. There's no easy way around this, but wishing they missed you is especially pointless because you'll never know either way, and it doesn't matter.
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Happened a few weeks ago, we were supposed to be getting married in a few weeks from now. I guess I'm still in the turmoil of it all but thinking is futile really, they are just thoughts in my head and all they are doing is hurting me. At least I'm aware of that fact. I can imagine anything I want as to how she feels or what she's doing, but it's all imagination, none of it is real. There's a churning in my stomach constantly and my heart beats fast every day but I think the physical effects will go sooner or later and the thoughts will slow down. There's no easy way around this, but wishing they missed you is especially pointless because you'll never know either way, and it doesn't matter. True, I have been coping alright tbh. Because I have been fully replaced in her life with this new guy the pain is just to excruciating. I need to figure out how to completely stop this feeling.
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Happened a few weeks ago, we were supposed to be getting married in a few weeks from now. I guess I'm still in the turmoil of it all but thinking is futile really, they are just thoughts in my head and all they are doing is hurting me. At least I'm aware of that fact. I can imagine anything I want as to how she feels or what she's doing, but it's all imagination, none of it is real. There's a churning in my stomach constantly and my heart beats fast every day but I think the physical effects will go sooner or later and the thoughts will slow down. There's no easy way around this, but wishing they missed you is especially pointless because you'll never know either way, and it doesn't matter. Have you two been in contact since?
imbax Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 True, I have been coping alright tbh. Because I have been fully replaced in her life with this new guy the pain is just to excruciating. I need to figure out how to completely stop this feeling. The way is just to shut her out and move on with your own life. Treat it as a lesson learnt for the future. Be happy for her as she has found her happiness. As selfish as it sounds, everyone needs to find their own happiness however it may come (sometimes even at the expense of others unfortunately). The only thing you have control over is your own happiness. And by accepting that, you know that you can only go forwards with time. By accepting that, you will eventually find your soulmate. One door closes, another one opens, and it's another door closer to true happiness. (Even though I tell myself this everyday, but it still doesn't make me feel better, I guess I need time too)
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Have you two been in contact since? Well no. When she left I pleaded/bargained with her for a few days, but once I realised it wasn't going to happen, I only answered without emotion to messages she sent regarding stuff/money etc. Once that was sorted I haven't heard anything. I wouldn't be surprised if she sends me some kind of apology email one day but I wouldn't be surprised either if I never heard from her again. She's a ghost to me now. I have a friend going through a divorce and he's giving me some good advice. You can't allow some girl to be the reason you're happy or unhappy. I can't tell you how much meditation helps, I wish I got into it years ago. Check out headspace.com it could really bring peace to your life.
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 The way is just to shut her out and move on with your own life. Treat it as a lesson learnt for the future. Be happy for her as she has found her happiness. As selfish as it sounds, everyone needs to find their own happiness however it may come (sometimes even at the expense of others unfortunately). The only thing you have control over is your own happiness. And by accepting that, you know that you can only go forwards with time. By accepting that, you will eventually find your soulmate. One door closes, another one opens, and it's another door closer to true happiness. (Even though I tell myself this everyday, but it still doesn't make me feel better, I guess I need time too) I have been doing that. I have not done anything drastic to shut her out but I do not make any attempts to keep in touch with her. I mean we are facebook friends but neither of us use it much, do not want delete her as in my head that seems like overreacting to it...just playing it cool. Been trying to close this door but its stuck, I miss her. The door wouldn't shut no matter how hard I try! There are times when I feel strong and times I feel weak, it comes in waves. We broke up 6 months ago and still to feel this is just pathetic!
imbax Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I have been doing that. I have not done anything drastic to shut her out but I do not make any attempts to keep in touch with her. I mean we are facebook friends but neither of us use it much, do not want delete her as in my head that seems like overreacting to it...just playing it cool. Been trying to close this door but its stuck, I miss her. The door wouldn't shut no matter how hard I try! There are times when I feel strong and times I feel weak, it comes in waves. We broke up 6 months ago and still to feel this is just pathetic! I'm stuck as well, I'm really surprised she can move on this quickly without me. It hurts but at the same time makes you realise that she was never the one for me. Nevertheless I'm broken.
