BF broke up with me said we can still hangout but no sex cause that's too much...

[OleanderDreams]

He has alot of issues.I found out through his friend that he gets anxiety when he's in relationships and thinks relationships all end in heartbreak.He broke up with me a few days ago but then said we could still hangout but no sex cause that's too much.Everything ws going fine and he broke up with me for no apparent reason.What did he mean by too much?Too much closeness?

Edited May 6, 2015 by OleanderDreams

[elaine567]

He has alot of issues.I found out through his friend that he gets anxiety when he's in relationships and thinks relationships all end in heartbreak.He broke up with me a few days ago but then said we could still hangout but no sex cause that's too much.What did he mean by too much?Too much closeness?

 

As the dumper, he is in the position of dictating the terms of the split.

So he is agreeing that you two can be friends if you want to, but he doesn't want to get back with you and is making that clear.

Dumpees can rarely be "just friends" becase they hurt too much, so it is better for the dumpee to go strict no contact.

[badpenny]

He has alot of issues.I found out through his friend that he gets anxiety when he's in relationships and thinks relationships all end in heartbreak.He broke up with me a few days ago but then said we could still hangout but no sex cause that's too much.Everything ws going fine and he broke up with me for no apparent reason.What did he mean by too much?Too much closeness?

 

He's seeking the security of your closeness without having to commit anything to you.

 

Unreasonable, and unacceptable.

You either are or you aren't.

 

I'm sorry, however much it may hurt you, you need to tell him that while your heart aches, he hasn't got a bat in hell's chance of putting you in the friend-zone.

 

You need to cut all contact and fall off his radar, totally.

 

Read the No Contact Guide and stick to it, 100%.

[Redhead14]

He has alot of issues.I found out through his friend that he gets anxiety when he's in relationships and thinks relationships all end in heartbreak.He broke up with me a few days ago but then said we could still hangout but no sex cause that's too much.Everything ws going fine and he broke up with me for no apparent reason.What did he mean by too much?Too much closeness?

 

He is likely overwhelmed with his emotions. If things were otherwise good between you and his emotions for you were growing and he can't handle that, he is going to step back a bit to get a grip on them. This happens often. It is referred to as rubber-banding. They pull away and come back to the middle. The best thing for you to do is stay neutral. Don't pull back farther or the rubber-banding will definitely break.

 

The best thing to do is give him a ton of space. You can reach out here and there, but in a light, supportive manner. Don't mention the relationship at all.

 

Sometimes, they will come back stronger towards you. But, even if they do, you need to step back a little also and kinda hit the reset button to see how it develops from there. If he does come back, you need to be prepared for this kind of thing to happen occasionally. It's a difficult thing for a woman to deal with. If she loves him enough and he is coming forward and stronger, she needs to understand the process and be supportive.

 

You should take this time to re-evaluate things for yourself. Keep busy and prepare to move on from him. If he comes back, you'll need to be prepared to take him back or move on right then and there. If he comes back and apologizes for pulling away, he at least understands the effect it had on you. At that point, you tell him that it did hurt you and you were confused, but are willing to try again but he must be willing to put in the effort now and there needs to be very good communication between you. If it happens again in less than 6 months, you should move on.

[PegNosePete]

He is boning someone else but wants to keep you around just in case things don't work out between them.

[Emilia]

He is boning someone else but wants to keep you around just in case things don't work out between them.

you usually post sensible things, what's wrong with you today.

 

OP, a lot of people have intimacy issues and are scared getting too close. It's not likely to go away unfortunately. He obviously has some problems, I think best if you stop talking to him.

[El Pallasso]

He can't control his anxiety. You need to be supportive towards him and be there for him now more than ever. Call him and try to talk things through.

[katiegrl]

He has alot of issues.I found out through his friend that he gets anxiety when he's in relationships and thinks relationships all end in heartbreak.He broke up with me a few days ago but then said we could still hangout but no sex cause that's too much.Everything ws going fine and he broke up with me for no apparent reason.What did he mean by too much?Too much closeness?

 

How long were you dating him before he pulled the plug?

 

If it's three months or longer, he *could* be doing the rubber banding thing Redhead discussed. but if you were only dating a few weeks, he's either just not into you enough to pursue a relationship, OR he's emotionally crippled, has a fear of intimacy .... and is incapable of being in a relationship with anyone -- EVER.

[PegNosePete]

you usually post sensible things, what's wrong with you today.

KISS. Simplest explanation is usually the most likely

It's pretty weird behaviour, to break up with someone, then want to hang out with them, but not to have sex.

Seeing someone else explains it perfectly, rationally, and simply.

Edited May 6, 2015 by PegNosePete