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Well no. When she left I pleaded/bargained with her for a few days, but once I realised it wasn't going to happen, I only answered without emotion to messages she sent regarding stuff/money etc. Once that was sorted I haven't heard anything. I wouldn't be surprised if she sends me some kind of apology email one day but I wouldn't be surprised either if I never heard from her again. She's a ghost to me now. I have a friend going through a divorce and he's giving me some good advice. You can't allow some girl to be the reason you're happy or unhappy. I can't tell you how much meditation helps, I wish I got into it years ago. Check out headspace.com it could really bring peace to your life. Thanks, I will do. What I need is the weekend to come a lot faster...drink and go out will help!
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Thanks, I will do. What I need is the weekend to come a lot faster...drink and go out will help! Don't wish your life away. Every moment is precious. Including Tuesdays! I find booze makes me terribly depressed the next day and exasperates problems. Do you not get that?
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 I'm stuck as well, I'm really surprised she can move on this quickly without me. It hurts but at the same time makes you realise that she was never the one for me. Nevertheless I'm broken. I guess we all are in the same boat. I used to consider her to be home. That said I was her first best friend at uni...nevertheless we shared a connection that is not that easy to fully replace even if she tries hard.
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Don't wish your life away. Every moment is precious. Including Tuesdays! I find booze makes me terribly depressed the next day and exasperates problems. Do you not get that? I dont drink to forget, I drink to have fun when I go out. My weekdays are routinal: work and gym dominates the day. I am actually blessed that I have some amazing flatmates who helped me a lot. A short summary: Me and my ex decided to move to this new city, where she would start grad school and i would start my grad scheme in a company. She moved a month early found a new guy, broke up with me and got with him 2 months later after "casually seeing him". I got stuck in this new city with no friends around was living in a **** apartment with a difficult and scary landlady. Moved out beginning Jan to a central place and a bit far away from my ex...and my life improved a bit. I have not dated anyone since but I am open for it...I am scared to hurting someone though so that always puts me off it. I wouldn't want someone to feel something that I wouldn't want to feel myself. Anyway I can say that my flatmates actually saved me...I don't think they know how much they have help me themselves.
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I guess we all are in the same boat. I used to consider her to be home. That said I was her first best friend at uni...nevertheless we shared a connection that is not that easy to fully replace even if she tries hard. How do you know? This new guy could be all she ever wanted. It doesn't sound like she's hung up on you, and I doubt she's making assumptions that you'll never replace her.
Author martin1992 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 How do you know? This new guy could be all she ever wanted. It doesn't sound like she's hung up on you, and I doubt she's making assumptions that you'll never replace her. This guy could be everything she ever wanted but the things we shared are kind of hard to repeat. More like those moments of her life have passed...I not sure how to explain it. She may not miss me but she will not be able to erase me. I am her entire undergraduate memory which last for about 4 years. She also has a pride/ego problem.
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 This guy could be everything she ever wanted but the things we shared are kind of hard to repeat. More like those moments of her life have passed...I not sure how to explain it. She may not miss me but she will not be able to erase me. I am her entire undergraduate memory which last for about 4 years. She also has a pride/ego problem. I thought I'd never replace certain people before but as soon as I met someone new and fell in love again the former memories never occurred to me and meant nothing. She doesn't give a sh*t about you anymore.
imbax Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) I guess we all are in the same boat. I used to consider her to be home. That said I was her first best friend at uni...nevertheless we shared a connection that is not that easy to fully replace even if she tries hard. Same here, I was her best friend at uni too. I helped her through passing her exams and the rough times she went through. Now we have started our new jobs, and she has forgotten about me and said "our love started young and has matured to something else". What total BS. Here I am getting hung up over her all the way in the middle of nowhere in the rural country while she is in the city perfectly enjoying life with her new found "work mates". I dont drink to forget, I drink to have fun when I go out. My weekdays are routinal: work and gym dominates the day. I am actually blessed that I have some amazing flatmates who helped me a lot. A short summary: Me and my ex decided to move to this new city, where she would start grad school and i would start my grad scheme in a company. She moved a month early found a new guy, broke up with me and got with him 2 months later after "casually seeing him". I got stuck in this new city with no friends around was living in a **** apartment with a difficult and scary landlady. Moved out beginning Jan to a central place and a bit far away from my ex...and my life improved a bit. I have not dated anyone since but I am open for it...I am scared to hurting someone though so that always puts me off it. I wouldn't want someone to feel something that I wouldn't want to feel myself. Anyway I can say that my flatmates actually saved me...I don't think they know how much they have help me themselves. I know this girl is into me from my workplace but I never saw her as anything until my ex dumped my ass. I know that I am probably not ready to date anyone and feel emptiness and coldness towards everyone. But maybe I am going to give her a shot and distract myself for a bit. Only problem is, I don't want to hurt her as I am not that type of person. So maybe I'll wait it out for a couple of weeks and see how I go. To add, my house mates have been great help to me too. They used to be real strangers to me until I started rambling on about my ex. How do you know? This new guy could be all she ever wanted. It doesn't sound like she's hung up on you, and I doubt she's making assumptions that you'll never replace her. Our stories all have a similar backbone to it. I am just going to assume that for all our exes, they probably do think of us from time to time (especially since I was texting her consistently for the past 3 years good nights and good mornings etc. to all of a sudden cold turkey). But they do not FEEL that way towards us anymore. They appreciate that we were there once for them, but they probably don't think highly of us anymore like we do of them. I have been doing that. I have not done anything drastic to shut her out but I do not make any attempts to keep in touch with her. I mean we are facebook friends but neither of us use it much, do not want delete her as in my head that seems like overreacting to it...just playing it cool. Been trying to close this door but its stuck, I miss her. The door wouldn't shut no matter how hard I try! There are times when I feel strong and times I feel weak, it comes in waves. We broke up 6 months ago and still to feel this is just pathetic! I hope I don't get hung up on her for 6 months! It's almost been 3 weeks for me and I am not getting any better. Time will tell, hopefully I can become a robot and shut my feelings off for good. I thought I'd never replace certain people before but as soon as I met someone new and fell in love again the former memories never occurred to me and meant nothing. She doesn't give a sh*t about you anymore. That's true. The perfect example is my very own brother. The girl he was dating loved the hell out of him, but he was always distanced. Next thing you know, he is falling for another girl, dumps his current girlfriend as a result. Misses her for a couple of days, then begins the new spark with his new girlfriend and forgets all about her. Quite a d1ck move on his part but who am I to judge people's emotions and actions. Maybe the very same thing is happening to us but we are on the receiving end. We are SOOOOO worked up on our girls, yet they seem to handle this easy. They don't HAVE to FORCE NC, they do it without thinking! We struggle day to day counting how long its been where they don't even count. WHAT THE HECKKKKKK Edited May 5, 2015 by imbax
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 They don't HAVE to FORCE NC, they do it without thinking! We struggle day to day counting how long its been where they don't even count. WHAT THE HECKKKKKK Well speak for yourself here. Why would I want to message someone who broke up with me? I'd hate to hear from her again to be honest. If I ever get an email from her I think I'm going to delete it without reading.
imbax Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Well speak for yourself here. Why would I want to message someone who broke up with me? I'd hate to hear from her again to be honest. If I ever get an email from her I think I'm going to delete it without reading. I feel like if I message her, I could maybe convince her to hang out and slowly get back with her. I feel like it is one of my futile fantasies. I also feel like if I DON'T message her, then we will never talk again and that's that. It's a lose lose situation where I am the one getting hung up. You are strong my friend. I wish I had half your strength. I wish I could be like you and not give a fk about her but she still means so much to me.
Recommended Posts